May 23, 2000
My Dear Love,You really are gone, aren’t you? This afternoon I said goodbye, the doctor’s didn’t want me to leave the hospital. I found it hard to believe they thought I wouldn’t attend my own husband’s memorial service. They did, however, tell me that our baby shouldn’t have been affected by the accident.
We buried you in the plot behind the chapel that we got married in. I wanted to make sure that it was small, so only friends and family were allowed. Management wants to hold something for the fans too; I don’t know how they will work that out.
The boys sang for you, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, I think it was appropriate. I didn’t know what to say when it was my turn, so I just said I Love You. Your parents cried more than anyone else did, I think. I told Diane about the baby yesterday and she and Jim said they would help me any way they could. It eased my mind. I think I will tell the boys tomorrow, they need some happier news.
I don’t know what will happen to Nsync now and Johnny says the press and fans are all going to find out about us now for sure. I don’t know what all I can take, but I will be strong, you were my example of how to be.
Rene
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