Copyright 2000, 2001 Terry Washington aka Phoenixx 1048 W Winona 3E Chicago IL 60640-3125 773-561-0737 HTTP://members.tripod.com/~mdars/experiences/ter.htm HTTP://www.angelfire.com/journal/archer/index.html phoenixx100@hotmail.com This file was last updated on Wednesday, April 11th, 2001 at 2:17pm. [continued from the file TER3.TXT] --- stem.log Think about it Tue Aug 29 2000 Another long period of time has passed, where I haven't produced any LOG files. As I have said before, sometimes I just don't feel like keeping up with writing about my perceptions, experiences and opinions, because it kind of wears on my nerves after a while. Various things have happened, but really, I pretty much have decided to leave out most of the details of my personal life (in these files) from now on, because I've been keeping that data in another series of documents. I have gotten a better hold on what I was thinking about (a month or so ago), regarding the very peculiar spiritual characteristics that many women exhibit, and what I believe is indicated by this. I could take the time to go into agonizing detail, but I won't, because I have another of my pounding headaches (this one isn't really all that bad, but still...), so I'll just gloss over it for now. This is a topic that really deserves a thorough treatment, because of (what I believe is, at least) the great importance of these issues. Maybe I'll take a few minutes to try and think about these matters some more. Well, if I just go ahead and write what's on my mind right now, it won't do these concepts justice, and I might even seem as though I don't know exactly what I'm talking about (and I feel strongly that I do). Perhaps it would be better to wait until I've thought all of this through some more, before writing any more about it. --- anime.log A handful of answers Sun Sep 10 2000 You know, I was just inspired to write down some particularly intriguing thoughts that were just running through my mind a few moments ago, but now that I have actually fired up the text editor, they have utterly vanished. I am left with a range of thoughts that seem to be largely trivial. Still, they are worthy to be recorded, I think... Man, people that never go scrounging through big city dumpsters just don't know what amazing stuff can be found! The list of excellent items that I have harvested from the filthy bins over the years, is very long. I cannot help but thank God for leading me in the right directions, and allowing me to discover such a wonderful bounty of abandoned treasures. I really wish that I could recall exactly what I was originally thinking of. I don't usually have problems with my short-term memory (heh), and it aggravates me when my thoughts just dissipate without warning. Urg. I sincerely believe that nothing truly good can be done in human affairs, without the help of God. Even though there is mounting opposition to Christianity here in America (and in the West in general), it seems obvious to me that the power of God's will directed through the actions of true believers is still powerfully in effect. Paradoxically, I often see very definite manifestations of the Spirit of God in some very immoral people and situations, as well as in people that aren't actual Christians. This is very encouraging to me, because I see that God doesn't restrict His movements exclusively within the body of Christ. I feel that it is possible that a great many people that do not now consider themselves to be Christians will eventually be saved and delivered into the Lord's Kingdom. I could attempt to explain in detail why exactly I feel that this is so, but I am trying to avoid being tedious. Much of my writing is maddeningly tedious, and it annoys me. Now I remember. This is a very old set of thoughts that I have had over the years, relating to the fact that there currently isn't really (and never has been) a lot of Asian influence in the popular music industry. I'm sure that I have already written about this in other files, but I think that it bears repeating, especially because I never have elaborated on why I feel that this is an unfortunate reality. Now, before I go on, i want to say a few things about the Western tendency to over-romanticize certain aspects of various Eastern cultures. Many of us over here would like to believe that there are 'better' people and cultures existent elsewhere on the planet, and invariably, our imaginations usually settle on some of the Asiatic cultural groups and civilizations. Many of us sense a deep shame and disaffection with the underlying framework of American and Western culture. The disassociation that often results from these negative feelings is what creates the illusion of superiority of some of the Asiatic cultures. It's a funny thing too, because it seems as thought the situation is somewhat mirrored within many of the Asiatic cultures. Many of them seem to believe that we are are somehow 'superior' to them. For instance... I find evidence of this in many different areas - especially notable is the fact that almost all of the Japanese anime programs seem to depict (nearly) exclusively Caucasoid races of people, with no discernible Asian features. No broad faces, slanted eyes or tinged skin hues are presented. This doesn't exactly disturb me, but it seems to be indicative of a kind of 'Western worship' that I find to be extremely disagreeable. As a Western person myself, I know that there are many things that are 'wrong' with our cultures, and it makes me feel queasy to realize that some of the Eastern people seem to be utterly deceived by the attractive physical front of Western civilization. I like myself, our civilization, and what we have been able to accomplish here over the centuries, but I certainly do not wish to be worshipped in any way. It seems somewhat insulting to me that some of the Asiatic people would focus so intently on Western biological forms and cultural conventions, to the exclusion of the Asiatic people, their heritage, and their unique personality traits and physical features. This saddens me, because it makes me feel that the cultures that I am 'calling on the carpet' about this don't have sufficient regard for themselves and their background. Perhaps it has something to do with the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Maybe that is why some of the Japanese seem to exalt American and Western culture. I really don't know. I wish that they'd include some Asiatic (and other cultural groups) racial forms in their cartoons. This has been circulating in my subconscious mind for a very long time. I'm glad that I remembered it. --- velvet.log It's a secret Mon Sep 18 2000 There are many issues that I have been contemplating over the past few months. I have had some fairly serious problems with despair over the sorry condition of my personal life, but I've also (as usual) been doing even more internal hand-wringing over what I consider to be some incredibly sad, deeply entrenched societal problems. As I have mentioned in other files, I know that the abstract dynamics of most of the social ills that I am so disturbed about, aren't really anything 'new on the scene,' but, I remain convinced that those same old wicked traditions, in combination with some of the new technological paradigms of this age, are developing in directions that ultimately will result in far greater forms of darkness than have ever before been manifested in this current age. Convincing people of this isn't easy, for there appears to be a great ignorance, regarding some of the more fantastic aspects of recent technological developments. Even when the very best information is readily available to anyone that wants to do the research, once the proper evidence has been accumulated, I believe that many folks choose to ignore the negative implications, rather than submit themselves to the heavy shock of consciously acknowledging what has been happening, and what probably lies further along down the road. I sincerely believe, that in the foreseeable future, that we will quite literally have a completely fascist state here, with a very small, elite group of people wielding an incredible degree of psycho-spiritual control over the largely unaware masses. I am certain that this is a very real, very ugly possibility, and it has bothered me immensely to consider this as constantly as I have been. True, I am not alone in my worries - there are a great many other people that are concerned about these (and other) possibilities; but largely, the voices of those of us that are trying to bring about a more general awareness of these matters have been ignored or squelched and/or marginalized in various ways. That there needs to be serious debate about such issues seems extremely obvious to me, because of some of the incredibly odd experiences that I've had over the past decade, some of which, I believe, possibly may have involved some degree of psychotronic manipulation. I can't say for sure, but it seems to be likely, because of the involuntary nature of some of what I believe has been imposed upon me. If I, and the others that have suffered through similar ordeals, are correct in our estimation re these horrid 'situations' - that some or all of them have been artificially generated using advanced particle beam technologies, well then, you can best believe that these are extremely important issues, that very badly need to be brought to light, and openly discussed throughout the general media. If this sinister technology truly exists (and I certainly believe that it does), the public needs to know about it, otherwise the chance of that heavy-duty fascist state developing is very good. If the reality of the existence of psychotronic technology, and the implications of its misuse, aren't made crystal clear, I am certain that such power will ultimately be used to further the inhuman purposes of the vilest enemies of God. One very dismaying thing to consider, is the possibility that some of the current abusers of the technology may actually fancy themselves to somehow be the agents of God. They may actually believe that these horribly manipulative scenarios that they are imposing upon victims such as myself are somehow consonant with the will of the Lord. I do not believe that God is willing these sickening evils to be perpetrated upon anyone. I am almost completely sure that Satan and his family are behind what has been being directed by the psychotronic technology war criminals. Their totalitarian conspiracy must end, or there will be far greater evils facing the true people of God in the very near future. I believe that many true Christians are literally being 'delivered up to affliction' - blatantly martyred, via this powerful new technology. The ironic thing about it, is that many of the people that are being harmed by these new weapons systems, know practically nothing, in a technical sense, about what is happening to them. We are told in the Bible, that everyone that refuses to worship the Beast and his image, will be put to death. That appears to be what is beginning to happen, although very covertly, at first. It's hard to be objective about any of this, having been personally subjected to such an extremely terrible ordeal (that I believe, at times, has involved a significant degree of psychotronic manipulation) over the past five or so years. I am utterly angry about what has happened to me, and the fact that so few people seem to realize the great evil and injustice of it. Being irate has mostly been a waste of energy for me, and it has only seemed to increase the mirth of they that are cognizant of my experience. Again, as I have also mentioned in other files, I also find that many aspects of this evil ordeal of mine to be very funny, hilarious even. But my awareness of the humorous side of all of this doesn't at all decrease my awareness of the serious issues. That this particular 'happening' is so endlessly and infernally 'funny' should be a cause of very great concern for all thinking people. Why is it that so few folks seem to be able to get to the marrow of these sinister manipulations? If I am correct about these disgusting, artificially (psychotronically) imposed 'vvents' being somehow connected with the prophesied endtime 'Mark of the Beast' and 'Mystery Babylon' paradigms discussed in Revelation, doesn't it seem right for everyone to carefully consider these matters? If the 'Beast' and his minions are eventually going to 'mark' the entire world, as we are told in Revelation, doesn't it make sense for those of us that consider ourselves to be true Christians to think about some kind of strategy for preventing such evils from germinating and spreading across the globe? We are told that all people that accept the Mark of the Beast are going to be eternally destroyed, along with Satan and his angels and demons, at the end of Christ's millennial rule. I not only believe that this is so - I actually have personal knowledge of the truth of it. I also know that if it weren't for the mercy of God, provided for me through Jesus Christ, that there is a very good chance that I would be headed towards eternal destruction myself. It really is endlessly disturbing to me that so few people seem to fully recognize the significance of 'bowing' to Satan and his representatives. In the New Testament, a parable is put forth that analogizes the work of the Lord, and also that of Satan, as farmers sowing seed in the field of the Earth. I have mentioned this somewhere before, I think, but it bears repeating. One crop is sown by the devil, and the other by the Lord; both of them grow together throughout the course of history. The 'bad seeds' are described as tares, which are to be bundled together at the end of the age, and then cast together into a fiery furnace. The good seeds are the 'wheat,' which is ultimately gathered into what is called the Lord's 'barn.' I believe that these simple analogies are extremely important to keep in mind. The devil is no joke, and neither is the Lord, of course. The devil's people are going to be literally destroyed - eternally. There is nothing 'cool' about them, and where they are going. God's people really are going to inherit eternal life and joy beyond description. I know these things to be absolutely true. The allegiances that we make right now, will have great bearing on our eternal fate. --- pandora.log As simple as that Mon Oct 2 2000 There have been many times over the years when I have felt that it would be good to write about my personal interpretations of various different unusual spiritual topics. In fact, I have often felt strongly compelled to do so, but oddly, many times when I was ready to begin writing, another feeling would arrive, one that indicated that it might not be a good idea to continue. This has continually happened to me, often in instances when I felt highly clear-minded and 'inspired.' There are two basic theories that I have about why this has been so. On the one hand, it might be possible that some of what I never wrote about was genuinely worth scrawling out for others to consider; on the other hand, maybe some of what I've refrained from recording is actually erroneous to some degree. I am constantly wondering about whether or not my perceptions are correct or incorrect. As I've mentioned many times in the past, we are warned in the New Testament about the powerful deceptions that are to prevail in the latter days. After all of the extremely bizarre experiences I've been through, I feel very strongly that there indeed are many forces of deception at work at this time. Of course, such forces have been at play all throughout history, but it seems that a great amplification of error has been taking place in recent times. As worried as I am about being wrong about some of the interpretations that I have been trying to put forth, I feel that it is better to risk being somewhat in error, than to never outline my speculations on certain aspects of Biblical prophecy. Much of what I have been considering has never been written down, for many reasons. I am going to try and unload as much of it as possible over the next few weeks. Some of my personal theories are unique, I believe, although aspects of them can be found in the writings and statements of other Christian theorists. Really, I think many people internally wonder about many of the issues that I'd like to cover, but things like political correctness prevent them from doing so. Also, it's hard to write about some of these matters objectively, which is essential, when attempting to reach the widest audience of thinkers, from what I know. Personal emotionalism can severely interfere with important analytical procedures. Also, as grandiose as it might seem to many people, I have had long sequences of coincidences, synchronicities, serendipities, etcetera, over the course of the past ten or so years, that have led me to believe that there may be some degree of urgency and importance to conveying (at least some of) what I have gone through over the past decade, and what I feel it may mean. But again, I am very concerned about whether or not I have been misled in certain regards, because I sincerely do not wish to be responsible for misleading the minds and souls of others. So, I must humbly request that the reader carefully consider the entirety of what I have produced, and to ask God about the validity of what is contained within these writings. Frankly, I honestly believe that I was being heavily influenced by evil spiritual forces during the construction of parts of my book of poetry (Odhinn Voodoo Buddha). Also, it might be enlightening for the reader to learn that more than half of that book was written during the six-month period between my first encounter with the two people that poisoned me, and my later realization of the fact that I had 'missing time' to account for. Many of the internal spiritual experiences that I had during that time were extremely unusual, involving what seemed to be an extraterrestrial element, and a lot of powerful spiritual impressions. It is truly very strange to consider all of that in retrospect, because, again, I had no idea at all about what those Mystery Babylon people had done to me. Really, I still don't, exactly. Anyhow, I feel that it is important for me to chronicle these matters, so that there will be as little confusion as possible in the minds of people that may peruse these documents in the future. It's very tedious, writing about this stuff. But it may be important, ultimately. There have been times when I have felt that God really is communicating with me, but I am loathe to convey some of what I feel has been transmitted to me. One thing that I don't mind mentioning, is that not long ago, I felt that the Lord was trying to tell me that what He wants me to do is almost impossible. An empirical attempt at explaining what I feel that might be is too much for me to begin right now, but I'm sure that a few people might already 'get it.' At the risk of sounding self-important, I feel that the Lord might want me to help Him explain to people that will listen, exactly why He is going to eventually levy such heavy-duty destruction upon the world. It has everything to do with our perpetuation of these evil systems of 'tradition,' which have everything to do intercourse between normal human and demonic souls. Those traditions, which are found in all cultures in various forms, are used to effect spiritual unions between evil spirits and mankind. The evil spirits cannot fully interact in human affairs, unless the ritualistic evils that I have been speaking against, continue to be practiced. Such perverse abominations are the 'deep things of Satan,' their spiritual goal being the insertion of Satan's spiritual children (the demons and rebel angels) into human bodies. That's it, basically. Well no, wait, there's more. What I believe, is that after a certain point (probably after the Body of Christ is removed from the world), the people that have demons controlling them will no longer be able to resist them, and essential, they will become demons themselves, having completely lost their souls to the evil creatures. Whether or not one accepts even the lightest spiritual allegiance with the forces of darkness, I believe, will determine whether or not one's soul is eventually utterly usurped by the forces of Satan. Here is where the mystery of why the Lord will be rejecting many people that have been outwardly seeming to serve Him, and yet behind closed doors, have been shamefully serving Satan and his human representatives in infernal pacts of demonic submission, in the hopes of maintaining their worldly status and power. Those must be the people that are spoken of in the book of Jude - they that are 'ordained to this condemnation.' Remember that Satan tried to get Jesus to 'fall down and worship him,' and promised our Lord all of the kingdoms of the world in return. Have you ever really thought about that? It seems likely that after such a major turning point (the Rapture), that the most powerful deceptions might be forthcoming. That will be the time when all of the advanced technology that is waiting in the wings will be fully deployed for the Satanic miracles that will be used to fool many people into the arms of whatever false scenario the Satanic hierarchy has been stirring up. No bones about it, there really is a world conspiracy of wicked sorcerers, witches, etcetera, and they really are stirring bubbly cauldrons of foul-smelling brews. Many such folks are involved in utterly nasty practices. What they do for 'power' is very distasteful. The stench of it is all about. What you must remember, is that nearly all of the sinister conspirators are heavily beset with demonic and/or fallen angelic spirits, that are very, very real. They are absolutely not imaginary. Many occultists that believe that they have 'developed' certain mystical or psychic powers, in actuality have simply had energetic evil spirits attached to them, either through deliberate practice of arcane rituals, or inadvertently, through association with people and organizations that are rife with them. I have written about how I feel that those spirits may be able to 'leap' from one person to another, if conditions are spiritually favorable in the new prospect. It pains me to realize that these things are so obvious, and yet so difficult to get others to believe. Denial of the reality of the mechanics of evil certainly will not make things better. We need to focus on the specific details that are responsible for the horror of the bigger picture. If we have a bunch of goofy, gleefully chattering 'Christian' people, that are allowing some incredibly base antichristian activities to take place right in front of their eyes, with no complaints whatsoever, what does that indicate to you? Something good? Christians that will not move a muscle to prevent the spread of the Mark of the Beast and Mystery Babylon system? That not only tolerate it, but often seem to fervently embrace and advocate it? I just don't get it. --- psyche.log Flying through the air Tue Oct 3 2000 Because of the highly unusual nature of some of the experiences that I've had over the past decade or so, I have felt that it might be better to not record some of them. However, after giving it a lot of thought over the past few years, I have decided to write about some of them, at least. I have made mention of this in the file preceding this one, and perhaps in others as well. Much of what I'd like to convey has a lot more to do with the framework of how I have perceived these occurrences, rather than the actual events themselves. This is very hard to explain, at least to my satisfaction. What I am trying to say, is that my subsequent reactions to some of the weird situations seems to me to be slightly more important than what happened. This attempt at an explanation still feels awkward and clumsy, but that's the simplest