· Erma Bombeck, Family - The Ties That Bind... And Gag
In Praise of Fathers
When a family is formed and children are brought into the
world, their emotional stability depends on the father's recognition of his duty
to lead his family and take primary responsibility for their well-being. The
greatest gift a child can have is a father who loves and respects the mother and
does not tolerate disobedience or disrespect on the part of their children. In
our confused society, children need this living example of a true husband and
father. The goal of education should never be to make our sons smart
and successful in the eyes of the world. Rather, we should teach them to become
good husbands and fathers - a goal the great Cuban poet José Martí once called
"the greatest aim in education." Young men who become true fathers will
influence and change the lives of countless people, because true fatherhood does
not only mean being a father to one's own children. They can be fathers to all
children around them, especially to those who grow up in single parent homes, or
those whose fathers are in some way absent from their day-to-day lives. Unbelievable as it seems, more than half of the world's
children are estimated to spend at least part of their childhood without a
father in the home. Never before have so many men abandoned their wives and
children. Because of this, fatherhood is actually a duty that ought to be
entrusted to every male, whether or not he has children of his own. I have been married almost forty years now, and my wife and I
have eight children. Looking back, I can see many times when I was not a good
father, even though I always wanted to be one. Having grandchildren and being in
contact with many other children gives me a chance now to make up for lost
time. One person who always inspired me was Delf, a teacher who later
became a close friend. Delf accidentally killed his own son by backing a truck
over him. After this tragedy, Delf spent the rest of his life being a father to
other boys--including me. Then there is my friend, Steven McDonald, a former New
York City detective, who was shot seven months before his son was born. Now a
quadriplegic, he has never been able to play ball with his son, or hold him, or
hug him. Yet Steven insists on attending every game at school, picking his son
up and taking him to school as often as possible, even though he himself has to
be driven. Steven is a better father than many fit ones. He also travels
and speaks to elementary and high school students, providing leadership and
inspiration to thousands of young people. Over the years I have known and met
many others--coaches, teachers, mentors, and others who were, like Steven, an
important (if not the only) father figure to the children around them. Children hunger for masculine role models whom they can trust
and admire. And humility and love go a long way toward earning admiration. A
good father is willing to make mistakes, to learn from them, and even apologize
for them; his aim is never to prove himself, but to make life a little more
joyful for everyone with whom he comes into contact. Thankfully I had a good father and a good mother. Even if
during my childhood my father was away a lot, I always knew he loved me. He also
set firm boundaries and demanded that we children love and respect our mother.
Because of the security he gave us, we adored our father, and believed he could
do anything. Perhaps the biggest problem with today's fathers is that they
are afraid to be real men. By "real" I do not mean macho. To me, a true father
has something of a mother in him - something tender. He will also be selfless,
focused, ready to provide leadership, and eager to go to bat for those in his
care. Think of the problems that could be solved if men gave as much love and
time to their wives and children as they do to following sports, or watching
TV? Life in today's world is life in a war zone, and too many
fathers are unwilling to be called up--to be soldiers, twenty-four hours a day,
on their own home front. As in any war, there will be casualties. But the
greatest gift a father can give his family is the knowledge that he is there for
them, unafraid, and ready to exert all he has for their sakes, physically,
mentally, and spiritually, at any time of the day or night. We men should encourage one another to become true fathers
again. We live in an age when fear seems to dominate every relationship. Through
the recent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and the increased violence and threats
of terror, true fathers are needed more than ever. Our world is so full of
loneliness and isolation, crime and mental illness. Why can't we fathers do more
to provide beacons of light and stability and hope? Wherever there are true fathers, they should be congratulated.
Wherever there are men who long to be true fathers but have not quite achieved
it, they need to be encouraged, because even if fatherhood is becoming a lost
art, it can be rediscovered and celebrated--and not only on Father's Day. About the
author:
Mother’s Day is over, and Father’s
Day is just around the corner. For some reason, it is easier to write a positive
article about mothers than about fathers. May the time come when this is reversed!
