Bobby was both a delight and a
heartbreak for us and the rest of his family but we all
loved him desperately. He had a certain charisma about him that made
you forgive him for all his indiscretions. He fought his own special
battles and lived his own private hell without realizing that those who
loved him felt the same anguish as he did simply because of their deep
love for him.
There was never anything selfish
about Bobby nor did he ever intentionally harm anyone. It was as
though something was driving him at breakneck speed towards this early
grave. His father and I mentioned to him several times that
"no good can come from this road you are traveling"... but our
words went unheeded. We tried to counsel him and even managed to get
him started in Narcotics and Alcohol Anonymous but he refused to commit
himself to a higher power and stopped attending the meetings. He
felt as though he was indestructible and taunted death every chance he
got. If he wasn't jumping off train bridges he was rock diving or
rock climbing or sky-diving or racing motorcycles or free diving off the
shores of Maui, Hawaii. It was always something dangerous and he
seemed to thrive on the danger. He never knew the meaning of caution
or fear.
Bobby was a warm loving
individual and would do anything for anyone. He'd literally give you
the shirt off his back in freezing weather. He had a gift of
laughter and a smile that would warm the coldest heart. His sense of
humor would make you forgive his complete lack of responsibility.
He spoke to me many times of his
unhappiness and inability to control his life and he more or less accepted
the living nightmare he had created for himself because of his drug
addiction. He felt he was powerless to control the hold it had on
him and he accepted the inevitable fate he knew awaited him and others
like him.
Bobby realized how very
much he was loved but he never really understood the effect he had on all the lives he
touched. People always loved having him around because of the gift
of laughter he brought with him and his wonderful carefree
nature... He never burdened anyone with his own personal problems.
He always kept everything inside except for those times when he and I would
share his pain together.
Bobby and I had a very special
relationship and a bond that will continue throughout eternity. We
cried together, laughed freely with each other, and shared our innermost
thoughts. On those dark nights when his anguish would overcome him I
would cradle him in my arms while he wept and then we would spend
the rest of the night talking quietly , trying to keep the darkness from
engulfing him again. His pain broke my heart and he would always end
up telling me "this time it'll be different Mom,.... you'll
see"... and I'd just smile and say how glad I was, all the time
knowing this would be like all the other times he had promised me it would
be different. I always hoped though, that maybe
this time would be
different.
My only solace is knowing that my
beloved son is finally at peace and the pain he suffered here on earth has
ceased to plague him. He is in his Fathers house now and the heavens
are alive with his contagious laughter.
Fly free my beautiful son,.....
spread your wings and Fly!
Written by:
Connie Starr,
Loving Mother
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