....but who's talking?

"no, you don't look fat.....unless that was your intention."

"I said 24 grams, not 24 kilograms."

"put the toaster oven next to the surfboard, but watch out for the bee's nest....."

"you have the social skills of a 4-year-old child, & the vocabulary of an 80-year-old man talking in his sleep."

"follow my lead--right foot first, half-turn left, left hand palm-down on stomach (except ring finger slightly raised).....hold it....exhale slowly. repeat until sore."

"do you really think I'd say such a thing.....sober?"

"get a haircut! no....I meant arm hair."

"why can't it ever be a positive error? I don't have an example...use your imagination for a change! yeah....ok, I guess that will suffice. you should copyright that before I get my greedy paws on it....."