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Angelfire is in no way affiliated with theNick/TDOC. The views expressed on this page are solely those of theNick/TDOC. Angelfire in no way endorses or agrees with theNick/TDOC's viewpoints. TheNick/TDOC is not a role model. Angelfire strongly urges for no one to imitate theNick/TDOC's lifestyle whatsoever. Thank you.

12/7/01
My site will probably die sometime

I just recommended my site be added to angelfire's cool sites directory, but an angelfire representative has to view my site and determine if it's cool before it can be entered. That means that they'll probably shut my ass down. At least, we had fun for while it lasted. Let's go back and look at some of Smartassonian's greatest memories....

?????????

Damn, I couldn't think of any. Oh, well. I'm sure that my fans have some great memories. Then again, I don't have any fans that still come to this site, so they probably don't even know that my ass is about to get shut down. Oh, can you imagine the embarrassment of being shut down by angelfire. It's almost as embarrassing as walking around all day with one of your nuts hanging out of your zipper. It's almost as embarrassing as getting off on animal porn. It's almost embarrassing as being Jwilly. HA! Hey, the Jwilly jokes aren't going to stop until he updates his site. Oh, and if I get any new viewers, you can check out King Lame(referring to Jwilly) by clicking on one of the links below...the one that says I LINK HIM!!! I REALLY REALLY LINK HIM!!! Okay, dumbasses. It's a shame that I'm getting shut down. I was really starting to enjoy doing this again. I've written a column for three days now. Plus, I don't think I did so good on my music final today. Please, don't cry for me. I know it's sad. And the purpose of this column was not for you to keep a box of kleenex by your PC...well, maybe it was. Everyone should stay calm, and we'll get through this emotional time together. I got an 'A' in my speech class if it makes anyone feel better. I took it over the internet which I totally recommend b/c you can nearly turn in a perfect speech everytime. I would explain how you take a speech class over the internet, but it would be to boring for me to type. Yawn. Is anyone else bored by this column? I got an idea. Let's all take a nap. Use your keyboard for a pillow and shut your eyes. Night night. Okay...if anyone is doing this, then you need to go to college and major in Retardology because you're about as fucking smart as a bag of marbles. But you guys being the idiots that you are would probably think that marbles are pretty smart. They're not. I'm telling you this as an educated person.

If a lot of you are wondering what that Castle Freak movie is about, then I'll tell you. It's a horror movie that was filmed back in 1995 about some monster lurking in a castle. It's an okay flick. Pretty good if you really like Stuart Gordon's work or other direct to video horror movies. I saw the DVD for it at ON Cue last night, and I'm thinking about buying it. Another thing that I saw which I want very much is a Fight Club movie poster. Why would I want that? It's my favorite movie, and it would look good framed and hanging on my wall. Geesh...has anyone ever noticed how stupid geesh looks? I'm being for real. Can you believe that some people actually use this phrase? Well, I've talked long enough. I'm just worried about that music final b/c I need to do good on it. Everyone take it easy.
If you see a blank screen when you come back, then fix it by smashing your computer with a hammer.

Cranking out back to back columns? I haven't done that in a long time. Well, didn't I tell all you non-believers that I would be updating this thing more. One of my loyal fans told me that he just happened to check out my site last night and see that it was updated. That was all he told me, but I'm pretty sure he nutted in excitement when he saw it was updated. Is anyone nutting in their pants right now? Anyone want a little cream in their jeans? Jeez, I'm a fucking weirdo. I'm starting a contest for my website. I'll give ten dollars to whoever sends in the best looking picture of their ASS. But your ass has to be looking SMART. You see the connection? Smart-ass. Whoever sends in the best picture of their bare ass looking smart will receive ten dollars from yours truly. Just scan your pictures, and email them to my hotmail account. Or if you know me, then just hand me a picture of your ass looking smart. WORD OF ADVICE: Make sure your ass is wiped before taking a picture of it. Thank you.

