Angelfire is in no way affiliated with theNick/TDOC. The views expressed on this page are solely those of theNick/TDOC. Angelfire in no way endorses or agrees with theNick/TDOC's viewpoints. TheNick/TDOC is not a role model. Angelfire strongly urges for no one to imitate theNick/TDOC's lifestyle whatsoever. Thank you.
3/21/01
I Was In a Car Accident Last Night...How Was Your Night?
Cruisin down the highway with the Thrill driving, Jwilly riding shotgun, my girlfriend and me in the backseat; it seemed like nothing could go wrong...THEN BAM!!! We rearended some truck. I'm happy to report that everyone is all right. Megan just bumped her leg and has some back pain, Neal busted his lip, Jwilly got his shoulder and knee messed up pretty good, and I stumped my thumb. Now everyone's just hoping that the lady the Thrill hit will not sue. Thrill thinks that she will though.
Everyone was pretty shaken up after the accident last night except me for some strange reason. I felt somewhat calm. I tried to lighten everyone's moods the best I could with some humor because everyone know that humor will cure any problem. I pointed out that it was a good thing Jwilly hadn't been driving, or we all would have died. We had to get a ride back to my car in the cop car last night. Megan, Jwilly and I all noticed how the backseat was hard. It was like sitting on a thick plastic. Jwilly inquired about why the seats were so hard. I told him that they did that on purpose for the people they arrested. Jwilly thought it was a little inhumane. I told him that if you did the crime then you had to pay the price. No cushy rides for criminals. I wish the cop had gone a little slower on the road. He was flying about 60 down the road after we had just gotten out of an accident. Show some courtesy for the accident victims. Oh, well, the end to another disastrous night.
The Next Night(Tonight)
Jwilly calls me up from the bowling alley and says he's got the one and only Skinny Pimp with him. Jwilly wants to know if I want to come and hang out. I just had to oblige. After some mindless riding around, we made a stop at Walmart. Walmart: A Great Place to Piss People Off. We walk in...well, Skinny and I walked in. Jwilly just limped in because he's the fun, loving gimp. Jwilly asked the greeter if he could use the wheelchair. Oh, dream come true. There are so many endless possibilities you can use a wheelchair to make a scene. Skinny and I wheeled Jwilly around. The fun started when I got to wheel him around. I parked him by the tampons and announced him as the official tampon spokesperson. Then I wheeled him near the front by the registers and told him to shut his retarded ass up. Jwilly said, "Please don't beat me again!" I said, "Shut your fucking retarded mouth. I bring you in here to stroll you around, and all you do is drool all over the place!" I think some fat guy reading magazines heard me. I then parked Jwilly by the tangerine stand and told him that I was going to beat his ass with a bag of them out by the car. Jwilly started to wheel himself away. So I yell out, "Somebody stop my gimp before he gets away!" Then we left after that. All in all, Jwilly's injuries made for a SMARTASSTIC time!
I'm still feeling banged up...not from the car accident...I was with your momma last night
Wednesday, I took another trip to Tupelo. This time the trip only consisted of myself, the Thrill and Jwilly. What a swell time we had. We cruised through the mall and checked out all the amazing sights and sounds. The Thrill and I picked up some new pimp sunglasses. These new shades really bring out the whole assholeness of the Nick. After picking up the shades, we continued walking through the mall. I just wasn't satisfied with our mindless walking. It must have been the way I was dressed. I needed something extra. Something to go along with my Adidas visor and brand new sunglasses. Of course! The pimp jacket that I saw at Old Navy. We took our trip there, and I bought my jacket...only it wasn't the one that I was looking at before. I bought one that matched the color of my visor. Jwilly seemed to think it was a better choice than the original color jacket that I had picked out. Jwilly was correct with his assumption. The jacket in my possession is ten times better.
