Set Sail Once Again

Before I Said Goodbye
5/11/01

I went to a funeral today
Can't believe you're gone
We'll miss you
But still life carries on
Though your life had meaning
Your death had none
Brought about no change
Never change the outcome
People don't learn anything
Keep doing what's wrong
And we keep getting closer
We'll soon join

you...left before
before I said goodbye
can't tell you anything now

We never learn
Children of mistake
Wouldn't have it any other way
Perfection is something fake
All we can do is wait
Wait
Wait for it to happen
To us


Start
5/10/01

It's the beginning
Of the end
Soon as I say I love you
It begins
Inside you're slipping away
Outside is where I go
There you are so happy
And I've got no emotion to show

See I know it's going to end
Say I'll still be your friend
Can't look you in the eye
Another day to get by
With myself
Without you


Finish
5/11/01

All this agony
It's all I know
All this agony
Nowhere left to go

I begin to hate it
Begin to hate myself
I begin to hate it
Begin to hate myself
What can't it all just stop
When you go away, it starts
When I go away, it's finished

Don't try coming back
Because I won't be here
It's over
It's over
Finish


The One You Hate the Most
2/18/01

I'll be the one
The one you hate the most
When you can't hate yourself
I'll haunt you like a ghost
Don't worry about me
Or else it will fade away
You need this for yourself
Help you become free

Hate me more than your mother
More than your father
More than your siblings
More than unknown desire
Lust your hatred
Spit on my soul
Push away those feelings before
Those feelings you never got to know

Bury me now
Unstoppable laughter found
Sooner I'm rushed away
You'll be happiness bound
I'm glad you found your heart
Glad it was me you hate
I was the trouble of your life
Held you down with incredible weight

Glad you made it
Hope you're happy


This Young
2/18/01

Verbs replace your nouns
Join me my sweetheart
Jump on thin ice
Travel in a shopping cart
Spend all your money
Rent the last porno flick
Dance in the pouring rain
Use his head to kick
Pretend Easter is Halloween
Bite your smile away
Caution for hazardous lives
We need more time to play

Come on, come on
Never be this young
Again
Never lose this moment
You'll be soon to lament
Someday

He could use a pat on the back
Don't let the fire burn out
Eat a fresh variety of pop tarts
Make a habit to foul
Discover a perfectly made noose
Shoot down all your fears
Turn an ant farm into a rodeo
Never believe any of your peers
Desire a cold shower
Cloak yourself in the fog
Pinch the girl's earlobe
Drown in the alcoholic egg nog

Blow down the walls
Blow down
Walls
Suffocate me


Lights Out
2/14/01

Vague stages of denial
All I say is a lie
Is it really over
The days just pass by
No one seems to understand
See what pain can construct
All a matter of falling apart
Begin to self destruct

Break down and submit
It will lead to the joy of others
Meaningless falls, meaningless winters
Meaningless springs, meaningless summers
Everything once had a purpose
My thoughts seemed so righteous
Left it all open to imagination
But now those possibilities hold bias

Shouldn't have brought you into this
guess I wasn't really thinking
now there are so many things left unsaid
because we're no longer speaking
you're not there to save me
nor should you be

No one to put up with me
No one to show me pity
That's how I want it
That's how I want to go out


Got To Live This
1/17/01

Don't step up to this
These are things you will not understand
Just shut your mouth
You don't want to hear them
But you still can
And no matter how hard you try
There's no getting out
You feel condemned
Got to live this

Say I love you now
Hear I hate you later
Seems to be how things go
Love just goes away
What keeps it together
I don't feel like a good reason
Because I'd love for all this to end someday
Please just end it all
Got to live this

Never realize all the pain you cause
Or the damage you've done
Want to be better than you
But it's so damn hard because
I don't know how to do it
The only thing I know is to imitate you
Sometimes nature can't be nurtured
I'll be just as fucked up too
Got to live this
Wish it'd end


Deep Down
1/11/01

Big people say mean things to each other
Take comfort in another
I'll get you through this
Love loses it's credibility
That's a certain inevitability
But it's something you still tend to miss
Committment will lead to disaster
So run away a little faster
However, my moments with you were bliss
Deep down, deep down inside me
I really think we were meant to be
I finally found true happiness

