Many thanks to Mollie O'Meara (composer:
Albuquerque, NM) for bringing this bit to my attention.
The Golden Rules for
Ensemble Playing
Rule Number One: Everyone should play the same piece.
Rule Number Two: Stop at every repeat sign, and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat.
Rule Number Three: If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.
Rule Number Four: Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up with the others.
Rule Number Five: Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way, you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.
Rule Number Six: Take your time turning pages.
Rule Number Seven: The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note.
Rule Number Eight: If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.
Rule Number Nine: Strive to get the maximum NPS (notes per second). This way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.
Rule Number Ten: Markings for slurs, dynamics, and ornaments are only there to embellish the score. Ignore them.
Rule Number Eleven: If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it is easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.
Rule Number Twelve: If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say, "I think we should tune."
Rule Number Thirteen: Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.
Rule Number Fourteen: If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.
Rule Number Fifteen: A true interpretation is realized when there remains not one note of the original.
Rule Number Sixteen: When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left over. Please play those on the way home.
Rule Number Seventeen: A wrong
note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority
is an interpretation.