Now that we got all the fun out of the way, I heard that the Jack the Ripper case was finally solved and revealed on TV tonight. Turns out that some painter committed the murders including cutting off part of a girl's vagina. Pretty sick stuff. I wonder if Jwilly's going to include any of that in his research paper that he's doing for school. Jwilly is doing a research paper on Jack the Ripper. He probably said the killer is still unknown today. Well, I hoped you watched the news, buddy. Speaking of Jwilly, I wrote a haiku about him. Please note that a haiku is a poetry style that consists of three lines. First line is five syllables, second line is seven syllables, and third is five syllables again.

Hey, Josh! What is up?
Let's play your playstation two
Oh, you don't have one

I hope that clears up some confusion to what I posted yesterday at the end of my column. HA! Hey, I know a bunch of you are saying that's mean, TDOC. WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! In response to that, I have another haiku about Jwilly.

You got my money?
You owe me a necklace too
I'll break your kneecaps

I hope that one clears up some things. I don't mean to be a prick...okay, maybe I do mean to be a prick. But I do it for all of you. You want something funny to read, right? I wonder if Jwilly will read this. He's probably occupied with something else. Well, I wrote another haiku for what he might be doing right now.

Are you jacking off?
I thought your palms were hairy
You need to shave them

HA! I am totally on fire right now...but don't mistake that for flaming. Jwilly knows that I'm just poking fun at him. He's got that rhino skin. He can take the abuse. Maybe he'll try and abuse me back on his website. Oh, wait! He never updates the damn thing. Maybe someday we'll see a retort. Just be advised to not hold your breath waiting for Jwilly to update his site. Oh, man. Well, guess I'll make my exit now. I have a final tomorrow in my music class, and I have to study.
Go out and rent Stuart Gordon's Castle Freak

I've been busy though. I've been doing lots of top secret things that I cannot reveal on my website. If I did tell you what I've been doing, I would put mine and your lives in danger. Okay...I'll tell you what I've been doing. I've been working as an undercover student at this community college. I was sent to this other community college by NEMCC to infiltrate the learning process that goes on at this other college. What I have discovered is that just about any college is better than NEMCC. HA! No, man, I'm being for real. Northeast sucks. But as long as I keep getting handed 4.0s each semester, I won't complain.

Enough ribbing on my school. You know that I only rib it for your pleasure. HA! I just thought of new slogan for my site: "Ribbed for your amusement." That's gold. Yeah, it's pretty cool, TDOC, but what would be the point of using it when you hardly ever update your site? What?! What?! What?! Okay, I'll admit that I've been pretty tardy with my updates lately. Like I said before, I've been busy. Not with top secret shit but other things. However, I'm going to try and start breathing some life into this site again since my fall semester of college is almost over. That's great news for all you people that still visit my site. I think there is two or something. Hey! Does anyone remember about how I started the whole IDGAF revolution? I recreated my site, Jwilly created his site, and then the Thrill made his site. And now I'm the only one. I hate to brag on myself, so I'll let you guys start doing that. Next time you're walking down the street, tell a stranger about how great I am, and you worship everything I say that comes to you via your computer screen. You'll start making friends in no time. Anyhoo! I got a class that starts in about 10 minutes, so I'm going to have to bid you farewell. Until next time, and there will be a next time.
If Jwilly would quit playing his playstation 2, he might be able to post something on his site.

Everyone breathing air into their lungs at this moment is living history. What happened Tuesday September 11, 2001 will be included in school textbooks for the years to come. All I can say about Tuesday is that it was without a doubt one of the most horrific, disgusting things that I ever witnessed. Right now I'm feeling much emotion running through me. My emotions are mixed. I feel sadness, remorse, anger, and regret that I cannot do much to help. I feel like I should be doing something to help our great Nation. I think we should all feel that way. People my age have never had to deal with anything like this before. It's all new to us. It's all scary to us. And for the first time, I can honestly say that I feel this unbridled, passionate patriotism for my country...your country...our country, the United States of America. I feel as though a war is definitely coming. More than likely, this will be World War 3. I have never had any interest in joining the military before. But if I am drafted to go to war for my country, I will have no problem with it whatsoever. I am not afraid of dying. I only fear not being able to tell everyone that I love, "goodbye." And I'll also regret not to make amends with everyone that I may have conflict. I love my family. I love my girlfriend. It would kill me to leave them behind while I went to war for my first time...and probably my only time. I feel that I would not doing as much as I could though...that I couldn't give them any protection or my country.

