DL: Hello, you're listening to Dr. Laura, that's 1-800-D-R-L-A-U-R-A, Dan Mandis is our engineer, somebody the temp service sent over today screens your calls, and me, I am my kid's mom. Kurt, what's your moral dilemma?

C: Hello, Dr. Laura? My name is Kurt, from St. Louis, and....

DL: I don't want to know what country you're calling from, Kurt

C: Well, I was trying to decide whether I should continue pursuing my dream of being a professional athlete, or just forget about it.

DL: Are you married, Kurt? Do you have kids?

C: Yes, I married a woman I met in college, she's older than me...

DL: What do you mean, she's older than you? What the hell is that about? Don't you know these intergenerational things don't work out? They're sick, they're perverted. I was telling Marianne Williamson that just a few months ago, and I got in trouble for it, like I always do, but....

C: But she's only four years older...

DL: DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! She's older, and it's not going to work. So did you make any babies with this slut of yours?

C: Well, she has two kids from a previous marriage....

DL: What kind of idiot does something like that? Why would you take on someone else's problems? That's never good, it's always trouble, it doesn't work...

C: Well, one of them has brain damage, and I adopted them both...

DL: QUIT CHANGING THE FACTS ON ME!!!! Why don't you tell me these things from the beginning? So you took on an older slut, who'd made babies with some other stud, and she throws herself at you, Mr. Big Athlete, and one of these kids is brain damaged so the kid can't testify in court when you do sick twisted pedophile things which is the only possible reason someone might want to take someone else's kids. So, what is your question for me?

C: Well, I've had a dream of being a professional football player, but I haven't had much luck. I've struggled, played in the Arena Football League. I've traveled even as far as Europe to play.

DL: So you went to Europe and abandoned these kids who YOU adopted just to satisfy your own selfish desires. Where did you go, anyway?

C: Amsterdam.

DL: AMSTERDAM??? Do you know what kind of sick, twisted things go on there? Don't you know that they have sex with animals right on the street? Don't you know that sluts and whores let you slurp up their thighs in shop windows? Don't you know that Beach Access has a franchise there? You're just a selfish, perverted kind of guy.....

C: No, no, no, it was the only place I could play. I didn't want to stay there, I wanted to come back to the U.S. and play in the NFL, and I think I can get a job with the Rams, but I've been struggling so hard, and I was wondering if I should just go back to that job stocking shelves at the local grocery store?

DL: Kurt, you took these kids on, right? You have a responsibility to them. You're a man. You're not supposed to be happy. You're not supposed to have any dreams. Quit whining, take it like a man, and go back to the grocery store.

OK, that's 1-800-D-R-L-A-U-R-A, Chris, what's your question for me.....

Mitch

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