Bob Jen's Web Space

Click here to go to images of my nissan maxima
Click here to go to some random photos that I snapped

UPDATES:
5/4/2006 - 1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides. 2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away. 3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead. 4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength. 5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large roomwith balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window. 6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob. 7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!" 8) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him. 9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank. 10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them. 11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length. 12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound. 13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see. 14) However, no one will see what happened in (13). 15) A Ford Bronco with no brakes can still brake. 16) A Ford Bronco will explode three times upon rollover. 17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective. 18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsick. 19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches. 20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside. 21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale. 22) Really good hair gel will not wash out, period. 23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece. 24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall. 25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault. 26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step. 27) Hedge deflects bullets. 28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one. 29) People commonly use stairs to get onto large commercial jetliners at Los Angeles International Airport, not jetways. 30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed. When a man gets hit by a car, he gets up and continues running even after it appears his legs have been snapped like chicken bones. * A man can rip a bolted seat right out of car with his bare hands. * Even though the bad guys have disabled your truck's engine, you can still drive it down a hill with exhaust fumes coming out the tailpipe.
* A shotgun leaves perfect rows of 6 exit wounds on a man, even though he was shot during a gun battle where the shooter was rolling, jumping, flying and generally not stable.
* You can hear a little girl faintly calling your name even though she is many floors below you in a loud boiler room.
* After you've jumped from a plane's landing gear from about 200 feet in the air, you can still get up and sprint across an airport tarmac faster than you've even run before.
* When a helicopter approaches your house, it flies right up to you and suddenly turns at the last second before hitting the house.
* Some believe chainmail is sufficient protection in a world of guns, grenades & pipes.
* A man can cut through logs with one swing of his axe.
* Soldiers in the distance will shoot randomly all over the place even though the only battle going on is a small one-man melee on the other side of the island.
* A little inflatable boat doesn't sink when you put an array of machine guns & rocket launchers in it.
* Your hands dont get burnt when you rip a steel door of a flaming furnace.
* You can still use both your arms to beat the crap out of someone and rip a steel pipe from the wall even though you have been shot in the shoulder 3 minutes previously.
* You can be blown up with a grenade but if you go into a garden shed and take off your combat vest you will be fine.
* An M-60 machine gun can fire about 9999999999999999 rounds without being reloaded.
* If you rob a surplus store full of guns and get arrested the police just let you keep the guns and dont confiscate them.
* If you raid a base full of soldiers, save your daughter and walk through the grounds with your daughter on your arm the soldiers that you didnt kill previously wont start shooting at you again.
* You have been shot, slashed with knifes, blown up with a grenade, beaten up, shot with a tranquilliser, crashed into a pole with driving 50mph yet you can still walk carrying your daughter and get on a plane like nothing has happened.
* Special Force Commandos can over power about 8 security guards even though they are all on top of you.
* Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 250 pounds!
* If you lose your wallet you magically get it back if your wanting to show someone a picture of your daughter.
* You can punch through glass (to get to knifes in a surplus store) and yor hand will be perfectly fine.
* You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.
* You have just killed about 100 men, robbed a surplus store, stole cars, wrecked a hotel room, blew up a police van, stole a plane, beat up about 50 security guards, jumped of a comercial airplane when its taking off, wrecked private property and blew up an entire base yet you get away scot-free with no questions asked!
Grenades explode one second after pulling the pin out on impact and land exactly where you want them to despite you looking in the other direction.
- Garden sheds, when being shot at by five automatic weapons, have sufficient framework to support a 250 pound man.
- If a giant man is 3 feet away from you. You will not shoot him. You will let him steal your weapon and hit you in the face with it.
- When you are watching the above happen, you will wait patiently until it is your turn.
- When you are watching the above happen, you will wait for a metrosexual man in black pants with a tranquiliser gun to arrive before deciding to fight the giant man.
- When a soldier assigned to protect a man says "he can make it" hes lying. He will in fact lie down as soon as said man runs off.
- Retired commandos only keep their guns in sheds. Not in their houses were they would be easier to access should they ever need them.
- When attacking a commandos house, you dont send men to the back. As to allow said commando to retrieve his gun from the shed.
- In a picturesque multi-million dollar villa with a giant beautiful garden. There is an ugly garden sticknig out.
- Employ stealth tactics when apporaching a heavily guarded compounded where your daughter is being held. Up until the point where you blow up half of it with explosives you never planted.
- When an s&m guy in leather pants is impaled on a pipe and still just alive. He won't fire off some dying shots at the man he has wanted to kill for years.
- When a commando approaches reaches his daughter and the man he realyl wants to kill. All the guards will forget about him.
- When the army arrives on the scene, they will wait at a distance and do absolutely nothing.
- After kidnapping a mans daughter and sending him to assassinate someone. You assume that one black guy on a plane will be enough to stop him from attempting to rescue his daughter.
- Scratches on Porsches appear and re-appear.
- When stealing rocket launchers from shops, don't worry, thewy already have rockets in them.
- After firing two rockets on your initial approach to a heavily guarded compound. You will no longer need the rocket launcher, put it down and don't worry about soldiers stealing it and blowing you up.
- If there is a leak in the military telling bad guys the new identities of ex-commandos, it will not be investigated. Surplus store robberies will.
- The police won't help you if your daughter has been kidnapped by an exiled dictator, nor will your friends in high places in the military. Don't call them until you are about to take on an entire military compound.
All enemies cannot fire to save their lives except the main boss who is the only enemy clever enough to take cover upon hearing gun fire.
- Any member of the public is allowed to run up to a stretcher , check whose lying on it and then runaway no questions asked.
- If you are looking for your Daddy in a sewer, every person's voice sounds like your Dad's.
- Beneath the bed is the best place to hide from armed enemies.
- All Commando's wear Speedo's beneath their fighting gear.
- When shaken, all glass inside a phone box will shatter.
- If there are eight people against one man, each person will wait their turn.
- If however, all men pile in to the meleé at once, they will all fall back moments later.
- Upon being shot, you have just enough time to scream in pain before dying.
1/10/2006 - New Years and 2006 Lake Tahoe pics are up. Also put together a crappy little vid of us doing even crappier jumps. Here

