Sea of Poetry Archives 2

They're All Laughing At Me

They're All Laughing At Me

8/4/02

 

Step right up

Feast your eyes on this amazing sight

It's the incredible broken down, beaten to a pulp,

Couldn't let go, love obsessed, but didn't put up a fight

He was out-witted, over powered

No wonder why he lost

He let himself be taken advantage of

No matter what the cost

But that's what love can do

In fact, it could happen to any of us

Remember be careful with your hearts

Be careful who you trust

 

I'm just a circus freak

On display for you and your friends

My own fault that it got like this

Life truly is the bends

Now they're all laughing at me

I embarrass myself

I'd be out there with all of them

Just to laugh at myself

But instead I'm confined to this space

Trapped inside the body of this empty shell

What made me deserve all this?

I'm burning in hell

 

I bet that you're out there with them

Just laughing and laughing

An inside joke, an outside joke

I don't know what's happening

But I'm certain you only think about yourself

Because you were selfish with me

I gave you the world

I treated you like a queen

None of it matters though, does it?

There is no satisfying you

You take it all for granted

I just can't seem to get through

 

Laugh at me!

Fucking laugh at me!

Because the joke's on all of you!

One day you'll see

One day you'll know the truth

I was your best friend

I fucking loved you

But there's no coming back from the end

 

One day you'll feel

What I feel now


My Feelings Mean Nothing

8/4/02

 

You used to care

You cared so much

Now I feel no compassion

No love, no desire, no such

What made it all change?

Who changed you?

Doesn't add up, none of it

Fuck you

The hell with trying to save the rest

I'm the only one trying to save anything

You could care less

My feelings mean nothing

I mean nothing to you

You're not capable of loving me

You forgot what love is

And I'm tired of trying to help you see

If your eyes were open at all,

You would see what you're losing

But you don't care

Just continue what you're doing

Because I can stop caring too


Playing Possum

7/30/02

 

I don't think anyone knows

the things that I'm capable of doing

All they see is this broken down shell,

a shadow of my former self

Don't count me out, don't count me down

especially when I'm still on top

The ball is in my court,

I'm still holding all the cards

No matter how much they try to break me

I usually answer back with shattering results

Then regret is the only thing left on their side

While I'm reaping benefits

I'm not dead yet

I'm just playing possum

I'm just playing the game,

and I'm winning.


Through

7/29/02

 

There are times when I get so lonely

I can no longer confide in you

Seems like I've run out of protection

Now everyone knows we're through

I'm through

Seems like love will always be a broken dream

Now my nightmares always star you

Feature presentation every night

Wish it could all be through

I'm through

 

We've been through so much

Now things are so fucked up

I've been through too much

I've just had enough

But it's never through

Even when I say that I am

 

Life's got to be a bitch

Ruined everything I had with you

Never thought it'd be this way

I thought we'd make it through

We're through

Still so hard to admit it to myself

But it seems so easy for you

I'm still taking abuse

I wish the embarrassment was through

We're through

 

We've been through so much

Now things are so fucked up

I've been through too much

I've just had enough

But it's never through

Even when I say that I am


Several Haikus on Dating

6/15/03

 

Don't give me that shit

I have no confidence now

She's too hot for me

 

Rode around with girls

Come back; my car is smashed up

My player is gone

 

Called this girl a bitch

I don't think she liked that much

Paper chasing ho

 

Don't lay your head there

Your boyfriend is next to me

He will be pissed off

 

She uses KY?

And what does she use that for?

That's pretty fucked up

 

Got a date tonight

I would say she is a ten

No, I'm just lying

 

You have any kids?

No...well, none that I know of

She says that is good

 

I need older girls

Maybe they'll be more mature

Or maybe they won't

 


When I Turn 21

6/15/03

 

When I turn 21

Everything will be better than this

When I turn 21

20 won't be something I miss

When I turn 21

Maybe the fish will finally give some bites

When I turn 21

I'll have stripper delights with casino nights

When I turn 21

Better is what I said

When I turn 21

It's another year that I'm closer to being dead


Call Now

6/15/03

 

Call now

Everything I predicted has come true

Call now

Look at where I am now

Call now

Trying to climb stairs with cement shoes

Call now

I know your future too

Call now

You will all pass me by

Dial tone


Wrap Around

5/11/03

 

Why can't I have you?

Why do you choose him?

