Poems will be coming soon...
Note: Dont read the following if youre easily offended, closed-minded or stupid
So, I was having the worst day of my life.. what better thing to do then to vent about how much the world is pissing you off, right? Well thats what I did.
First off, fuck the professional sports players who are demanding to be "payed what they deserve." What the hell? You play a game that lasts three hours and you want 20 million a year? You learned that shit at recess. Why dont we toss some cash to the teachers? Huh, aint that a novel idea. Without them, you wouldn't even know how to spell steroid
Fuck the self-indulgent bitches that stand on the corner of every major city. The chicks that wear the waist high skirts, stiletto heals and a unbuttoned shirt that looks like the size of bandana. The only people your attracting are the wife-beating mother fuckers that cant see the practicality of jacket. Dont dress like that then complain about being called a slut. You might not be one, but your wearing the fucken uniform
Fuck the guys that think its okay to take out their personal shit on their girlfriends. So your boss fired you for stealing an assload of post-its, that doesnt mean its cool to come home and get some batting practice in on your wifes splean. Go to the gym, join a bowling league , drink your body weight, but find release that doesnt cause a girl to end up explain to her parents why she cant have kids
Fuck our fucked up electoral system. I dont give a shit if its Bush or Kerry or Gumby, but when we elect a new president or whatever, we need to move the fuck on. Bush had the highest margin of victory in the last half century, no hanging chads are going to change this one.
Fuck Kerry. He looks like he spent a year and a half in a steam room. Its okay though, because he went and landed his shriveled sack of bones in some Heinz-Ketchup cash, so his campaign is being funded every-time I try and get some flavor on my shit burgers at Roto. And keep pushen them fucken purple hearts, its starting to get impressive. What do they mean? Wounded in battle? Maybe you shoulda shot the mother fuckers before they can run off a couple shells into your ass. Its great that you fought for our country, but if you shove those purple hearts in my face one more time Im voting for Nader
And fuck bush. His silver spooned ass getting grandfather claused into the white house. He has a double digit IQ number. I dont know that I want a president in office that has an intelligence quotient below the fucken temperature. And whats with Iraq? People said no one died when clinton lied, aint that the truth. Bushes trigger happy attitude is going to throw us all into world war three. So your dad had a itch for Sadam, that doesn't mean you have to scratch it by going through the weapons catalog and killing every innocent Iraqi that we were trying to save in the first place
Fuck the people that sit at their computers at 3 in the morning and post rants on a web page because their to much of a pussy to go out into the world and make a change.
Fuck handicapped people who get mad when I try and help them. Dont yell about 'being able to take care of yourself' when I hold the door open so you can wheel on through. I hold the doors for everyone okay? Its horrible as hell that some drunk driver was playing slalom with the lampposts and fucked up your life. I cant imagine the hell you go through everyday, but let me get some checkmarks on my good samaritan card without feeling like shit
Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass cave-dwelling fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy two whores roasting in a jet fueled fire in hell.
Fuck Paris Hilton. You want to know why the entire world hates our guts? This slut finds a video-camera and a dick and is suddenly famous. How the hell can parents today convince their daughters to become doctors and lawyers when they can just get banged and then be on cover of People.
Fuck the atheists that are trying to protest "under god" in the pledge of allegiance or "in god we trust" on our money. This country is like 70% christian, you aint going to fight that. If you have a problem, move to Greenland or Antarctica or some shit. Your choosing not to believe, but that dont mean your going to convince 200 million people to disregard three millennia of religious teachings because you feel oppressed when you hand over a dollar at K Mart to buy some marshmallow peeps
Fuck the religious zealots that get a bunch of you bible pushing airheads together to go to some third world nation thats been around two thousand years B.C. and try to convince them about the joys of christianity. I guess the unknown disease ya'll bring that offs half their poplulation enphasizes the glorious gifts from an all-powerfull benevolent god.
And who the fuck does Martha Stewart think she is? Shes making 20 million a year, and fucks that up for a couple more jag's in the garage? What did you think no one was going to notice that you withdrew a couple quintillion shares out of a company that read chapter 11 the next day? You must think america is as fucken retarded as your show
Fuck soy milk.
Fuck the rapists. What is going through your head? Im sure its all funny when youre doing it, but would you like it if some big burley guy was standing over you with a shotgun and unzipping his size 50 levi's? The amount of time it takes to plan out a rape, you could go to a bar and meet some S and M chick that likes being whipped.
Fuck Wallmart trying to take over the world. Your the largest privately owned company. Thats great if you were giving food to the hungry or researching cancer, but you sell fucken crap. I dont know how many disposable lawn-chairs I really need on my front porch, but I defiantly dont decide to buy them on the impulse buy stand when Im trying to get a shirt eight sizes too big
Fuck the college kids who think their teacher is out to get them. Let me set the record straight, you didnt get a D because the teacher is sexist or racist or homophobic, you got a D beacuse you spent your afternoon playing video games or downing 40's and forgot to FUCKEN STUDY. Then you end up sweating on your scantron because you cant think of the first name of Congressmen Hancock. Ill give you a hint, its not Herbbie
Fuck the vegetarians that think Im comitting some cardinal sin because I like a nice 80 oz. steak to go with my bucket of chicken. You know the last time I checked, we were omnivores. More importantly we're on the top of the fucken food chain. Whats the point if your going to eat carrots all day? I dont give a shit if you pass on the egg whites, but dont spray paint "cow killer" on my leather jacket.
Fuck the environmentalists that get pissed off when I pull up in my 85 chevy caprice. It burns about a mile per gallon. Damn strait.. but you know what? I cant fit my 80 inch ass into those Hot-wheels that run on batteries and Kool-aid. Dont yell at me for driving a car that fits, then get thirty of you motherfuckers on a chartered Greyhound and go protesting around town
Fuck the anorexics and the bilimics who have such a fucked up view of what beauty is that they cause some serious harm to their health. Theres no need to go yakin' stomach acid down a drain pipe because the bimbo sittin next to you in Chem is wearing a -2 sized dress. Let me tell you something, its much better to exercise and work out, and have a good life then to have knee prints on your linoleum floor infront of your toilet so that you are invisible when you turn sideways.
And fuck the big chicks that wont accept that their fat. I aint got nothing against the big girls, hell I weigh three bills myself, but dont buy your clothes off the XS rack of sluts-are-us. Wear some damn turtlenecks and spare us the hell of watching your third chin cascade onto your neon pink tube top.
Fuck the smokers that sit right outside libraries and movie theaters like a pack of wolves and char up their lungs tell they turn into briquettes. So you want to dump some foggy rat poison down your throat, thats great, but I dont need to spend the last ten years of my life in a hospital bed because you cant handle the stress of living in america.
Fuck the little pricks in middle school and high-school that think their cool because they insult the shit outta the fat kid thats good at math. Its pathetic. You know why? The fat kid's going to go to harvard, get a triple doctorate and a treadmill. He'll eventually be driving his Rolls Royce by the burger-king where the little prick just got nominated for employee of the month because he started organizing the napkins better.
Fuck me for being a philosophy major. Who the fuck cares whether or not we have any knowledge. Ill spend 30 grand paying these fuckers to teach me how to think.. which will come in handy on Hawaiian shirt day at the unemployment agency.
Before long, Im going to end up just like someone on the list above, and some new hotshot with a computer and an imagination is going to tell me to fuck off
Well, when that day comes.. I just might