A Long Trip Home
They were brothers. It wasn’t just something that they told the press; it was the honest truth of the matter. Each of the other four members of Nsync were part of his road family, they had been there for JC when he had needed them and he in turn tried to be there for them as often as possible. He missed them, it was silly, Christmas was for the FAMILY, not the family; but he still missed them.Justin was the youngest. Even if they hadn’t been Nsync, Justin still would have been a part of JC’s family. They had known each other for so long it really did feel like they were related by blood rather than by a common goal and friendship. They were good friends and Justin understood all the little things that the others just couldn’t.
Chris, the eldest in body and the youngest in spirit; Chris, was a paradox. There wasn’t really a way to solve the puzzle that was Chris. He could bring JC out of the funk he often found himself falling into with nothing more than a joke or a shared prank. JC had held his hand when he and Dani had gone through several rough patches.
Joey was another enigma at first. He seemed like a man for wine, women, and song, all things readily available to the pop stars that they had become. JC had found him out though. Joey would never admit his reading habits included Dickens and Chaucer rather than Playboy. Joey’s love of classics and poetry made it easy for the two of them to sit down and talk lyrics, even though he had thought freaky-deaky was a bad thing.
Lance was, well he was just Lance and that was where the problem came in. He was innocence and experience all rolled up in one. He was the person who JC loved to spend the most time with and the person that he had to escape from the most. If he called Lance his brother, he would have to call the feelings he had towards the younger man incestuous. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but he was sure his was in love.
He had been hiding it from the others, unsure really if his love was a passing fancy. Bobbie had been a good friend and when they lay in separate beds in his hotel room, JC felt that he could talk honestly about what he was feeling. She had told him that there was only one way to know for sure. It was fate he wasn’t sure at the time that he wanted to tempt. He was having all the classic frustrations that came up when one was in love. What if Lance didn’t love him back? What if Lance didn’t ever want to see him again? And so on and so on.
Christmas was for family and Lance was his family. Perhaps Bobbie had it right all along, maybe he did need to do this. It was one of those split second decisions and JC knew that he would either be glad he had done what he was about to do or he would regret it. It only took a moment to log on the internet and a few more minuets to make a request for driving directions, JC knew that there was no way he was going to get a flight two days before Christmas. He packed quickly while they printed. He left a note for the Family in the kitchen, he didn’t think that they would understand, but he knew they wouldn’t disown him over it.
When he pulled up to the stop sign just down the street he looked grimly at his print out. One thousand and eight miles, a little over seventeen hours of driving. Factor in a hotel stay, there was no way he was going to be able to drive it strait, he had already been up for almost twelve hours. The factor in time to stop and pick something up for Lance that was worthy of his love for Christmas, it was going to be a long trip. If things worked out it would be a trip home and that was something JC was willing to make.
Overall the journey wasn’t as bad as had thought that it would be. The mountains were nice and the landscape was constantly changing because he was moving to a warmer area. The present for Lance was a bit harder. It was too close to Christmas and everyplace was crowded. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to risk his life at the mall and even outlet shops and strip malls were packed. He found the perfect thing for the man who could afford everything when he stopped for diner in a small town in the middle of nowhere. A small, out of place, leather shop afforded him the perfect place to look. He settled on a new day runner for Lance. It was rich, soft brown leather and was hand tooled with an intricate pattern of squares, triangles, and bars.
JC was greeted as he walked up the front steps to Lance’s home. The blond looked rather confused to see JC on his porch.
“Are you ok? It’s Christmas Eve, why aren’t you at home?” JC smiled stupidly for a moment before responding.
“I’m fine. I really just needed to talk to you.”
“Karen and Roy called me. I have to call them and let them know you got here safe. Come on in.” Lance took in JC’s puzzled expression. “Such was your hurry to get out of the house that you left the computer on. Explorer has a history; they just backtracked and found you looked up driving directions to here. You could have taken your cell phone with you.” By this time they had made it to the Kitchen and Lance was dialing the phone.
“Roy, it’s Lance… Yeah, he’s here… No, he looks fine… Just a minuet.” He turned to JC, “Here he wants to talk to you.”
“Hello…”
“What the hell’s wrong with you! You scared us all half to death. If we hadn’t found out where you were heading we would have called the police!”
“I’m fine, I had to come down here. I have to talk to Lance about something very important.”
“You know there is such a thing as a phone. It’s Christmas Josh. You could have called Lance and talked to him and spent it with your family. Now you’re putting a burden on your friend. I’m sure that he wants to spend time with his family too. At the very least you could have called us and let us know where exactly you were.”
“I’m sorry. Look, I am going to call you back in an hour or two. Ok?”
“This conversation is far from over, I know that Karen wants to have a word with you.” It was the classic guilt trip; he had upset the woman who had raised him. Conflicting emotions were back in full force. He was glad to be with Lance and upset that he had upset his family. Lance’s hand was a comfort on his back, rubbing in small circles.
“I understand, but this is very important. I’ll call soon, I promise,” with that, said the line was disconnected. “Josh, are you sure you’re alright?” Lance’s green eyes were full of concern.
“I have to tell you something.” Alarm filled Lance’s face; it couldn’t be very good if JC felt the need to drive all the way here on Christmas to tell him. Noticing his alarm JC spoke up quickly, “It’s nothing bad, at least I hope it isn’t.”
“Josh, you aren’t making a whole lot of sense here buddy, you are going to have to give me something more to work with here.” He watched JC take a few deep breaths before opening his mouth. Nothing came out. After a few minutes of silence, Lance stood up. JC knew if he left now, he wouldn’t have the courage to do this later. He reached out and pulled Lance back into his seat.
“I’ve thought about this for long time and I really didn’t know what to think about it. At first it was just a passing fancy. You know, one of those things that can happen once in a while, something that isn’t forever. But, the more I thought about it, the less I wanted it to be that way. Bobbie told me that I had to do something about it and so here I am.” Lance just looked at him like he had grown another head. This was it, “I don’t know how it happened, but I do know that it means something to me and I hope that it can mean something to you. Lance,” he paused to lick his suddenly dry lips and swallow, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
A deep, rich laughter filled the kitchen causing JC to look up in surprise. He was shocked to say the least. He had really only expected one of two responses, a declaration of love or a declaration of contempt, he hadn’t banked on Lance thinking this was a joke and he told him so. “It’s not a joke.”
Lance’s face became instantly serious. “I know. Sometimes, when you have waited forever to hear something, it is the most beautiful thing in the world.” Lance brushed his hand along the side of JC’s face, “It makes your heart sing and the joy just bubbles over.” Lance smiled. “I had hoped and I thought that maybe, but I never actually believed. You are so much more that a brother to me.”
JC smiled back softly, “It was a long trip, but I think that I’m home.”
HOW DID I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Backstreet BoysRemember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
AloneThose days are gone, now I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonightWhat can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resembleI cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonightWhat can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeahI don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my lifeWhat can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knewHow did I fall, in love, with you
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