way that I can put it into words. I'll now try a more complex approach. People that haven't had any powerfully strange events take place in their lives might have a hard time understanding and/or believing what I'm trying to say. Intense spiritual weirdness in your personal life has a way of stretching your mind outward into new realms of possibility. Theories that might have once seemed impossible or even unthinkable, can suddenly become much more plausible, after having certain types of unprecedented events occur in one's life. In other words, the resulting changes in my consciousness that occurred after some of these events transpired, ultimately means more to me than the initial situations. Also, the fact that many of the events were followed by several mini-events or series of interrelated synchronicities, often has added impact and validation to the actual occurrences. Again, all of this seems very tedious and wordy to me (and I am sure, to the reader), but I am determined to try and detail as much as possible about what exactly has happened to me, and what my initial and subsequent reactions have been. This is as much for myself, as it is for anyone else that might be curious, because my thoughts and feelings have often been eery jumbled and chaotic, even oscillating between extremely opposite poles of opinion. I would like to clarify my final interpretations of all of this, again, for my own benefit, as well as perhaps that of others. I may not be able to do this anywhere near as well as I'd like to, but I'm going to try. Of course, there is always the possibility that certain people (particularly those that have never had any paranormal experiences themselves, and also those that have, but are in denial about them) might decide to try and label me as a psychologically unsound person, or something along those lines. I am not worried about that, because I know that I am sane, and many other people also fully understand this. Basically, I am writing this for the benefit of the concerned people that will carefully read and consider what it is that I have been trying to convey, and then judiciously come to their own estimation of what it means to them personally, in light of their own unusual perceptions and personal life experiences. Man, is this ever wearisome, right? When am I ever going to get to the point? Well, soon, hopefully. I just want to take a very long time to warm up to the idea of doing this, because I have put it off for so long. I'm still not really sure if this is the right way to proceed. If I am right about some of my interpretations, I believe that it could mean that many people would be very intensely disturbed. But that may well be necessary for things to improve, if it's at all possible, because, believe me, I have often been so completely depressed by some of my perceptions, that I have felt that there was no hope at all left for the immediate future of mankind. I have prayed that the Lord would help me to write about these matters, and I hope that He will, because I am sincerely hoping that some of the conclusions that I have reached are actually correct. I don't think that the truth can be truly understood, outside of the will of God, and so, if there is any truth at all to some or all of what I believe might be possible regarding the 'bigger picture,' God has to be involved in some form or fashion. And many of the conclusions that I have reached seem to be backed up by various Biblical passages, although, as usual, many folks might believe that I am reading way too much into particular segments of text. I am not going to try and outline these thoughts that I have been having - rather, I am going to sort of randomly 'pull them out of the hat,' if you will. Then again, maybe I will organize them somewhat. I will continue along with this in the next file. --- ryoko.log Hell hath enlarged herself Thu Oct 5 2000 Before I launch into the details of the particularly unusual psycho-spiritual situations that I have referred to in previous files, I'd like to spend some time writing about some of the beliefs and theories that I have developed over the past decade or so, many of which have a lot to do with my reactions to what has happened to me throughout the same time period. I will try to remain as objective as possible, in my attempts to codify exactly what it is that I have been feeling, but there will be times when it will be apparent that my perspective is heavily influenced by personal emotionalism. This is unavoidable, as many of the issues that I want to write about have been charged with intense, often somewhat indefinable personal feelings. It would be nice to always remain aloof from the cloudiness of personal emotionalism, but maybe it's better to allow for it at times, because it may provide for a truer perspective. Most of what I hope to be able to adequately describe has gone unrecorded because of the fact that there was such a great emotional charge involved. I don't think that the reader can come to a complete understanding of the entirety of what I'd like to convey, without knowing more about some of these additional experiences, that I have neglected to chronicle thus far. There is a great temptation in my mind to 'beat around the bush,' to obfuscate somewhat, in order to avoid the touchier details of some of the conclusions that I have reached. But this wouldn't be wise, I don't think - it'll be far better for me to be as honest as I can bear to be, and just say exactly what I mean. I have hinted about many of the opinions that I have, and some people may feel that they know already know a lot about some of what will be discussed. Remember, right now, I'd like to discuss some of the conclusions that I have reached, as a result of various personal experiences I've had over the past ten or so years. Individual experiences invariably shape personal perspective, and I am sure that there may be people that have had entirely inverse experiences, and formulated completely contrary views. Please keep in mind that I am only one, very imperfect person, a sinner just like everyone else, and that I don't necessarily value my opinions over anyone else's. I just feel that it's my right to be able to slap down my views on the table, so that others can consider them. Some of what I believe, I will not discuss at this time, because I am convinced that some people are just not ready to seriously consider certain possibilities. I believe that some things just have to be worked out between the hearts of particular individuals and God, if there is communion there. It would be irresponsible for me to attempt to act as a go-between, to try and spark that kind of communication. We are told in the Bible that nobody can come to the Father, unless He draws them to Himself. I firmly believe that I truly have been drawn to the Father, and that a great part of why I have gone through some of the negative experiences that I have, has to do with the fact that I definitely know this (and also because of the fact that I am still imperfect, sinful and slightly stupid). But, to make it perfectly clear, I really do believe that this is not about me, primarily. I am just trying to get as many people as possible to carefully consider certain possibilities, in light of what is detailed in various Biblical passages. To do this right, I really should provide specific correlations between some of what I will write, and particular scriptural passages; but I am going to try and avoid doing this, because I'd like as many non-Christians as possible to consider the possibilities, and if they are moved to look for the references, I'd like them to do some of the hunting on their own, because they'll derive great satisfaction from searching through the Bible themselves. Most of what I'm trying to bring across can be summed up in a paragraph or two, so maybe I'm being far too dramatic, in getting to the meat of the matter. I know for sure that God is real, and that Jesus Christ really is the Son of God, and that there truly will be a future time on this world where Christ will rule over the entire planet. I know for a fact that there is nothing at all that anyone can do to 'qualify' for membership in the Lord's kingdom, outside of the exercise of humble faith in the promise of salvation given to us by God, through Christ. These are the basic, and most cheerful, facts that I feel everyone really needs to know. Now, as regards all of the other stuff, much of it isn't all that cheerful, and unlike the complete confidence that I have in the preceding statements that I have made, there is a degree of doubt to some of the additional topics that I'd like to discuss. I know that there really is a very real Satan, and that there there are evil spirits that serve him, popularly known as demons and/or fallen angels. Of that, I an certain, but here is where the doubt arrives: whether or not certain people, by reason of their 'acceptance' of certain demonic traditions (that I have already discussed very extensively in many other files), have become intimately bound to the ultimate fate of Satan and his spiritual family. This is the central internal debate that I have been having with myself (and God) over the past few years. We are never told exactly what Mystery Babylon is in the Bible, but we are given enough abstract clues (the harlot, the beast, the golden cup of filthiness and fornication) to get to a general understanding of 'what it is.' The deep sadness that I have been feeling over the past few years, has everything to do with the fact that it seems to be more understandable than ever before, particularly here in America, but that the general population seems to be completely buried in denial about it. In fact, many people seem to equate (what I believe to be) the Mystery Babylon system with everything that is good about the United States. In fact, it actually appears that many, many people seem to believe that those sickening abominations (as outlined in various places throughout scripture) are the 'American Way.' Pshaw. Incredibly, one can actually be accused of being a Communist or worse, if one dares to speak against the evils of what some call the 'Old Boy network.' Even though the aforementioned network is only a part of what I believe is wrong with our nation and world, it is extremely significant, for many reasons. Basically, what I believe about this network, is that the people that are led into the fraternal traps that I have been strenuously speaking against, become demonized, in the literal sense. In other words, something about the horror of what is, apparently, routinely administered to the men and (lately, I suspect) women that undergo the vile initiations required for 'membership' in one or another of these various tribes of spiritual authority, creates a light to heavy state of demonic control over almost all of the people that have been through these terrible experiences. I am sure that most of the honest people that have been through these ordeals would wholeheartedly agree with me. However, some would remain in utter denial, and I'm telling you, those people would probably be the most demonically controlled of all. Obviously, at least to me, the Mystery Babylon system has been used in this nation very powerfully all throughout its history, but especially over the past few decades. It now appears that the greater potion of our authorities are under the spiritual influence of these miserable traditions. How have things arrived a such a pretty pass? Well, my theory is that Satan, as usual, starts with the very weakest members of societies that he wants to better control, and then works his way up into the higher echelons of authority. Once the majority of authorities of a particular nation have been Satanically 'converted,' then the exercise of virtually any type of governmental evil is possible, because of the fact that so many authorities are being Satanically inhabited. A crucial part (perhaps the most crucial) of how this all continues along without interruption, is that all of the affected authorities are strongly encouraged to remain in denial of the problem. Not to 'tell,' that is. Because of the sophistication of Satan and the legions of spirit creatures under his control, it seems that many people have their 'conversions' imposed upon them in ways that harmonize symbolically with various sinful conditions within their present and/or past, so oftentimes, what has actually happened to them, and the real meaning of it, doesn't become immediately apparent. We must consider that the Lord ultimately determines the scope of Satan's operational parameters. God lets or restrains the flow of all evil; in fact, He indicate to us in various scriptural passages, that it is He that actually creates evil. I feel that it is because of the sins of many individuals, that God has allowed the gradual rise of certain complex, institutional evils. What I personally fear the most, is the possibility that the Lord will not put the kibosh on evil this time, and let it flower up into the ultimate end-time manifestations that He has warned us about in the Bible. I am not worried about my own salvation, because I am sure of that, thanks to the Lord. What I am concerned about, in the immediate sense, is the spiritual fate of my family and friends, and beyond that, of the people of the world in general. Jesus told us that the gospel would have to be proclaimed all throughout the world before the end would come, and it seems that has nearly been accomplished. There are very few areas on this planet with majorities of people that haven't been reached to some degree by the gospel. Interestingly, Revelation indicates that during a certain phase of the Tribulation, an angel will fly through the heavens proclaiming loudly the imminence of the arrival of God's kingdom, so anyone that wouldn't have heard the gospel by then will have yet another chance. Also, there will be a large number of special witnesses (144,000 literal Jews, some believe; others think that the witnesses will be descendants of the twelve tribes of Israel, some of which are now equivalent to certain unique national groups) reserved for the spreading of the gospel during the Tribulation. I know that the Lord is seriously interested in the salvation of as many souls as possible. Getting back to the discussion of demonized authority structures - why exactly would the Lord allow for the installation of such? Well, again, it appears to have everything to do with our refusal to cease from sinning, at the individual level. We are given many examples in the Bible of situations where the Lord Himself installed cruel tyrants (such as Nebuchadnezzar) as heads of state. Trying to find answers as to why God, who I personally know is truly very loving, would allow this, isn't easy, but again, I believe it comes down to the willingness of individual citizens to repent of their sins. It really is a kind of Catch-22 situation: those awful traditions prevail, because of the general sinfulness of the people, and the sinful state of the civilization progresses and worsens because of the prevalence of those traditions. What is most scary to me, is the comfort level that many people seem to have with those wicked practices. It's almost as though people are completely unable to realize the blatant devilishness that those traditions are all about. Concerning Mystery Babylon ritualism, most people seem to think that it's just 'the way things are.' Even many Christians largely seem to feel that way, as I have mentioned before. Well, I want to ask the people that feel that way, and that also consider themselves to be Christians, whether or not they feel the Lord approves of their approval of those traditions. Does any honest Christian really believe that the Lord wants the Body of Christ to 'accept' those demonic practices? I don't think that real Christians should participate in those rituals, and if they are imposed upon them, I certainly believe that they should protest. Christians that submit to those evils are submitting to Satan, plain and simple, and quite possibly, to his fate, eternal damnation. If I didn't believe so strongly that this possibility was very real, I wouldn't have worn on so long and hard about it. God helped me to fully comprehend that the prospect of eternal damnation is extremely real. God allowed me to acquire a very good understanding of it, and then showed me the depth of His mercy, by delivering me from the frightening state of spiritual separation that I experienced. I cannot help but try and explain to everyone that it is truly very possible to be damned eternally, and that all people should avoid anything that would increase the possibility of being abandoned by God to that degree. Separation from the Lord is unbelievably miserable, and there really aren't words that are adequate for describing what it's like (and what it's like to know what it's like), so I won't try. Just believe me, you don't want God to reject you. Every sane person should be intensely happy about the prospect of being saved into the Lord's kingdom of eternal happiness. If the people that are going to be damned in the future could know what they are in for, I am certain that most of them would repent of their sins, and accept Christ. As I've mentioned already, only God can draw them to Himself; there's not a lot that I can do to help them, other than these feeble attempts at warnings. Demons (and the fallen angelics as well, I am assuming) are parasitic, and greedily draw from the life force of people that they inhabit. Jesus told us that some of them cannot be repelled, except through intense prayer and fasting. My perceptions indicate to me that we are in an age where there is a very high degree of ambient demonic and fallen angelic influence, and also direct possession in some cases. The main difference, as best as I can tell, between the demons and evil angels, is that, in most cases, the angelics appear to be more powerful and directive, if that makes any sense, which I'm sure it does. What I think happens, when a nation gets Satanically controlled past a certain point, is that great societal transformations become possible virtually overnight. Meaning, that the political landscape could change very dramatically from one year to the next. This, I believe, is accomplished by large-scale demonic migrations from one group of people to another, perhaps being directed by fallen angelic spirits, that are, remember, the ancient progenitors of the demonic spirits. This is what I believe happened in Nazi Germany, as well as in many of the phases of ancient world kingdoms and empires. Not only does it appear to be be possible for the demonic 'upper hand' to be shifted from one group to another within a particular nation - it also seems possible that spiritual forces from completely foreign areas can be called into play when dramatic politcal realignments take place. A good example that I can think of, to illustrate this point, is an account that I read in a book (that I believe dealt with an interesting fellow named Gurdjieff) about a Westerner that was observing a large Tibetan religious ceremony, at the exact time when Adolf Hitler rose to power within Germany. I cannot remember verbatim what was described, but the gist of it was that there were all of these Tibetan monks dancing around in the ceremony, when all of a sudden they all simultaneously fell down to the ground together and began wailing loudly in unison. When one of the monks was asked why this had happened, he explained to the observer that all of their 'gods' had left them, in order to travel to Germany. Fascinating possibilities unfold in the mind when considering this sort of thing. Although I was going to try and avoid doing so, I think that this would be a good place to discuss a few related subjects. It seems that there is far more acknowledgment of the reality of intelligent disincarnate entities in the East, than in the West. Westerners, particularly Christians, have often seemed uncomfortable discussing evil spirits and issues pertaining to them, but many Easterners seem to fully accept the reality of their existence. What disturbs me, and many other Christians, is that some Eastern cultures bestow such high regard upon certain demonic forces, that they have actually been deified in some cases, often equated with ancestors, natural forces, heavenly bodies, etcetera. Which, of course, is not to say that this hasn't also been happening throughout Western history; certainly, such practices are not uniquely Eastern, but it seems that some of the Eastern cultures have strong cultural traditions involving the reverence of violent spiritual forces going back many thousands of years. Anyone that even cursorily understands certain aspects of Oriental history (such as myself) knows this. This file has gotten a bit too large, so I'll leave off for now. --- ryo-ohki.log Crystal clear Thu Oct 5 2000 Summarizing the basic difference between the Eastern and Western view of evil spirits, I can say with a moderate degree of experience and understanding that more people in the East are generally aware of the reality of the existence of disincarnates, but in the West, the people that are fully cognizant of them, tend to be of either the secretive avant-garde or advantaged classes, or more or less ordinary folks, that are often viewed as strange by most of their contemporaries. This is an extremely simplified way of perceiving the differences between these huge cultural blocks, but I am a pretty simple guy, after all. I know well that many people in the East today are more 'Western' than some individuals over here. And we here in the Americas (and throughout much of the rest of the West as well) have undergone a long process of 'Easternization' as of late, especially throughout the past three or so decades. This is especially noticeable within some of our subcultures, at least, to the trained eye. Heh. I place high value on all world cultures, because I feel that every one of them has important perspectives and insights that others may not. The greatest cultural diversification on the planet can be found throughout the continent of Asia. Also, some of the most ancient cultures originated and still proliferate there. I feel that it really is a shame that most of us here in the West know so little about Asian people and their long and complicated histories. The same could be said of many other world cultures, but I think the biggest cultural blind spot that Westerners have, has everything to do with Asia. For instance, many Westerners do not know of the fact that almost all of what we consider to be foundational, regarding European culture, is deeply rooted in various ancient Asian civilizations. It goes way beyond our use of the Arabic numerals and the Chinese origin of paper and gunpowder. This is a very complex and involved subject, the treatment of which is far beyond the scope of what I am now discussing, and it really shouldn't be glossed over. Anyone that is interested in the subject can take it upon themselves to consult an Asian studies professor, or relevant texts. You could start by asking about Indo-European linguistic groups, Vedic culture and the Aryan invasion of India. Good places to start. Another interesting fact, is that the word that is used in Nordic pagan circles, to describe one of the pantheon of beings that are identified as 'gods' by them, is 'Aesir,' which translates to 'Asian,' or 'of the continent of Asia.' Sumeria, a very ancient Mesopotamian culture, is extremely fascinating - check it out. Many of us know that there are aspects of various non-Christian, pagan traditions and cultural histories that seem to shed some light on topics that aren't completely covered in Christian writings. I have no problem with considering information from pagan sources, as long as it doesn't directly oppose or conflict with Christianity. Maybe many confounding