People are going to be asking in the future, "Where were you when the World Trade Center was destroyed?" I first found out about while I was pumping gas in the morning before I went to college. Some guy was pumping gas close to me, and I heard him exclaiming into his cell phone to his wife or a friend about how the Trade Center had just two planes crashed into it and also the Pentagon. Just crazy shock was all I could register. It was one of those things that make you just go, "Whoa!" I'll never forget that just like many of you will never forget what you were doing when the Trade Center was bombed.
United we stand...divided we fall, and right now we're more united than ever

Before I begin and take back over my throne as the king of Internet IDGAF, I just want to say what the sam fuck has been going on?!!!! Oh, hell yeah! TheNick is back in school baby at the good old Community College of ___th_a_t _is_i__i__i(sorry but I can't give away the name of the college due to potential lawsuit reasons). It feels good to be back in school. Actually I've been back in since August 20th. I just haven't felt like updating this site. Now before you start your obvious Why, TDOC? Why? questioning, I just want to say that it has nothing to due with the many wonderful people that visit my site(which aren't many). No, it's because.....well, actually it is because of the people that visit my site. I don't like any of you assholes. Ha! I'm just kidding with all you sensitive little pansies. Really I have been spending a lot of time with my girlfriend, Megan, who is absofuckinglutely wonderful. She is just the tops, and I never have a dull moment with her. But lo and behold, I have returned to my site(actually I got out of one of my classes too early and had nothing better to do...if I had something better to do, then I'd be doing that).

So what's been going on with everyone? I recently saw that Jwilly actually updated his site last month. Because he updated his site twice last month, many of you would believe that he's been carrying the load of the IDGAF family. The truth; however, is that he hasn't done shit. Your kind words; though, did move me, J-Dub. But when it all comes down to it, you owe me 15 dollars that you've owed since July, and you will fucking pay it. I need that money to pay the Thrill which I'll probably have to cut him a check pretty soon. Now I know that rip on Jwilly a lot, but I really do like the guy as a friend. It's just that his UNEMPLOYED ass needs to find a job and pay me back the money that he owes me ever since I sold him that bottle of cologne to help him out with the ladies. That last sentence has got to be a run-on or comma splice. Pretty bad for an English major, eh? I can say eh b/c I consider myself partly Canadian. I had Canadian bacon on my pizza last night.

Has anyone been to wegotballz.net in a while? I didn't fucking think so. A site that I helped build is turning to shit. You can still go there and see something that my friends posted on the site when they were really pissed off at me. Ha! Those were fun and crazy times when everyone was being a little too sensitive. Basically everyone was pussified(including myself), but now we're back to being aggressive, uncontrollable bastards. Except for me b/c Megan keeps me in order and will beat me with a leather whip if I should step out of line. A compatibility test said that my good sense of humor went well with her unique personality. We got a total of ten hearts. That's the best score, dude! The love calculator said we have a 69 percentile which is okay. I'm going to trust the one that gave ten hearts. It has to do with the Zodiac, which has to do with karma, which has to do with all that hippie bullshit, which can't be wrong. Don't knock the hippie life until you try it. Well, it's been fun everyone, but I guess I'm out of here.
I once knew a good joke, but....

For a new column. Yeah, it's been awhile. Not just awhile but a very long while. So what's the Nick been up to? Well, if any of you still visit WEGOTBALLZ.NET, then you would know that my friends and me were at odds there for awhile. The fighting was all over my girlfriend, but now the only thing that is over is the fighting. The fighting has stopped, and it seems like peace has finally been restored. I'm trying to balance time between my girlfriend and my friends. Obviously my girlfriend gets more time.