After picking up my jacket, it was time for us to pick up some grub. We tried out this new Chinese buffet place that my girlfriend suggested. It had a pretty good selection of things to try like sushi and raw oysters. Sushi and raw oysters are very hard to come by in a lot of our local Chinese restaurants in Mississippi. I downed about four plates of Chinese food. Jwilly and the Thrill downed maybe three between the both of them. They weren't too impressed with the food. I can't really say that I was very impressed either. Jin Jin is still the best Chinese that I've ever eaten. It was in this restaurant though that Jwilly asked a guy sitting behind us if he would buy him a beer. It didn't work though. Oh, well. It was back to the mall after our lunch.
Feeling cockier than ever before because of the jacket, shades and visor, I felt more inclined to do what I do best...interact with my fellow earthlings. We found this very cool looking jacket in Spencer's. It was something that Hugh Hefner would wear. I tried it on and tried to get the attention of the people that were passing by. It worked out pretty good on this group of three girls. They said that I looked like a "younger, sexier" Hugh Hefner. They just kept going on and on until I dismissed them from my presence. Yep, I could have had them, and I also could have had herpes, gonnorhea, syphilis, HIV, etc. Besides, the Nick already has a girlfriend. Jwilly and The Thrill then stumbled upon a Pimp's Hat in Spencer's. I put this on along with the Hefner coat and tried to get more people's attention. I succeeded in getting two fat guys to look. I said, "Hey, you guys want to get a picture with the pimp!" They were laughing pretty good. After standing around in the wardrobe for a few more seconds, I took it off and left. It looked like the store manager was getting mad. Walking through the mall, we noticed this fat guy in a suit walking around. We all started making jokes about him. My "hungry hungry hippo" joke stuck though. Eventually, the fat bastard passed us in the mall. So I sort of yelled out, "HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO!" The guy actually turned around, so I looked away. Then Jwilly said he was walking our way. I got out of dodge and left the Thrill and Jwilly there. The guy actually went up and talked to Jwilly and The Thrill. I think he asked them how they were doing or something just to see if their voices matched the insult that I shouted. The "hippo" left them alone, and we kept walking. Next thing we know, we're being followed by mall security. We take a seat at a bench and one of the guards comes up and talks to us. Bascially trying to find out what we're doing. The Thrill and I played it cool. We acted real casual and answered his questions with conversation. The ploy worked, and we were rid of the guard. My dream nearly came true of getting kicked out of a place. That was pretty much our day in the mall. After the mall Jwilly nearly killed us driving back to Corinth. Ha!
The Concert
I'll skip through all the boring stuff and get right to the big show. This was my first concert, so I really didn't know what to expect. I expected some people to be smoking weed but not every single person nearly. You couldn't help but get high off the fumes. At first my group(Megan, Adam, Thrill, Skinny Pimp, Jwilly, Allison) were sitting up in the bleachers while some yet to be big band, Systematic, played. However, sitting in the bleachers sucks. We moved down to the floor where all the crazy shit was going on during the last Systematic song. It was louder on the floor, but it was a lot cooler. And there were so many stupid people. There was this one guy next to me and Megan who was so trashed. He didn't know what he was doing. He tried to dance with my girlfriend until I moved her to my side. Later in the show when Staind was playing, he leans over to me and says, "OUTSIDE....THEY'RE GOING TO PLAY OUTSIDE!" It was a good performance by Staind. I sang along with it all. I almost forgot to mention the selling of the T-shirts at the concert. This guy walks through the crowd selling Godsmack concert shirts. Of course, I got to get one of those as a momento. I ask, "How much are they?" The guy says, "20 bucks, they're $32.50 at the T-shirt stand." So me and Megan buy one apiece. Later in the show, a different T-shirt guy walks up selling two T-shirts for 30 bucks. My girlfriend and I pretty much got jipped while Thrill, Adam, SkinnyPimp and Jwilly lucked out. The Godsmack performance was pretty cool. I had to leave during "Voodoo" because I heard from my g/f, Adam and Jwilly that the lead singer of Staind was out by concessions. The Thrill and I go out there...turns out that it wasn't Aaron Lewis. It was the Staind soundguy, Jeff. My girlfriend and Adam thought they got the lead singer's autograph on their ticket stub. Ha! Well, Thrill and I made it back in for the end of "Voodoo." Godsmack finished the show with an awesome rendition of "Whatever." Now I know what you're thinking, "Did you mosh any?" Well, Skinny Pimp and I got thrown into a mosh without our consent. Megan and I were listening to Godsmack, and this mosh broke out right in front of us. I got Megan out of dodge, and then I was in the mosh. Skinny gets thrown in it too. We're being shoved all around, and it was cool. I really wish that I had moshed more. But I don't think I'll ever do some crowd surfing. Some chick got dropped right on her head. She was bleeding everywhere. But that was pretty much the Godsmack concert in Memphis.