puzzles could be solved by careful analysis of various old legends and 'myths.' One big mystery, that I have often pondered on, is what exactly is the true genesis of all of these extremely diverse cultural groups found throughout the world? How did all of these groups of people, in the ancient context, originate and migrate across the earth? The dispersal of cultures from the tower of Babel is a familiar story to many Christians. Theories and opinions abound. In the southeastern Pacific, there is a little place known as Easter island, where huge carved stone monoliths can be found, shaped like human heads. Each of them weighs tons, I believe, and they seem to depict the entire range of basic human ethnic groups in detail. You should get a look at photographs of them at some point. A very terrible blot on the record of human history, is that so many precious records and objects from some of the ancient New World cultures (particularly in Mexico and Central America) were utterly destroyed by the initial explorers that began their investigation of this hemisphere. That is yet another great blind spot. A big one, I think. Anyhow, the reality of evil spirits seems to be extremely important. The possibility of the actual presence of Satan and his angelic forces, as well as the demonic beings, must be of the greatest importance to all Christians, as well as other people that are seriously concerned about their personal happiness and well-being, as well as that of others. You can be sure that Satan and his crew are extremely vampiric, and that they are desirous of utterly laying waste to human bodies and souls. That might seem pretty hard to believe to many people, but they (and the foolish humans that serve them) are difficult creatures to completely make sense of. Where exactly they have arrived from is a great concern of mine. Nearly all Christian researchers will hem and haw when this question is brought up. Even though Revelation clearly states that the devil and his angels are to be 'cast down' from a particular place in the heavens towards the end of this age, most Christians don't seem to have this foggiest idea as to where exactly that 'place' in the heavens is (or was). I have tried to cover (what I consider to be) the possibilities in many other files, so I will resist the urge to be redundant here. I really do believe that there is a good chance that Satan and his people may have (spiritually and/or physically as well) arrived here from some entirely identifiable area of the physical heavens, and furthermore, I feel that there is a very good chance that certain secretive people may know exactly where that place is. But really, is it actually all that important, knowing the exact location of the place in the heavens that Satan and his clan lost, after being defeated by Archangel Michael and the loyal angelic forces of God? Probably not. What is important, is that all Christians fully understand that the devil and his people have absolutely lost that war, and regardless of what can seem to be compelling evidence to the contrary, the people that ally themselves with Satan, despite their pleasant outward appearances, and cloak of material and spiritual advantages, are ultimately the big losers. Wait and see. Jesus warned us that true Christians would be maligned and persecuted, even to the death, just prior to His return. He even indicated that there would be all kinds of false prophets and antichrists, many of which, to my mind, seem to have something to do with certain branches of organized Christianity. I certainly don't want to serve the devil, or his demons and angels. I know that thyy are very real, and I'd be a fool to serve anyone but God. I cannot stress it enough - now is the time to repent of all of your sins, and to seek the Lord with all of your heart, because it has become very apparent to me that Satan and his people are making huge strides forward into the minds, hearts and souls of unsuspecting people all over the world. Do not worship any of the pagan gods and idols, they are fronts for powerfully evil spiritual forces of destruction. Don't believe me? It's one thing to be curious about ancient cultures, but it's another thing altogether to be drawn down into paganism and the dark realities of the spiritual world outside of the power of God. Always keep the Lord in mind when investigating non-Christian spiritual topics. Those of you that want to 'experiment' with non-Christian religions at this time are, more so than ever before, placing your souls in grave jeopardy. Some of you will learn this through your own errors. Hopefully, many of you will consider warnings like this against becoming involved in pagan practices, and avoid the worst-case scenarios. Please understand that some extremely cruel spirit forces hold sway over many of the people even lightly associated with certain non-Christian cultural traditions. Why I am discussing all of this right now will become clear, when I (finally) get around to describing in detail some of the strange psycho-spiritual events that I have been mentioning so often. I would like to spend more time (perhaps a few more files) exploring some random thoughts and conclusions that I've reached, but you can be sure that I will eventually get around to the promised material. --- lens.log Something completely different Sat Oct 7 2000 It seems that very often, when I finally get around to trying to write about certain incidents in my life that I have avoided recording, there is a kind of intense spiritual pressure that seems to manifest from somewhere. I can't say for sure where the source of this phenomenon is, but I am almost completely sure that it originates from some kind of evil consciousness. I have a very hard time trying to think about, let alone write about many of the internal thought experiences that I have had over the past few years, and it sort of baffles me to consider that there might be real spiritual opposition to my writing about any of them. It actually is difficult for me to clearly remember some of them, even though I haven't forgotten any of their details. Simply calling them thoughts doesn't do them justice, because they are much more than that. Before trying to explain further, I will ask the reader to consider all of what I will put forth as speculative, because there is no way that I can say for sure whether or not there is any real solid validity to any of these psycho-spiritual matters that I'd like to discuss. If only I could say with real conviction that I was sure about some of this stuff, I would certainly very enthusiastically do so. But, it wouldn't be honest of me to say that I completely believe that some of these thoughts are worth considering as hard-core truths, because I simply don't know for sure if they are. It just seems a little odd to me that I often experience extreme spiritual hostility, when I even think about some of these possibilities as being truths. Really, a lot of it seems very plausible to me. Knowing the incredible subtlety and sophistication of the enemy makes me cautious, because, again, we've been warned about the 'strong delusions' that will deceive people toward the end of this age. However, we are also informed in the Bible, that the Lord is going to make known his 'secret plan' near the end of this age. I am not trying to say that I understand better than anyone else what exactly the Lord's plans may be, but I sincerely feel that God may be trying to use me to help some people get closer to understanding at least certain aspects of what those plans may be. Please understand that I am not trying to say this with a swollen concept of myself and what I am about, because I know how ridiculous that would probably seem to many folks. What I'd like you to consider, is the possibility that part of the reason the Lord may have allowed me to go through all of these crazy, unpleasant situations, is to make sure that I wouldn't get an overinflated ego, when trying to make sense of and relate some of the serious concepts that I have been trying to get others to consider. I realize that I am still living in this fallen world, with an imperfect body, mind and soul, and just like many other people, I am prone to evil pride, self-aggrandizing behavior, and morbid self-contemplation. I have a host of other faults as well. I know for sure that the Lord hates all of these things, and cannot work effectively with folks that harbor such sinful attitudes. Luckily, I recognize, acknowledge and repent of my character deficiencies to the Lord, and that is the sole reason why I feel that it could be possible that He might be able to use me to some degree to help others. There is no way that I'd think that I could be helpful to God, if I were blind to the many flaws that I have. I know that God is very forgiving, but the continual woe of this stage of existence can make that seem hard to believe at times. The main sin that seems to block human communications with the Lord, has got to be pride. Unrighteous anger runs a close second. And maybe greed, dishonesty, lust and on after that. Most sins seem to be the offspring of pride. I believe that it is the most infernal of all sins, and I personally know that it will take anyone down to the very lowest levels of misery, where they will come in close contact with the awful realities of hell. Think I'm kidding? There's nothing at all humorous about the truth of it. I honestly feel that I have retained my sanity and health because of prayer and repentance; I have no doubts whatsoever about the beneficial effects connected with making heartfelt appeals to the Lord, but I must admit that it can sometimes seem difficult to get immediate results. The best quick advice that I can give to others, regarding prayer, is to try and pray continually, with great focus on whatever particular issues you are trying to get God to help you with. And pray to the Father, in the name of Jesus Christ. That's very important to remember. Returning to the matter of the odd thoughts that I have had over the past few years; the reason I say that they aren't exactly like normal thoughts, is because there are some qualities to them, that seem to make them 'quantum' in certain respects. What I mean, is that there sometimes is a feeling of being in several places at once when thinking about them. I have considered many different possibilities, in my long contemplation of these thoughts. As I have stated earlier, perhaps the most important theory, is that they are simply delusions that have manifested in my mind, either spontaneously, or by some kind of external spiritual (and/or psychotronic) directive force, perhaps involving human, demonic or angelic will. Believe me, I have thought long and hard about whether I was going to write about some of these thoughts at all. Some of the stuff I definitely won't discuss, because it is just too strange. --- handle.log Oh, it's perfect Sun Oct 8 2000 I sure have been having some creepy dreams lately. So creepy in fact, that I haven't felt any desire to record any of them. It used to be that many of my dreams were just surreal or mildly weird in various respects, but now it seems that many of them are way more disturbing, symbolically. They aren't all that bad, but some of them are seriously strange. What bothers me most about all of this, is that I usually spend some time each day in prayer, and I wish that the Lord would dispel some of the eerieness that crops up in my mind. Sometimes I wonder whether there are occultists that are trying to 'curse,' or attempt to spiritually manipulate me in certain ways. This seems to be indicated by the content of some of the dreams. No matter how much I try to indicate to people that I am a Christian, and that I am attempting to get them to focus on the return of the real Christ to the world, there will always be fools around that insist on misinterpreting anything and everything that I say and do, to try and suit their warped wishes. After all of the bizarre stuff that I've been through over the years, I can say for sure that there really are a lot of seriously antichristian people about, and that many of them seem to be feverishly hoping for the manifestation of Satanic false miracles and bogus spiritual frauds. All you have to do is go to the New Age section of any bookstore to realize the truth of this. Hundreds of books can be found, proffering all kinds of spiritual theories, and many of them claim to contain the absolute truth about the spiritual dimension, heavenly beings, celestial matters, etcetera. All of those people can't be right, but I have rarely found any of the writers expressing any doubt about their beliefs, or encouraging people to pray to God. Many of them never even mention Jesus, or simply speak of Him as a 'great man.' I have a fairly thick book on angels here, written by a group of women, and in it, they make the claim that Satan is actually going to be forgiven by God for his sins, and then reinstalled as a righteous heavenly authority, when all is said and done. No kidding. That directly conflicts with what we are told in the Bible, but there you are. --- splendid.log Circus in the sky Tue Oct 10 2000 I feel that it's important that I just go ahead and write about a particularly strange occurrence that took place about three years ago. I haven't written anything at all about it, because it may be one of the most disturbing things that has ever happened to me, although, as you'll soon understand, it was almost entirely wonderful and, for lack of a better term, magical. I don't trust magical phenomena, especially of the most amazing type, because of the possibility of there being an element of high-tech deception involved. As I've already mentioned time and time again, I know a bit about some of the more advanced newfangled gadgetry, and as sad as seems to me personally, I certainly believe that some unbelievably astounding 'miracles' could be generated by evil people that have some of this far-out new technology in their hot little hands. What I'm about to describe, when considered by even the best mechanical engineering minds around, will likely seem nearly impossible to achieve using conventional (commonly known) technology, but I am sure that it might be possible to replicate what I saw by using some very complicated satellite-based particle-beam arrays, perhaps in combination with techniques that involve electromagnetic manipulation of the ionosphere. It greatly saddens me to think of such possibilities, because the end result of this incident was truly miraculous. Simply amazing. And I know that this kind of marvelous event could impress many people very deeply, in a spiritual way, if used in certain situations. One would like to think that only God would be able to manifest such remarkable visions, but perhaps the rebel angels, with or without human cooperation, might be able to create such events. I don't know for sure; all I know is that I truly saw with my own eyes what I am about to describe. It may actually be that what I saw was a real vision generated by God, but I want to express doubt, because I now feel much safer describing this. Part of the reason why this event was so amazing to me (beyond the impact of the vision) has a lot to do with some subsequent symbolic 'coincidences' that tied in with an obsession of mine (that I have already mentioned too many times). It tires me to dwell on all of the additional considerations, so I will skip them for now. Maybe I'll fully detail them in a future file. Anyway, what happened is this: after I spent the morning and early afternoon of a certain day (towards the end of 1997, if i remember correctly) doing nothing particularly special, I suddenly decided to take a walk up toward the lakefront, because the weather was really nice, and it was a bit too warm indoors. I walked up to a stretch of the park that is situated between the Foster and Ardmore beaches, and flopped down in the grass and stared up at the sky. I must mention at this point that I was completely sober. Now, I cannot remember the entire sequence of images perfectly, but I do recall that the very first thing that happened, was that a very large group of clouds kind of coagulated directly in front of my field of vision. These clouds them gradually coalesced into what appeared to be a very large face, which, believe it or not, actually had a wide grin on it's face. As the face became clearer and more detailed, there was no denying that I was actually seeing this happen before my eyes, and not simply imagining it. Also, the face had a big clown-like nose, and two large, round, Mickey Mouse-type ears. Still with me? The most remarkable thing about that face, in retrospect, is that one, as I just mentioned, it manifested directly in front of me (perfectly viewable at a 45 degree angle), and when it had finished developing, it was almost perfectly symmetrical. Normal clouds simply don't do that kind of thing. There's more. Again, I can't recall the exact sequence, but one by one, the following images appeared: a human form (shown from the torso up) that seemed to be dressed in a military uniform (that featured a diagonal sash across the chest), with it's right arm held up in an L-shaped gesture; to the right of that, and a little lower in the sky, an outline of what seemed to be an angelic form, that had a perfectly formed little halo floating above it's head (which persisted long after the angel cloud had dissipated). Both of those images appeared to the left side of the huge face, which remained visible throughout. Those are the only two images that appeared on that side. On the right side of the face, there were even more images, but they were less distinct, and there were more of them. This entire incident took place within ten or so minutes, and I pretty much just dazedly watched it all happen. The images that appeared on the right side were: three faces, the top two vertically aligned, and the bottom one slightly off to the left. The middle face appeared to be the archetypal image of a standard 'alien' form (commonly referred to as 'greys'), while the bottom face seemed a lot like a little girl with a page-boy haircut. The little girl did something rather peculiar - the expression on her face gradually went from a pronounced frown to a smile, all within less than a minute. The face on the top was something that I've never seen before - it seemed almost insectoid, having a very triangular face, with bulbous eyes (that were almost more on the side of it's head rather than in front). The other images that I noticed on the right side were more ephemeral, like quick impressions that one gets from viewing the indistinct ink blots of a Rorschach test. As soon as I clearly identified what one of these clouds was supposed to be, it seemed to immediately disintegrate. Maybe this was because the last images didn't need to be as 'convincing' to me, because it seemed that the previous ones had remained formed longer, so that I'd be convinced that I was actually seeing all this. Can't say for sure. The last few things were: a sword and a curved and distended section of clouds that reminded me of the asteroid belt. That's pretty much it, and it all took place within about ten minutes. Although I have tried to discuss my near-death experience quite extensively, with many different types of people, I have discussed this occurrence with hardly anybody, because I know that many folks would find it very hard to believe. What is most amazing about it really, is that it was a kind of confirmation to me that some of the bizarre internal mental experiences that I'd been having around that time, really were the result of some type of powerful intelligence attempting to psycho-spiritually intercct with me. There are many details that I could relate about these internal experiences, but I don't have the energy to do so right now. I spent a lot of time worrying about whether those spiritual forces were aligned with God or not, and to tell you the truth, I still haven't come to a final conclusion about it, although I will say that there have been times when I have felt very negative about them and what seemed to be their spiritual interactions with myself and others. There are some interesting negative references to clouds in the book of Jude, that I have thought about a lot. I have some fairly intricate theories about what exactly this incident might have meant, but again, now isn't the time. --- urethane.log Your first task Sat Oct 14 2000 Sometimes I get really worried about my interpretations of my experiences. I have tried to carefully describe some of the most unusual events that have taken place over the years, without adding or subtracting anything. Even to me, some of what I have been writing about seems pretty bizarre, when I can step outside of myself and think about it objectively. It's hard for me to distance myself from these experiences, because they have puzzled me for years, and it irritates me greatly that I don't have absolute answers for myself, as well as for others. I have turned over many theories in my mind, trying to make some sense out of the mad pastiche of occurrences that I have been describing. There is a lot that I haven't written, mostly internal experiences and thoughts, that might be important when considered together with everything else, but I have tried to be cautious. I don't feel comfortable writing about the weirdest thoughts that I have had, and there isn't any way that I could validate some of what I believe might be possible, even if I knew for certain that it was absolutely true. Real frustrating. Also, like I have mentioned before, there seems to be a chance that some of what I have been considering might be what certain evil forces would like me to believe, rather than what is actually the truth. I have felt an intense wrangling feeling inside of my mind, especially over the past few years, and I think it has a lot to do with my efforts against what might be the attempts of various forces' 'programming' techniques. I am sure that some of the nefarious organizations use very powerful occultic techniques, while others, I truly believe, are utilizing some very advanced beam and electromagnetic field weapons systems. For those of you that think that's poppycock, I ask you to consider the fact that we can very easily gather accurate data about star clusters that are a third of the distance across the known universe, from our ground and satellite-based electronic systems. Why does it seem so impossible to most people that we'd be able to electronically bridge the relatively minute distance between the outer atmosphere and the planet's surface? Really, what matters most to me, as far as making sense out of some of what's been happening to me, is what exactly the spiritual situation breaks down to. I would like to believe that the devil has been persecuting and oppressing me, nut there have been times when I have seriously considered the possibility that the Lord might actually be the cause of some of what I have endured. Actually, I know for sure that the devil has caused practically all of the misery that I have suffered, but I can't help but consider the fact the the Lord could have prevented some or all of it from happening in the first place. Does this make me angry? No, it really doesn't, because if the Lord has actually caused or allowed some of these miserable events to occur, then I'm sure that He has a good plan for working it all out for the best, eventually. I would even feel somewhat relieved to think that God might be responsible for some or all of this season of personal woe, because I would feel even more confident that He would be leading me out of all of this insanity. Every Christian knows that the Lord determines the extent to which Satan is allowed to oppress anyone. The book of Job illustrates that best, I think. All of my prayers haven't been in vain. I will just have to keep