Today I went pon-tooning with my friends. Of course, where I come from, they call it poong-tanging. Today's expedition consisted of myself, B-LAKE, Thrill, Jwilly, Pokey(Eric), Maegan Martindale and Colonel Sanders. B-LAKE and me were pimping our Hawaiin shirts, so we got Jwilly to throw on his when we picked him up. It was Sanders pon-toon that we took out. Skinny Pimp met up with us on his wave runner not long after we got there. Well, we all hung out and had some fun. People got thrown in the lake like Jwilly or Jdub. He was quite irritated to say the least. Later in the day, Maegan, Sanders, B-LAKE, and myself were out in the lake swimming and trying to catch ice that was being thrown at us by Thrill, Pokey, and Jdub. During all this fun, my life preserver that I was wearing started to ride up on my neck, and I had to adjust it. Water got in my face, so I couldn't see to good; however, I think I can recall Jwilly chunking a piece of ice that hit in in my left eyebrow. At first, I was like, "okay, that stung a little." Then later I noticed that I was bleeding. My eyebrow was busted pretty good. We had to get back on the boat and tend to my wound. No one believed that I was hurt at first. They knew otherwise once they saw me swimming to the boat. Thrill said I had blood all over the left side of my face. After sittin on the boat some more, we decided to head back. Then at the loading dock, as he was trying to tie the boat, Jwilly lost his Tommy Hilfiger sunglasses to the murkey, 10 foot deep lake water. It was a great loss for us all.....well, not really....just Jdub.

Well, it's been a joy updating this thing. Perhaps, I will enlighten everyone again in the near future with another post this month. I'm really enjoying this summer vacation.
but maybe you'll get lucky

sPoUtOff
Well, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about. Usually I use my sPoUtOff column to discuss things in society or to get rid of steam. There are other times when I use this column to discuss music. This past Tuesday was release of the brand new TOOL album Lateralus. Was it worth the wait? I'm feeling so many tremors of emotion going through my body as I type this. It was well worth the wait. Any Tool fan will tell you that. I've liked Tool ever since their video for "Sober," but I never got serious about Tool until their 1996 album, Aenima. When I heard that, I was totally hooked on Tool. It was one of the most ground-breaking albums that I ever heard, and it's my second favorite CD of all time. Beck's Odelay is my favorite. I think the reason why I find the alt/metal/rock scene disgusting today is b/c none of the bands can seem to match the brilliance of Tool. Listen to Tool, and I mean LISTEN(sit your ass down and pay attention) to Tool. You should be able to experience what I experience everytime I put one of their discs in my CD player. Like many Tool fans will tell you, Tool is more than just a rock band.

I've listened to Lateralus since Tuesday, and I can honestly say that I haven't heard a better CD this year. This is truly a masterpiece, and it's beginning to outshine Aenima in my opinion. Each actual song goes from 6 to 10 minutes. There are some cuts between songs just like Aenima had, but they add to the atmosphere of the album. The percussion is downright unbelievable. The guitars are unrelenting and will leave you shocked over the power they convey. Maynard's vocals are sometimes beautiful and sometimes brutal. Do any of you feel scared when Fred Durst gets angry in his songs? Then you are pussies b/c Maynard James Keenan is ten times scarier when he gets angry.

To name a favorite song of the CD would almost be committing blasphemy. They all have power behind them, and I just can't bring myself to choose one over the other. The lead from "Parabol" into "Parabola" is simply amazing. Hell, the entire CD leads into itself. The artwork for the album is also incredible, and I can't describe it through my website. I suggest you just quit reading this and go buy the CD. And while you're at the Record Store, go ahead and pick up Aenima too. You'll never be the same again.
No band can even match Tool........

My former school seems to have a problem with lesbianism these days. Several of the female students are experimenting with the same sex. I guess it's pretty cool since most of the leg lickers are good looking. But I do feel sorry for the guys at the school if all their girls become attached to the snatch. I even asked one class, "Are there any straight girls left at ?" One girl who supposedly was involved with some of the chick licking action gave me this dirty look. Jwilly asked her what she thought about what I said. She said, "fuck him." Well, how are you going to do that if you only like chicks? HA!