What makes him so special?

He's just like the rest of them.

It takes a special guy to understand you,

And that guy isn't him.

Throw your glances this way,

Any you'll see me going out on a limb--

 

Just to impress you;

Show you how much I care.

Girl, you're just so special.

It's just not fair...

That you're stuck with that guy;

It makes me want to die

Every time I see you there--

 

Laughing with him,

Dancing with him,

Being with him,

Being without me...

That's not how it's supposed to be!

 

Everyone in this world is meant to be

With someone else, and what if you're it

For me.

Sometimes I wish I could make you see

A focused image of who you should be with

It's me!

I'm the one for you;

You're the one for me.

Let me set you free.

 

You're just a girl that I can't have.

Sometimes it's so hard to give a damn.

Why do I even bother?

Every time you're wrapped around another.

Why do I bother?

 

Because...

Because...

It's because!

You're everything I've wanted,

Everything I've needed,

Everything I've believed in,

I won't be defeated

Until you're wrapped around me.

Please let me set you free.

Be a girl that I can have

Because you already have me.


Another Poem

4/8/03

 

What's the point of writing this?

Seems like I'm only repeating myself.

Who hurt me this time?

How's my mental health?

I love you and I'm angry.

It's a struggle to find another emotion

To explain the current state of us

And my most recent demotion.

 

Oh, it's just another poem

That I wrote in my spare time

Conveying the same old message.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm out of my mind.

 

What's the future

When you only live in the past?

Times were good, but if I saw the future,

I would have known they wouldn't last.

What's said is said.

What's over is over.

Torture is torture

Every moment I'm sober.

 

Oh, it's just another poem

That I wrote in my spare time

Conveying the same old message.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm out of my mind.

 

The words come easy

And shape the lines of paper.

I'll either be more at peace,

Or I won't be able to face her.

This is how I feel;

Too bad it's always the same.

I need to get a Clue

To ever win this game.

 

Oh, it's just another poem

That I wrote in my spare time

Conveying the same old message.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm out of my mind.


Love Has Gone Deaf

4/3/03

 

Had a man that loved you,

But now he don't love you anymore.

Had a man to hold you,

But now there's nothing to hold on for.

Had a man to love you,

But he should have loved himself more.

 

Respect, respect, respect

 

Had a woman to insult you,

And you felt lower than the floor.

Had a woman to whip you,

And those lash marks left you sore.

Had a woman looking past you,

And she probably wanted someone more.

 

Run away, run away, run away

 

What was once said before,

"I love you,"

You won't hear it anymore.

 

You won't hear the voice.

You won't feel the touch.

You won't hear those words

That you miss so much.


 

One Chance Too Many

3/25/03

 

How did we ever get to this?

Oh, yeah...it was me,

So stupid...me.

I was always so blind to see

Every time that it was ever there.

So concerned with keeping myself free

For someone who didn't care.

With you there was a guarantee,

But I never treated you fair.

Now no matter how much I say sorry,

It seems there's no chance of repair.

 

If I could just take back

All those things I ever said,

If I could just take back

All those times I made you sad,

If I could just take back

All the ways I treated you bad,

I'd be better.

I'd be what you should have had.

 

I realize this isn't the first time.

I've had more than one second chance.

It was always my fault to decline

On our prospective romance.

Must have been out of my mind

To ever take such a stance.

Always left you on the sideline

Through all my resistance,

And I never let you shine

When all you ever needed was one chance

To erase her memory from my mind.

 

If I could just rewind

And go back to what was there,

If could just rewind

And go back to stroking your hair,

If I could just rewind

And go back to feeling your stare,

I'd ask you to be mine,

And I'd always be there.

 

I've taken one chance too many.

I took advantage of your heart.

How could you ever stand me?

Now that you're finally being smart,

I can't convince you with any plea

Just so that we can make a new start,

And I don't even disagree

With how you're keeping us apart.

Still I'm going crazy

Over how our time was so short.

I want you back with me.

 

If I just had another chance,

You wouldn't be on the sideline.

If I just had another chance,

I'd make it work this time.

If I just had another chance,

You'd always be mine.

Just give me another chance,

And this time I'll let you shine.