waiting, because I still have hope that the Lord is going to deliver me from this intense misery that I have been dealing with. Honestly, I have been so disappointed over what I've gone through, that I have found myself feeling incredibly hateful at times. I've hardly ever been a chronically angry person. It's no fun, and no kind of life for anyone. It has been tremendously difficult for me to forgive the people that have caused some of the unfortunate events in my life, but I know that my complete pardon of their transgressions against me is key to my receiving forgiveness for my own sins, so I have been praying that the Lord will help me with all of the hostile feelings that I have against those Satanic fools. It amazes me that they still don't seem to 'get it,' regarding the fact that these evil 'traditional' fraternal situations that they routinely put people through, are the very foundation of what is wrong with everything. Though I cannot provide complete details on every last aspect of how it is taking place, I really do believe that there is a good chance that the world has been in a kind of spiritual 'cosmic storm' over the past hundred or so years. What I mean, is that the past century has been so radically different from all previous recorded history, that it strongly indicates that something highly unusual has been occurring. I am convinced that this planet is being pelted by a lot of evil spiritual arrivals from elsewhere. Waves of space criminals, or something along those lines. Some of you will think that I have been watching too many Japanese cartoons, right? Nyuk. No, I really think that there is something to this concept. The funny thing, to my mind, is that the cosmic criminals appear to be successfully possessing the bodies of some of the most advantaged people in society. They have largely inverted everything, in a moral sense, so now, people that have truly conservative ideas about righteousness are being made out to seem evil and wrong. The zombies (people possessed by evil spirits of whatever kind) have reversed the poles of morality, to ensure that they will enjoy a more comfortable spiritual environment to cavort about in. All of this is evident to me. But it's nearly impossible to convince anyone else, especially some of the people that are actually inhabited by the destructive spirits. Such beset people are nearly always ready to vigorously deny the validity of these theories. I have already mentioned in many other files that Satan and his loyalists have lost a heavenly war against the Most High at some point, but very few folks seem to understand what that might ultimately mean for the people here on Earth. If there was a war in the heavens, and if Satan and his people lost that war, and if they have been cast down to the Earth, as described in Revelation, that must mean that the immortal souls of the evil heavenly beings (that are now marooned here) must be trying to completely control the minds and souls of Earth's native population. Sure seems to be what is indicated by the endtime events outlined in the Bible, and what I have been personally experiencing. This is the core of what I believe is happening. Unfortunately, there seems to be little that can be done to remedy the situation, because of the nearly across-the-board denial of the reality of Satan, evil spirits, etcetera. One of the ugliest things that I have perceived, is that many of those adversarial spirits seem to have taken up residence in some of the most prominent politicians, celebrities, and religious leaders. And again, most of those people will not listen to reason, regarding their partaking of the vile cup of devilish 'traditions,' and what they are in store for because of the secret dark allegiances and compacts they have made with their perverse father, Satan. Obviously, they are all comfy-cozy with what it is that they have done. They are unwilling to risk losing their social standing, to unmask the truth of what is happening 'behind closed doors.' They are very snug, you see. Practically nothing that stupid me can do to help, except to keep praying about it all. Groan. Once upon a time, I had a cheerful, lighthearted, happy-go-lucky personality. Not no more. Sniffle. Whine. Whatever. --- ceramic.log Gladness and sincerity Mon Oct 16 2000 Yesterday, I watched an interesting show that featured a panel of gentlemen that were discussing quantum mechanics, and various other related topics. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of polite disagreements were being circulated amongst the fellows, mostly objections to portions of the many personal theories that were being outlined during the discussion. Radiating from the central topic of quantum mechanics, were considerations having more to do with certain classical arguments that are familiar to students of philosophy and psychology. Makes sense, of course, because the basic goal of quantum mechanics is, I believe, to better understand the technical nature of consciousness and thought, particularly that of human beings, and creatures supernal. Although I know very little about the discipline of quantum mechanics, and how folks within such academic circles debate the relevant issues, I do understand very well that there are some modes of consciousness that cannot be easily described or explained, mainly because there aren't English words that are adequate descriptors for the complexity and uniqueness involved. Some of the terms that were used during the program are more or less appropriate for describing some of the simpler unusual states of consciousness, like 'nonlocality,' or the Jungian term (if I remember correctly) 'synchronicity,' which refers to the baffling phenomenon of sequences of symbolic coincidences. I have written in another file that I believe I understand a bit about modes of consciousness that supersede the ordinary day-to-day human thought modalities. The golden key for understanding the higher (or deeper, if you like) nature of more powerful modes of consciousness, I believe, is to understand that the Most High God is perfectly sentient, and that His creatures that are above us in the heavenly order must have a consciousness that is intermediate between His and ours. What this might mean, is that some or all of the angelic powers might be able to have a wider perception of 'now,' as well as the ability to travel through different dimensional barriers. Possibly, some of them might be able to be present in multiple places at once, which might be appropriately described as 'polylocality.' The main reason why I firmly believe that this is so, has everything to do with what I experienced during my near-death episode, where some beings that must have been angelic interacted with me, via telepathy. Also, during that encounter, I felt that they literally (spiritually) transported me from this world to another. That other world was many orders 'higher' than this one currently is, and that alone is almost impossible to fully describe. I am sure that nobody would choose this world (in its current spiritual state) over the other, if they knew what I know about the vastly better spiritual state of the latter place. One very important thing that I learned from my subsequent consideration of that experience, is that the essence of the human soul is entirely separable from the material body that it dwells within. When separated from this body, my soul was still me, and when my soul was introduced into that new world, it seemed as though there was a new physical, or semi-physical body involved, which had a far more intense positive spiritual radiance to it. I cannot remember much about being in that new body (because I almost immediately found myself back here, in this body), but, based on the very brief moment that I was allowed to be in it, I can say for sure that the difference was absolutely incredible. Now, where exactly that place was (if it could be at all determined to exist anywhere within the observable universe), is still a partial mystery to me; I say partial, because I strongly suspect that it was someplace in the immediate vicinity of this solar system, removed by vast stretches of space and time. But there is no way that I can verify this, so I can't say with complete certainty that a physical world was involved at all, even though that seems to be what was implicated. My best estimation of what happened, in a sentence or so, is that I feel that I was spiritually transported to another physical world, that was operating at a higher, cleaner spiritual 'frequency' than this one. This spiritual transport involved my soul being united with a completely new body, that I suspect was material, or partially material. I feel that the beings that effected this spiritual transport were sent by God, to bring me to that other place. Everything is different for me, because of that experience. I don't just believe that there is survival of consciousness after death - I know that it is true. Also, I have had many, many other experiences that have extensively proven to me that there are some extremely evil spiritual beings and forces operating all throughout this world, and that they are completely against an increase of truly powerful Christian faith within the general public. I feel that my story, and others like it, might be able to help increase that faith for some people, and of course, the evil forces are against that, because it would fully discredit their sickening system of things, and show it for what it really is - Satanic slavery, which will ultimately result in damnation. It really disturbs me that apparently, a lot of folks are going to completely miss out on that new existence, that will be fully governed by the power of God, and His loyal creatures. It just endlessly depresses me. Even without being fully cognizant of all of the exact information pertaining to the whats and wheres of my experience, I know that there is an undeniable power to the core of what I have been trying to convey, and it saddens me that so few people seem to be willing to thoroughly consider what I have been trying to discuss. Remember, Jesus was crucified by evil people for doing undeniably good works. All of the original disciples were killed, and the blood of many, many people flowed freely because of the dissemination of the truth of Christianity throughout the centuries. Jesus told us that He was going to prepare a place for us in the heavens. But we are also informed that Christ will be personally ruling over this world for at least a thousand years. At a certain point during the awful apocalyptic events described in Revelation, voices in heaven announce that the kingdoms of Earth are now the kingdoms of the Lord and Jesus Christ, who will reign forever over them. I, of course, believe that this is all true, but what puzzles me, is that Jesus said that He was going to 'prepare a place' for us elsewhere, that we will be brought to. Mention is also made later in Revelation, of a new heavens and earth that will be created at a future time, after the former earth and heaven have passed away. We are told that the new earth will have no sea. Right after that, there is what I consider to be a very fascinating description of the 'New Jerusalem,' that will exist on this 'New Earth.' It 'comes down from heaven,' and when measured by an angel, is shaped like a perfect cube. We are told that it has twelve gates, attended by twelve angels, each of which bears a name of one of the tribes of Israel. Directly prior to all of these passages, the judgment of the people of this world takes place, as well as that of Satan. Revelation tells us that Satan will be bound in an abyss for a thousand years, and that he will be released near the end of that period. When he is released, he gathers together a vast group of people, which surround the 'camp of the saints,' which I am assuming will be Jerusalem, and then they are all destroyed by 'fire from heaven.' After that, Satan and all the wicked are judged, and cast into the Lake of Fire, where, we are informed, they will be tormented 'day and night forever and ever.' Big difference from that book on angels that I mentioned a few files back, written by the group of ladies, eh? What is the point that I am trying to make? Hmm. Jesus is going to rule over this Earth for at least the entire thousand-year period during which Satan will be imprisoned in the abyss. At the end of that millennium, Satan is released (as I just mentioned) and defeated for the last time. Right after Satan is judged, what is commonly referred to as the 'Great White Throne Judgment' begins. This is where all of the dead that were not resurrected during the Rapture (which, you will recall, is for the dead in Christ and true living believers) are revived and judged, based on their works. I think that this might be the Lord's way of sorting out the legions of dead souls that weren't Christians. After Christ's millennial rule comes the new heavens and earth, which is what Jesus must have been speaking of, when He said that He was going to 'prepare a place' for those of us that love Him. That future (by our reckoning) Earth is not this current world, as best as I can discern it, and its history opens up to this world's people immediately after Satan and the other hopelessly evil souls are finally judged. This is what I'm trying to explain, at least in theory. That future Earth seems to be an entirely different sphere, which may or may not be material, but which undoubtedly, will be operating at a much higher spiritual frequency, because of the proximity of the Most High Lord, and the complete absence of evil spiritual motivations. That is the place that I believe I may have been briefly transported to, although again, there is no way that I can prove it. I feel that it is very important to consider all of these matters in depth, and that is what I have been trying to do. --- business.log No more sea Tue Oct 17 2000 When speaking with people at length about what I believe the meaning of life is, in a general spiritual sense, I have often remarked that I feel much less certain about events that occurred in the far past of history. I am much more confident, concerning my beliefs about what the future holds, both good and evil, although, as I have mentioned before, I certainly don't feel that I have perfect knowledge regarding what may be coming down the pike. My feeble forecasts can't be perfect, and I've tried to remind the reader of that continually. My advice is to steer clear of anyone that claims to have perfect knowledge about the unfolding of the future. In Genesis, after Adam and Eve disobey the Lord's command to not eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the Lord says that 'the man has become as one of us, knowing good and evil.' This has always interested me, because the Lord refers to Himself in the plural. He also does the same thing earlier, when He says: 'Let Us create man in Our image.' Many people do not know that one of the original Hebrew words used for God throughout the Bible is 'Elohim,' which is a feminine plural, like the English words 'convent,' or 'sorority.' Of course, the deeper meaning of the word 'Elohim' is open to debate, and since I am not a seasoned Biblical scholar, I'll refrain from attempting to explain in detail why I believe it is used. But I will provide a sketchy personal theory of mine. This might get a little complex, but I will try to keep it as simple as possible, without completely denuding the discussion. Actually, this stuff is somewhat beyond me, so please forgive me if my writing seems awkward and unprofessional. I've already stated elsewhere, that I feel that the only absolutely perfect being in existence is the Lord. I am sure that most people (that believe that there is a God, to begin with) would agree with me. In the Bible, God tells us that He is the only true God that there is, and that there is no other that He knows of. We are also informed that He is an uncreated being, that has perpetual existence, and has never been the product of a greater being's creative process. It is explained that everything that has been brought into existence, was initiated by Him. Simply put, there is one God, and all that is, has been originally manifested by Him. Ok. It follows, that all individual consciousness must have somehow originally sprouted from the Lord's consciousness, just as the smaller globules of star clusters have spun from larger conglomerations. Even if there is a heavy degree of creative objectivity, on the part of the Lord, He must have put a lot of His original energy into all of creation, particularly whatever group of intelligences were created by Him at the earliest stages of the formation of creation in general. What I am trying to say, is that we see less of God in creatures such as amoebas, insects, snails, etcetera - while we see (most of us, at least, I think) more of Him in the mammalian and human orders of life. This is a clumsy, crude way of getting to my point, but hold on. I am absolutely certain that there are spiritual orders of life (which may or may not have corresponding physical or semi-physical bodies somewhere in space and time) that are far greater than human beings. They are far more like God than us, but they are still not God Himself, who rules above all of them, and us as well. The little bit that I know about these higher orders of life, indicates to me that they are extremely strong, peaceful and kind beings. It seems unlikely to me, that they would exert any kind of aggressive force against weaker creatures, unless it was absolutely required, perhaps by the command of even higher and wiser beings. Some people are familiar with the fact that the angels of heaven do not procreate. They have eternal life, and so, do not need posterity to carry along a germ of themselves into the future. We are told (I've already mentioned this somewhere before) by Jesus, that those of us that will be accounted worthy of entering the kingdom of God, will no longer 'give or take in marriage.' In other words, we will not be sexually procreating any longer. I am sure that this may inspire deep horror in the minds of some folks. Heh. Those appear to be the facts. However, just because we will not be 'sexually active' does not mean that we won't be involved in forms of creativity far superior to what we are familiar with in the here and now. Honestly, it even seems unimaginable to me, to think of living a completely sexless life. Fortunately, I have had more luck with reaching a greater psycho-spiritual comfort level with this concept, than I believe others have. Looking around and seeing how incredibly disgusting and immoral society has become over the years has helped me better understand how damaging and evil unrestrained sexuality can be. But many people just don't see things this way. I've deeply digressed. Before continuing, I'd like to mention that part of what I'm driving at, is that we are able, through God's mercy, to achieve higher levels of membership in the heavenly kingdom, and upon our elevation, we lose certain aspects of what we consider to be fundamentally human, in order to gain the greater good that the Lord wants to bestow upon us. The Lord tells us that we cannot even imagine the wonders that He has prepared for those of us that really love Him, and that it will give Him great pleasure to give those things to us. Do any of you have any idea about what those wonders might be? Remember, the end of the learning of war is also mentioned, as another result of the advent of the Lord's kingdom on Earth. For many of us men, this would almost seem to be the very end of the male gender, because many of our psyches are so tied up internally with issues of aggression, war, and violence in general. Now I'm getting to the point. I'm trying to be careful, because what I'm trying to say could be easily misinterpreted. I am not saying that the Lord is trying to make all men into spiritual women - that would be completely silly. What I mean, is that we are going to be changed in ways that will result in us shedding many of the coarser aspects of our maleness, in favor of a more kind, cooperative and constructive spiritual demeanor. I can tell that a lot of dudes will be gritting their teeth right about now. I feel your pain. This more constructive type of consciousness is what I believe God, and His immediate family (meaning His highest loyal created beings) are all about. That is what I believe the essence of the word 'Elohim' is. God in plural. God and company, you see. The Lord is running a business, which is nothing like any of ours, because it's ultimate goals are perfect. Now, here comes the really fun part. Remember the parable that is given in the New Testament, of the Lord being a farmer, the world a field, and human beings as crops? This is ultimately the best view of what life is all about. Quite literally, God is 'growing' souls to be harvested into His kingdom, and united with the greater body of God, which includes all of His (I assume) tested and found to be loyal creatures. What happens beyond that, maybe I shouldn't speculate on too much, but I am sure that it involves many incredibly constructive activities, many of which we can't even imagine properly at the present time, due to the spiritual constraints that we are currently under. I will say this: I feel that the entire process of God's creation of the universe, abstractly, involves a vast period of 'evolution,' which is probably followed by an equally long period of 'involution.' Sounds kind of Eastern, right? I think that the Lord is differentializing himself, in the binomial expansion sense, and then eventually reincorporating everything back into the original singularity, which must be His first (and last, strangely) thought. The most common observation that I can make, is that there are infinite cyclical processes at work, so it seems fairly logical to assume that the greater scale of universal development and consummation must be circular to some degree as well. The Lord tells us that He does not change, which means He transcends all of this rotation. He is never in flux, therefore, He must be stationed at the very beginning and end of the vastness of all time and space. Everything begins and ends with Him, and He tells us this quite matter-of-factly. What I think He is doing, is gathering and refining the soul material that He has dispersed throughout the universe, and then reassimilating it into a perfect unity, which is what it was in the first place, anyhow. Kind of like taking apart an already finished puzzle, and then putting it back together again. Of course, for all of this to move along smoothly throughout time and space, cooperation between all beings possessing God-given individual consciousness is required. Here is where we can begin to better understand the problem that Satan and his followers pose. Although the fallen angelic beings were originally created by the Lord, they are now for the separation of individual consciousness from this grand flow of God's universal plan. They would like to work against what the Lord desires, in order to stand apart from His design, which makes them feel, in some sick way, as though they are better than Him. This must be the core of the spiritual attitude that begets the entire cornucopia of sin: evil pride, vanity, lust, cruelty and on. Noncooperation, in favor of selfish motives, at very high spiritual levels. Using the human body as a model for this phenomena is a popular gimmick of fascists, but it is somewhat appropriate. All of the cells in any body need to work together, so that the biological form can maintain it's integrity. When individual cells decide to deviate from their programming, cancerous growths can occur, which places the entire body in jeopardy. Only by the reversion of the cells to a normal state, or by their complete removal, is the right biological equilibrium of