Before I close out my little post here, I want to say that due to technological/financial problems I will not be able to put my album out until probably December. So anyone anticipating it will just have to keep waiting.
The Jungle Queen likes bacon....

Dawson's Creek recap for this week
Well, let's see. All our lovable DC kids are going to prom. It's such a wonderful time for them all. Afterall, the prom takes place on a fucking cruise ship. How sweet is that? Nonetheless, the kids find a way to all spoil their good time. All of them except for Jack, the gay guy. He winds up getting to lip lock with the other gay guy that's his date. This is the second guy that Jack has kissed and it gets more revolting each time I have to see him kiss a guy on my television. There is no gay sex Thank God though. The kids don't get to stay the night on the boat apparently b/c they're all going home at the end of the show. Maybe I missed something earlier that would have explained why. Who cares? I know none of you do. Anyway, back to the recap. Pacey and Joey Katie Holmes is HOT and I'd like to boink her have a really big fight. Pacey doesn't think he's not good enough for Joey and HE'S SICK OF IT!!! HE'S SICK OF IT!!!! HE'S FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!! Okay? He hates being stupid while she's so smart, and he doesn't want her feeling sorry for him. Dawson's there to save the day after his g/f, Pacey's 20 something sister, tells him that Dawson should stop dating her and go back to dating high school girls. Why? Because Dawson has his whole life ahead of him, and she needs to get hers straightened out. Ya dig? As for Jen...who cares about her anyway. To sum up her adventure at prom, she nearly commits suicide too bad her attempt wasn't successful. Then everyone goes home sad except Jack, the gay guy. He can't wait to start packing fudge once he gets back to Capeside.

Next week on Dawson's Creek
Well, it seems like all the couples are making up and absolutely forgetting what happened on the cruise ship. The previews show nothing about gay guy having any gay sex, so I don't know if I should avoid next week's episode. While we're on the whole gay guy subject, why does every show these days have to have at least one gay character? I guess the gay community would get mad if there wasn't at least one fag on every fucking show. But hey! We did give them Queer As Folk. It has nothing but gay people. Pretty soon that's the only thing that will be on TV. Gay sitcoms, gay dramas, gay SCI-FI shows. Gay Voyager is next on UPN. Tonight on Fox...the GAY Files. Hell, one day I might have to create a show called Straight As Folk just to show that straight people still exist. In fact, that's not a bad idea for a show right now. Have a bunch of hetereosexual, homophobic guys hanging out talking about the chicks they nailed and making fun of fags. It would be great!!! Anyway, I think I bored you enough.
All you straight guys better watch your asses...

So what has theNick been up to? Well, obviously a whole lot of important shit. Otherwise, I might have been able to update this page. No one probably still comes to it more anyway. However, if this page is still being read, then I can promise a lot more posts in the days to come. I feel bad for neglecting my site. I don't want it to turn into the Thrillzone and put out a new column every turn of the century. You would probably say that Jwilly has been carrying the load for the IDGAF crew for at least posting every now and then. Yeah, but he just doesn't bring the raw, enthusiastic coolness that theNick does. So I'm back to save the day. The official savior of the Internet IDGAF community.

sPoUtOff
"Whipped," "whooped," they are some funny terms, aren't they? Everyone likes to use them when one of their male comrades gets a chick and goes into a relationship. But why do they do it? Is it to be funny? Well, if it's only done maybe once or twice. Then they're just trying to be funny and tease you a little bit. If it's done more than that. Let's say everytime someone brings up your girlfriend's name or when they find out that you're going to be doing something with your girlfriend instead of hanging out with them. That's when it becomes more just teasing...it becomes plain and simple JEALOUSY.

