FireDisclaimer: They aren't mine, but I wouldn't mind one. They aren't gay, but we can still hope the best for them. This isn't true, but we want to think it is!
JC found Lance in the living room of the house that he had rented for the week. A fire burned high and bright in the fireplace, held at bay by the grate. Lance sat on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest, his head resting on top of them. He stared vacantly at the flames. JC sat on the floor next to him, mirroring his position.“Are you trying to kill me?” JC asked. He had hoped to make it a joke, but there was no humor in his voice.
“If I have to suffer through this so do you.”
“We can’t do this and you know it.”
Lance turned to look at him, “Do you really think that it would tear us apart?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” JC sighed, turning to look at Lance. “What happens when it ends?”
“Us or the group?”
“Us.”
“Things turn back into what they were before.”
JC frowned, “You know that it wouldn’t happen like that.”
“I like to think,” Lance said, turning to face the flames again, “that if it ever ended that it would, so I can hope. Maybe we just don’t let it end, I think I could love you forever.”
“Can you wait, boy bands have a two to five year shelf life, then it could be just us.”
“I can’t.” Now there were tears in Lance’s eyes. “Josh I can’t wait anymore, it’s been years. I want this, you, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I can’t if I don’t know for sure where we will be two years from now. In fact I don’t care where we are two years from now as long as you are with me. But I can’t wait. What if it doesn’t happen, maybe I will have missed something in that time and I don’t want to miss anything. Josh this is killing me.”
“Is that why Joey wanted to come with us this weekend?”
“Yeah, he did want us to be like this.”
“Us, together?”
“No, this meaning us apart. He figured if he was here we wouldn’t get to have this chat and things would remain the same.” There was a pause, “Chris knows too.”
“I figured, he took Joe out of the picture.”
“Chris thinks it will work out in the end, he’s willing.”
“…”
“I think we have already affected the group, does it really matter anymore?”
“J doesn’t know.”
“He’s your best friend, he knows your bi. Do you think he would really care?”
“You have a point, but the fans don’t know.”
“We don’t have to tell them. I’ve kept the secrete so far, I can keep it forever.”
JC looked at Lance until the blond looked back, “I don’t know if I can. When I’m with someone I don’t like to keep silent.”
Lance’s eyes narrowed, “Like Bobbie?”
“You know that is different, friendship is not love. You know that!” “You don’t seem to care enough to point that out to the press!” Silence reigned in the room and both men went back to looking at the flames. “I still think I love you.”
“I know Lance, I know.”
“…”
“If I could love you, I couldn’t keep it silent when you loved me back. I would want to shout it from the highest building top. To tell our families, friends, and fans that I was yours and you were mine. I would want to hold your hand and kiss you all the time. I would be careless and carefree. If I could love you nothing else would matter.”
Lance looked at JC’s profile. There was no small amount of awe in voice when he spoke, “Would you truly chose me over music?” He frowned slightly as he added, “If you could love me.”
“If I could, I would. I am not the group, we all are, so I can’t.”
“I know.”
“But,” sorrow filled blue eyes met red rimmed green ones. JC swallowed the lump in his throat, “If I could love you nothing else would matter.” The two sat in silence for a long time. Two sets of eyes looked for the deeper answers in each other’s. Sighing, Lance stood and walked to the door to the stairs.
He paused there, looking back on JC, “I still think I love you.” He turned to leave.
“Lance,” Lance turned to face JC.
“Yeah Josh.”
“I love you too.”
“I know.” He walked out of the room. JC dared the flames in the hearth to fight him back for sticking to his initial choice even with his change of heart. They had no answers for his problems.
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