My So Called Journal

You can pass this information around, let poeple look over your shoulder as you read it.. just remember one thing i'm only passing this Page Address to those i care about and care about me..
so heed my warning, you let others see this or run your gossip to others.. it just shows how much of a friend you are..



4-5-2000 6:00am

This eve has probably been one of the worst in the past two months..
I talked to my GF last night on the phone, *chuckles* and she began talking to one of her sisters freinds that was visiting..
that didn't bother me at the least, what really sent my roller coaster on a spin was the conversation she had with him.. and so it goes in short..
"oh god, i wish i went to the concert too! i love the lead singer, i'd strip naked just to be onstage with him!" i said naturally, "i think not"
her next words really got me. she told me blatently to "fuck off" mind i've grown used to it these past months, but the boy was right there near her.. after he left i assume, she began to scream not horribly loud but loud enough..
telling me how much of a whiner i was.. now if any of you know me, it takes alot these days to piss me off, and alot to make me whine about it..
I of course faught with her about it for a good ten minutes.. then the music began to play on her side louder than it was..
mind you during me speaking to her.. then while i talk telling her my side, she begins to sing to the music.. when she started to sing i stopped talking.. when she was done, she didn't even acknowledge the fact that i was speaking..
Big suprise. *shakes his head* then things seem to cool down and we hung up.. now remember i said that was last night i've had quite abit of time for it to dwell on my brain, everything actually..
two months, two months of her bitching, blowing me off for phone calls or even me getting to see her.. now mind you, there is a decent reason for all this which some of you know and others i may allow to know, i just don't want it public info..
but as i said a decent reason, Decent meaning to a certain extent in my book and others that i have shared.. she really crossed the line, and won't truly fess up to it.. she merely says, "i had a good enough reason." well that reason has been over and she continues on..
Beside one day out of this last two months i've only had one day, half a day at that of affection.. and if you know me well i need it bad..
To make matters worse i've been with her for 4 years this August.. yet she's going to move, far enough away, for college.. granite, schooling is a good thing, but after 4 years wouldn't you try to figure out a way to stay with your lover and go to school also? that question i truly want opinions about..
During all this, my mind has reeled to the left, right, up, and down.. i've been slowly sinking into a bottomless pit.. and i've truly had no one to catch me, or throw a rope..
things are hard these days and i don't know what to do... RIPPER