One of the oldest pieces of advice for families is the Fifth
Commandment of Moses: “Honor your father and your mother,” which
continues, “that your days may be long in the land...” This is the only
one of the Ten Commandments that includes a blessing and a promise. And we
know it is not an empty one: whenever and wherever families are knit
together by mutual love, honor, and respect, things go well for
them.
Johann Christoph Arnold is a family
counselor and author of ten books. Read more of his articles and books at
http://www.ChristophArnold.com . Reprinted
from http://www.bruderhof.com - &Copy; 2003,
Bruderhof Communities. Used with permission.
· Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man
The Real Adventure: Fatherhood
 |
It had been a difficult few years without them in my
life. More years than I wanted to think about, really. Almost
sixteen, but who's counting... I was. Our parting had not
been on the best of terms. I was so nervous. I hadn't seen her at all
during that time, and now here she was, quite grown up, standing
before me and introducing the young man that she was going to marry.
I liked him right off. Quiet, but self-assured. He
would make a good father, I knew. He had had a good father, too, and it
showed. Ruggedly handsome, strong and healthy, an easy laugh, a gentleman.
I could ask for no better to jump into the family gene pool. They were
such a handsome couple, they would make beautiful grandbabies. I was
invited to their wedding!
I hadn't seen my older son since he was on
his mission, seven years before. He was 28, now, helping out at his sister's
wedding. I knew he was tall, but I only had an inkling of his talent.
Self-confidence born of long nights of stand-up comedy, long days of
taping kid's programming for ABC television, stellar performances in
front of the audience at pageant after pageant. The goatee looked good on
him. I couldn't grow a decent beard until I was well into my thirties. My
dad never could grow a beard, but he did wear a goatee once in a
while. |
He has his own theatre and performing troupe. Early in his life, he has known successes I will never know. Today, he has a lovely wife, a beautiful home, and a grandbaby on the way. Number seventeen grandchild for me, but who's counting...? I am. With a smile. I have pictures, too, of almost all my grandbabies.
My younger son is still looking for himself. I worry about him, just like my dad worried about me, I suppose. It does no good to worry. We fathers figure that out, eventually. He'll get there, given enough time and patience. I did.
But before that, I spent a lot of time trying to find myself, so I know how that is. My dad did that, too, I think. He went to Angola in 1969, just after I went in the Navy. I suppose he wanted more adventure in his life. It was a disappointment for him. He didn't find himself, or adventure, in Angola. All he found was emptiness in himself, and a country at war.
I helped raise seven children. Two boys, five girls. I love them all. They love me, too - some more than others - we are working on that. I also had some fatherly help with the job of raising some of the kids. There were stepfathers, step-grandfathers, etc. They deserve some of the credit, because they were there when I was not.
Now, the seven children are young adults, helping to bring up father. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have the job of being a father!
No father is perfect, with one Heavenly Exception. Most of us Dads have little things that either endear us to you, or absolutely bug the stuffing out of you. Some are hard to love. Some never get to the point where they feel comfortable in telling you that they love you. Some abuse the privilege of being a father. Some don't deserve the blessings they enjoy. We know it.
It is easier becoming a father than being one. But, I think being a father is the best job a man can have. Being a grandfather is a great job, too. It is like having a second chance to do all the things you wanted to do as a father, all the fun stuff, all over again. Spoil 'em rotten, and send 'em home, that's my motto!
Thank you, my children, for hanging in there with your dear old dad. Thank you to my dad, for being my dad all he could be. Thank you, grandfather, for being the best grampa I could have hoped for. And to my sons and sons-in-law: My fondest hopes for a rewarding and successful career as a father. Just call, if you need some fatherly wisdom. I've learned some of the stuff the hard way, so I can save you some heartaches.
Quite an adventure. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.
Peace and Light, Michael
email: Michael@N-Spire.com
- or, send your 
to me right now!
