May 27, 2007:

My apologies for letting this Site go a bit stale. When I haven’t been busy with life, I’ve been getting my online fix at TF, but even my visits there have slowed to a trickle. The big news is that I’m in ‘recovery’. I put the word in quotes because although I’ve quit purging and have gained an unmentionable amount of weight since doing so, I’m very uncomfortable with myself at this higher weight.

I’m not actively trying to lose a bunch of weight, but I don’t intend to stay where I’m at either. Almost none of my clothes fit. My doctor and my best friend tell me to go buy new clothes, and really, it should be that simple, but I feel such a strong attachment to my ‘small clothes’.

I attribute my recovery from purging to a recent realignment with my spiritual side. I’ve been attending ceremonies honoring the cycles of the moon and seeing alternative healers. I’ve even gotten into touch with two of my past lives – in one I was Lemurian!

I’m adding a blog entry taken from an email I wrote my best friend after I did a soul retrieval session on April 23rd. It describes the type of work I’ve been doing to make myself better.

I'm also adding a link to some of my old ODAT posts from Something Fishy. They date back to 2001, when I was newly divorced and struggling to remain employed while disabled. I had a dead link to these posts up before because there are a gazillion gif's to reference in them, and I never got around to updating the references until now. Here's a link to weeks 79-89. More will follow as I work through the text.

June 15, 2004:

I've been adding old posts from Something Fishy to the links section of my Blog cause I don't have room on this page to add more links unless I re-do it, and I've grown kind of attatched to the way this page looks. I've been updating the Blog somewhat sporadically, but I'm getting a little better about it. Anyhow, Here's a couple of links to some old posts of mine from Something Fishy. You can also access them from the Blog page. And there'll probably be more as I find the time to weed through my old stuff and add them to the site.

SF - On My Birthday (06/23/2001)

SF - On Job Loss (09/01/2001)

March 20, 2004:

Okay, so it's been like four years, but I've finally mustered the confidence to come back and finish up this site. I guess I shouldn't say 'finish' because I actually plan to build it into something I can update on a regular basis. I haven't been here in awhile, and I was kind of shocked at how annoying all those ads were, so I'm gonna work on getting rid of those. Also, the corny 'something borrowed' theme has got to go. It was the brainchild of a few sleepless nights in a row, and while everything fit nicely into it, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE at the time! Geez!

I guess some of you may be wondering how I am if you've been to this site before. I still have the eating disorder, and I still struggle with depression, though it's been a couple years since I've 'really' cut myself (beyond what I would consider a couple of scratches that don't count). I'm currently not working. I lost my job and am on disability. I'm not sure which one of my disorders the government considers the disabling one, but I get a check in the mail every month for being screwed up. I spent some time in the hospital last November because my bulimia got really out of control. I was down to 87 pounds before I went in, but three weeks later, I came out weighing over 100, which sent the eating disorder voices in my head on a rampage. I've been in a constant struggle with myself to take all the weight back off ever since. I've gone back to school fulltime for computer programming, which I really love. For this site, I have to cheat and use Dreamweaver instead of getting to practice anything I learned in school, but I have a Dreamweaver class coming up, so at least I'll be able to use it correctly before long.

Anyways, after I finish 'cleaning up' the mess I left here when I ran away from the site, I plan to add an ongoing journal. It will probably be a trip back into the depths of anorexia, so don't read it it you aren't into that kind of thing. I just don't think I'm ready for 'recovery' -- whatever that is -- at this time. Some day, things may change.

Sometime in early 2000:

This is my first REAL website, real in the sense that I actually give a shit how it turns out. I have a few ideas about what I want it to contain, but my direction is fairly limited.

(I never did like what this used to say, so I’ll just paraphrase the rest of it…)

I suffer from depression, anxiety, substance abuse (I’m a little iffy on this one at the moment) and an eating disorder. I’ve also had problems with cutting.

This website is made up from a collection of things I’ve written at various times in my life, and I’m not the most stable person. Sometimes I feel like I’m flying and others I feel like I might as well already be dead. Because of this, some of the things in this site may seem contradictory. They aren’t. That’s just who I am.

Please contact me with any comments or questions.