 

The New Year

1/18/03

 

New year, new resolutions

I hope that I can be better

Last year, old miscomprehension

I never saw us together

People can change

Just give them a new year

Time passes over mistakes

Wasting too much on fear

I want you...now

 

All I'm asking is for an impact

Impact on my heart

And I'll be sure to give it back

As soon as you start

I want this

I want you...now

 

I know what I want

And you can provide it

Just say that you're the one

I won't deny it

How dare I say things end

When it starts with New Year's kiss

Please let it continue to extend

Don't become someone I miss

I want you...now

 

All I'm asking is for an impact

Impact on my heart

And I'll be sure to give it back

As soon as you start

I want this

I want you...now

 

The days pass by

Laugh at how stupid that I used to be

I wish I never made you cry

There was something wrong with me

You say things can't get any worse

But I disagree

If you left, my heart would burst

Seem so destined to stay lonely

Stay with me...now

 

All I'm asking is for an impact

Impact on my heart

And I'll be sure to give it back

As soon as you start

I want this

I want you...now


 

Box of Love

9/23/02

 

Everywhere I look I see a memory

And it's painful to me

Because it's just another memory I endure

Without you

The past never seemed so somber

When our future seemed so bright

But the present is so different

Without you

 

Going back to that place

Our initials were carved so beautiful

If only the wood could stay eternal,

That day would last forever

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember

But I can still recall following the trails

And patience helped me make it to your heart

If I only could find my way back

 

I'm opening the box again

Asking myself the same old question

Why did it have to end?

Over and over

Here's another piece of you

There's another memory

It's another piece of us

The way it used to be

 

It's a box of love

 

This is something everyone goes through

I see it everyday

It's scribbled on anonymous faces

I make that face too much

The only thing I can wonder

Do you ever make that face too?

I know you don't make it as much as me

It's so much easier for you

 

It's so much easier

It's so much easier

To open the box

Than when it comes time to close it

It's so much harder

So much harder to give up

On all these memories

Memories inside the box of love

 


 

Have You Noticed?

9/17/02

 

What I want I can't have

No one can give me what I want

You don't want what I can give

Any kind of acknowledgement is just a taunt

 

I'm tired of making appointments

I remember being scheduled every day

Now things aren't like that anymore

There are too many others in my way

 

Things just aren't the same

Guess I'm the one to blame

 

There is no prize left unwon

I'm not so great

An image blown out of proportion

What can I do besides mistake?

 

How can I be perfect?

I still haven't found it yet

Perfection is unattainable

It's capturing wind in a net

 

Oh, well

Welcome to hell

 

How's it going?

Don't lie, just let it out

It'd be okay to let everyone know

Not in a whisper but in a shout

It's life, it's life

Bad day on repeat

Problems mind splitting

Happiness at your feet

Time will heal old wounds

New wounds will appear

Does it ever get better?

Will there always be fear?

Yes

 

This is the worst I've ever seen

Everything tied down with confusion

How can I cut through the rope

Without pain making its intrusion?

 

I can't

It's not possible

No matter how much I try to hide

I'll still be noticeable

 


 

I Don't Need Love

9/9/02

 

I'm not really living

But I'm not dying

I'm not really happy

But you don't see me crying

 

Somewhere in between mixed emotions

Holding on but letting go

Somewhere in between natural existence

Trying to, but I just don't know

 

I don't know why I ever feared loneliness

Misery was always there with me

Why should I feel so depressed?

Pain has always been such good company

 

Love could always paralyze my heart

I never looked in any other direction

Guess I should have watched out more

At least, for my own protection

 

Somewhere in between thoughts in your head

Letting go but holding on

Somewhere in between things you said

Trying to, but it's just not fun

 

I don't know why I ever feared loneliness

Misery was always there with me

No one longer to try and impress

Can't you see it's my destiny

 

Scattered thoughts running amok

Some of them go and some of them stay

As for love, I don't give a fuck

I never needed it anyway

 

Somewhere in between a white lie

Holding on but letting go

Somewhere in between a gasp and a sigh

Trying to, but there's one thing I know

 

I don't need love

 


 

Keep Dealing

9/9/02

 

My life sucks,

But I deal with it

Please, friend, deal me some cards

And I'll stay here and sit

These games help more than you know

I can almost deal with it

 

The president's an asshole

Always in the circle of death

Fighting off a drunk driver

Until snap!  Then no one's left

 

Drink some now so you can drink some later

Maybe later I can deal with shit

Until then just keep dealing the cards

I'm about to throw a fit

I'm trying to stay calm the best I can

But sometimes I can't deal with it

 

The president's an asshole

Toying around in the circle of death

Here comes the drunk driver

Then snap!  No cards left

 

Hey, asshole, take a drink for me

It helps me deal with it

Want me to take a drink too?