You just can't really see it
If I'm the one you are supposed to be with
You're the only one who can say for sure
My opinion doesn't really matter
You said the times before seemed better
But when we came together, I loved them so much more
I feel like you're my one and only
If you left, I'd feel so lonely
And be afraid of what life has in store
Deep down, deep down inside you
You'll find out we can make it through
And you'll be as happy as you were before

Wipe away those streaming tears
It's good to know you have fears
Because even I have them too
What if it doesn't work out?
What's life all about?
Then what will we do?
But that's a pain we'll never have to cope
Because I have so much hope
And my hope has always been you
Deep down, deep down inside me
There's a place where you'll always be
And I don't see you leaving anytime soon

Deep down, deep down inside us
We're going to find so much trust
And everything will be okay


I Need You To Save Me
11/17/00

Wake up and I don't want to
What lies ahead isn't good
Falling asleep is hard when you worry about the future
Could care less about living when I should
Got a lot to live for
The people I know
I noticed how they've changed
I'm someone they don't know
If anyone knew me
They would know something's wrong
But they don't
And my problems continue on

When I think about dying
I start to smile
No more problems
No more living through denial
Say everything's all right
When it's anything but
This is all too much
Why's it so messed up
And what about you?
Where are you?
Why aren't you here?
Help me pull through

What stands before me
I went through before you
Can't take it again
Can't take it again
You're the only one who can save me

Don't need anymore of this
I've had enough
Can't even think straight
When things are tough
Ending it all seems sane to me
When you're insane, everything seems right
It's all fine to me
I'll be able to avoid a fight
Because I know you'll step in
Try to say something to stop me
And I'll listen to you
As long as you're with me
You're all that matters
You're all that matters
You're all that matters to me

What stands before me
I went through before you
Can't take it again
Can't take it again
You're the only one who can save me
Will you save me?


I Miss You
10/29/00

It feels so sudden
And so quiet
The way you've been bottled up
Left being silent
I looked back at the picture
You were so full of smile
Now it seems like
You only do that once awhile
Can you tell me what's changed?
Caused this antic disposition?
Got you from being so perky
To going through this transition
I miss you

I miss all the old times
Laughing about nothing
Now it seems so hard
To make you laugh at something
Work has stolen your soul
They turned you into a zombie
Depriving you of your sleep
Left you feeling edgy
I stand back
Feeling so much concern
Still I stand back and watch
Waiting for things to turn
Nothing I can do

It's all up to you
Where we go from here
Don't care where we go
As long as you're still there
Don't want to let go
Something I couldn't do
I need you back
I miss you

Holding onto your hand
Putting my arms around you
Always seemed to make you happy
Now I don't have a clue
Everyone's worried about you
Not as worried as I am
You're the only thing I got
In a life that's a sham
Just want you back
To the way you used to be
So vibrant and full of life
So happy to see me
I love you

Miss talking the most
You'd always laugh at my jokes
Now I got to choose my words wisely
To sound the least bit exciting
Oh, man things are rough
Never thought they'd get this tough
With you
I miss you

It's all up to you
Where we go from here
Don't care where we go
As long as you're still there
Don't want to let go
Something I couldn't do
I need you back
I miss you


Last Love Song
11/30/00

Rain pouring down on a dark day
I want to go but I force myself to stay
Everything I'm doing seems like a bore
Want something new, something new to explore
Something new to chase
I know I need a change of pace
But letting go isn't easy as it seems
I used to have these dreams
These dreams about you
Now I'm having dreams about someone new
But I still want you
And I don't know what to do

Standing next to your side and
You were always someone I could confide in
But I can't tell you this
It might bring back the person I miss
And I'm trying to let go
I want to move on, so
I'll sing you your last love song
It was a love I was never wrong
For having with you
But I feel so overdue
Telling you goodbye for good

