Theo Verelst Diary Page 162

Sat Nov 9 2002, 23:02 PM

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.

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Thu Nov 7 2002, 22:16 AM

Survived the previous pages?

Good, they weren't intended to kill or suck the life out of you, possibly the reverse, though a certain person who got ripped out of a certain middle class stagnated and utterly humanly spealking brain and emotiondead struggle for power by physical death probably didn't understand or want to know what I'm serious about.

Or are some killing me? I'm sure certain circuits would want that for real, I mean quite eagerly and with display of power, phsycically, though as I wrote before, their mother system probably wouldn't be able to pay the price of taking my place, and it seems that certain ists and their sorryfull head isn't exactly man enough to be free from their big or small mamma.and are kept under her control.

So I don't feel personally threatened normally speaking in a direct sense, but I've seen anger in people I knew (even one of the ones I worked with, probably on purpose crossing the street of the car I was driving. And I'm quite sure my decades old knowledge about the rich illuminati, the rothshields and such, satanists, catholic jews, and suspicions of finding possibly remains of children or whatever got sacrificed in certain rites just around the corner and the book of the girl who wrote about her horrible past of of wrape and torture and being forced to prostitute herself  I read some years ago, is all very true.

But also that it is possible to live not in yougoslavia in the same time, and to look at realistic enough reports from the states over for instance CNN where the problems without question are not as miserable to start with in many ways as in for instance Iran. Though they might be richer and maybe less polluding themselves, and more in touch with the great ancient trade routes, whatever that is worth. Meaning that I do not agree with the nihlistic or hypchondrical or plain depressed view that even though all might be vanity enough in the eyes or light of the almighty God unless he makes it different, improvements and the standard decline and degeneration are not processes wich are uninfluenced by peoples state of mind, spiritual sanity and their exposure and responding to healhty teaching or information streams.

The idea of giving in to te worst or living your own worst nightmare so then at least someone else won't let you, or making things wose so they become better through some mystical process or make profit of something clearly unright doesn't appeal to me, and I simply don't thing things work that way. Maybe when you're born in a country where you are brought up to belief in nothingness, great evil, and live in bondage of systems which are that way, but I do not accept that as the only answer to our supposed crawling out of the ocean and having at some point become human beling and somehow sinful.

Lets not tell hitler, we'de better be nihilists about anything grand in between Rome and nazism. Even when he'd be christian (major gmppf). What's better, life amoung the zombies or the gobblins coming into the civilized world. I don't know. I don't even know 1 tenth of a percent of a percent of all the world phone numbers by heart, so what do I know? Who'd president? Or who will be in 8 years?

How do things hold together?  Does the great white manitou know it all in advance and has just put the wjeels in mothion in a determined world an human clockwork? And did he inform the pope about it? Or  Cnn? Or your local guru? Or mircosoft ?

Lets see we start with moses, Isaia, use the best computers add the bible codes, add the apocriphucal books, blend it in with the tempeleers, all secret ancient roman catholic writings (who still cates about them?), rosetta's stone, the secret verses, and what else do we have, books of prophesies of mormon, pentecostals, the clintons, and we store the result on the internet, and become the wisest species ever. 'Geen geseik, iedereen rijk. Stem voor je eige, stem voor the tegenpagtij' Dutch Comedy once.

Nonono, that isn't right, we abuse children, take the ones who are being prophesied about and make them utter what the real Holy Spirit gives them to say or think aloud, feed it to the wonderfull rainbow swastika heads, who realy are ancient wise who incarnated through such high satanist rule that they are invincible, except for, uh, God himself, and start constructing a new reich, which is all about taking what is of Christ and making it our own, so we become just as rich together as we were as a sum before that, but worse.

But that's the big picture, as we know since Marx, long ago (or his own illuminati friends sponsoring many wars already back then, and for some obscure reason, him, too), when you keep the production goods, you make profits and keep control,  and become richer and richer until the masses rise up and kill you or disown you, or you go to hell, or you life a luxurious life with a plaguesd conscious, or you simply go with it and enjoy when you can and are judged when the dead are judged, or whatever. Probably the ruch land or production plant owner will not be judged for being a better person, while someone using their talents for the benefit of many will.