the total form concerned restored. Oversimplified, definitely, but that is pretty much it. Satan and his people have been trying throughout the ages to completely invert and thwart the Lord's plans for a completely meaningful, constructive future, in favor of meaningless destruction and waste. A huge irony of this, is that it appears that their spiritual rebellion makes them less, rather than more, free. I've already covered this elsewhere, so I won't go into it again. God controls Satan completely, which is very hard for many people to completely believe. We should all fear the Lord, and not Satan, because it is God that decides whether or not we will be afflicted by evil designs, and to what extent the affliction will be allowed to ultimately progress upon us. I find it very interesting that Adam and Eve chose to disobey God and eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Especially intriguing, is the fact that they did not choose to eat from the tree of life instead, which the Lord had not forbade them to eat from. That's right - the only tree that was forbidden, was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. They were expelled from the garden, because the Lord didn't want them to subsequently eat from the tree of life, and thus live forever. Think of that! Something else that I think is worth mentioning, is that in Revelation, when a vision of the elect, delivered from the horrors of the endtime scenario is mentioned, they are described as clothed in white robes, standing on a 'sea of glass,' and singing the song of Moses. The sea of glass interests me, because later, towards the end of the book, when the new heavens and earth are described, we are told that there will be 'no more sea' on the new earth. I just thought of this yesterday - I feel that it might be a subtle clue (the waterless 'sea') about the possibility of the elect being (perhaps temporarily, before returning to Earth to rule with Christ) transported en masse (as I believe I was) to another area of the heavens. Maybe that place will be the 'new earth.' Or maybe not - I really can't say for sure. Another point about this new earth. It is important to consider that the timeline of it's history may already be currently flowing, but that the people of Earth probably will not be generally involved with it, until after the millennial rule of Jesus Christ, when all of the final judgments of the evil souls that are here will be made. I speculate that this may be so, in order to prevent a possible spiritual 'infection' of the new earth, which will be extremely spiritually clean, based on what I have personally experienced and believe. When John the Revelator describes the new earth, he also says that the 'former things' (meaning the old heaven and earth) have passed away. He also mentions the absence of any sea on that new world in this passage. This seems to be an area in space and time where Christians need to focus a lot of serious thought, because that is the real beginning of the truly problem-free future that we should all be getting extremely excited about. I am sure that the millennium will be a wonderful era, because of the rule of Jesus Christ over this world, but the future beyond it will be even greater! --- rhino.log Have a cup Wed Oct 18 2000 This file will contain information that I consider to be extremely important. Because of the varied degrees of personal spiritual experience found in whatever range of people one might consider, I am assuming that many, perhaps most, readers will view the following writings as speculative. That is not the case - I cannot stress enough, that I am being utterly serious when discussing these particular matters. I have discussed demons and issues pertaining to them in other files, in a fragmented sense, generally. I want to try and fill in whatever gaps may exist in the minds of people that have been reading these files, concerning what I believe to be the truth about demons, and how they figure into the greater picture of what is happening overall. Probably, the simplest and best way for me to approach this, would be to just make a list of what I think I know about topics pertaining to demonic interactions with human souls, but that might be dangerously oversimplified. When attempting to discuss evil spirits, it seems important to keep a balance between simple and complex ways of considering them. The danger of taking too complex a view, is that the reader may be drawn into a kind of morbid fascination with the technicalities of the topic, which, I am sure, can lead to possible negative spiritual consequences. Too simple a discussion, and the reader may not be properly equipped to contend with the dawning awareness of demonic realities (if they aren't already aware) in their minds, i.e., demonic harassment and personal attack. I feel that this is one of the trickiest topics of all time to write about, because of the fact that there is so much demonic activity, and so wholesale a denial of the reality and meaning of it. As usual, I would like to state that even though I feel very sure of much of what I am about to write, I want readers to consider my writings about demons in light of what they are personally familiar with. I will very likely need to spread this topic across several files, and I really don't think that anyone can thoroughly cover the subject, because it is so maddeningly mysterious and complex. I don't perfectly understand these issues, of course, but I have had a long series of experiences, that have convinced me of the reality of some basic information, that I feel everyone desperately needs to know. Again, some of this will be rehash - stuff that I've already mentioned in other files, but that is well worth repeating. First of all, I would like to start out by saying that the very best information that can be found, pertaining to demons, and how to contend with them, can be found in the Bible. Particularly powerful information can be found in the New Testament. Remember that there are many instances of physical healings depicted, after Jesus and/or His disciples cast out demons from people that were afflicted with them. Which brings me to a very important point. It seems that a very complicated process of subconscious communication takes place between evil spirits, and their prospective hosts, that is, people that they are attempting to possess. During this process, it is often suggested to the prospect, that there will be some sort of material and/or spiritual benefit to acquiescing to the sinister spirit's desire to control the victim. Again, much of this seems to take place on a very deeply subconscious level. The key thing to remember, is that after a certain degree of success, the demon (or demons) will attempt to present itself to the intended victim in some kind of physical form (meaning a human being that has already been successfully possessed), in order to attempt a more physical form of control. Usually (from what I believe I know), once that stage is reached, the victim, if in an unguarded state, is liable to be manipulated into a situation where they may be physically and/or sexually violated. I am trying to be blunt, so that there will be little confusion about what the demonic techniques really are. I believe that the violence is intended to weaken the soul of the natural occupant of the body, in order to enable the evil spirit (or spirits) to enter and take control of the body and mind. Demons do these things to their victims, so that they will be able to use human bodies to better express themselves in the sphere of human affairs. Even without complete control over human bodies, they appear to be able to wield a great amount of control over the minds of certain people. However, it seems that their abilities are greatly amplified when they are able to combine with human bodies and minds. Perhaps the 'greatest story never told,' is the fact that the many variations of this sort of evil spiritual activity (involving the sadistic methodologies of demonic possession) seem to be incredibly common, all throughout human history. But, you will find very little written material that plainly details the mechanics of the demonic operations. This is a testament to the great power of the shame factor, which is what I believe has kept humanity in general from fully exploring this topic. Very few folks are willing to candidly discuss the foul abuses involved, and that is why demonic possession and how it happens has remained largely an unexamined mystery. Acknowledgement of the reality of the problem is absolutely necessary for any significant progress to be made against the forces of evil. As long as people keep their heads 'buried in the sand,' regarding demonic possession, and how it occurs, the problem (and the consequences of the allowance of it's continuance) will remain. One of the saddest things of all, is that so much of the foundation for demonic possession is lain during the early developmental years of children. I have been told that most children quite literally see tens of thousands of murders on television, before they are even a decade old. Considering that, along with the many other depictions of immorality, makes it easy to see why demons are able to get such a firm hold on the youngsters of today. A negative spiritual environment seems to make people more willing to accept the imposition of the more direct demonic evils. Perhaps the worst thing of all, is the almost complete denial of the reality of the existence of Satan, and evil spirits, even amongst many people that claim to be Christians. Such people feel that all evil can be attributed solely to the evil psyche of mankind. This is something that intensely bothers me, because I see how amazingly demonized our society is, and how practically nothing is being done to check it. Things have gotten so bad, spiritually, that the 'trappings' of demonic possession, in certain forms, now seem to be completely acceptable to most people. They don't even recognize what is really happening, because they are so entranced with what they consider to be the 'benefits' of membership in the assembly of the damned, that is, the people that accept the Mystery Babylon cults, and the Mark of the Beast (which I believe heavily involves those demonic manipulations) that they attempt to impose upon their victims. Dark humor seems to greatly cloud the clear understanding of many, when it comes to recognizing the Satanic goals of the forces that are perpetrating the large-scale 'violations' that seem to be occurring lately. Perhaps the mystery cults and their demonic shenanigans are being used as a front for the technological realities of complicated psychotronic mind-control systems. It just baffles me that so few people seem to be concerned about the exponential growth of evil over the years, and what the future might bring, as a result. At any rate, the combination of those two great evils (demonism and psychotronics) can't lead to anything good. Although both demons and mind-control technology are horrible realities, our main focus should be on the cessation of demonic possession, because that reality is what has led to the development of many other evils, including psychotronics. If progress can be made against the evil spirits, on a large scale, then the motivation of the people that have been beset with them will change for the better, and we will all be able to enjoy a more pleasant spiritual environment. --- mite.log Open wide Thu Oct 19 2000 One very seldom-discussed issue, relevant to discussions of demons, is the possibility of such spirits possessing detailed knowledge of past ages that is totally inaccessible to human beings. That possibility, in combination with what I have perceived to be a penchance for prevarication on the part of the evil spirits, probably has caused a great deal of confusion throughout the ages, whenever questing souls have foolishly decided to seek occult information from such dangerous spiritual sources. No doubt, they lie a lot to the people that make the mistake of trusting them. That's probably one of the reasons why there are thousands of complicated (very likely demon-inspired) occultic theories and sub-theories. Although I have never tried to hold a seance or other type of occultic ceremony, in order to try and contact evil spirits in a formal sense, they most definitely have pervaded my thoughts (without being invited, you understand) at various times over the years, mostly in situations where I did not expect them to. On some of these occasions, I experienced a wide range of very unusual internal psycho-spiritual phenomena; highly charged irrational emotional states appear to be induced in some people, when demonic spirits are at play. I know this very well, and even though I don't feel very comfortable discussing it, I think that I should say something about what I feel this might mean. From the fragmented information that we can gather from the Bible, and other related texts, it appears that the demonic spirits are the souls of creatures that are called the Gibborim in Hebrew. All of them are the progeny of angelic beings that disobeyed the Lord, by coming down to Earth, and cohabiting with antediluvian (pre-flood) human women. The exact technicalities of how it transpired, I cannot provide - it appears that there has been a lot of debate amongst people that bother to consider this information, and I can't say with all certainty that I have a definitive theory of my own. What is important to focus on, is that demons, as we know them today, are the disembodied souls of those beings, that once had material bodies. The Apocryphal books that deal with the subject of what happened between the disobediant angels and the pre-flood people of Earth tell us that not only did the angels have sexual relations with women, but that they also brought down knowledge of many arts and sciences that were completely unknown before their arrival. Sorcery, warcraft and the art of personal adornment are a few of the major 'gifts' that the fallen angels of that age brought with them. I have always considered this to be intriguing, because it must mean that they carried that knowledge over from some other arena, where they themselves must have acquired it. Seems logical to me. One of the most hair-raising passages in the Bible (at least to me), is in the book of Jude, where a short segment of text reminds us of the angels that left their 'former estate.' If those angels departed from a completely non-material realm, how would they have been so familiar with earthly forms of science, like herbology? Maybe they'd been involved with other material realms at some point in the past, or perhaps they would have been able to devise everything once they were on Earth - I really don't know. They must have had to create (or maybe 'borrow') fleshly bodies, in order to mate with human women. Or, maybe not; again, I can't say for sure. Anyhow, after the Gibborim are produced, the affairs of the world are greatly disturbed - everything changes; it appears that the Gibborim created a lot of havoc, and we are told that they began to devour many animals, and finally, even humans! It all sounds pretty sensational, and it is - that's probably why a lot of the early church officials decided to omit the works (one of them is the book of Enoch) that covered these matters. I think it's all utterly fascinating, because, at least for me, it seems to shed a great deal of light on some of the infernally evil spiritual 'vibrations' that I have experienced at times, which I believe is mostly being generated by the demons. Obviously, those times must have been highly charged with all kinds of powerful emotional energies. We are actually told that the Gibborim were also known as the 'mighty men' of old, and that some of them were seen as legendary heroes. Read through Genesis and see for yourself; it's right before the story of the Flood. The pandemonium that was caused by the Nephilim (disobediant angels) and the Gibborim must have been a big part of the reason why the Lord decided to send the flood upon the world. God laments that 'all flesh has corrupted it's way,' and this seems to suggest that there was a high degree of biological disorder. I don't think that the simpler confusion that can result from ethnic intermarriage is what is being discussed. I am pretty sure that the Gibborim are what really got the Lord angry enough to send down such destruction. The Lord expresses regret that He even created mankind at all. As crazy as it might sound, I even once saw a mainstream Christian television program that covered this topic. One of the speakers suggested that the ages before the flood might have been populated with some of the odd creatures that are depicted in our classical mythology, like minotaurs, satyrs, centaurs, etcetera, and that they might have been created by the wicked angelic beings, who very likely would have possessed the ability to manipulate biological forms to such a frightening degree. We ourselves may now be able to create such amazing creatures, but you won't hear anyone discussing that openly, at least not in the major media. Some of us believe that many fantastically horrible genetic engineering 'experiments' may be taking place, in hidden facilities. But that is another story. I can't explain why the Gibborim turned out to be such diabolical beings, and I also can't explain a lot of other things, like why so many people decide to gleefully offer up their minds and souls to such intensely violent, objectionable creatures. --- voltage.log Love one another Fri Oct 20 2000 When the Bible uses the appellation 'Father of Lights' to refer to the Lord, that is exactly what is meant. All true spiritual illumination is from God, and there is no real wisdom to be had outside of Him. This is because the path of true wisdom eventually leads forwards and upwards to higher levels of spiritual radiance. I say eventually, because, in this current age, certain aspects of wisdom can lead to a temporal state of woe, which will ultimately be cleared away by the new light of the glory to come. The important thing that anyone considering my particular situation needs to understand, is that I literally know that this is true - I am not simply theorizing about it. I feel extremely fortunate to have been allowed to have the glimpse of the greater state of being that awaits all of us that love the Lord. I know that what the Lord has promised us in His word is true; I am not just hoping that it will be so. This doesn't make me any better than others, who are faithful without having had any sensational proof manifest in their personal lives. I am just very, very lucky to have been blessed with this knowledge, although it is also a curse, in a sense, because it is so incredibly difficult to share with others. I have no concrete proof to offer, other than the fact that I have described my near-death experience to dozens of people throughout the years since it took place. I have tried to be cautious in expressing my beliefs, because there are some uncertainties involved; I have already mentioned this in other files. What matters, is that I honestly did have that experience (about ten years ago), and as a result, I am now absolutely sure that God is real, and that a wonderful afterlife awaits those of us that love the Lord, and welcome His mercy towards us, by accepting Christ into our hearts. The mystery of how the simple acceptance of Christ makes such a huge difference in one's spiritual future, I cannot fully explain. I must say that even though I was a Christian at time of my near-death encounter, I believe that there were some subconscious doubts in my mind, regarding Christianity in general. Perhaps this was partly due to the fact that so many conflicting opinions are expressed amongst all of the different Christian denomination. I don't feel that my belief in the existence of God and Christ were in doubt, just some of the technical matters pertaining to Christian ritualism and dogma. What I would like everyone to understand, is that the salvation that we are offered by God through Jesus Christ, is actually very simple. This is what I discovered, wordlessly, when the love and forgiveness of God entirely enveloped me during my near-death experience. All of the wonders of the world can't compare to the excellence of that one moment, when you finally discover that God sincerely loves you, despite all of your sins. It seems that human beings find it very difficult to forgive each other for their shortcomings and transgressions, and much of what we call love is highly conditional in nature. In human society, there are often many complex rules and regulations that have to be met, for the flow of love to begin. What is so amazing about the Lord, is that He is willing to forgive us for our evil nature, and love us fully anyway. It is important to remember that He asks us to follow His example, by forgiving others for their trespasses. --- pill.log Hard to swallow Thu Oct 26 2000 Had a lot of emotional and psychological fluctuations over the past few days, so I decided to stop writing for a bit. I've been reading through some text files that are drawn from a book entitled 'Deeper Insights into the Illuminati Formula,' by Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler. Really interesting material; a lot of it verifies some of the beliefs that I have had about certain spiritual and political problems that have been worsening over the years. Some of the stuff is very weird. I haven't read the entire text, but what I've finished thus far is really fascinating. That book, and others like it, should be required reading for the people that mock those of us that have been trying to warn everyone about the complexity of the coming massive psycho-spiritual darkness. Something that I promised myself I wouldn't ever mention has been bothering me a lot over the past week or so. Since I am about to mention it, I should bother to find some scriptural references to back up the theory, but I'm not going to do so, because I feel that it would be best for anyone that is interested in this topic, to go and do the research themselves. The reason why I internally agreed not to write about these possibilities, is because they are especially bleak and dismal concepts to ponder upon. If what I am about to discuss is actually the truth, many people might be extremely disturbed, to say the least. Ok, here goes... There are quite a few places in the bible (again, I am not going to point out specific passages - do some research, and you will discover them for yourself) where mention is made of people that appear to be predestined for condemnation. The best example of this that I can think of, is a passage where the Antichrist is described as the 'son of perdition.' The Antichrist isn't the only one that is destined for eternal damnation; in Jude, we are told of people that are 'ordained to this condemnation,' (meaning false ministers, that teach lasciviousness in place of righteousness) and in various other sections of the Bible, mention is made of folks that are seeds sown by Satan, who will eventually find their way into the consuming flames of the fiery furnace. This suggests to me that there is a high degree of fatalism involved in the unfolding of the endtime scenario. Also, it is explained to us in another scriptural segment, that the Lord actually doesn't want certain people to better understand the truth of the gospel, lest they repent and be saved. As I have pointed out elsewhere, the destructive endtime events depicted throughout Revelation will kill well over half of the Earth's population. I'm certain that a significant number of those victims will not be saved into the Lord's kingdom. None of this is good news, of course. What all of this adds up to, apparently, is that a great many people are not going to be delivered from the eternal damnation that awaits