Nothing you did brought these feelings out of me
Strange to say, but this feels like destiny
On my way making a journey
A fire of desire keeps on burning
Something with this other person might not be the same
But for some reason, I don't feel any shame
Just another obstacle I'll have to face
Sometimes true love needs a little space
What if my journey ends where I started?
And we're back together even though we've parted
Sometimes fate plays funny games like that
And pulls a rabbit out of its hat

Standing next to your side and
You were always someone I could confide in
But I can't tell you this
It might bring back the person I miss
And I'm trying to let go
I want to move on, so
I'll sing you your last love song
It was a love I was never wrong
For having with you
But I feel so overdue
Telling you goodbye for good

If I could have just one wish
It would be for us not to be finished
Now I'm beginning to contradict myself
When I talk to you, contradiction will be all I have left
Have I really done the right thing? And now there are no more love songs to sing
Are things ever going to be right?
Feel like I could use a rewrite
Got to get through this, get through this, man
Sooner or later I had to take a stand
Now it's time to venture territory uncharted
I'll be back with you even though we've parted

Standing next to your side and
You were always someone I could confide in
But I can't tell you this
It might bring back the person I miss
And I'm trying to let go
I want to move on, so
I'll sing you your last love song
It was a love I was never wrong
For having with you
But I feel so overdue
Telling you goodbye for good


New Direction?
11/28/00

I sit on this bed
Tidal waves go through my head
Listening to the eels
My thoughts roll on wheels
Which way to go
I don't know
What should I do?
I thought I knew
Is this how I want my life to be?
Because I don't feel like me
I feel like someone else
Someone who always fails
But I have to succeed
They're all counting on me
Do I keep going the same direction?
Or is there need for correction?
And where would I go
To reach my goal
And find success


Getting You Back
11/19/00

Always thought I'd say I love you
Just never thought I'd say it so many times
Shouldn't have said it to some people
That wasn't wise
But I'll never regret saying it to you
I regret not being a better person
Things got so cluttered in my head
I starting buying into its delusion
And I thought things that weren't true
I bought into things that happened before
Didn't treat you the way you should have been treated
What did this happen for?

Well, it's hard to stop being hurt
When being hurt is all you've ever been
It's the only way I know how to be
Unless you're next to me, that's when
I feel so different
And happy

Always thought I'd have you there
Until I noticed you were gone
You were probably right to leave
Because things just weren't as fun
I wasn't who I was before
I don't blame you when you wouldn't listen
Just wasn't the same
A part of me was missing
The only way to get you back
Was to find that part of myself
But I didn't know where it was
I didn't know if there was any left

Well, it's hard to stop being hurt
When being hurt is all you've ever been
It's the only way I know how to be
Unless you're next to me, that's when
I feel so different
And happy

Got to get it back
Got to have you back with me
Being hurt is all I've ever been
But it's not all I ever want to be
I want to be with you
I want us to grow old together
I want us to be with each other so much
That when we don't think things will get any better
They do
And you're all I ever think about
And I'm all that you want
We'll never want out
Of what we have with each other

Well, it's hard to stop being hurt
When being hurt is all you've ever been
It's the only way I know how to be
Unless you're next to me, that's when
I feel so different
And happy


Punisher
10/23/00

Dark mysterious enigma
Never was my intent of
Becoming what I became, but the posh poser routine seemed so lame, it wasn't an image I wanted to claim
So I made something to scare you, draw pity to, a life you wouldn't want to go through
A life I didn't want
But it became the only thing I had, holding onto all the things that made me sad, but shouldn't I be glad
To be alive? What a life! Part of me had died, felt like everything was a lie, could have taken my life and die, but I chose to defy
So I'm stuck here today, things going my way
Sometimes they go in the wrong direction, I come to an intersection
My life is at crossroads, don't know which way to go, so I go
Where you'd least expect
Do something insane, punish myself with more pain
And I hope you feel it too

Sometimes homicidal
Evil feelings in my head
A lot of suicidal
Always wishing I was dead
Put my feelings through denial
Sleep them off in my bed
Wake up the next day
And they're back
Things go into play
And I'm on the attack
I'll punish you