11/28/05 - Quote of the day
"You people want to sound smart but you really don�t sound smart cause when you talk it doesn�t sound smart to my ears that I listen to you guys talking smart but who are really not smart but want to sound that way (smart) if you don�t in fact know about the topic that requires you to be smart to talk about it smartly (the topic) then you shouldn�t try to talk smart about it."

8/19/05 - Quote of the day
"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

8/10/05 - Memorial Park pics are up and some new city pics. They are rad-arculous.

6/22/05 - 40 things to say to your coworkers:
1. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm our of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different!

5/17/05 - yeah I got another speeding ticket... Its like the 5th one or something...
I put up some Santa Cruz pics. Go peep them.

4/15/05 - New write up section is up here: https://www.angelfire.com/jazz/looslip/writeups.html

1/7 - Quote of the day:
"Florida is the dingleberry hanging off the a'ss of the U.S."

12/30 - Quote of the year:
"He's playing a post-apocalyptic hipster game in a juice bar. They fight over a hackey sack made out a shrunken head and then the loser is turned into a smoothie."

11/22 - Japan & Taiwan pictures are up.

10/12 - Its a celebration bitches! Enjoy yourself.

10/6 - Quote of the day: "The R1 had me until about 115 and then I pulled on him."

10/2 - Quote of the day: "Eskimos are my favorite animal and I would love to live in a city of ice and eat baby seals."

10/1 - Quote of the day: "The inside of the dryer is the place where all of the cool kids take naps."

9/27 - Quote of the day: "Mysterious friendly strangers in unmarked utility vans tend to have wildly unconventional definitions of the phrase 'lots of delicious candy'."

6/21/2004 - Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle
10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin box all day long.
9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.
8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.
6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.
3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.
2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.
1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.

5/25/2004 - Happy Victoria day, you hosers! This definately hasn't changed the fact that Mondays are terrible...

4/5/2004 - New pics uploaded

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Maxima.org forums
Maximaracing.org forums, aka the other .org
Northern California Maxima Club
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