Sometimes things seem to really be falling apart! Where is the economy going? What can pull us back from the brink of widespread chaos and war? And on, and on... How can I look at difficulties and conflicts without losing hope?
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Entrée: Setting Your
Outlook by Steve Goodier
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A man who fell off a skyscraper was heard to say as he passed the 12th floor, "So far, so good!" One might say he was an optimist. I believe in optimism. I believe that there is great power in an optimistic attitude, especially when it is grounded in reality.
The late Brian Johnston, a well-known British broadcaster, demonstrated the power of an optimistic outlook. He delighted millions of listeners with his radio programs. He was also a top-class cricket commentator and enthusiast for the game. He once said, "I am a great optimist. Every time I go to a cricket match, I think it is going to be the best game I have ever seen. Of course, it never is, but what pleasure it gives me in anticipation!"
Is he simply playing silly mind games? I don't think so. Imagine how much more we might enjoy a meal, a book, an outing, a concert, a holiday -- if we think these just may be the best we have ever experienced! A strong, positive outlook can make all the difference.
The poet writes:
"One ship sails east, the other west
On
the self-same winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails and not the
gales
That determines the way she goes."
Set your mental outlook to always expect the best. You will often get exactly what you expect! And even if you don't, you will still get to enjoy the pleasure of anticipation.
About the author:
Steve Goodier holds a B.A. in anthropology and sociology and an M.Div. degree from Emory University. He is the author of numerous books about personal development, motivation, inspiration, and making needed life changes. Steve Goodier created the Living Right Side Up daily life management system. He is a personal development coach. He has taught and counseled people through life changes and spiritual development for two decades. Together with his wife (and best friend) Bev, a professional counselor and small group leader, he has led numerous workshops on relational, spiritual and inter-personal growth topics. Steve and Bev now work together in their mountain home in Colorado, running their business, Life Support System Publishing.
Main Course: Intelligent
Optimism Wins In Today's World by Eileen
McDargh
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The reality of today's world seems to leave little room for optimism. Almost every news story can lead because it does bleed. We hear of critical food shortages in Africa, daily gang deaths on city streets, the profiteering from child pornography, and the climatic disasters prompted by global warming. Health care costs move up faster than a hummingbird in flight and more children now spout profanities as a regular part of speech. With such negativity, no wonder a 2004 U.S. government survey found that depression afflicts one in 10 adults 14 days a month or more.
You probably get depressed just reading the opening paragraph. But wait! There is hope. Not the cock-eyed optimism that became fodder for a song from the musical South Pacific, but rather what psychologists in France are calling "intelligent optimism." Such optimism does not deny the reality of today's world, but rather seeks to LEARN how to fashion a life amid such difficulties. Martin Seligman, the psychologist who had made optimism and happiness his life's work, would agree with the French: optimism can be taught.
Consider these basic steps:
Ultimately, intelligent optimists understand that change and chaos are given. They know that "this too shall pass". In the meantime, they CHOOSE to take whatever action they can within their own sphere of influence and then settle back. It is enough.
About the author:
Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE, is an international speaker, author and seminar leader. Her book Work for A Living and Still Be Free to Live is also the title of one of her most popular and upbeat programs on Work/Life Balance. She is fun, funny, relevant and provocative, drawing upon practical business know-how, life's experiences and years of consulting to major national and international organizations. Her stimulating, interactive presentations promote self-discovery and creative solutions to everyday situations - in the workplace and at home. For more information on Eileen and her presentations, please call (949)496-8640 or visit Eileen's Website.
Second Helping: Why
Things Never Go According To Plan by Jay Yaich
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It is amazing to consider why things NEVER go according to plan. No matter how detailed of a person you are, SOMETHING will always be out of place from the way that you imagined it. Consider that this may be completely out of your control. Nothing really is in your control anyway, because there are simply too many variables, and too many other people who believe that they are the one who has control.
I'm guessing that something much greater than all of us is in control...