I'm sitting here at the house tonight because I got in trouble with my parents for staying over Megan's house til 2 in the morning the night before the concert. The hickey on my neck didn't help matters either. I'm supposed to have some talk with my dad, but I'm not really worried about it or anything. All I'm thinking is IDGAF.
Go get into a mosh for me
We make it to the mall, and Skinny Pimp and I decide that it's time to eat. I was starving for some fiz-ood even though I had a big breakfast. I needed substance though because of the night before. Skinny felt like Chinese, so I went along with that. The price was a little steep for the quality of the Chinese food. And Thrill pointed out that a Mexican was working behind the counter. He was a very fast talking Mexican at that. He was like, "AheoajfroijaiejoaejajajWhatwouldyoulikealjaouaiuoauaoua?" We took our seats at a table, and Colonel asks me what I'm putting on my Chinese food. For everyone reading, try to guess what dark liquid substance I am applying to my Chinese food. If you guessed soy sauce, you've obviously eaten Chinese food before. If you guessed something else, then
A. You've never eaten Chinese food before.
B. You're just a dumbass
C. Both A and B.
Ahem...back to Colonel's question. I reply, "What the fuck is your problem? Have you never seen soy sauce before?" Colonel gets a little taken back/mad and says, "Well, I don't eat Chinese much." Well, that still means you've eaten it before.
The time after lunch was spent exploring stores. I was looking at fashion articles. There's a statement that I want to make. I want to make a statement that says, "I don't like you, but you want me to." Basically an IDGAF attitude. I bought an ADIDAS sun visor cap and a MTV Jackass shirt, both items being cool. There was this pimp jacket that I saw at Old Navy, but I had no money left to get it. I will have it Wednesday though. I must have that Jacket. Speaking of Old Navy. This store must stop what it's doing to the the youth of America at least the male youth of America. I've never seen so many pink colored shirts on display in my life. It was horrendous. If any guy wearing a pink shirt tries to tell me that he's straight, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from laughing. In fact, if you typed that you are a straight guy wearing a pink shirt over the internet, I would type ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! That means rolling on the floor laughing my ass off btw. BTW means by the way. Okay enough internet jargon; although, some of my readers will have a quiz on it later. Back to my story, Jwilly and I had actually seen a guy wearing a pink shirt walking around with a group of friends earlier in the mall. I leaned over to Josh and said, "That's a nice pink shirt you got there buddy." It was actually nearly audible enough for his hearing. Don't know if he heard it or not though. He must have bought the shirt at Old Navy, the poor bastard. I got Jwilly to push me around on one of the clothing carts for two seconds in Old Navy. Thrill told us that we should probably quit before we got kicked out. I want to get kicked out of a place at least once. I think it'd be pretty funny.
That was basically all of the highlights of Tupelo. If anything else occurred, I'll let Jwilly and the Thrill cover it in their columns. I know Jwilly has something to say about some rednecks playing a stuffed animal crane game at the bowling alley. Ha! I'm gone.
