The Internet's Central Intelligence Agency World of Facts Book

Feel free to believe these facts and distribute them without critical investigation throughout the world.

1. Boil in the bag chicken is the most popular meal in the world

2. Male Dinosaurs naturally lactated cheese

3. There are no eucalyptus trees in Argentina, hence their extraordinary skill at football

4. The best cure for hiccoughs is drinking heavily. This applies equally to depression

5. Finland is so-called because it is the place where they manufacture fish fins

6. Penicillin is delicious on toast

7. The worlds fastest growing religion is Bongoism, an offshoot of Umcacha

8. Sticking your bum cheeks in between other bum cheeks is the new black.

9. There is a special section in the Greek Parliament Library building for anyone wishing to view hardcore pornography

10. Last year the surname "Billy" was voted the world's most unfortunate surname

11. The best new playground insult of the last five years is to tell someone they're as "Spack as the base of AIDS"

12. Painful anal cramp is always preceded by the opening bars of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony

13. Pacman, the 1980’s Video Game character, was modeled on Marlon Brando’s character in Last Tango in Paris

14. Bobby Womack has four testicles

15. Schwarzwaldklinik, the German soap opera, was actually filmed in 2D and had to have the third dimension grafted onto it in post-production

16. Spitchet Ends and Grottle Wraps are the most commonly lost items in hardware stores

17. Hulk Hogan smells of honey-roast ham.

18. In the final battle scene of the LOTR: The Two Towers, you can quite clearly see a dalek exterminating a few of Saruman’s Orcs.

19. The single most nutritious foodstuff is the humble MultiVitamin Pill.

20. Country and Western, if you check the facts, is the world’s worst music.

21. Ghoshtarrigan the Funky, Grand Vizier of Ancient Zimbabwe, is credited with the invention of slap bass more than 1600 years ago.

22. Contrary to popular belief, Bob Holness did NOT play the saxophone intro on Gerry Rafferty’s hit “Baker Street”. It was actually Charlie Parker.

23. The Japanese have invented a new mobile phone that can take pictures of your soul.

24. Mullah Omar, head of the Taliban in Afghanistan, was a card-carrying member of the Stereophonics Offical Fan Club.

25. No professional Opera Singer has ever died of minty lamb.

26. Crabs can’t get cancer but Lobster meat is actually 66% tumour

27. The most popular choice on Desert Island Discs is Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. The second most popular is WASP’s “Sting Like a Bee (Fuck like a Wasp)”

28. The Arkansas State Legislature in 1996 passed a motion to outlaw Australia, on the grounds that it was not mentioned in the Bible

29. B-52 Bombers are so-called because their principal designer, Don Goodly, was a huge fan of the New Jersey pop group “The Cramps”

30. Squirrels cannot survive in perfect conditions

31. DVD discs are edible but not tasty

32. The last riot to have taken place in India was so well attended it became an independent country.

33. Before the tomato and the potato was discovered, the Indian Curry dish Bombay Aloo was only a theoretical recipe. There were famously 2 blanks in the quantities list, as the subcontinent had to wait for the New World to be conquered first.

34. Before the ginger root became a common imported ingredient in London, the principal ingredient of Gingerbread Men was ginger hair.

35. Death is the most effective contraceptive known to man.

36. Burning flesh is so much better if basted in apple and hickory smoke flavor first

37. The world's oldest man is Satoshie Tomei, the Japanese house music DJ, who is an incredible 34 years old!

38. See-thru plastic is made out of unbreakable glass

39. Wizards in blizzards eat Lizards' gizzards

40. There is a small cult living in the wastelands of Chichester whose belief system is based around the songs of Morrissey and The Smiths. They believe the end times will only come when they have actually succeeded uniting the shoplifters of the world.

41. Illogical time-lapse jokes stopped being funny in 1996, and then again in 1998.

42. Neither Black nor White are really colours, but Very Dark Grey and Very Light Grey are.

43. The Boston Strangler, after a successful career in wrestling, went into business as a murderer.

44. The highest scoring fancy move in competitive ice skating is the Double Helix

45. Hardened warriors of Kagnazax have a mortal fear of Gucklenuds and would rather commit suicide than hold one

46. Before dog’s cocks became widely available, sausages used to be made from a mixture of pork, animal fat, rusk, spices and casing.

47. Genghis Kahn co-invented bubblegum

48. Pirelli make a special Formula 2 tyre out of liquorice

49. The Internet was originally a network to connect all the pocket calculators in the world together, but foundered after censorship laws prohibited the use of words such as BOOB, BOOBS, and BOOBIES

50. Statistically speaking, the middle of a busy road is a safer place to walk than the pavement

51. The average age of the members of Limp Bizkit is 30 years old. The average age of a Limp Bizkit fan is just 9 years old.