them. The point that I am trying to make, is that since we are also told that the final cycles of this miserable age will involve the final descent of the rebellious angelic forces, and the ascent of the demonic forces (perhaps even into material forms, as in possibly genetically engineered 'alien' bodies, and/or other physical lifeforms that may eventually appear), perhaps what this means, is that some of the people that are being 'possessed' by evil spiritual forces at this time, are in fact demonic or fallen angelic spirits themselves, that have been 'born into' fleshly bodies, rather than the innocent victims of the attempts of evil spirits to possess them. I am fairly certain that some people truly are tragic victims of demonic manipulations, but the omnipresence and prevalence of intensely evil energies all throughout the world has me feeling that there is a more powerful, tangible form of evil at play at present, and that some of the people involved are not being simply puppeted by the spirits of spiritual blackness, but are avid participants in the entire infernal process that is going down. There really seems to be a grave problem, from top to bottom, regarding societal acceptance of some very sinister, and quite literally Satanic customs and rituals. If you dare to speak out loudly against such foul realities, the least of your worries will be being made fun of. Things have 'progressed' to the point where one very well may be risking death, just by decrying what has been happening. This is what I have been experiencing, in a spiritual sense (death threats) for a very long time, and I feel that it is important for me to mention this fact. The evil spiritual forces and their human slaves are no joke - not in the least - and people will eventually be killed outright for opposing the sickening occultic things that are happening. I have tried and tried to talk to many folks about these serious matters of deeply entrenched spiritual wickedness, where I feel it is leading us in general, and why I feel so strongly that it needs to be utterly stopped, before there is no chance left for us to collectively recover ourselves to saner levels of societal conduct. If you really consciously stop yourself, and think hard about the particular details involved in the horrible cultic activities of the 'system,' there won't be much that will make sense in a in a rational explanatory framework. Truly sane people simply would not do the kinds of things that the Satanists do. As far as I am concerned, the reality and presence of Satan is the only way to explain what is going on, and why virtually nothing is being done to stop it. Just focusing on the United States: out of 250-odd million people, there should be at least a million or so people that have some intimate knowledge of the vile Satan-worship cults, and what they do. And out of that amount of people, there should be a small handful of 'heroes,' that would be willing to stick out their necks, so that others might be encouraged to pull their heads out of the sand, and come to a clearer understanding of what is really developing. Although I feel that I fall far short of being able to call myself a hero, I would like to think that I am doing a small favor to the world in general, by trying to explain what has happened to me, and what I feel it may mean. There are many other individuals out there, that have stories similar to mine; some of those people are sharing their terrible ordeals with the public, but I suspect that most of them are not. It seems that people are scared of Satan, and his network of power. Those people really need to be scared of the Lord, because, remember, it is God that is going to ultimately destroy Satan, and all of his sick slaves. The Lord has called us to be brave, and to stand up against evil, in all it's forms. I believe that most people are mildly evil to some degree, and that may be part of the reason why so few of us are willing to loudly oppose the more high-level wickedness that is so out-of-control nowadays. Everyone considers their own personal palette of committed sins, and then they subconsciously estimate themselves as being unworthy of opposing evil in general. People would rather nurse their own evil history, and passively observe the worsening of the greater situation, than deal with the risks involved with attempts at spiritual bravery. I understand. I am very familiar with the phenomenon of cowardice. I have seen many amazing examples of it, during the course of my life. Buck buck buck-caw, my chickadees. --- alas.log I'm a soul man Fri Oct 27 2000 Although many people might think that I am utterly daft for saying so, I really do believe that some of these people are actually demons or fallen angels incarnate. No doubt, there have been profoundly evil and treacherous souls all throughout the course of history, but their prominence in the modern scheme of things suggests to me that we have an especially serious problem at this present time. There are many other reasons why I feel that this may be so, and to go into great detail, regarding what those particular reasons are, would be rather taxing for me, spiritually and emotionally. Really, this is the main point that I have been trying to work up to. Several files ago, I mentioned that I have had many experiences, mostly of the internal subjective variety, that I felt were extremely difficult for me to understand and convey properly, at least to my satisfaction. The main mystery in my mind, is what the real meaning of this class of experiences actually is. These internal thoughts, many of which went well beyond the ken of ordinary thinking processes, by becoming something much more like holographic movies that featured the perspective of the perceiver (myself) within them, have deeply puzzled me over the past few years. Again, I haven't written much about them, because I haven't been able to come to definite conclusions about many of them. The tentative conclusions that I have reached, are pretty disturbing to me, and I'm sure that they'd bother other people. I am sure that there are other folks that have had similar strange internal thinking processes, because of what I have noticed over the years. In fact, there probably isn't much difference between some of my peculiar thoughts, and those of others. Very few people would be willing to discuss these thoughts, because of the disturbing implications of them. There'd probably be many more people that would be willing to discuss all other kinds of 'paranormal' phenomena, but this stuff is really freaky. Now, of course, I have salted these strange thoughts heavily with critical thinking, logical evaluation methods and doubt. But, the essence of them seems to survive, even after years of weighing them carefully against what is generally accepted as 'reality,' which excludes the existence of many unknown factors that would have to be proven to be actualities, for these speculative matters to be fully legitimized. Just thinking about all of this has me feeling profoundly disturbed, and I haven't even begun to get to the point. I don't know if I'll get around to fully describing what I'm getting at, in this file, but I eventually will. Hopefully. I've got that gnawing, black void feeling in my guts again. Before continuing, I'd like to say that although I feel that there is at least some legitimacy to these perceptions that I have been mentioning, I am unsure about how exactly my soul and personality fits into the entire picture of what I'll be discussing. I have had some very unusual spiritual (and other types of) experiences over the years, and I know for sure that the presence of evil spiritual forces is a hard reality. Because I know that evil (in the form of malicious spirit beings) truly exists, I also know that the possibility for spiritual deception should be carefully considered. As I have said many times before, I don't want to be responsible for spreading confusion, so I ask the reader to consider these matters critically, rather than just believing blindly. Ask God about them, because He knows the truth of all things. I believe that the profoundly negative events that have occurred in my life over the past five or so years, were engineered by some intensely evil Satanic forces. I am not kidding when I say this, because, again, I know that they actually do exist. I am not speculating about whether or not they are realities - I know that they are real. The main reason why they have caused these unfortunate events to precipitate upon me, I believe, is because there must be something about my set of experiences prior to this current phase of negativity that I am enduring, that in some way threatens them and their spiritual power over the masses. Some people will think that I am being sickeningly grandiose by saying that, but it is how I actually feel about all of this. Nobody can perfectly understand why I feel this way, because only I can perceive my life subjectively. I don't expect many people to understand. I'll just put it this way: if Satan and his masses feel that anyone represents a potential threat to their dominance, they probably issue a kind of 'discredit and destroy' proclamation against the person or people involved. Most people are probably not that difficult to bring down in some way, because of the fact that all of us have been raised under this intensely hypnotic negative culture, which seems to be filled with sinful spiritual motivations, and the sorrowful results of them. How I may represent a threat to them may not be apparent to most people, but I understand why very well. I know that there really is going to be a very real resurrection of the dead, and I know that there is some particular place that the resurrected souls will be brought to. This might not seem to be all that threatening, and many people might argue that there are tens of thousands, perhaps millions of people that have had near-death experiences. Why would I feel that my story might be more intimidating to the Satanic forces? Honestly, I can't say exactly why. It has puzzled me greatly. One possible clue as to why, that I have festered on a lot, is that my particular near-death experience seems to be slightly different from accounts that others have given. I have mentioned this in another file: I did not have a 'rushing' sensation, or feel drawn through any kind of tunnel towards a light. In fact, the beginning of my near-death experience was incredibly negative, but then developed into something indescribably wonderful. I did encounter a light, which I believe was a spiritual personality sent by God, as well as two others that were similar, one of them equivalent to the first one, and the other more powerful. They all manifested as featureless (at least from my perspective) spheres of light, and they were extremely kind, and able to communicate telepathically amongst themselves, and with me. That experience threatens the evil spirit forces that are currently ruling here on Earth. I know this, because the spiritual hostility that I began to perceive, after I found myself returned to this body, was very noticeable, and has persisted to the present day. This is the main reason why I feel very strongly that I was transported spiritually to someplace in the kingdom of God. I certainly can't offer much proof to anyone that this took place, but I am personally pretty sure of it. Once more, the best proof that I have, for myself, that this occurred, is the tangible hostility that I often encounter when I even simply think of all of this in the company of spiritually beset people. The demons that occupy many folks will often cause them to become noticeably uncomfortable when I even just think of that experience, so, for me, there isn't much doubt about the existence of the kingdom of God, and the reality of demons, angels, spiritual resurrection, etcetera. Probably the greatest source of puzzlement to me, has been the blizzard of weird phenomena that seemed to take place after I sent a copy of my book of poetry (Odhinn Voodoo Buddha) to [NAME DELETED]. Even much later (I sent it about five years ago), there seems to be a lot of weirdness surrounding it. I could write pages and pages about how I put that book together, and what I was feeling as I wrote it, odd things that happened during it's construction, etcetera, but I'll save all of that for future files. Just how I devised the title, is a very interesting story unto itself. Another source of puzzlement, is that even though I am sure that plenty of people have completely read the book, including prominent publishing executives and literary agents, not one of them has sent me any kind of comment on it. It's not that I think that it's such a great piece of literature, because it isn't; it just seems to merit some kind of response, from at least one or two people. I have received no response at all, from anyone. It's almost as if nobody has read it. Ha. This was an aggravating fact to me at one point, but I now feel extremely amused by it. There's so much that they can't understand about that book, because they haven't bothered to discuss it with me. I have digressed again; now I'll continue along with what I originally intended to cover in this file - the strange spiritual possibilities that I have been considering. Since I know that a soul can be carried from this world to another, I believe that it may be possible that the reverse could also happen. I believe that Satan and his angels, at one time, actually had a 'place' of their own in the heavens. Now, whether that place was a material planet, alternate dimension, or whatever else, I cannot say for sure; the Bible tells us that after the war with God, Satan's place is 'found no more,' and he and his angels get cast down to Earth. Here is where I get redundant (I've already mentioned this many times in other files). Satan and his angels are described collectively as the Dragon in the bible. In a file that I wrote many years ago, I described seeing a very amazing sight in the sky (to the right of my field of vision, over the lakefront, but near the downtown area), of a bank of fluffy clouds forming into the shape of a dragon, and then into something that looked a lot like four very bright white dodecahedrons, three of which were in a row, with a fourth off to the side. Just prior to seeing this, I felt an extremely oppressive spiritual force, that said to me quite clearly, 'are you looking for a savior?' As I heard these words (voiced telepathically into my mind), it appeared that the sun was descending from the sky upon me, through the branches of a large tree that I was laying under. As this took place, I felt a great pressure upon my chest, that was similar to what I felt right before my near-death experience. I then felt a kind of frantic, dismayed feeling in my mind, and a few other things that I won't mention at this time. These types of negative spiritual encounters have definitely reinforced my beliefs about the reality of the arrival of negative spiritual forces from elsewhere, wherever 'elsewhere' is considered to be. Those forces are real, and they are very dangerous. Do not accept anything from them, because they are the Lord's enemies. Remember, Satan is described as the 'prince of the power of the air,' and some of us know what that means. Take heed. We are also told that the Antichrist is going to be controlled by those evil spiritual forces, and that his power and authority will be given to him by the Dragon. I have been trying to warn the reader about the reality of the existence of those evil forces. They are extremely real, and one mustn't accept anything from them, because to accept even the slightest 'gift' from them may put your soul in grave jeopardy. The Lord is not joking around with us; He does not want us to serve the Dragon. People that decide to do so, will be eternally destroyed. Think it's funny? The people that poisoned me are perfect examples of the Dragon's servants, as best as I can tell. Do any of you want to spend eternity in hell with Satan and his servants? Just serve the Dragon, then. You will go there, and you will stay there. Because I have had so little success, in my attempts to warn people about the reality of these issues, I have felt deeply despondent at times. My personal life has suffered tremendously because of this. What little personal life I have left, that is. Most people don't want to hear about this bad news (the reality of the existence of spiritual evil), and at a certain level, I can't say that I blame them. It is depressing to know these things. To get to the real point, I will say that I feel that almost the entire world is under the sway of Satan and his angels, and that our current systems of political (and other types of) authority are almost entirely run by the Satanic forces. What I am saying, is that it appears that the devil has been doling out much of the world's 'authority' over the past few decades. The saddest part about it, is that the legions of people that have been accepting that authority don't seem to clearly understand that they may be losing their souls to Satan, because of their acceptance of authority from him. I know that Satan offers power to people, because he and his agents have been continually trying to get me to accept power from them, throughout much of my life. There seem to be a lot of takers for what Satan is offering. So little opposition to the worldwide dominance of the Satanic system makes me seriously consider the possibility that some of the 'players' involved are not just victims of evil spiritual possession, but actual demons or fallen angels themselves, guised in human flesh. Perhaps some people are actually reprobate spirits, born into fleshly bodies. I really don't know for sure, but it seems possible, and it would explain a lot, at least to me. I can't emphasize enough how important I feel these issues are. If what I suspect may be true, actually is, it is one of the most important things of all time for the world to consider. --- smart.log That won't do Fri Nov 10 2000 Every day provides me with more evidence that there is a great need for all people to understand at least the basics of spiritual self-defense. It really seems to be more important that ever before. I could get into a long, tiring discussion about the manifold ways that folks are being continually assaulted, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, through the media and other channels, but it's not worth the effort, because there are tons of engrossing articles and books already written, by folks that are far more eloquent at articulating the information than I. Anyone that cares already knows about all of the dark energies in this civilization, and the deep problems that are caused by their presence. I know that most people don't realize how specifically targeted they are, as individuals, by those negative forces, but eventually, everyone will. Those of us that have had a more miserable 'walk' through this life know well how disturbingly 'specific' the darkness can get, and how difficult it can be to handle gracefully, or at all. The complexities involved in a particular person's situation vary greatly, I'm sure, but there seem to be certain commonalities that should be carefully considered. When the forces of evil begin to strongly lean in on you, it seems that very real personalities are assigned to ensure a certain degree of continual harassment, spiritual and/or otherwise. Whether or not those personality forces are purely spiritual, or if there are, in certain situations, human counterparts to them, I can't say for sure. I strongly suspect that I have both kinds at work against me at this time. Anyone that reads this, and says to themselves, 'Boy, is this guy paranoid, or what?', just doesn't fully understand the amazing depths of evil in this demented age. It would be nearly impossible for me to completely convince everyone that I have been being continually harassed by some sort of evil task force, but I believe that is exactly what has been happening. Now, again, I am not completely certain whether my sufferings have been caused by solely spiritual forces, or in combination with human efforts (perhaps involving psychotronic technology), but everything seems to suggest that both have been at work to cause me various classes of problems. The main reason why I am sure of this, is the constant phenomena of people in the media being 'in tune' with what has been happening in this household. I firmly believe that there is some kind of powerful bugging system installed in this home, and that there are people that are actually providing information about what is happening here to others. As unbelievable as it may seem to many people, they even seem to be able to access information on my computers, none of which are connected by phone lines to outside networks. I've already discussed this in other files. What I haven't mentioned, is the fact that it has caused great mental stress to precipitate upon me, beyond my ability to fully convey it. In short, the reality of the people that have been spying on me, has filled me with absolute fury. I would hope that anyone else that might find themselves in this kind of situation, would feel the same. Nobody has the right to violate my privacy. None of the perpetrators would enjoy this sort of thing happening to themselves, unless they were absolute imbeciles. It's not just the annoying fact that the jerks have been spying on me, but that there literally appears to be some kind of elaborate network of people involved, that quite possibly, have made themselves a lively business out of these types of illegal espionage activities. Once again, I know that this sounds extremely paranoid, but I'm pretty sure that it has been happening, and that it involves communications over the the Internet in one form or another. My constant prayer, is that the Lord will powerfully rebuke all of the people that are involved, particularly the people that are most directly responsible for this heinous invasion of my privacy. If it were the intelligence agencies operating alone, then there wouldn't be the phenomenon of the wide array of people being aware of my personal conversations and activities. I mean, from the highest political figures, to the hosts of the 700 Club, to folks that you meet at the public library - come on. It's ridiculous and insane. Another thing that makes me intensely angry, is that I know that our intelligence agencies could easily stop this illegal espionage operation, but apparently, they have decided to allow these little 'games' to continue, for God knows what reasons, maybe because they find my discomfort entertaining. I really don't know. I do know, that from my end, this has been a very draining, depressing experience, one that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Where do these people get off thinking that they have the right to violate my privacy? They don't have the right, plain and simple. However, convincing them of this is a challenge. If I am correct in my estimation of this situation, if there really is some kind of spy network impinging upon my life, obviously, they are extremely unconcerned with general ethics and morality, and far more interested in abusing power for their selfish reasons. That those people would perpetrate their system of evil by using low-life manipulation tactics of the type that I've encountered doesn't really surprise me. The world is full of wickedness of all varieties, and has been all throughout recorded history. What startles me somewhat, is the fact that so very many people appear to be involved in this current phase of unrighteous imposition upon my private life, and that none of them seem to be willing to speak against these kinds of invasive indignities. I have read a great many articles dealing with people that claim that they've been victimized by intelligence agency mind-control