Spank ya later
The next problem that I have with the FCA is how fake it is. Now don't get me wrong...I know that there are some members in the club who really practice what they preach; however, most of them do not. I do not want to put down the teachers who help run the club; they do an excellent job. Unfortunately their club is full of hypocrites. I do not claim to be a good Christian. Hell, I know I'm not a great one, but I can play the part better than most of the members of the FCA. Did You Know: Most of them great, super, fantastic Christians seem to be anything but when they are not attending a FCA meeting. I could try and count on my hands how many times those angels have been naughty, but I simply do not have enough fingers. In fact, I don't think the entire FCA has enough fingers. Why do I say such a thing? Let's take a look at what most of the members do on the weekend: get drunk, get high, get laid, commit crimes(even if it's not a major crime, it's still a crime). Wow! Is anyone shocked? Of course you're not! You all knew that already. The fact that some of the members partake in these things is not my main problem though. Like I said before, I'm not the best Christian either.
My main problem with the whole FCA is how the members seem to look down on everyone else. If someone who is not part of the FCA goes out and does those things, they are a bad person. Ahem! BULLSHIT, YOU HYPOCRITES! You are not any better. Just because you're part of some club does not make it okay for you. I even think it makes it worse b/c all you're doing is being two-faced. Well, let me tell each one of your faces to fuck off.
Though like I said before, there are some members of FCA who are the real deal. You people are the ones who I'm not talking to. I'm talking to the majority. There is no simple solution to the FCA problem b/c there is no screening process for good Christians. I don't even think anyone should be kicked out of the FCA just b/c they're not perfect. I just don't want them to act like they're perfect while everyone else is not.
Amen, Brother Nick
Well, Hauser was in the mood for a shake, so he made his way to the counter. Jwilly and I basically hung around up there with him. I suggested he try the banana fudge milkshake; however, such a shake simply does not exist. It was a joke, get it? Turns out the guy who was taking master Hauser's order was none other than the current love interest of my ex. Hauser was nice enough to get me and Jwilly something. Jwilly asked my ex for a sundae, and then I asked her for a Monday. Get it? It's another joke, dumbass. I don't think the NewGuy liked that joke. But anyway, Jwilly decided to get a little smart with NewGuy and said, "So would you like two CDs?" NewGuy was smart though and replied, "What? Your nuts? No, sorry, I'm not gay." Ouch....Jwilly got trashed. And I think it may have been b/c NewGuy thought Jwilly was the Nick. Uh oh. Somebody make a mistake. In fact, there were hardly any quips or smart remarks made at the Nick. Well, after sitting at one of the tables for awhile, we leave the fast food restaurant. NewGuy looks thru the window and tries to act all big and bad and stuff and tries to shoot dirty looks. Sorry, but his intended intimidation only produced humiliation for himself as we simply made fun of him in Hauser's Jeep. We drive by the drive thru window, and NewGuy tries to keep his dirty look momentum going. Oh, but no scaring the Nick. Sorry, but I'm not going to be scared by someone who looks like he's five years old and has the yellow peanut M&M's body shape.
Score: NewGuy-0
theNick-1
The rest of the night was spent through crazy driving and bowling. The Nick successfully defeated the entire group except for Jwilly, who did not bowl. Then Skinny Pimp decided to go hit on some girls who Jwilly had gotten primed earlier. I walk up while SP's talking his stuff and say, "So you tell them that you're gay yet?" Ha! Guess you know where that lead to....Skinny Pimp not getting any whatsoever. In conclusion, it seemed to be a very eventful night with lots of suspense and drama.