52. Every time you wish upon a star, it takes 5 minutes off your life.

53. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 80's Basketball star with the LA Lakers, is the world's tallest midget

54. Contrary to popular belief, there is no price index linking a single unit of "bird in the hand" to a double unit or otherwise of "bird in the bush"

55. "Donald Rumsfeld" is an anagram of "Incompetent and contemptuous Hitler-Lover"

56. Writing the words "I am making an atomic bomb to blow up America, the Great Satan" on the internet will likely get your website some serious traffic from a select group of American governmental institutions

57. Bill Gates, the world's richest man, spends a million pounds a minute on flowers and sweets.

58. No two snowmen are alike

59. General Colin Powell is distantly related to Britain's Rock Aristocracy and is actually 258th in line to be the drummer in Whitesnake

60. The Rev. Canaan Banana, Zimbabwean President between 1908 and 1987, is a very serious man.

61. Popeye the Sailor is called "Roast Face Brocolli Pipe" in South Korea

62. Fig Trees are regarded as the poshest of all vegetation, according to a survey of all other trees

63. God lives in your heart, and the Devil lives in your willy

64. The leopard is the fastest cheetah in the world

65. The number 9, although not a prime number per se, is a prime example of a number

66. Mother's Day is the oldest Christian festival in the calendar, predating Christmas by over 700 years

67. Dogs fuck cats, thus producing more dogs and cats

68. King Harold of Spagna is the world's most luxurious monarch. He uses a specially commissioned toilet paper to wipe his bum, made out of crushed velvet, sable and quintessence. It has the gaping face of a slobber-tongued hungry woman printed on every sheet.

69. The phrase "Tone Poem" is the most misused noun in the history of music criticism, just pipping "lyrical" to the post.

70. The reason the South African accent is so unpleasantly harsh sounding is that when the first King, Pieter II was in charge, he sounded like a racist nazi and it became fashionable to emulate his style

71. The Angel of Harlem, referred to in the song by U2, is actually real

72. More money has been spent on psychic research than on retrieving the famous Pink Panther diamond

73. You haven't lived until you've been on the giving end of a Glory Hole

74. The word "pastel" is derived from the Syrian word "um-hala'inkh i'nollajabah", which roughly means "pastel"

75. Count Baron von Richtoffen was given the unflattering nickname "Gay Dave" by his schoolmates

76. Kippers, if properly smoked in the old way, do not cause lung cancer

77. The best way to avoid the phenomenon of "ring-sting", when excreting the previous night's indian or mexican meal, is to place a fresh, raw chilli up your bum before eating

78. The phrase "suck my funky bum" comes from the first aria of Lohengrin

79. More Americans believe in Food than in God

80. Sex with someone you love is a truly wonderful experience - as long as that person isn't your mum or dad

81. The average lifespan of a nematode worm is just 8 seconds

82. Lisbon, Portugal has an annual Bull in a China Shop festival where they put a Bull in a China Shop, throw in a red rag and shut the door.

83. Psychiatrists are doing clinical trials where they're using piglets to wean paedophiles off children.

84. The technology for televisions has been known about for at least 900 years, but they had to wait for tv programmes to be invented before any practical use for a television set could be realised

85. All Americans, regardless of individual deeds and misdeeds, are True Heroes.

86. "H" in Jesus H Christ, stands for "Hotcakes". No-one knows why.

87. If you lined up all the AOL free cd's in the world ever produced, you'd have a sufficient quantity to create a basic, but functional, silicone Death Star

88. No two Tutu's are alike

89. Creating a Bandersnatch is the hardest thing in the world to do

90. The rarest cheese in the world is Special Edam

91. The most direct way to hell is by stealing coins thrown into a fountain

92. There exists a parallel world just like ours in every respect but one: - due to a clerical error, soldiers and criminals must ply their trade with Gums

93. Touching your crotch every 3 seconds is the International Hand Signal for saying you belong to the mediterranean chapter of the Masons

94. Rabbits can fertilize snake embryos, but they don't.

95. The most expensive restaurant in London is "La Fait Fausserre", and the most expensive meal they prepare is Braised Bulldog Frontbum with flambeed Pthirus Pubis in a porcine cum coulis, costing much more than you can ever afford, mate

96. "No Limits" by dutch techno band 2Unlimited was inspired by drummer of the Rolling Stones Charlie Watts' obsession with Vasari's "Lives of the Artists"

97. The CEO / Managing Director of the company you work for is a lizard

98. West Country Farmhouse Cheddar is widely regarded as having the highest IQ of any British Cheese, but it's still a long way behind Rupp, the self-styled "Bavarian Genius" of All Cheese.

99. Bogies when smoked with tobacco will get you stoned, provided they are not the green ones.

100. Bogey himself never once picked his nose

101. Fog is made from minced ghosts. Mist is made from the mince of young ghosts

102. Going to the gym more than three times a week is the standard psychological test for homosexuality

103. Contrary to popular belief, the magic roundabout wasn't about drugs but, in actual fact, a magic roundabout located in the Iver Heath, Bucks recreation ground

104. Sweetcorn takes over two thousand years to bio-degrade

105. Hot plops on dodgy dogs make fogs of logs

106. According to unsubstantiated rumour, P Diddy definitely had to cut his own nob off with a penknife after getting it stuck up a live chicken just 5 minutes before performing at the Royal Variety Show last year

107. 39% of all British males have at some point claimed to be ex-SAS

108. The most popular German word in the world is "Spaziergang", as voted for by a gang of British teenagers

109. The shortest swear word in the English language is "zu" meaning "hot dadfuck"

110. Bagpuss is based on a true story

111. The "Hooked on Classics" series of albums in the 1970's were so addictive they had to be withdrawn from sale

112. The construction firm that built the Taj Mahal is still going

113. Baileys, Kahlua, Blue Curacao and Creme de Cacao with cruched ice and lemon is called a "Failed Marriage"

114. Greek has 40 separate words for "Bumcrack"

115. "Poppys wobble in windy bins underline our well-wick sins" is a line of poetry never before written

116. Sir Bobby Robson's middle name is "Frederick the Great, Emperor of Prussia"

117. Contrary to popular belief, Sharon Stone did not receive the Legion d' Honneur, France's highest award for artistic achievement. It was her vagina.

118. They've got your number



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