Sure!  I don't give a shit

It's fun when we have times like these

I can almost deal with it

 

Keep keep dealing

No more feeling

Keep keep dealing

Keep on killing

And then I can deal with it

 


 

Time of Uncertainty

9/06/02

 

Struggling through the room

Is this really happening

And will I remember

Will I remember tomorrow morning?

Faces like flash cards

Ones that should be easy to recognize

I just can't at this moment

I can't even memorize

It doesn't seem scary now

I can only feel safe

No one's out to harm me

I love being this way

 

Then the sunlight streams in

The feelings are all over

Why did it have to end?

Couldn't it be longer?

I need these times now

When things are real and fake

I think I'm still dreaming

I know that I'm awake

 

What is real, what is real?

Oh, so real, all of it!

What is real, what is real?

Why can't I remember any of it?

I want to hold on so tight

Cherish the memories I don't recall

They're the ones that get me by now

They're there to catch me when I fall

 

I'm falling out of my mind

The night time air smells good

Feels like everyone loves me

I feel so understood

When I get like this,

I try to take it as far as I can go

I'm so high when I get like this

I'm too high to feel the low

 

What is this? Who are you?

I feel happiness until it's through

This time of uncertainty

It feels so certain with me

Deep in my heart, deep in I know

Deep in my heart, I don't want to let go

Just stay with me forever

So that I never, never

Go back to the low

 


 

Appreciate Me

4/08/02

 

So used to being run over

Nothing ever changes except the tread marks

So used to being beat up

Nothing ever changes except the broken body parts

But I can never get used to...

The continuous breaking of my heart

Once it becomes pieced back together

It doesn't take long to be shattered apart

 

I ever wonder if you ever wonder

About how I feel sometimes

Is that too terrible to ponder?

It's better than reading between the lines

I appreciate it when you smile

I appreciate when you tell me what's made you frown

I appreciate a deserved scolding every once in a while

I appreciate you letting me stick around

Appreciate me too

 

I pray to God every night to keep you safe

Do you pray for me too?

I can feel pressure within my chest

The love in my heart occupied by you

I try to make any necessary change you desire

Would you make a requested sacrifice

But I stray from anything in that nature

Don't want to pay the price

 

I ever wonder if you ever wonder

About how I feel sometimes

Is that too terrible to ponder?

It's better than reading between the lines

I appreciate it when you smile

I appreciate when you tell me what's made you frown

I appreciate a deserved scolding every once in a while

I appreciate you letting me stick around

Appreciate me too

 

Holding onto you tightly

Like you're the only girl on earth

Appreciate it

As time passes by,

I continue to be only yours

Appreciate it

Keep being the beautiful person you are

Give me your heart and your soul

I'll appreciate you

All I want is you

Please return your love

And appreciate me

 

I would never treat anyone as good as you

No one could treat you like me

I can appreciate you

Can you appreciate me?

 


 

As This All Plays Out

8/30/02

 

Always spoken true--

The things said by me,

I swear they were never false.

Now it's just so hard to see

The point we've reached;

This mortal coil must give us pause.

Sometimes I just can't understand

How it all got like this!

What could have been the cause?

 

You were the best, you were the worst,

But I gave it back in return.

No need to question any of this;

It'd be best to sit back and to learn.

One mistake leads to many mistakes

For better and for worse.

And even if this heart breaks,

We'll just let things run their course.

 

How far can we go from here?

Will I ever see you again?

How long until you forget about me?

How long until our love ends?

What do I do?

How do I get by all of this?

And when it's all through,

Will I be something you miss?

 

As this all plays out,

Let's hope the pain stays out.

Let's hope the pain...

Stays out our lives,

Stays out our past,

Never ruins our future,

Nor the memories we were blessed!

Hold on now!

Embrace it now!

As this all plays out,

As this all plays out!

 

You were the best, you were the worst,

But I gave it back in return.

No need to question any of this;

It'd be best to sit back and to learn.

One mistake leads to many mistakes

For better and for worse.

And even if this heart breaks,

We'll just let things run their course.

 

As this all plays out,

Please God let her see.