Save the drama for your momma, so she can tell me about it next time we're doing stuff
Senior year of high school, I got into so much trouble. A lot of it was TBS(total bullshit). Let's start with my old website, theenddecay.com. It was a basic angelfire website that I named theenddecay.com. It was supposed to display my entire personality online. I had an editorial section, a sea of poetry section and a comedy section. The Nick is not a guy to sugarcoat himself. I'm going to be real with you no matter what. No censorship, baby! In my comedy section was included a news and rumors section for my school. I posted an inside joke on the site having to do with a cheerleader raping her football player boyfriend. Well, somebody at school stupidly decided to open my website up in a classroom to show everyone including a teacher. They didn't find the humor in that obvious joke. How the sam fuck could you not find humor in it? Do you actually believe that a cheerleader could rape her football boyfriend? He works out, right? I think he would be able to fight her off. But rape isn't something you should joke about. Then why the fuck can I turn on my TV and watch any modern day comedian make a crack about rape, mentally challenged people, senior citizens, religion, sex, violence, etc? Wake up, dipshits! It's the fucking new millenium, so piss off. Of course, the claim could also be made that I'm making the cheerleader seem like a nympho. Ha! She's a cheerleader. Do you realize how many cheerleader jokes exist in the free world? Look up cheerleader jokes on the internet, and see how many you can find. I did nothing wrong. The people who have a sense of humor; the people who don't live with blinds to the outside world seemed to realize it was a joke.
Well, my website was completely monitored by a school teacher after that. I didn't know it was being monitored, and I was eventually forced by the school to shut it down. Not because of my comedic material. No. It was my sea of poetry section. Seems like some of the poems suggested I was going to shoot up my school. TBS on that one. Is everything I say taken seriously? I'm going to drop out of school and start up my own sperm bank. You believe that too? The idiots who said, "yes," can go back to huffing gas or whatever it is they do in their spare time. I recommend a rectal probe for all of you. Or as my friend, Josh, would say, "I recommend a good porno." That could be some good advice too b/c it could relieve some of that pent-up sexual frustration many of you obviously suffer from.
Some of the things I do off the computer are looked upon as immature and rude behavior, but it's just having fun. It's funny. Sit back and think about it. Take it all in. It's a laugh riot. With all the pain and suffering in the world, laughter is the best medicine. I'm simply trying to help provide the medicine. So if I want to go to the bowling alley and yell out, "Cock and balls here....GET YOUR COCK AND BALLS!" Then I'm going to do it. And I don't care how you react as long as someone is laughing. That person laughing gets the joke. And those people not laughing; those people who become mad and unhappy should realize that their lives are jokes. Maybe it's time they find some humor in them. Eh, friend?
Booya!!!! I just put you hypocrites in your place, foo!!!!
Last night I went to see my ex-girlfriend at the place she works. Why did I go? Someone told me I could be the better person if I was the first to say something to the other person. Plus, I'm tired of all this bickering and want this bullshit to be over. So I go in there and say "Hi,
break rules and make fun of your teachers
11/19/00 Another night at the dinner table
The best place to really annoy my family is at the dinner table. Tonight I got them good. Before I sat down, I complained about not getting enough spankings, throwing in some homosexual undertones. My family always say a prayer at dinner. I ended the prayer by saying "Amen" as "Amennnnnnaaaaa!!!" in an opera style voice. My mom gave me her bitter look then, so I thought I would continue on. I kept bugging my mom about not getting enough hugs when I was home, and I demanded my mother to get out of her seat and come give me a hug. And she did it! Ha! Then I started bugging my dad about the New York Jets beating the Dolphins. I suggested they change their name to the New York Spank Machines. And for baseball, the New York Spankees! Then dinner was over. Did I succeed in coming off as a smartass tonight? Oh, yes, but no major blowups! I expect to get my dad on a night when he's not in such an out of it mind frame.
What is this page about? Well, most of you just see one side of me...my depressive side. This is the other side you do not see...the uncensored, over-annoying smartass side that I display most of the time. Because being depressed all the time can get quite whiny. What makes me a smartass? Making fun of ppl, duh. You idiots couldn't figure that out yourselves. Plus, I can also tell some pretty good lies. So I'm going to use this page to display those lies, my spats with other ppl when I smart off to them, so on. I might even target some ppl just to make angry and see if I can do it. I'll date them just like I do my online journal. So stay tuned...because I'm going to piss some people off.