Always thought I'd find success, now it's all one big mess, a lie I don't want to confess, all I feel is stress
Everyday of my existance, everyone's constant insistance
To go seek therapy, but even my doctors would fear me, that's how things should be
I'm one fucked up person, I just happen to be so fearsome, I'll perform stunts that are so dumb
That I should be on that show 'Jackass,' I got balls of brass, don't take things slow, I take things fast
I'm the first one to jump off a cliff, don't care if I wind up a stiff
What's there to live for? If this is all there is, then I want more
If I never get it, I don't give a shit, as long as I don't have to deal with
All this personal angst

Sometimes homicidal
Evil feelings in my head
A lot of suicidal
Always wishing I was dead
Put my feelings through denial
Sleep them off in my bed
Wake up the next day
And they're back
Things go into play
And I'm on the attack
I'll punish you

Everyone wants a life that's great, I got one that I hate, but maybe it was fate
For things to be this way
Things try to go up but they always stay down, I feel so bound
To never succeed, I feel like a weed
About to be run over by some hungry lawnmower
But maybe that would be good
Then I wouldn't have to deal with all this stuff, I've had enough, things keep getting rough
And I push on

Sometimes homicidal
Evil feelings in my head
A lot of suicidal
Always wishing I was dead
Put my feelings through denial
Sleep them off in my bed
Wake up the next day
And they're back
Things go into play
And I'm on the attack
I'll punish you


See You Guys Later
10/10/00

All my friends are leaving
Moving away to new places
Making new friends
Meeting new faces
I remember a time at a football game
High school cheerleader caught a football with her head
It was so funny, we all laughed
You guys leaving is sad, wish we had the fun times instead

Even though you guys are leaving me behind
I still have someone with me
She helps me get by
She'll be all I have when you leave
Thank God she's there
She'll see me through
Keep me from feeling lonely
But I'll still miss each one of you

We'll still have our memories
Know you guys will make it without me
It will be painful at first
And then it won't be
As long as I have her hand to hold
She'll calm down all my fears
Always have you guys in my heart
Along with the memories of us hanging out all those years

Even though you guys are leaving me behind
I still have someone with me
She helps me get by
She'll be all I have when you leave
Thank God she's there
She'll see me through
Keep me from feeling lonely
But I'll still miss each one of you


Heartbroken
9/30/00

Sitting on my bed jamming to the Misfits
Trying to drown out mom throwing one of her hissy fits
Music flows out of the speakers and into my mind
A breeze outside my window blows wind through my blinds
Some of my thoughts get carried away
My moods have been a varied display
Some insanity, some disturbance
Sometimes happy, sometimes nervous
Sometimes sad with a little anger
When I get mad, my anger's one letter short from spelling danger
Girl left me for another guy
I don't know why
Got me feeling psycho
Got my adrenaline super turbo charged nitro
This is how my thoughts go

Well, bye bye bye
Then, die die die
Never want you coming back...darling
Well, bye bye bye
Then, die die die
You got me humming smack...heartbroken

Then I start choking on things to say to you
But it's all over now, nothing I can do
Laid back in my Beck shirt
It's the blue collar around the neck shirt
Two turntables and a microphone
There's a few people I want to disown
Wish I had a mic to blurt out some insults
Get rid of all this aggression that is so pent up
Feels like I've been in a car crash
My entire body feels so smashed
I guess it's all this heartache and heartbreak
It sure ain't a piece of cake
My cousin Dusty says I don't know psycho
What does he know?
I'm going to take it farther than he'd ever go

Well, bye bye bye
Then, die die die
Never want you coming back...darling
Well, bye bye bye
Then, die die die
You got me humming smack...heartbroken

And the music plays so softly
My last few threads of sanity end abruptly
All of this over her?
Doesn't leave me feeling so sure
She's not worth it
I no longer give a shit
I feel my sanity return
Another life lesson has been learned
And life goes on, life goes on
Maybe not as fun, but life goes on
Sit up on my bed wiser than before
Crossed a new path, opened a new door
Thought I was feeling psycho
Felt like I couldn't let go
I feel different now so
End this night on a positive note

No more being heartbroken
I'll get by without you
Don't need you darling
I'll find a way through
I'll get by without you