If you don't plan well enough, the results can be surprising or sometimes tragic. The same is true if you plan too well. Taking something rather light (as opposed to all the heavy news we are receiving these days...), consider a bread recipe. You may follow the recipe down to measuring exactly each ingredient, and follow every detail in its preparation, but I guarantee that something is amiss. You may have one or two more flakes of parsley than the 1/2 teaspoon you were supposed to put in, or you may have kneaded the bread more than you were supposed to, and so the texture comes out a little different than planned. Strike one.
You may have used a slightly different pan size or shape than the recipe called for, and thus your bread will probably cook faster or slower, and less evenly than the recipe's plan. Strike two.
And you might let the bread sit in the pan a little longer after it has finished baking than the recipe calls for as you go to answer that phone, and so as the vegetable oil coating that you sprayed on the pan to prevent the bread from sticking cools more than it should have, it reacts adversely with the Teflon coating on your pan, and some of that Teflon invariably makes its way into the crust of your bread. Strike three.
I would like to think that it is God behind everyone of these "mistakes" (or chaos for those atheists out there....), quietly smiling at us, as we wonder why the bread just doesn't taste as good as that first time we used the recipe.
If you consider, just once, giving up the control you think you have, an amazing thing happens. You acknowledge that something greater is in control (or you accept the chaos anyway), and life suddenly becomes a little easier and more amazing to the eyes.
That guy that gave you a weird look at the Wendy's drive-in as you were pulling away suddenly seems like an old friend. The fact that your husband has left his socks on the floor for the third day in a row (or your wife has refused to sharpen the lawn mower blades...) suddenly is not such a big deal. You'd rather sharpen those blades anyway, because you feel that you are more capable than your wife of sharpening just right so that every single blade of grass is cut cleanly as you push that mower over them (yeah, right!)... Ah-hah, it is so easy to slip back into that mind-set of thinking we can have control...
If that much goes awry every time we bake bread, consider how much planning is proven poor each and every day in our vast and very complicated world. You don't need to be a software engineer to recognize that there are ghosts in the machine, and you are more observer than creator.
Consider instead that there actually is no problem, and we are all bit-players in God's great "plan". And if you are one of the few who actually believe God is acting through us each day (as opposed to some big dude in the sky), it becomes even more beautiful because we are all then creating, with God, this thing we call reality.
I actually wonder if there even is a plan, or God just loves to create and improvise every day. If we truly have free-will, I believe that is actually what is happening.
We are all improvising our way through life, and plans are just illusions to give us more comfort and a feeling that we, little pipsqueaks that we are, have some element of control in our crazy lives.
About the author:
Sally's "Handsome Prince Jay" Yaich is Michael's son-in-law, and father of a very busy, incredibly handsome and talented one year old boy. Jay works as a planning engineer for the City of Corvallis, Oregon. Sally is currently attending Oregon State University, majoring in nutrition. Sally is Michael's second daughter of five. Read more about Jay and Sally by clicking on The Wound and the Wounded and Sweetness and Light.
Soup to Nuts: From the feedback
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Prayers are requested for Kathy's daughter, for Nancy's mom, and for Sister Cheryl. Our hearts join with those all over the world in mourning the losses wrought by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. May those who compassionately labor to ease the suffering have the strength and will to continue. Our prayers are continually offered for the safety of those individuals who, in the service of their country, stand in harm's way to protect our freedom. May the cannon someday be forever silent.
Isha Sachar wrote, "As I was searching through the web, I accidentally clicked on your link to Don't Wait, Apologize and to my surprise, this is exactly what I needed to hear, your experiences on "Apology." I found this very ironic because right now I am going through a situation with a very important relationship that is breaking apart. I know that a simple apology like saying "sorry" would be too plain and simple, especially when I'm dealing with a person who is stubborn. What is best way to apologize and the proper wordings I should use?" My suggestion to this person is to ask for forgiveness in a simple and sincere manner, with words from the heart - their own words - and to let go of the outcome. Apologies are not erasers or magic wands, and expecting simple words to make everything right almost always leads to disappointment! Follow words with actions.
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