Harsh Angel
This story was nominated for a short story award at Slash Oydssey 2001. I don't know who nominated me, but thank you! Voting starts July 13, if anyone is interested. ~~~ "Did you know I heard Chris and Justin calling you a harsh angel? I think it was yesterday or maybe the day before, I can't really remember. I do know that I asked them what they meant. Justin just sighed and shook his head. Then I know he asked me what I was on and I know that I told him 'a little of this and a little of that'. Then I just sat on the floor and listened to them talk until you helped me to bed."
JC turned sobering eyes on Lance, "I think I know." He paused, "You care for me, I know you do. I can see it in every look you give and every comment you make, and sometimes when you do things you don't think about them." Silence filled the hotel room. Blue eyes looked into green, searching for a hint of truth, "Every time I try to quit like this you are there holding me when I know I can't hold myself. You do it all the time, even the others have given up on me now. That's what makes you an angel.
"You are harsh too, they'd all laugh, the fans. Sweet, shy Lance is harsh. You snapped all my needles when you caught me with the heroin. You are constantly dumping my relief from it down the drain. I need the alcohol to forget the heroin. You tell me all the time about how I am hurting myself, I know I am. Lance, you aren't afraid to jump up in my face about it all the time.
"Harsh. A harsh angel. You've watched me break, both my own spirit and many more material things. God, I hope I don't ever break you. Maybe Joey knows if you can break an angel.
"It's really over this time, I am going to quit and you and I can go back to being the something that we trying to be before. Johnny said they'd send me to a rehab center if I didn't kick it this time anyway." A thoughtful look crossed his face, followed by a flash of fear. "He told me I hit you when you tried to protect me from myself. I didn't do that, did I? I can't remember…"
Lance pulled the blankets up to JC's neck and sat in the chair beside the hotel room's desk. "You know Josh, you have moments of lucidity when you are coming down. I don't suppose you'll remember much of this in the morning."
JC's rant continued as if Lance hadn't spoken at all. "You know what you'd look like? Well you'd have to have a halo; all angels have a gold one. But your wings, they have sharp pinions, because you are a Harsh angel." He didn't speak again for a while and Lance thought he had fallen asleep. "I love you. You do everything, even protect me from me." He opened his eyes and looked at Lance in the darkness of the room. "You know that don't you, that I love you?"
"I know."
"Will you stay with me then?"
"Forever…" Under the drugs that had stained their relationship was the love that had sustained it. Lance silently slipped into the bed and pulled JC to lay against his chest. "This is it right, you aren't going to shoot up anymore."
"No more." He smiled softly as JC drifted off. This was how each mad cycle ended followed shortly by beginning anew, with the conversation Justin and Chris had two years ago about the nature of Lance's love for JC.
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