On the personal level long ago I saw I think on the BBC, I still lived in the Hague then, having an early version of cable tv, a documentary on von Neuman and computers, and heard the story that supposedly a theory on what he wanted (which technically mathematically is probably completely clear to me, with little preparation I could present an advanced university class on for instance what a 'von neuman' computer architecture is) was to use a computer type of machine, which at the time was mainly mathematics and maybe electronics, not so much the things we have grown accustomed to just like phones and cars, to somehow 'store' the soul of a dead friend of his for eternity or the rest of his life.

I'm not sure how much that was meant as an illustration of a principle or literal truth, if found it a bit bizar. He seems to have been gay, too. Then again, what a decently educated theoretical or designing computer should know in these days is the infamous 'von Neumann computer architecture', which is a type of constellation of digital parts to make up a computer core with a program counter, a memory, and a instruction decoder and logic and arithmetic units, where mainly the separation of memory and the rest is the bottleneck in terms of speed of such machine, while the strength is that unlike other architectures, which are usually alike, a generally programmable machine is made that way, which can be used in a general purpose way. 'Harvard' architecture for instance has 2 seperate buses and memories for instructions and data to pass over and be stored in.

The comparison between a computer architecture and a human being is not very fortunate, I think, a computer is hardly like a human being, I would say, even if it speaks, like nowadays is quite possible.

Thinking about what I'm writing, I should do my literature research: it may have been Turing who the personal data was about, I don't remember. Turing was is known for a mathematical model about the essense of computing machine with memory and processing and input output like a 'ticker read/write' machine.

                                        A bench at the physics dept. TUDelft

I remember well some of the athmosphere there, I'm not sure how that is in attention, the spiritual, memory, mammal like connections, coincidence or geometrical reasons, but some of it I like.

What is life about

The above is to indicate that I don't have the idea that I must program the world into making every human being into a place in the great God of computers and their programs, to sort of present an unbeatable system to God which gives us power over all of life and Jesus salvation and the Holy Spirtits uttereances and prophesies.

That to me seems like such crap that I'd never even think of it myself, it took me a long time to figure out how far computer worlds' insaniity goes in the direction of such non-sense. I would never comeup with such stupidity. 'LIsten to me, I'm not in this and that, tday I am this and that one, and you how it is we do it this way. Huh? I always think about bits and bytes, program structures, problems and solutions, intelligence as the main means to solve a problem, engiineers as intelligent in making complicated systems work, computing things to make the world more pleasant, better, as in honorable or fun or usefull, and all such things. The only motications which ever make interesting and lasting results. Call me stupid.

Nonono, you must make this crap, I that crap, and together we;ll rule the world because our uncle from sicily then at least will not sell us to the great whore in Rome.

Lets see the local super market wants to sell things unline, deliver locally, make its advertisements known to the neighbourhood without paper wasted. What;s wrong with that? Nothing much I'd say. You they hire graphics designer, some computer dude to scan in product pictures and brand logo's , a web page technician, and maybe a network chap, and possible a digital photographer. One time investment, and some work lasting, every time new pages must made, prices updated, etc.

You you get the server to do unline transactions, forms to fill in for requests, special customer databse based offers, statistics, the pages to put on them, and it all looks fresh and nice or dull and reliable, whatever.

Nononono, you get some designer prick which has a friend computer geek with a big wallet to fill who togehter will bring in the Gods of the microsfot panteon to put all your mothers right back in ruling the companies world, piss you of into semi nazism to decide on how everything will be presented, and who will together explain every time a few customers at the same time use your database the whole thing has to crash because mulittasking machines with compiled languages which actually work faster and virtual memory computers contain more than massive amounts of data other than a few user inputs a ;machine 30 years ago could process  with 32 typing away at the same time, why it is that the almost secretly obtained software  of the latest version actually runs slower on  fasyer machines than the older did on slower machines.

