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freewrites and journals


let me breathe close to you this pinkening evening as ever so silently you unravel your sadness. in secret. your laugh faded with a sigh that finds itself in peices. in your hair as you sleep. i am sure that your eyes' gentle closing does not mean what most might have meant. you'll never be the one to sing me to sleep. you write the dreams and eat all the keys. behind your eyes i find a truth not to argue with here where your arm claims my heavy shoulders. a long last look at who i might have been tonight. a long last look at the escaping grace of your tired eyes and i, too, fall under this spell of sleep and sleeplessness.


...and you have offered me a comfort i cannot accept because it will sting later. later it will be a wound that i cannot forget, greater than the sadness i feel now. listening to this. guitars humming like bees. if i could i would fall here into a past that would hold you. but all that i have for you isn't mine. why does my heart betray the rules i've made? we were never made for this--a burden that wonders what is keeping the stars apart. and i know you know no blinking to erase the tears we drink to ease the hurt. i wish you wouldn't start. i wish you into a sleep that heals your weary smile and whispers not my heart.


and this world is too ephemeral not to cry in public.


...and this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart...but the suffering of this white horse was something [she] could not abide...the deepest feeling always shows itself in silence...


the world is new.


things i like.

chai tea. driving under overpasses. clavicles. stepping on broken glass on sidewalks. kittens. eyelashes. waking up to the smell of coffee and french toast. "your song" by elton john. black chippy nailpolish (on girls and guys). rooftops. tiramisu. the split-second moment of the feeling of disconnection from reality just before something very real happens. baby goats. doing math homework. climbing fire escapes. mandarin oranges. daisies. x's on my hands from shows (they last for days)...


if you know who you are (and i think you do)

just know that i know who you are.


check these out:

psalm 71:5-7 "From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you."

psalm 139:12-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

ecclesiastes 11:4-6 "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. "

isaiah 44:23-25 "This is what the LORD says-- your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself..."

jeremiah 1:4-6 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you in the palms of my hands."

luke 12:7 "indeed, the very hairs of your head are numbered"

psalm 8:2 "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise"

genesis 1:26-28

1.6 million babies are killed annually by surgical abortion.

if you were born after 1965, you survived the greatest holocaust in history.