Take for instance, my situation. My girlfriend, Megan, and I have been going out for what will be two months this Thursday. However, I am constantly bombarded by insults and "whipped" remarks just when I want to go do something with her or when she wants me to go do something with her. My friends, on the other hand, feel that I should be devoting my time to them. Why? So we can go bowling? So we can go to Walmart? So we can drive around to different places and go to clubs to look at girls that we won't ever approach the entire night? Guys, no offense, but that shit just gets old. And as Danny Glover said in the Lethal Weapon movies, "I'm getting too old for this shit."

So my friends are just jealous because they think my girlfriend is stealing me away from them, right? Well, maybe, but I'm going to say that's not the only reason. Maybe they're also jealous because I have a girlfriend, and they do not. HA! What I suggest for my friends to do when I'm not with them is to go out and actually find some girls. Hook up with some. The single scene gets boring. No matter how much we're friends right now, it doesn't mean we'll be hanging out when we're forty. Sorry, guys, but I plan to have a family by then. We sure as hell won't be partying every night. You guys need to be out looking for girls. Then when you get one, go into a relationship. Then you'll see why I put so much time into mine. It's a lot of work. A relationship is not an easy thing, and I pride myself in being a good boyfriend. And I wouldn't say I get "whipped" as easy as some of my other friends. Jwilly bought a girl a dozen roses during the first week they were going out and nearly missed the Godsmack concert b/c he spent most of his money on the roses. A week later the girl dumps him.

Bottom line is that relationships take a lot of work and require responsibility. I'm trying real hard at mine with Megan right now. Maybe instead of insults, my friends could give some support. It would be most appreciated, guys. But if you don't want to give me any support, then go fuck yourselves.
Back for the time being.....

What kind of music will it be?
The music will be techno/electronica. Modern rave music with enough juice to help you bump. Whether it's "Kill Me" getting you pumped up for a night where you feel immortal, or "I'm So Drunk," a song that gives you a reason to not stay sober; there is something for everyone on this album.

Is this a bunch of bullshit or are you serious about releasing a real music album?
Oh, I'm serious. I've been planning to do this for awhile now. But like I said before, the date is loosely set for June 16 which does not necessarily mean it will be readily available for that day. I hope to have it completed by then. Artwork and such is still going on, the finishing of some tracks, so forth.

How do I come about owning this album?
Well, the album is free unless you live out of state. Then, there will be a shipping and handling fee. But I don't think there are any people who visit this site that do not live near me. If anyone wants a copy of the CD, just email me. DO NOT TELL ME IN PERSON!!! I've got too much things on my mind to remember who gets it and who doesn't.

How many songs will be on the album?
The album will contain 14 tracks. The songs determined for the CD so far include:
"Toxie Symphony"
"Hell's Fugitive"
"Resurrection"
"Blue Frenzy"
"Psycho"
"I'm So Drunk"
"Trig Time"
"Kill Me"

So that's basically it. Just keep checking my site for information about the album.
Prepare to have your ass rocked

Remember that chick, April, the one who I told off in the break-room of the place where I work. Well, she's got this real annoying sister named Alexis. While Jwilly, TallMan(brand new character), and I were in Walmart, Alexis approached us. Immediately I threw my arm over her shoulders and around her neck and walked her out of the store. I didn't want any other poor civilian to suffer. I noticed that she had some sunglasses on her head, so I took them and pretended I was blind. Then I tried to walk her into doors and poles....just whatever the hell I could find. Any torture that I could administer to this girl isn't even close to the torture she can administer. I took off the shades and kept moving her. Eventually I was going to be able to get her to her car and get her the hell out of there. As we made our way through the parking lot, a car with two guys in it passed by. One guy had his window rolled down, so I said, "I'll sell her to ya!" The dude had a bored look on his face and said, "How much?" I yelled out, "Two dollars!" It must have been too high b/c the guy kept going. Finally, I made it to her car and dropped her off. The end of an annoyance. Although, one must always remember, just like a pain in the neck, it may go away for awhile, but it will eventually come back.
Ahhhhhhh!!!! Run for your lives!!!!!!