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Spencer Delano Browne, Jr
My life, My love of Music, My Autism and Me
~~~Welcome to My World~~~
This portrait was done by a street artist one evening in Manhattan, and I actually sat for thirty minutes while he sketched. I wanted to do it and even though many people were standing around watching I was fine. I believe he captured my soul, because I look just like my Dad here.
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My name is Spencer, I am thrity four years old and I have autism. I was born on 18 November 1972. My Dad Spencer, Sr. is from Liberia, West Africa and My Mom Vaulda is from the Republic of Guyana, South America. The fact that they got together amazes me, but then again this is New York and stranger things have happened. After all this is the 'melting pot'....Ah! but I have to think about that since individuals with developmental disabilities like me never get invited into the 'pot'. I am the third of four children and the only boy.
I see myself as a young man, bright, caring, loving, friendly, serious sometimes, and really no different from anyone. Living with autism has been difficult for me simply because everyone other than my family and friends either don't 'see' me or when they do, I'm the subject of some very peculiar attention.
I communicate very well though not in typical ways. My frustration comes from people wanting me, actually forcing me, to behave like them. When I get loud it's because I am being ignored and being forced to be part of things I have no interest in. Since I'm non-verbal I have to use whatever works to communicate...if that means that I have to throw a table then so be it....Now I've gotten your attention...but then you have got to have the sense to know that you did something that displeased me....normal thinking....right?
I see my world as rich, exciting and with imagination far beyond what most people expect. I'm fed up and angry that almost everyone wants me to be part of their so called "normal" world ( I hate this damn word), when to me my world is "normal". Quite frankly, when I look at all the folks who profess to be 'normal', I'm glad that I'm not. I have some serious questions about their behaviours and the choices they make for themselves and the world, never mind the ones they try to make for me. I sometimes sit and wonder if any thought is ever given to the fact that I have a heart and soul and feel all the things they do. I also wonder if people realize the amount of pain they inflict upon me when they treat me like I do not matter.
People are always trying to 'help' me when what they need to be doing is trying to understand me, to know who I am. You cannot 'help' me if you do not know me.
Family Ties
It is felt that people like me should be placed somewhere away from our families and friends and robbed of the natural experience of sharing and being part of the people we love. If I had to be separated from my family and friends I would be unhappy..... I would shrivel up and die. They are me, and I am them. I have two sisters Candace (older) and Constance (my younger sister) These two are making sure that this family goes on and so between them I have nine nieces and nephews and I love them dearly. My older sister Dale died unexpectedly on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas)of 2003 of meningoccol meningitis, . She was very special to me, really an angel on earth. I miss her terribly.
Dale and I
I miss her smile, her gentleness, her patience with me and her love
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Birthday celebration
With Mom, Dale, Candy, Connie and our friend Nique
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Me at two months  | |
My Mom and I
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I'm six years old here and exploring moving water and rocks with my Mom in the Mountains  | |
At the Pyramids in Mexico with Mom, Candy, Connie and Nique  | |
With my Family In Taos, New Mexico  |
There are those who think that it is dangerous to have children around me. They think that because I have autism and am over 6ft that I would harm little kids. My sisters know that I would never deliberately harm anyone and they trust me with their children. I walk them to the store, I play with them, I eat with them, I dance with them, I wipe their noses, I hug and kiss them, and I even change their diapers. All I needed was the opportunity to get to know children in a 'normal' way....I love them and they love their Uncle Spencer.
Hanging out with my nieces and nephew
Changing my nephew's diaper
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With my Brother-In-Law, Neices and Nephews  | |
Graduation Day
Mom, Mayra my teacher and Gail my Assistant Principal  | |
I enjoy a lot of things, but music, and Jazz in particular, is one of my favourites. Of course I love Miles, Trane and Bird, I was weaned on music and Jazz was a big part of it. I really dig Joshua Redman and Noel Pointer and listen to them quite a bit. When I'm in a mellow mood I like to listen to Erroll Garner...love that smooth piano. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music, reggae, soca, West African High Life, classical, R&B, Hip Hop and oldies. Video games fascinate me and I enjoy the challenge of playing them and I do so while listening to music. I'm really quite good at figuring video games. I also love taking pictures and take them in sequence much like animation. The subtle changes fascinate me.
Looking good is important and I always welcome an opportunity to get dressed up and to go out. If it's a party, I'm ready to go and ready for the dance floor...I could dance all night plus it's great watching the ladies
Dancing with my friend Joann
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Dancing with Connie
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Enjoying a toast with my sister Connie
At the AHRC Dinner Dance 2002
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chilling at home
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I like being able to do things for myself
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Here I am as a member of the staff of Ethicon Caterers at Johnson and Johnson Corporate Offices, Sommerville, New Jersey
....Equal Pay For Equal Work. Connie got this job for me and I earned $100.00 for the day like everyone else...I wonder if they knew I was a man with autism....I did the work and that was all that mattered. They valued me enough to offer me a full-time position, but I had to refuse because it would have been impossible for me to commute from Brooklyn, New York to Sommerville, New Jersey every day.
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Lunch Break with my Co-Worker and Friend Connie (not my sister)
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How Do You See Me?
When you look at the photos of me with my family, friends and co-workers, do you see me as any different from you? Does my autism make me any different in your mind? When people take the time to get to know me, to understand me, to hear me, they quickly learn that I'm just a regular chap who enjoys doing regular things. The problem is that most people refuse to accept me for me simply because I live in an autistic world. I become invisible in their eyes with nothing to offer as far as they are concerned.
Several people including my family and friends have helped me along my incredible journey to be where I am today. They provide the structure and constancy that I need and are travelling with me without any baggage to get in the way.
I thank Hovac who supported me in the community for seven years
He respects and understands me. He allows me to be me
How I Live My Life
I must have structure and order in my life, it's how I function best. Surprises do not work well with me because it sets my thinking off balance. I think that I operate on a higher plane and therefore I require that I be allowed to focus. I can concentrate on several different things at the same time when I have them in order. People often wonder how I can be playing my video games with sound, listening to music, and watching TV with sound all at the same time. Somehow I can process all of these things separately with ease and never miss anything......Once I've been somewhere once, I can find it again even if I take a different route....I also learn to do things in the same manner....show me something once and It's etched in my brain .....the genius of an autistic mind.
Today I'm a happy man living in 'my' home with my family doing the things that I want to do. I have been employed and paid taxes just like some of you. People like me need to be respected, listened to and supported to be the best that they can be. That's all I ever wanted. That's all we want. You have to see yourself in me, in us. You have to hear me with your heart to really hear me. If we ever cross paths, give me a smile and I'll return it.
Hey! The best is yet to come...The Creator placed me here for a reason...
I ask but a few things in this my temporary life. I ask that I be allowed to be a part of it, that I be allowed to contribute to it, that I be allowed opportunities to be a man. I ask that I not be judged solely by my Autism, a disability with which I must live, but my abilities and my eager and willingness to just be
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Just so you know, my Mom and my sister Connie are the ones who brought my thoughts to life on this page. They are my strongest and loudest voices, and I thank them for having a vision for me and for moving me forward.
Peace
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