So where's the challenge? Making an appealing webpage, complicated or simple, a nice program, a modified application pleasing customers or workers, preach to gospel of a well designed system for all I care.

Or become a hardcore competitor and make those CPU crack complicated problems, push the limets of graphics or sound card designs when you;re realt qulified or like to take s shot from some hobby experience, program a scientidically hard or interesting problem, and make the result available to the world. Or make program content such a s movies or photos.

Or make a completely lame, unapealing program after specs of some rich employer or institute to do esactly what it is supposed to do. Crack messages from space.

It doesn;t seem too hard for me to define such things and deal with them reasonably, though in practice mafia proactice seems to be all over in some way.20 years ago, the new world of brave new computers was a way to make quite some money when you were advanced, is it realy needed that civil servants and formists with no technical knowledge abuse the idea of computers to prove that their little trick in life is realy God enough to be preached even above straightforward technology? DO I get a mary statue when I siign up for an update? I understand the (european for isntance) world at best consists of many tricks, and that symbols and unlogical behaviour are all over, but is it realy necessary preach such things.

Lately I've been observing (and talking and reading) a lot, because for one I didn;t find a satisfacture way iout of my personal place in a miserable game around my life, while luckiliy I can live and get some work done (which at least is work, though I don't get any official pay) , because a lot of what I find, especially in areas which interest me or are important, is not at all the way I would want or find logical, to begin with what I've experienced professionally.

Fascism, that what I've seen around in abundance, which is bad. in many ways. Freedom ?  Yeah right. Normal relationships? I am capable of having them, I'm quite fine at that, which I find impoortant, I don't want nazism, fascists, new agers or other new babylonists or whoever to have the power to get not to want such things I find important. I don't give them that. it it sure seems hard, and in this country I didn't find all too much normalness.

Pms getting presentation

I did a short presentation of my string simulator program, unprepared, not for a bunch of rich (angels) mullionaires horny to invest in esxisting new technology that will never be had by the clinton maffia tribe of the world system, but a few hands full of delft university students taking part in a ciomputer music course (not in a curriculum), and a few instructors. At least one of them still knew about my first public program product, which at the time got tested quite well, 'PULS' a librarian for DX7 sounds, which I sold also to the music centre at the time, about 12 years ago. It had quite perfectly working at the time still advanced windows interface on an Atary ST, ran multitasking midi rountines with near maximum speed hardly ever crashed (it had no known bugs left) , and did very efficient search and speicalized sound database works.For about $50.

At the time I presented that one, too, and appearently am still known enough for it, which is nice, and probably usefull. Purpose in life? Fine with me, too, the fun, the onour maybe, the respectability, the credibility, for sure important as compensation, and in fact I liked the program myself, it got into existence because I sat donwn with my C compiler 15 years back and a synthesizer, and wanted to access a library or many sounds easily. Even fun at parties: tge synth would be a theatre organ with loads of sounds and effects to choose from very quicly and effeiciently. Definately also fun in private.

I had just a CD with the string simulator in one version with me, and didn't expect to present it, so of course the highly prototypical version didn't perform without some attention, and the experimental openGL 3D interface didn't like the lirary on the computer I tried much, but ut ran, even though I had no compiler handy to fix the velocity of the computer keyboards note playing. The idea got across over a set of tannoy's, I'm sure.

I also played the 'Hey Volkert' song, which was sucessfull.

So what is it Verelst, still want to head and sweat in a top funk band with the female singers to go with it, and play the living daylights out of the death and miserty all around, stay cool enough to let exactly only that in which fits right enough, and in the other half of life lead a research lab? The latter is negotiable, but the former wouldn't be bad, if the right people would be there, and if the country it happens in isn't so miserable as this one, and hopefully appreciates and even knows about serious fusion influences. I'm not sure that could be beat. By a good pop song, maybe.

