After a year at St. Cloud State,
Johnny Tollefson came home something of a success, having notched a 3.2
grade average
and published two poems in the literary magazine Cumulus (under the
names J. Robert Tollefson and Ryan Tremaine), and
promptly smashed the front end of his dad's Fairlane on old Mrs.
Mueller's rock garden. It was a fine June afternoon and
she was talking on the phone to Mrs. Magendanz about a woman whose
house got robbed in St. Cloud in broad daylight,
when she heard the screech, a couple loud thumps, the crunch of metal.
and finally the hiss. "Jesus, Mary, Joseph!
Somebody's hit me!" she said. He had managed to take out her ornamental
deer, a plywood Dutchwindmill, and the martin
house, and left two black ruts in the new sod. He didn't damage the
rock garden much, her son Earl having cemented it
pretty good. The front of the car was mashed in back tothe engine
block, and the hood was sprung. Johnny sat with his
hands still on the wheel, blood running down his chin. "Dear God in
heaven!" she said. "I knew something like this was
going tohappen!" She braced one skinny arm against the car and put her
other hand over her eyes. "Dear Jesus, I'm about
to faint," she whispered.
He shouldn't have driven the car after that. With the radiator
smashed and the oil left behind on the grass, the engine
overheated and then, seeing the idiot light flash red, he drove faster,
thinking the wind would cool the engine off. So,
beyond the damage to the front end, the valves had to be reground. It
came to $350 all told.
"Byron," his wife said when Mr. Tollefson got home. "By." She held
onto his arm, slowing him down, and then routed him
into the kitchen and sat him in a chair. "Be patient," she pleaded.
"Don't talk to him when you're so angry." But Byron
couldn't talk much, he was so disgusted. He skipped supper andwent to
Mrs. Mueller's. Earl had stood the deer up and the
martin house, but the windmill was totaled. And two nests of martin
chicks were dead. That was the worst of it. "Mother is
taking it pretty hard," Earl said. Byron could see that by the fact
that she didn't come out and offer him coffee. "She's so
nervous to start with, and then this -"
"I don't know," Byron said. "I just don't know."
Earl said, "Well, they all grow up eventually."
"I don't know."
From his wife, Byron got the story that his son "didn't see the
curve" and it "happened so fast [he] couldn't do anything,"
which made no sense. The curve had been there since God was a boy. Was
the kid drunk? What the hell?
That night, after hearing a speech he had heard on other
occasions,* Johnny went up to his room, took out a yellow legal
pad, and wrote:
The car swerved and ran off the road
Into the yellow flowers.
Some roads aren't there.
He looked at his nose in the mirror. Dr. DeHaven said it was
broken, but not so badly so he just put a piece of tape across
it. It looked good with the tape, like a fighter's, and Johnny hoped it
would be a more distinguished nose with maybe a
scar. His face was too childish. He wished he had a beard like W. Greg
Hatczs. He had tried, but with his blond hair, what
grew out didn't make a big impression. W. Greg, on the other hand, had
a huge multicolored beard, reds and browns and
some whites. You looked at him, you thought, Writer.
This is the news from Lake Wobegon,
Minnesota, where all the women are strong, all the men are
good-looking, and all the
children are above average.
____________________________
*I. I don't know what's wrong with you.
A. I never saw a person like you.
1. I wasn't like that.
2. Your cousins don't pull
stuff like that.
B. It doesn't make sense.
1. You have no sense of
responsibilities at all.
2. We've given you everything
we possibly could,
a. Food on
the table and a roof over your head
b. Things
we never had when we were your age
3. And you treat us like dirt
under your feet.
C. You act as if
1. The world owes you a living
2. You got a chip on your
shoulder
3. The rules don't apply to
you
II. Something has got to change and change fast.
A. You're driving your mother to a nervous
breakdown.
B. I'm not going to put up with this for another
minute.
1. You're crazy if you think
I am.
2. If you think I am, just
try me.
C. You're setting a terrible example for your
younger brothers and sisters.
III. I'm your father and as long as you live in this house, you'll
-
A. You'll do as you're told, and when I say
"now" I mean "now."
B. Pull your own weight.
1. Don't expect other people
to pick up after you.
2. Don't expect breakfast
when you get up at noon.
3. Don't come around asking
your mother for spending money.
C. Do something about your disposition.
IV. If you don't change your tune pretty quick, then you're out of
here.
A. I mean it.
B. Is that understood?
1. I can't hear you. Don't
mumble.
2. Look at me.
C. I'm not going to tell you this again.
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