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Four and Half Percent

Yeah, so they aren't mine and I don't know if any of them are gay. In other news this is Lance and JC (when is it not?)

I wondered where all the blood was coming from. Nothing hurt too bad, just the dull ache of pulled muscles and god knows I know what that feels like. They say that when you're about to die your whole life flashes before your eyes. When I looked down all I got were black dots across my vision and pain flaring throughout my body. How do people who must be legally blind get driver's licenses anyway?

In the end it was quite fascinating. The car had been thrown into three trees on the edge of the country road. I was just heading home after visiting with my parents. Josh hadn't come, he wasn't feeling well. I know I saw the back of the other driver's head as he pulled into the intersection. It's just a crime that he didn't look back in the direction I was coming from.

That whole slow motion thing, that's happening to me. I saw his car coming. I hit the break, laid on the horn, and swerved slightly away. It was too late anyway. The airbag had to have come out, that was the white cloud that surrounded me. There was a sharp pain and then everything cleared up.

Everything was all right until I looked down. That's what is even more fascinating. One of the trees must have had a low laying branch because it and I have become intimately acquainted. It really isn't that big of a branch. I guess it surprised me that it had the tenacity to make it through the crash. I can't really tell how far it's passed into my chest, but the sudden breathing fit I had caused me to think it had gone quite deep. It was morbid curiosity that brought my hands up by it. The pain of touching it caused my body to jerk backwards. Perhaps I would have had a chance before then, but I know the area I live in and I know how long the EMS response time is. Now it was bleeding, so very much more than before.

I heard a gasp behind me. A woman was telling me take shallow breaths, I think, but I'm not really all that sure. I was waiting for that inevitable 'flash this is your life'. Instead I find myself caught up in a web of math. Seventy-five percent of Americans have a major car accident before age fifty, ninety percent walk away with minor injuries.

You spend a third of your life sleeping. That one caught my attention. That meant I spent 7.3 years sleeping. Only 14.7 years with friends and family. Five years with Nsync, 3.3 after sleeping not that we really slept that much. Three years in a relationship with Josh. At that moment I had never been happier that he was feeling ill this morning. That lady asked me what I meant when I said two years after sleeping. I tried to laugh, two years after sleeping in time that we had spent together.

Then I tried to subtract all the time we were together that we weren't 'together'. Times when we couldn't be together. It was all lost time now. Take away all the public showings all the performances and factor in the lost time for fights and suddenly I had had him with me for maybe a year. That's only about four and a half percent of my life.

I know that I'm not one for 'ifs' but they ran through my mind. If I had stayed home today, if I had stayed at my parent's for dinner. If could have gained Josh a few more percentage points. Even now as the EMT calls for a saw to cut the branch off the tree, I know that it was the best four and half percent of my life and I know that even if he isn't here holding my hand, he's still holding me somewhere in that time.

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