But lets see, what wiould the fascist regimes which need me to advance just one more step every time in their stagated frsustrated struggle for some ulitimate destrution, for a ride over my back. They don't realy understand or want to know what the biggest keys are to the success I can offer them in their strive: cold hard technical and scietific real and in delpth and extensive knowledge of my trades, as well as vision, and the basis of wanting what is good enough at least, preferably realy good, and homorable, worthy, and aimed at worhty cause. And sticking with the idea of wanting me to like what it is about, as well as other, probably.

Most of those conditions are unfulfilled to begin with by my competitors, who therefore are at a loss to begin with. And peoplr envying my position in various areas, such as the christian, seem to be very keen on me being prevented from making it, because of theor fascist ways and logic. Quite horrible.

Something to fight thoroughly, and aquire good infromation about, and estimate risks and prices in. My God, what a boundary conditions, I wish they could be normal enough  competition, strive for excellence maybe, reaonsable enough humenness, business challenges, life's bleuses, such things. And not how many babies the neighbours have ritually sacrificed and eaten, how many times about every nice girl I meet has been wraped, and what every move I make is going to provoke against me and the ones I would want to love.

Like crawling through a minefield at times, so I like the comparison of operating a 30 meter 3 stroy high  megawats power shovel  through computer town for isntance, to enforce some alterations, maybe to at least make the constructions not breath so much nazi spirit. Not a pretty sight, but the thing would do a fine job.

I'd start ith the gates, which have a sort of how do you keep from our potential whores well enough detector in them. Are you sure you will not use your powers to satisfy and interest and form the ones who realy might have some attraction or drive, and that you wlil  like a well trained boy give them over to our great one leading father system to be abused further into bitches we together can then justafiably look down on bring in bondage and collectively exploit. And let the great propaganda machine continue to feed on the horrible whore keeper wannabees and make the wonderfull lied lives continue to be the hidden regimes' propertie so that all remains owned by everyone. With some shares a bit more equal than others, of course.

What am I politician? I had ample talent for that already when I was 11, though it wasn;t realy my hobby..

As long as I'm top programmer why not program the world system into a a less miserable or more bearable construction. Programming skills I don't see as the basis for that, the parallels between programming and leading or thin in my opinion. But my leadership potential must have some purpose, and  need information to work well, so I work on thinking about getting out and making things such that some others at least migh too.

Leadership and science and religion

Leading my life and leading the world I would years ago never have seen even in the same plane, leading the world would be for gouvernment leaders, artists in the sense of directions and evaluations, scientists as responsible and intelligent persons, and the democratic processes of all intelligent and other people thinking about the problems of the neighbourhood, city, country and the world, including moi, as at least quite more than average intelligent, not a bad human being in any way worth mentioning, intelligable about some of life's fundamental issues and having a pair of ears and eyes and a nose.

Whenb I started thinking about some of the miserable enough things I encountered in my life, and tried to form an image of them, on my and a general scale, I soon enough got to where I was sure the problems were at least country-wide, and that christianity in some way must be involved in the picture, so I decided I would once again do my homework.


Pigeons were a subject I must have spawned some fun with, after I saw a TV program on Hollands intellectual broadcast org (sort of) about a decade ago. The program was about the course of science, in the broad sense, and got some renowned scientist not affraid of a philosophical angle on a table to converse for a day or so. Oone of them was rupert sheldrake, as I mentioned before, and he at the time got me interested in the pigeon thing, with as main point the observation that it seems that (for instance in first world war) pigeons can find back their homes after the till has been put on a wagon and displaced,over major distance and without the pigeons seeing it.

Interesting. Just like increasing booiling points, the decreasing time for laboratory rats to learn tricks when globally more of them are exposed to the same experiment (global learning) , and humans solving crossword riddles and learning rhymes quicker as more people have solved or learned them before.

I wasn't into praying at the time, though like any artist I would know what shared attention does and sniff up an athmosphere like other sensitive persons, so the whole subject interested me stricktly as a phenomena detached from my own being.