programs. Almost a decade ago, my friend [NAME DELETED] began described problems that he'd been having, along the same lines. He was convinced that there was some type of very unusual intrigue in his life, and that some of it may have been directed by evil forces within either domestic or foreign intelligence agencies. This is what I believe has developed in my life, beginning in earnest about five or six years ago. I fully understand how difficult it may be for most folks to believe this, because I remember well how strange [NAME DELETED]'s stories seemed to me, when he began attempting to describe the ordeals that he'd been through. He seemed extremely paranoid and irrational at times, and there appeared to be a lot of fear involved as well. Initially, I couldn't believe much of what he was describing, although his explanations regarding exactly why he felt that he was being manipulated seemed somewhat believable. Over the past decade, [NAME DELETED] has been investigating technology involved in advanced weapons systems that the Department of Defense has been researching and developing over the past several decades. For many years, he was submitting proposals to a subsidiary of the DoD, known as SBIR (Small Business Innovation Research), in the hopes of obtaining funding for several projects that he'd been envisioning. For instance, one of his projects had to do with creating a portable electronic device for graphically evaluating the electromagnetic spectrum for hazardous emission ranges. [NAME DELETED] spent a lot of time putting together his proposals, and apparently, spent a great amount of time on the phone with people within various governmental agencies, such as the DoD, CIA, FBI, etcetera. He also received a great amount of printed documents and microfilm from various agencies, all of which was of an Unclassified clearance, but which still bore strange seals and warnings. I got a look at a few of the documents that he received, and although most of them only covered basic scientific research stuff, a few of them contained some pretty amazing information. The Unclassified material, in theory, should be obtainable by almost any American citizen, because of the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act). It makes you seriously wonder about the levels above (there are about four or five, up to 'Top Secret,' and then a few beyond even that), for sure. I understand why the government was so deeply concerned about the possibility of high-level defense information being leaked to the Chinese. Even the lowest level of American defense information (Unclassified) contains some very advanced, eyebrow-raising stuff. If more people knew how legitimate the concept of psychotronics was, there might be a lot more of an uproar over the possibility of involuntary human experimentation by our government and private sector, utilizing these amazing new technologies. SInce the concept of psychotronic technology has not been generally disseminated to the public by the media, people are largely ignorant of the reality of the technology, and as a result, a lot of very evil situations, involving psychotronic technology experimentation, may have been allowed to transpire. And, as I've mentioned in other files, I believe that details of some of the situations have been extremely obfuscated by being carefully wrapped within the foolishness of the fraternal cult 'traditions' that I've been continually railing against. I am certain the the two people that brought on the beginning of this evil situation ([NAME DELETED] and [NAME DELETED]), are the servants of Satan. It's obvious to me. Anyone that would do the sort of thing that I believe they did to me, would have to be possessed by demons or fallen angelic powers. It goes without saying that the Holy Spirit would never motivate people in such a way. I am convinced the the Spirit of God is totally against the 'traditions' of man, which are actually the traditions of Satan and his family. Furthermore, I believe that the destruction that lies in the future will be manifested largely because of the negative spiritual results of fraternalism, and the ugly reality of the dark operations of Satan's devotees. None of this is imaginary, it is all very real. Trying to get the system's 'participants' to squarely face the facts is right next to impossible, but those of us that understand these matters must keep trying, up to the very end. --- rails.log Rollin' round the bend Sun Nov 12 2000 I have deliberately avoided writing about many of the experiences that I have had over the years; I have mentioned this many times before throughout these files. Much of what I haven't written about concerns weird dreams and other odd waking impressions that I have had over the years. A lot of this stuff would be difficult to write down in a rational manner, because again, there's a lot of extremely subjective personal interpretation involved, that might make little sense to others, and thus I'd be risking seeming fairly irrational (which may already be a problem, in the minds of some, but it would worsen considerably if I wrote about the other stuff). I just woke up a while ago, after having yet another strange dream, which seemed to suggest several very disturbing things to me. Many of these dreams that I have been having (what I can recall of them upon waking, at least) seem to be interrelated, and certain details strongly suggest that there are common themes at play amongst them. Although I am really worried about being misled by something as seemingly insubstantial and ephemeral as dreams (this is why I have largely stopped writing about them), I recall that we are told in the Bible that various people would have significant dreams and visions toward the end of this age, and so, I am trying my darndest to make some sense out of these vapors. Hopefully, there is some sense to be made out of them. If there is, I certainly want to figure out what it is. Well, this particular dream found me walking along a wide dirt road; on the left side there was a chain-link fence, with people behind it that appeared to be involved in some kind of construction project. What they were building seemed to be rows of long single-story bungalows, of the type commonly found in military installations. I reached some kind of gate ahead, situated in a portion of the fence that jutted outward to the right from the main fence, and passed through. I continued walking along and realized that the people that were involved in the construction seemed to be either (i'm not certain of this) mocking or jeering at me. How it was, is that at first, they seemed to be laughing at me, and then it quickly changed into something more like jeering, if that makes any sense. I then thought to myself 'fools,' and kept walking. I also noticed that they seemed to be contained within the fence, almost as if they were prisoners. But, the funny thing, is that at first, it 'felt' (you know how dreams are) like they were something like military construction authorities, and then they suddenly seemed more like prisoners, building their own camp homes. I kept walking along, and reached some railroad tracks that spanned far off into the distance, left and right. There were two sets of tracks, that I assumed were for the usual incoming and outgoing trains. Now here is a slightly strange part. I crossed the tracks, after, I believe, carefully looking left and right to make sure that no trains were approaching. I believe that there was a row of tall hedges running all along the length of the tracks, on the other side, so I couldn't see what lay beyond the tracks and foliage. Now that I think of it, I'm not even entirely sure if hedges were involved. Let's just say that there was some kind of obscuring element involved, that I can't accurately remember. It might have been hedges, trees, mist, or something. Anyway, I crossed the tracks, and then passed the obscuring element. Here, I very vaguely recall seeing either a large prison-like building, or an extensive camp-like compound of some sort. I really hate to be this indefinite, but I'd be lying if I tried to describe it in more detail. Here's what sort of bothers me: I can't remember anything more about what was beyond the obscuring element. If I dreamt anything at all about it, it completely vanished after I woke up. But, I do recall subsequently returning from that area, and reaching the tracks again. See, what I am trying to (very awkwardly, of course) explain, is how certain segments of my dreams seem to be selectively 'blotted out' at times. This phenomenon makes me wonder whether there might be more significance to the dreams where these aggravating (and often, seemingly deliberately evoked) lapses occurs. Upon reaching the tracks, I again looked in both directions to make sure that no train was approaching. This time, a train was approaching, from what was now to my right (but which had been to the left when I was traveling in the opposite direction). The train was about two or three miles away, because the emerging light was very small. I heard no noise, and I should have mentioned earlier that the atmospheric surroundings seemed to suggest an indefinite (dusk or dawn), dimly-lit time of day. I crossed the tracks, and walked along the same path again. This time, I noticed that there was another chain-link fence to the left (formerly the right), and that people were also behind it. However, they were not involved in any construction project. They seemed to be just kind of standing around. There were some buildings too, similar to the ones that were being constructed on the other side. I suddenly seem to remember that there were multi-story buildings being built on the other side, that I hadn't previously recalled. As I neared the gate, a young person, I think male, left a group of people and walked alongside the gate towards me. When this happened, I noticed two things. The first, was that there seemed to be a kind of magnetic, slightly hostile sensation happening between his mind and mine, almost like a kind of mental arm-wrestling. I have frequently encountered this kind of sensation in my dreams, especially over the past few years, and it nearly always involves some sort of strange character. The person seemed to be trying to 'will' me to speak with him through the fence, but i refused to do so, and kept walking toward the gate. Right as I was nearing the gate, I turned and looked at the fence. That was when I noticed that the young man behind the fence seemed, well, disturbed. I also noticed that he had very dark blue hair. --- eperdo.log All opposed say nay Thu Nov 30 2000 Visited [NAME DELETED] yesterday; he spent the entire afternoon trying to access the Internet, to no avail. He believes that there is some individual or group that is intercepting his online activities. He explained to me that the software from the service provider that he uses creates 'cookie' files that contain complete info about his online 'trail,' and that, theoretically, cyber-spies might be able to monitor his activities by simply reading through the data contained within. If, of course, they were able to somehow access the files through his online connection. I have read accounts that other people have put forth, regarding techniques that might be used to digitally spy on an Internet-connected person. There are utilities that can be used for such purposes. They are not imaginary; they actually exist. In fact, I have some experience with the concept of cyber-espionage myself, although it is rather limited. When I was in my sophomore year of high school (was that ever an interesting time, let me tell you), the little computer room had about a dozen networked terminals that were constantly being manipulated by kids that were utilizing simple assembly-language utilities. Any modern network administrator knows well that the activities on any particular connected terminal can easily be remotely monitored. That's what networks are all about, really. The same situation applies to the Internet, and online activities in general. If there is a reason for anyone to be interested in your web-surfing actions, and if they have the technical know-how and access to the right software and technology, then you can be sure that there is a good chance that you'll have problems with the data snoops. Anyhow, again, [NAME DELETED] spent all afternoon trying to log on to the Internet, and was never able to get a successful connection. Apparently, some kind of activity was happening, involving his hard drive being remotely accessed, because the drive and modem lights were frequently flickering, while nothing at all was happening on the screen for long periods of time. It seems possible and likely that there might some kind of espionage involved, because of the fact that [NAME DELETED] has been researching defense-related technology for so long. Perhaps certain governmental agencies consider him to be a security risk, or something like that. Even though all of the DTIC documents that he received are Unclassified (as far as I know), there might be some concern within the defense community. I'm sure that the righteous people in American defense understand that [NAME DELETED] is basically a good citizen, with no negative intentions, but the more paranoid types might want to see him in a darker light. [ADDITIONAL TEXT DELETED] --- shovel.log Diggin' deep Fri Dec 22 2000 I have been thinking a lot about the long phase that I went through (approximately from 1996 to 1998), where I had a great many amazing, largely internal experiences. One of the problems that I have had with this particular range of experiences, is that they were so intensely subjective, that I found myself largely unable to fully comprehend and convey them through my writing. Many of them have gone completely unrecorded as a result. Another reason why I haven't written anything about them, perhaps far more important, is because many meanings that seemed to be suggested to me by these thoughts, could possibly have been partially or even completely inspired by negative spiritual forces. I have tried to be as careful as possible, because, as I have said in many files, I do not wish to be responsible for misleading others, by putting forth my interpretations of some of the bizarre spiritual events that have manifested in my life. Also, as I have indicated elsewhere, I feel very strongly that there very well may be a 'program' of spiritual deception, that is being covertly directed by world forces that are intimately aligned with demonic and/or fallen angelic forces. There have been times when I have been certain that various internal impressions have been artificially imposed upon me, either by dark spiritual means, or perhaps by psychotronic (electronic mind-control) technology. I have never claimed to be a prophet. Even though many of the experiences that I have had have seemed to be directed by truly wholesome spiritual forces (some of them, I absolutely know were), I have always been very worried about being deceived by evil spiritual beings, and inadvertently (by conveying erroneous personal interpretations of what I have gone through) deceiving others. I have no desire at all to deceive anyone. We are warned by the Lord to 'test the spirits,' and I have tried to do this. I advise everyone that sincerely seeks the truth, to also do so. I believe that the only way to effectively discern what is true or false, spiritually, is through petitioning the Lord directly, through serious prayer. God tells us that if we diligently seek Him, that He will be found by us. He also tells us that anyone that wants wisdom, only need ask Him for it, and it will be generously bestowed. The Lord tells us to seek Him when we are happy and content, as well as when we are sorely afflicted. We are told that our unwavering faith pleases Him greatly. I have tried to remain faithful, and as sin-free as possible. It hasn't been easy. This difficult trial that I have had over the past five or so years has been very, very hard for me to fully understand and endure gracefully. I thank God that I have been able to remain as calm and faithful as I have, but I know that I could have done much better. The greatest problems I've had, have been dealing with anger and resentment. I have had to wrestle with truly monumental feelings of internal wrath. Sometimes, the feelings would be so terrible and intense, that I just knew that there was a very real evil spiritual force trying to break through my soul, in order to gain control over me. I feel very strongly, that Satan and his spirits have wanted very badly to 'break' me, for their wicked purposes. To me, this is very valuable to realize, because I now understand very well, from personal experience, some of the methods that are used by the kingdom of Satan to gain great control over individuals and organizations. By the grace of God, I have remained faithful and optimistic. I know that there are people that have had far more terrible encounters with profoundly evil spiritual forces, but I believe that the situation that I have gone through is very unique in certain respects, and should be carefully considered by as many people as possible, particularly by Christians. Despite the fact that the evil 'traditions of men' are very seldom discussed in a straightforward manner, most people that have passed a certain age seem to have some kind of understanding of what they involve, either from their own lives, or what they have heard from others, or gathered via intuition. I know that many people haven't been touched at all by the great darkness that I have, but I am concerned that more people will be in the future, and I want anyone that will encounter anything near the kind of strangeness and deep perplexity that I have, to be fully prepared for what they'll be in for. Because these matters are practically never clearly discussed, due to the shame factor involved, they have a great power that is difficult to define exactly. I perceive that the most wicked people in the world have been utilizing those sinister 'traditions' to their advantage, in order to wield evil influence over folks that aren't as spiritually unscrupulous. I really do believe that many of the most powerful people in the world have come 'under the influence' of those abominable practices, and that many of them, as a result, are being puppeted by evil spiritual beings. Of course, I cannot prove this to the satisfaction of many people. It is something that I know, because of the difficulties I have had in coping with my own negative encounter with the sickening practices of the Babylon 'religion,' and its infernal devotees. The most terrible thing of all, to my mind, is that there appear to be large numbers of folks that claim faith in God and Jesus Christ, that are also gleeful partakers of the cup of filthiness that Babylon liberally dispenses. I certainly believe that this should not be so, and I hope that there are others that agree with me. Even though that system is so widespread and accepted, I feel that there may still be a chance for it to finally be ended. We are told in the Bible that nobody can serve two masters. We cannot serve God and Mammon. That cup of whoredoms is Mammon, writ large. Everyone that wholeheartedly accepts the filthy draught from that ungodly cup, will eventually be eternally alienated from the Lord and His kingdom of righteousness. It does not matter whether the partakers have spent their entire lives proclaiming faith in God - if they also accept that cup, the Lord will ultimately reject them. I feel very certain that this is true. However, I feel that anyone that finally recognizes their sins, and honestly repents of them, may very well obtain a full pardon from the Lord, and this is what I would like to stress, to all of the people that seem to have great 'faith' in Satan's awful scheme of idolatry and degrading whoredoms. Why anyone would choose that crap over the boundless goodness of God, will always be a complete mystery to me. I pray that as many of you as possible will come to your senses, and fully reject the evils of that Satanic system. --- pineal.log Invest in yourself Mon Dec 25 2000 My mood has been improving over the past few days; I thank God for this. I believe that a certain set of psycho-spiritual exercises that I have developed specifically for myself have helped me greatly. In fact, it would probably be worthwhile for me to attempt to share these exercises, for the benefit of others, but I'd like to do a lot more research before doing so. Even though there is so much complexity involved with life, and the various kinds of problems that arise, almost everything can be simplified greatly, and dealt with more easily. I've had so many different complicated and confusing thoughts over the past few years, and all of them, more or less, stemmed from that profoundly negative experience that I had about five years ago. I have harped on constantly throughout these writings, about that bad experience, and the associated difficulties that I've endured as a result. But, really, when all of this is broken down, the main problem that I have had as a result, is anxiety. Although I know that there are purely spiritual aspects to all human emotions, I also know that there are physiological correlations, and that powerful emotional states often are precipitated by the production (or cessation of production) of certain chemicals that originate in the brain. Emotional states have everything to do with the relationship between the delicate chemical balances that are maintained in the cerebral tissues, and the effects that they have on the neurological system. This has been fairly well-documented; there's no need for arguments. Well anyhow, I believe that the brain can be coaxed, via psychological exercises, to voluntarily produce various chemicals that will bring about more desirable emotional states. Doing this effectively, I believe, involves attempts at passing over the raw strength of the reactive mind to the areas of higher brain activity. When I am really agitated, it often feels as though there are more pronounced sensations in certain areas of my brain, usually the lower regions. Sometimes they run along the lines of the conventional description of a headache, while on other occasions, less easily definable feelings are involved. A generic (but far too vague) description of those feelings might be 'pressures,' but a lot of variation is involved - they aren't all the same. There are many different theories that I have about the origin of those sensations, but again, to simplify, the real problem is how to eliminate, or at least minimize them, so that my brain and mind can be restored to a more optimal operational state. Dwelling on the sources of the problems isn't exactly a waste of time, but that's what I've been spending a lot of energy on, over the past few years. Trying to determine exactly what the source of the problem is - spiritual, emotional, psychological, psychotronic, political, or what. Exhausting. Restoring my mind and soul is what I (or anyone else suffering anything similar) should be most concerned with. I have prayed a lot over the years, and still do, and it really does help greatly. The Lord cannot help us as effectively, if we don't pray to Him. This, I have learned well. The active energy of the Holy Spirit is greatly amplified in combination with sincere prayer and repentance. This is most important to realize. It may take some time for the connection between the petitioning soul and the Lord to develop and become strong, but with patience, it will. In addition to my regular prayers to God, I have also been praying for specific areas of my brain. This sort of started when I'd discover bad thoughts and images surfacing while I was praying. I'd pray the blood of Jesus against them, and they'd usually dissipate immediately. Eventually, I tried praying against my bad