September 21, 2000
Lance,Today was the big press conference. They sentenced the man who hit our car. He pleaded guilty to vehicular homicide. Now Mr. Andrews will be spending some time in jail. It wasn’t the highest publicized trial, for that I was glad, it wasn’t even a trial. Jive and management wanted to bring closure to the whole issue so they gave a press conference. Between the sentencing, the end of Nsync, and Justin starting his solo career right away, they wanted to clear the air.
I went. You would have frowned to see me. Remember when we met and you told me that I could be a righteous Bitch sometimes. This was one of those days. They asked me what I thought of the sentencing. Diane thought that I shouldn’t talk about it and I didn’t plan to, but it all came to a head at that one moment. I never talked about it before to the press, but I was ready to.
I told them that it wasn’t enough. I wanted his heart for yours, his breath for yours, his blood for yours. At that point I think I had everyone’s attention. I wondered about the inequality of the world where a man who killed another was allowed to live. I told the press, speaking to Andrews, that there would be no forgiveness for his crimes. He had taken something irreplaceable from me, from friends and family, from fans, and from everyone you might yet have touched. I wished on him the same pain that I would have every time I told our child that it’s father was dead, killed because there are stupid people out in the world not caring about the lives of others. I walked out then.
Right now everyone is out in the living room area waiting for me to come out of our room. I didn’t cry this time, I am stronger than I appear now, I have had to be. You were my world and that ass hole killed you, there is no forgiveness there. Never. Lance please don’t hate me for what I’ve done.
Forever,
Rene