State of Mine
9/10/00

One month has gone by
Seems like it was only yesterday
Tried to get my words together
To have something good to say
When they came out
They didn't sound as good as I wish they had
But you still went out with me
And I'm so glad
That I asked you

One month has gone by
Everything feels so right
It all worked out fine
Could it be fate this time?
Georgia is a state of mine

Being with you
I can never seem to get tired
Looked into your eyes
And you smiled
I hold onto you
And I never want to let go
Always think about you
Always want to be with you, Georgia Hope

One month has gone by
It all worked out just right
Now it's going so fast
Not living in the past
Could it be fate this time?
Georgia is a state of mine


I'm Burning
9/10/00

Feelings for the old flame
Have finally died down
They're no longer there
She's no longer around
A new fire's burning
It can't be put out
The feelings I have for her
Are just too stout

I let the flames lick me
Scar me with their energy
Consume me with their intensity
Cover me for eternity
Feels too good to put out

The old fire used to be powerful
It seemed to be very strong
Burned me with it's fury
I burned for too long
Didn't know it was destroying me
I was really burning in hell
She soon got tired of me
And put someone else under her spell

Torturing me
Licked by flames of agony
It was too painful for me
But I was set free
And found a fire to nourish me

I was scarred with nowhere to go
Seemed like I had nowhere to turn
Then I found her
Something began to burn
A new fire resurrected from ashes
Of feelings I once felt before
She and I became engulfed in the flames
And I felt the feelings more than I ever had before
The fire's still going
The flames are still growing
Feels to good to put out

I let the flames lick me
Scar me with their energy
Consume me with their intensity
Cover me for eternity
Feels too good to put out


Bad Day
7/25/00

Back away from me
Don't touch me
Just leave me alone
I don't want to hear it
Don't want to face it
I don't care anymore
All of this is crashing on me
All of it at once
I don't need it
I don't need this
I don't need you
I don't wanna be pissed
But now I am!
Because of you

So that brings me to why
Why am I always the bad guy?
Do things right, do things to keep you happy, but you still want me to die
The sensitive thing would be to cry
My friends want me to go get high
The fags would love it if I was bi...ewwww
But I just want to fly, that bright blue sky
Blue as my mood, I'm feeling bad
As the color alludes to, nothing I can do, nothing is new
Everything is old, and it sure as hell isn't gold, it's mold
It's dead, it's a gun to my head, it's what that teacher said
I'm no good, always knocking on wood, always wishing I could
But I won't, all I hear is "don't"
All I want to do is yell, but that won't get me out of this hell
Nothing is well, hope will always fail, coffin's final nail
And I'm pissed!
This is a bad day


I'm Still Here
8/1/00

I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

Sunshine lit me up
It was bright, very beautiful, I could see
Sunshine's gone away
Now it's dark, black, back to the old me
Something feels so wrong
My nights are just too long
Wish it was daylight again
Wish the sunshine was bright again
Wish I could live again
Wish I could have fun again
But I'm stuck here again

I'm still here
I'm still here
Something old to fear
Nothing left to embrace
Darkness fills the empty space
I miss the sunshine on my face

Clouds cover me up
Dark, gray, they're used to me
Maybe the sunshine was just a dream
Maybe I was always here, and here is where I'll always be
Something that seemed so right
Has been taken away
Maybe I didn't put much a fight
So I guess I'll just have to stay...
Here

I'm still here
I'm still here
Something old to fear
Nothing left to embrace
Darkness fills the empty space
I miss the sunshine on my face


She Doesn't Love Me
7/29/00

I've been with her
For a very good while now
We've had our problems
But we've never thrown in the towel
Guess you could say
That we really care a lot
You could say that I love her
But when it comes to me, she does not
I guess it's just one of those things that you gotta get used to
One of those things,you gotta give time and hope it grows
One of those things that's painful to go through
But that's just how life goes.....
For me

She doesn't love me
But I think she may care
I want her to love me
But life isn't fair
I wish she'd say she loves me
But I don't think I ever will
She doesn't love me
And this pain will never heal

Just want things to be different
Wish they were better
Don't want to lose her
I want us to stay together
I want us to stay together
And I hope it lasts forever


Email: theenddecay@hotmail.com