moods and mental frames. Ultimately, I discovered (really very simple, when you think about it) that all of my thoughts and moods originated from guess where? Me brain, of course. So, I started praying for it, in general, at first, but I soon moved on to experimenting with praying for various specific localities within the brain, like the pituitary and pineal glands, the hypothalamus, etcetera. The effects of doing so can be very interesting. Anyone that takes the time to pray for their own brain, will soon discover this for themselves. --- heyoka.log God bless America Mon Jan 15 2001 I've already covered a lot of topics that I consider to be important, but there are so many other things that I could write about. I definitely don't consider myself to be the smartest or wisest person around, but I do feel that some pretty important considerations have been largely ignored by practically all of the folks that should be worried about them. I have been trying to at least approach some of these matters, but some of them are very difficult to discuss, even in writing, because they touch on extremely sensitive issues, that many people, including myself, often don't feel comfortable discussing. There are lots of thoughts swirling around in my mind right now, and I know exactly what I'd like to write about, but I'll wait until later, when I feel more relaxed. Many of the thoughts seem to have little or no relation to the others, but when considering them altogether, their interrelated nature becomes more apparent. I recently discovered that I share a certain belief with a friend of mine; she also feels that the United States probably will ultimately represent either the salvation or destruction of the modern world. She isn't exactly a Christian, so she doesn't feel, as I do, that Jesus is the ultimate hope for mankind. Most of the various issues that are rotating in my mind seem to be components essential to the smoothly running machinery of the United States. My belief, to expand on it a little, is that if the United States can become more stabilized and wholesome overall, that it will have much greater power to influence positive change all throughout the world. The fact that the cultural diversity of our nation represents much of the entire world has a lot to do with it. I believe that successful cooperation here bodes well for the rest of the planet. If things don't go well here, the stability of many other regions will be threatened. Getting people to understand this, on a deep level, and in combination with the truth of Christianity, is pretty much what I am all about. Helping these people to understand that God must rule over our nation, rather than the broad range of selfish and petty human vices, is very difficult. It is hard enough to change oneself, and it can seem right next to impossible to change the behavior of others. All people should try to change themselves for the better, because it is the right thing to do. This lovely nation has afforded so many opportunities for individuals of every kind of background imaginable. The wonder of the American experiment provides hope for people all over the world. The spiritual importance of this nation, its history and people cannot be underestimated. --- concern.log A very large building Fri Mar 2 2001 I have serious concerns about whether it's a 'good idea' to share my spiritual perceptions more broadly. I've said many times throughout these writings that there are many points that I am not quite clear on; I'd feel a lot more comfortable, if I knew for sure if various aspects of my theories were totally correct. Although I feel that most of what I believe is absolutely valid, I am worried about being incorrect in certain respects. But, considering everything that I've been through over the past ten or so years, I feel that it's better for me to just go ahead and forward these thoughts to the general public, because I have a strong suspicion that many other folks have had similar intensely strange experiences and impressions, and I'm sure that anyone that knows what I am talking about, from their own experience, will be somewhat relieved to read about what I have endured, especially because they might not have the confidence to put forth the details of their own unpleasant ordeals. Something that I have neglected to mention, largely because of a deficit of confidence, is the fact that I know how incredibly wonderful the spiritual atmosphere will be under God. It might seem to be very feeble to say that I lack the confidence to convey the details of the far more powerful spiritual atmosphere that I know will prevail under the rule of God, but those of you that are familiar with the sort of internal spiritual harassment that often takes place in these sorts of situations, will probably realize why it's difficult for me to talk about the very real and wonderful future that lies ahead, for those of us that love the Lord. The spiritual enemies of God, that are in charge currently, have great antipathy towards the Lord and His system of government. They very sincerely hate those of us that are eagerly awaiting the return of Christ. The hate that they have for us, will be greatly amplified in the near future, I believe. Those of us that love God, need to be prepared for this eventuation, because it will be very disturbing and frightening, for those of us that will have to live through it. None of this is a lighthearted little game; people are very literally going to be martyred for the testimony of Jesus Christ. Much of what is to come, will not at all be pleasant. Please be ready. --- thwack.log Ouch, that smarts Wed Mar 7 2001 Well, I have avoided writing LOG files for most of the past few months, but I'll have to start up again, because soon, I'll be preparing material for a new edition of the Odhinn Voodoo Buddha book, and I plan to include many of the LOG entries. I feel that I have covered most of the important points, regarding Christianity, and my theories about certain possibilities, but it has been brought to my attention that others might not find some of my theories to be as understandable as I'd like to believe they are. As I have indicated many times in the past, various aspects of what I believe are based on extremely subjective experiences of mine, and thus, I cannot reasonably expect others to thoroughly 'follow along' with what I feel may be valid information. I have also indicated that I feel that some of the impressions that I have received may be partially erroneous or somewhat misleading to some degree. I am worried about the possibility of my consciousness having been 'bent' by evil spiritual forces, and my perceptions having been skewed as a result. Those of you that are not fully aware of the reality of the existence of the spiritual forces of evil, probably don't fully understand what I mean. Evil spirit forces are very real. It is incredibly important, at this point, to realize that they exist, and that they are often very interested in deceiving sincere truth-seekers. I feel that I am a very sincere truth-seeker, and I must be honest with all of you, and explain candidly, that I know for certain that evil forces have been attempting to manipulate my mind, body and soul over the past decade or so. So, I am asking all of you that are seriously considering the theories that I have put forth, to pray to God, in the name of Jesus Christ, to help you to accurately discern the truth of what is happening between the earth and the heavens. I am just another sinful person on earth, and I want all of you to rely on the Lord, not myself, for your information. I cannot stress this enough. As strongly as I feel about certain possibilities, I must constantly remind myself about the possibility of spiritual deception. Please, pray to God, and ask Him what the truth is. --- gnome.log Yet must I tread Thu Apr 5 2001 I have written many letters to friends and associates, especially over the past few years, that detail some of the most unusual paranormal experiences that I have had throughout my life. I seem to have a problem with recording some of the details within these LOG files, primarily because I know that many people will eventually read through these documents, and some of them, I fear, might doubt my sanity after learning of what I have seen. I recently communicated with a woman in Dallas (that recently provided me with some of the details of her own strange paranormal and/or psychotronic ordeals), and cursorily described a particularly bizarre situation that occurred about eight or nine years ago (early 1992, I think). I have wanted to write about that experience, and many others, but have restrained myself from doing so, for various reasons. I don't feel comfortable chronicling all of the details involved here, so some of the information will be left out. Let's just say that I met a fellow that was a member of one of the local motorcycle club chapters, and that he invited me over to his home to meet his 'old lady,' who he said was 'a real Irish witch.' When we got to his home, some very weird things took place. How I initially met the dude is a very interesting story in and of itself. I met up with a lady friend of mine one evening after I'd finished work; she and her boyfriend picked me up from the Lawrence elevated train stop, here in Uptown Chicago. We then drove over to a nearby convenience store, to buy some beer and other stuff, because we'd planned to visit the home of a woman that I was dating at the time, to relax and socialize. My friend pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store, and I went inside to purchase the intended items. I grabbed a six-pack of beer from a case towards the rear of the store, and started back to the check-out counter. As I got near the front of the store, I noticed that an argument was taking place, between the two store clerks (a woman and a man) and a rustic-looking fellow, with very long hair, piercing blue eyes, a black leather motorcycle jacket and hat, and a general 'biker' appearance, for those of you that understand what I mean. I can't recall exactly what the argument concerned, but I know that beer factored into it somehow. Oh yeah, now I remember. The dude didn't have the required amount for his beer purchase, and was vehemently cursing and muttering at the clerks, because they wouldn't 'let him slide.' When I saw what was happening, and realized that the scene possibly could have worsened (he was darkly insulting the clerks and grabbing at his jacket, you see), I offered to pay for the beer, and then did. That defused the tension almost immediately, and the fellow and I then exited the store. We introduced ourselves to each other, and I invited him over to the home of the woman that I was about to visit with my other friend and her boyfriend. We got into the car, and I introduced the biker to my other friends as though I'd already known him. I then noticed that the dude had a very pronounced odor of fish wafting from him, almost as if he'd sprayed tuna oil on himself in lieu of cologne. The smell was very strong, but none of us asked him about it, out of politeness, I guess. We'd driven about two blocks west, down Lawrence, when an argument developed between the biker and my friends. They pulled the car over, and demanded that the biker exit the car, but he wouldn't. He started cursing them, and suggested that he might beat up my friend's boyfriend, and then hijack the car. Of course, this immediately alarmed my friends, which is why they pulled over so quickly. I realized that the biker had been drinking, and was in a surly mood, but I felt that my friends were overreacting somewhat. After about fifteen minutes had passed, and the biker had continually refused to exit the automobile, my friends started acting frantic, as if they were ready to get the police involved. But both of them were afraid to exit the car, for fear that the biker would made good on his promise to abscond with the vehicle, perhaps with one of them held hostage within it. I tried to calm them all down, to no avail. Finally, the biker and I left the car, and my friends drove off. Since the biker was fairly intoxicated, and wandering about in a fairly bad neighborhood, I offered to pay his el fare home. That's when he invited me over. He didn't mention the part about his 'old lady' being a witch until we'd gotten very near his home. They lived in an apartment in a neighborhood (Rogers Park) that was much further north in Chicago. When we got to his place, he introduced me to his lady, who was very pretty, with long red hair and a slightly crazed look to her. She said very little to either of us, and then disappeared into a room somewhere. Almost immediately, I noticed that there was some kind of strange energy at play in the household, but didn't really think much about it. The biker and I sat down, and conversed about various things. There seemed to be a powerful element of melancholic sadness to the entire conversation that we had, but it'd be difficult for me to define it properly. The guy had many tattoos covering his arms and body, and he had interesting stories for most of them, also. He unearthed stacks of dog-eared biker magazines, that were full of bare-chested women and crusty dudes raising beers at American biker rallies. Rock-oriented blues albums were blaring from a record player, all throughout. We talked and drank our beers for about twenty minutes, without anything really unusual happening. Then, suddenly, the guy got kind of a weird look on his face, motioned towards the room that his girlfriend had vanished into, and suggested something to me that made me feel disturbed. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say, that he asked me to get involved in a situation that I have moral objections to even considering. When the guy got onto that track, he was sitting on a leather ottoman that was in front of a large easy-chair. I asked him why he'd even suggested such a thing, and said that he shouldn't have. He then said something to the effect that he'd been involved with such activities many times in the past. Well, I began to feel even more disturbed. The biker then motioned towards a large framed picture that was hanging on the wall across from where he was sitting. I hadn't even noticed that it was a very large map of the land of Egypt. Now, I want to emphasize that what I am about to describe is absolutely no joke. It actually happened. Those of you that have read through these files thoroughly will probably recall that I described a similar occurrence (in another LOG file) where I saw evil spirit beings emerge from within several regular human beings. The same thing happened in this situation, only it was even more noticeable and pronounced. The biker was sitting, as I just mentioned, on the ottoman, with both of his hands on his knees, when a powerful wave of spiritual weight swept over the room. He then said something that I cannot recall verbatim, but it was a comment about my soul. No kidding. I then replied that my soul belonged to Jesus Christ, and immediately felt that a counteracting spiritual force of good was present with me. Right after that, the biker started fidgeting violently, and jerkily batted at the air around him. He angrily blurted out something like 'somebody in here is [EXPLETIVE DELETED] with me.' I'd kept my eyes trained on the guy, and I'm telling you, I actually saw what happened next. The dude disappeared, and I quite clearly saw what I am certain was a demon in his place. Now unlike other instances where I'd seen demons emerge from within people, this time I could only see the demon, and not the original person at all. He completely disappeared. I even blinked once or twice, out of disbelief, and the demon was still sitting there right in front of me. It was actually larger than the biker, with the same olive-green skin that I'd noticed on some of the other demons that I'd seen (prior to this event), but with a much longer head, large forehead, and very well-defined high cheekbones. The demon was perfectly visible to me for about two or three full seconds, and then another, much smaller red one appeared for about a half second, and then they were gone and the biker reappeared. Well, I got up and headed for the door. When I got to the door, I noticed that it had three or four different kinds of locks on it, and they were all fastened. When I asked to be let out, the biker started an artificial argument with me, menacingly approaching me, and yelling loudly to the woman that was in the other room, and suggesting that I had offended him in some serious way. I can't recall exactly what he said, because I was intent on getting out of there immediately. The woman appeared, and intervened, allowing me to exit the apartment. I dazedly walked back to the home of the woman that I'd intended to visit earlier that evening, and nervously babbled to her about the experience. Thankfully, she understood. This is only one of many other extremely unbelievable paranormal encounters that I have had over the years, and a very good example of one that I have been worried about recording for others to read about. I'm sure that many other people have had similar experiences, but few are willing to discuss this sort of stuff with others. I will try to write more about some other very strange events that I've gone through, in the near future. --- goblin.log As sure as we be Sat Apr 7 2001 You know, concerning the experience that I described in the last LOG file that I wrote - now that I think about it, I kind of left out some of the most important information. There have been many times when I've felt that conversations that I've had with certain people were especially 'spirited.' Sometimes the emanating spiritual energy seemed good, and on other occasions, a much more sinister radiation would prevail. Of course, the encounter that I had that evening featured a lot of negative vibrations, but the funny thing, is that there were some more subtle, less easily definable feelings involved as well. In particular, I recall that during the conversation that I had with the biker (right before everything became extremely weird, and I saw the demonic images), I felt as if we'd known each other for some time, and a few of his comments seemed to indicate that there was a feeling of familiarity between both of us. Part of the reason why that may have been, is because the fellow used certain rare and cryptic conversational conventions (which seem to be favored by demonically possessed people) that I understand, but many other people don't. What I mean, is that it's a sort of a conversational art, where one thing is discussed, but really, the topic is about something completely different. Difficult to convey, but I'm sure that some of you will immediately understand what I mean. At a certain point during the discussion that we had, he seemed to be deeply depressed, and said something about how it was 'the end of a era,' and that there'd be 'no more boots.' Then, he got really weird, and said that he was my father. When I looked at him with puzzlement, he said, 'does it seem like something that I'm not proud of?' Very soon after that, he made the statement about my soul, and I then saw the demons. They don't call them 'familiar spirits' for nothing. Please don't get the wrong idea. What I mean, is that it appears that demonic associations seem to be inherited, to some degree. Because of the nature of what I have gone through over the years, involving spiritual harassment, I am certain that the dark spirit forces that I have had to contend with, may have also pestered some of my ancestors, both recent and ancient. Why am I bothering to provide these details? Well, primarily, I want others that may have gone through similarly weird situations to understand that they are not alone, in having these sorts of odd encounters. It is important for everyone to know that demons will attempt to use every possible 'trick in the book,' in order to get control over their victims. Apparently, the same demon or demons can operate through many different kinds of individuals, making them the ultimate secret agents. I could write a lot about what I believe has been demonic activity, that I have witnessed over the years. Perhaps I will, eventually. Now, I must explain to the reader, that I have thought about this particular situation for many years, analyzing it in various ways. The main conclusion that I have reached, from careful consideration of this, and other such occurrences, is that demonic spirits are assigned or attached to certain individuals, perhaps quite early in their lives, and that the demons travel along with the people that they are obliged to beset, manifesting within the central person they are haranguing, whenever possible, as well as whatever associates and acquaintances of the victim they can successfully manipulate, when it is convenient for their purposes. As to why this is so, all I can say, is that it must involve the complexities of the grand scheme of life, including all of the basic mysteries that many of us are concerned with, like 'why are we here,' and 'what is the nature of life,' etcetera. I can tell you all, with complete confidence, that demonic harassment has caused a lot of deep stress and misery in my life. It is very important to realize that many folks interact cooperatively with demonic powers, and consequently don't have the sorts of difficulties that I am describing. I suspect that most people that cooperate with evil spirit forces are somewhat unaware of the reality of their acquiescence to such powers, at least on a fully conscious level. In other words, there are legions of folks that sincerely believe that if they simply 'do that,' (bow down in a pact of submission, to a demonic 'authority,' in the guise of a normal human being that is in fact, demonically possessed) that they will have an easier go of it in this world, as it is currently operating, in a spiritual sense. Most such people understand, I believe, that what they do to obtain their 'power' is wrong, but they'd rather focus on their 'prizes,' rather than the unsavory game that they play (in order to secure their dark spiritual clout). I feel strongly that the main reason why I have had so many intensely strange spiritual problems in my life, has a lot to do with the fact that I have consistently rejected what I am assuming are certain 'plans' that Satanic forces have tried to groom me for. I know whereof I speak, because those same demonic forces have presented themselves to me again and again, throughout my life, manifesting in many different kinds of people and situations. Invariably, they have suggested that I should perform some kind of objectionable act, in order to obtain spiritual protection and/or power from them. No kidding; this has been a constant feature throughout much of my life, especially after I had the near-death experience back in 1989. Demons seek to destroy faith in God, and they need to get their victims to make disgusting compromises, in order to successfully do so. They are very unwholesome. Actually clearly seeing the forms of the creatures that are perpetrating such evil operations has been both a blessing and a curse for me. I cannot easily share what I know with most people, because many folks will immediately chalk you up as a loon if you bring these matters up. I am not a nut. I know what I know, if you know what I mean. I don't expect everyone to believe that what I am describing is true, but it really is. I know that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of books written on demonology and related subjects, so I know that there are others that also know. I haven't read through a lot of that type of literature. For you doubters, all I can say is that demons are very, very real, but you very likely will need to have your own personal experiences, to arrive at the realization of this horrible truth.