My main motivation for looking into the problem, including which physics and medics could be involved, was that I wanted to have a clue as to which carriers of out of the ordinary links such as with the pigeons could exist. In other words how does the homefinding they do actually work. One might say, well its just a spirit, which leaves the question of how that spirit is then linked with the natural and physical, in other words if such a spirit exists, how does it communicate with the pigeons brain or senses. Or is it all just a machine wound up and ticking to do everything after an obscure and incredibly detailed plan, inlcuding my thoughts about the subjects? Quite some coincidence. Or all we only dreaming pigeons exist?

Library posters at the language department, where hebrew now made it to be announced as course next to the cantine where I often was.

The litttle corner is not related to me somehow, except that she was around.

Am I in house ?

I scanned this from a CD booklet I could borrow from a fellow interessee, it's Woodstock.

I've played a audio track from woodstock I grabbed from a video tape I digitised and burned (as one long track..) on a cheap CD, in the vondelpark some time ago, when I wanted to test the portable audio system I built. It was loud, and it got enough attention, and probably some people thinking.

This CD sounds better, especially with some surround and on the bigger spealer proto's, which unfortunately contain parts I can't easily get more of.

I don't like house music. There a song about dicso which says 'It's empty and I hate it' , which is the least to say about it. Ever listen to kraftwerk, Yazoo, Depeche Mode, Toto, loads of 80's music, Jean Michel Jarre, and such, that is interesting synth music, with rythm, some more danceable than most things, and they may be limited but not empty. Empty music makes or goes with empty people or something to that extent, when we aren't challenged by our music to think srraight or nice about important subjects, than what remains? The rainbow preachers will love it: 'Give it all up, and the greater consciousness will automatically make you an improved person and make the world a better place'. Yeah right. Never saw anyone getting anything worth while by giving something up in such a way.

Not that it isn't fun to make a piece of heavy hardcore rythmic bang bang bang boom boom boom yjingydidjing kick kick kick, and playing around with a nice drumcomputer and some nice rythm samples had me amused regularly 20 years ago, though I must say that only an as heavy as possible rythm track is dead boring in maybe half an hour and only realy works well when including the dramatics of for instance a food rock song.

What am I talking about ? All in all your just another brick in the wall, basically, and I don't want to be. The wall of silence numbness, dependance and oppression and lies, hopefully not the worst ones. What are there no nice girls in house? They're virtual if you're unlucky. Jeez.Waiting for mommie make it right after years of alienation of your peers and your own emotions instread of growing up, and learning that the antichrist (superman) might indeed come to take they horrible void and emptyness, and make you even more miserable and exploited.

As I said, it isn't a bad idea to sit down and do a appealing digital rythm track with the aid of computers (and play it with bass control turned up in a (virtual ?) large space) so I engaged in it myself, and made for instance

   this little housemusic piece

I have another picture in this athmosphere, darker, and without the fingers, which is een better as cover picture, except the resolution isn't stunning, or in fact good enough at all for a cover. What a society make your own CD for almost free, given consumer production means.What, the guy makes his own record, now? No, not at the moment, though that would be good, preferably given a touch more fitting facilities, though the monitors, amp, idea of cubase and skills are fine. First I'll have to cover a few tracks and rearrange some things from my past, starting with exposure. They don't get a free ride over my back, they owe me money, my honour and some of my attractiveness, good references, and some women.'Why stand on a silent platform, fight the war, fuck the norm'.

or techno or what is it, you tell me, if you dare or feel like it.
I made it with the demonstration version of Cubase and some free plugins anyone could grab from the web, nothing illegal even. One of them being an analog synth emulation. The drums are from the demo of IK multimedia's sampletank. Sampel effects, 15 minutes live playing and midi recording a fre tracks, no editing, mastering into a sample processing program (cubase demo doesn't save), convert the result to an mpeg (now that requires some expertise to get this under a megabyte at a quality not completely uncomparable to the original wav file, leaving bassdrums unfuzzy and the high range with some detail and hopfully some left of the stereo reverb) and presto.

Hope we'll all make it.