There Are No Words
Disclaimer:
They aren't mine, but I wouldn't mind one.
They aren't gay, but we can still hope the best for them.
This isn't true, but we want to think it is!
JC had these times of inspiration where the music would just come to him. The other members of Nsync knew that when the creativity hit, they were safest outside the reach of the master. Even Lance, JC’s love, found himself sharing a room with one of the others during JC’s ‘creative’ periods. He would devote himself entirely and tirelessly to the ideas in his head until they panned out or he became so frustrated with them that he just gave up.This was one of those days. It had started out normal enough, but as the day progressed even Lance couldn’t draw him out of his thoughts. When they finished their concert and returned to the hotel, JC closed himself in their hotel room and Lance put his things in Chris’s room for the night.
Chris and Joey engaged in an impromptu wrestling match in the open floor space of their suite’s main room, while Justin and Lance played Playstation to burn out the excess energy from an evening spent performing. Every once and a while Lance would turn and look at the closed door, trying to figure out how far along in the creative process JC was. He would rather spend a night in his lover’s arms than in a bed with Chris; but creative genius couldn’t be rushed. Lance heard JC playing on his keyboard and every now and then, when there was a lull in the noise in the shared room, they could hear low sounded strings of cursing coming from JC. When they were ready to sleep, Lance saw that the light to their room was still on. Sighing, he went to join Chris.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In The Morning
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When JC didn’t show up for breakfast, Lance was concerned. While he wasn’t Justin, JC did know the value of breakfast. And, unless he missed his guess, Lance would say JC was up all night working on his latest ‘project’. Juggling orange juice and cereal he knocked on the door to their room. The door was opened and Lance watched as JC slunk back to the bed.
The room was a disaster area. It was littered with little balls of paper and the bed hadn’t been slept in. By the way JC was acting Lance knew that his latest idea hadn’t been fruitful. The thing that bothered him the most was the fact that JC hadn’t spoken to him or ever looked at him since he had entered the room.
“Josh?” There was no response from the figure on the bed. “Josh, please look at me.” The eyes that greeted Lance’s request were full of sadness and regret. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t get it right. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get it right,” was JC’s enigmatic response.
“Josh, you are confusing me here. You are going to have to be a little clearer. What exactly can’t you get right?”
“I found poetry that was so close, sonnets and verse and rhyme, but it wasn’t close enough,” JC gestured to printouts of Shakespeare from his computer. “I tried to add music to them, but that didn’t work either! I tried just to write for you, but the piano can’t do my feelings justice.” Lance looked at the pile of sheet music that JC had recently composed. “Then I tried to write a poem, after all lyrics are poetry,” he said tossing a crumpled ball of paper to Lance. There were hearts and stars all over it, but no words. “You tell me each day how much I mean to you and how much you love me. I can’t seem to give that back to you, there aren’t any words that I can find, literal or abstract.” JC was on the verge of tears of frustration.
“Josh,” Lance sat on the bed beside JC and grabbed his hand. “Let me tell you something, I know how much you love me. Don’t put yourself through this if it doesn’t want to take form. Does it really matter?”
“You can say these wonderful things in front of everybody and they know that you mean it. What do the guys think of me? I don’t ever give you back what you give me. I want them and everybody else who has ever heard you to know that I love you back every bit as much as you love me. So, yeah, it does matter.” The look on JC’s face told Lance everything and he was surprised. Lance never thought that JC felt insecure about their relationship in the eyes of the other band members.
“Did you ever think of just saying ‘I Love You’ when I say it to you? It doesn’t take any fancy words or songs and music to let the others know what you think. They have never doubted you Josh. Even if you don’t have the words for it, they can see it in your eyes the same way that I can.” Lance meant every word he said. There wasn’t a moment that the others doubted JC and Lance’s love for each other. He didn’t receive a response. Sighing he added, “Just think about it.” Lance left JC to his thoughts and went to join the others in the main room of their suite.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later in the afternoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Everybody met in the main room of the suite after changing for their afternoon adventures. They were leaving for an afternoon photo shoot followed by an autograph session at a nearby music store. JC came out of the room he and Lance shared with Lance riding piggyback. His arms wrapped around JC’s shoulder’s, Lance proclaimed to the world in general, “God Josh, I love you so much!” JC immediately set him down and turned around. He looked strait into Lance’s green eyes and replied, “I love you too.” The light in Lance’s eyes and the silly grins on the faces of his band mates convinced JC that he had said exactly what he wanted and it was understood in all the ways he meant.
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