As this all plays out,

Please never forget about,

Never forget about me.


 

Charity Case

4/8/02

 

I broke down today

Maybe I just don't understand

I don't understand sometimes

Examined my life from far away

Felt like an out of body experience

I experience things like that a lot of times

Think about things I'd like to say

Never find the courage, never find the words

And that happens all the time

 

I never was much one for...charity

How can I help others...

When I can't help myself?

I bet that when you see my face you got to be thinking...

God, he's such a charity case...

How can I get out of this situation?

He might kill himself

 

Poor, poor pity is me

Let the tears run down

I forgot to wash my face anyway

What do you see when you see me?

A reflection of our moods during darkness

My same reflection every day

Can you recognize my expression of plea

It says please help me on this

I'll get by if you stay

 

I never was much one for...charity

How can I help others...

When I can't help myself?

I bet that when you see my face you got to be thinking...

God, he's such a charity case...

How can I get out of this situation?

He might kill himself

 

I never really cared much for charity

But you seem to care for me

It takes a strong heart like yours

To continue carrying me for countless hours

All I see is a pretty face

When you stare at this poor charity case

Stay with me

 


Slipping Away

6/30/02

 

Sometimes I just feel so confused

And it's almost as if I don't care

I don't care anymore

And you probably don't care

Reached the stage of feeling numb

I feel no pain as it keeps coming

What was there is now relieved

My heart keeps numbing

The disappointment is no longer there

Maybe I'm too selfish sometimes

I know I'm greedy with my prized possessions

But I can't really possess what's not mine

 

Slipping away

Slipping through my fingers

Can feel it all disappearing

Even as it still lingers

Slipping away

Slipping out of my view

I just can't see it

As it keeps slipping through

 

I think back looking for the answers

I just keep asking the same questions

Maybe I just think too much

And it keeps my fears infesting

Now that I've let go

I try to harness these worries I feel

When something comes along to affect me

Then I just make myself deal

I'll never let my spirit die

It will just be broken down some

Got to keep myself grounded

It's easy when I'm this numb

 

Slipping away

Slipping through my fingers

Can feel it all disappearing

Even as it still lingers

Slipping away

Slipping out of my view

I just can't see it

As it keeps slipping through

 

If it's slipping away from me,

I'm slipping away from myself

It's like I'm becoming a different person

I'm just not myself

I'd almost like to just get away

Slip out of sight from everyone's view

How would everyone react?

I'd like to see what they do

Maybe they'd hurt for a little while

A person endures pain when they care

But eventually they'd just become numb

My memory would just become a glare

 

Slipping away

Slipping through my fingers

Can feel it all disappearing

Even as it still lingers

Slipping away

Slipping out of my view

I just can't see it

As it keeps slipping through

 

 


This Really Hurts Part 2

11/14/01

 

Petrified by uncertain possibilities

My thoughts are my enemy

They've kidnapped me from sanity

Holding my worries against me

They force the anger on me

How does it come about?

Can I keep it inside?

Or will it break out?

What drives a man to lose his control?

All these jumbled up feelings?

Hurt, happy, sad, mad, desire to be dead

About to explode

The hits keep coming

Continue to roll with the punches

Shrug off your questions

Snap when they turn touchy

HELP ME!!!

I need some help now

 

Worthless

So worthless

So useless anymore

So fucked up


Inductee
5/17/01

Welcome, brother
How does the day treat you
Make you feel special
Make you feel like one of us
And you start to think
Thinking affects your sight
You see that in your heart
You made the right choice
How stupid you are
Believe into lies
Damn fool
You fucking imbecile!

Too late to turn back
Joined the rest of us
Just had to join the crowd
Fake love, fake security
There's no turning away

Bought into us
Sold you some lies
No refund
No refund


Questionable Hazard
5/17/01

All you ask is what
And I say why
Never was your business before
My life that is yours
I give and you take
Without any question
You give only so often
And it makes me question

Question
Without an answer
How you make me feel
Should I say
I don't know

Your grip increasingly tightens
Gain more leverage over me
How do I stop it
Why do I let it go on
Bring about much insecurity
Take me away
Lock me away
And do what you want!

Question
Without an answer
How you make me feel
Should I say
I don't know

Is this a nightmare
Or is this what I've wanted
No playing, no betraying
Then why this insecurity
You hold me
Slowly I start to answer
You own me
Slowly I slip away