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A Fairytale World

Monday, 23 August 2004

Dream Big!
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: 13 Going On 30 Soundtrack


Well, today has been interesting so far! lol, I woke up not feeling well, my throat is killing me and it hurts to talk. But I still went out for my driving lesson anyway, even though I promised Shawn I wouldn't. I conviced him that I'm feeling better just so he doesn't worry. I decided to start this journal, because there are so many things I want to say, but can't to anyone. Shawn is my best friend, oneof the best friend's I have ever had, he is the most perfect and amazing person I know. And deffinately the sweetest and nicest guy I have EVER met! Really cute to, but looks don't matter to me. It's just, whenever I feel down or depressed he is the one person who can always make me laugh, he's always there and I care about him so much. I told him I don't like him anymore, and I guess it wasn't really lying, because I mean how do you tell your best friend that you've fallen in love with them?! Especially when you know they don't feel the same way. There was a time when I did have a chance, over a year ago, and I let it pass me by. And I know it's going to haunt me for a very long time, because I know I'll never meet anyone quite as amazing as he is. There are times when it hurt's so much I just want to break down in to tears and cry, and my insides feel like they're on fire. It's kinda funny, I'll watch all these fairytale love stories on tv, and break down crying, not because they're sad, but because they're perfect! I don't want to be selfish though, yes it hurt's a lot, and part of me just wanted to stop talking to him until I don't feel like this anymore, but I could never do that. lol, there were times that I would just look up at the sky and ask God, "what did I do that was so wrong?" I've always just tried to be a good person, and just help people, but I know that God is just testing us, and he never give's us a test that we cannot pass. So I look at pain as a test of my limit's, and I will show the world that I can pass this test. I feel really bad, because Shawn feel's that it's his fault, and it's not! I wish he wouldn't think that, because nothing is his fault, he has never hurt me at all, or if he has it most deffinately wan't his fault. Oh well, life goes on, my life will be wonderful! I am going to pass this test with flying color's and show the world what I can be. It's funny though I've tried to get over Shawn, and every time I try I think, 'I can do this,' but then I remember how perfect and incredible he really is and I can't let go, no matter how hard I try I just can't let go. I guess it will just take time. He is my best friend and even though I do love him so much, more than I ever thought I could, I just hope he is happy. I know it almost deffinately won't be with me, but I want him to be so happy, he deserve's that much at least. I hope he find's the girl of his dream's and get's to live happily ever after, because, there are a lot of jerk's on this planet with no value's or moral's, and he isn't like that. He is one of the nicest most caring people and he at least deserve's to be happy. So that's my story, that's what I have been needing to get out of my system for a while now, I love my best friend, and it hurt's, but I'm still really lucky to even know him. I'm a pretty happy person with a decent life, I don't get mad, and I love God. I want everyone to live happily ever after, and my goal is too bring a smile accross the face of every person I talk to! I'm glad I got to write this down, I feel so much better! *hugs and kisses to all!* (the hershey's kind! :0P)

Lex

Written By Razzles at 16:00 PDT
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