C'est La Vie
Mood:  incredulous
Well, the inevitable has happened. Remember the guy I talked about here at work, the one that's a real jerk, and an alchoholic? He got himself fired. He didn't show up last night for his shift, didn't answer his phone when I gave him a courtesy call. He called in around noon today and said that he'd taken some Sudafed because he wasn't feeling very well, and it knocked him out. Yeah, right. I'd be willing to bet my next paycheck that what really happened is he went out and got plastered, then went home and passed out. I guess he's upset because his check was 8 hours short. A glitch in our timeclock does that now and then, because the day changes at midnight, but the pay period doesn't change until 8am. It's stupid, really, but the person who computes the hours doesn't always catch it. It's not the first time someone's been shorted. This guy threw a fit, though. The manager told him she'd call the accountant first thing tomorrow (Friday) morning, and get it resolved. Well, I guess that wasn't good enough for him. He went out and got plastered again tonight, and he didn't show up for his shift. According to our policy, you get written up the first time you nc/ns, the second is grounds for termination. Well, last night was his second offense. However, we're so shorthanded that the manager decided to give him another chance. She told him that in no uncertain terms, if she hadn't fired three people last week because their drug tests came back positive, he'd be gone. I guess he didn't get the message, or maybe he didn't care. Either way, no matter what, he's fired now. If he had showed up drunk, he'd been warned for that too. So he would be terminated for coming in drunk, or terminated for not showing up. Like I said, either way, he's gone. Good riddance, I say. I had Jim come and get my car, just in case the guy was looking for some retaliation. The problem is, that leaves me stranded here with no food. I'm hungry. And tense. And scared, and shaking, and relieved, and......at least I don't have to worry about dealing with him here at work anymore. Thank God for that.

Mood:  not sure
House, one each. Well, if you want to be picky, it's two hooked together. Jim and I were looking through a Cabela's catalog, and we came across several log cabin kits. The idea is to buy two, one big and one small, and make them into a house. The reason for the smaller one is the kitchen space in the large one is dinky. Neither one of us will tolerate that. So, I came up with the idea of tacking a smaller one-room cabin onto the side, and using it as the kitchen and laundry room. It may also have access to the basement. We haven't quite figured it all out yet, but we're working on it. Don't have anywhere to build this thing, so in the meantime we have a larger set of floorplans on the way (the plan in the catalog is the size of a postage stamp). Will post more on the subject as it unfolds. Click here for pictures.

Need an interpreter?
Words Women Use

FINE

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

If you have any questions, please DO hesitate to ask! :)

Tendjewberrymud
A telephone exchange between a foreign hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Japan, which was recorded and published in the Far
East Economic Review.....
(Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. It was nominated
"best email of 1997")

Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"

Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
(right..room service..morning! do you wish to order something)

G: "Uh.. yes.. I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow july den?" (how would you like them)

G: "What??"
RS: "Ow july den?...pry, boy, pooch?" (fry, boil or poached)

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow july dee baycem...crease?" (bacon ...crisp)

G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An san tos?" (And some toast)

G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July san tos?" (some toast...you like some toast)

G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??" (you don't want toast)

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew don juan toes? Ow bow ingalish mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast'. Fine.
Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"

G: "No...just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy ingalish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"

G: "You're welcome"

Some Good News! (for a change)
Heard from Cari, she's got her application in at NECC. Jim and I are supposed to keep our eyes peeled for a decent, yet affordable, apartment. Yay!

AARRGGHH!!!
Mood:  irritated
We've come to the realization at work that the current method of scheduling isn't working. Jim came up with the idea of supervisors working 12 hour shifts. While I'm not wild about the idea, it would solve some problems. It might even make it possible for us to get rid of some "less desirable" employees. Here's the deal: I spent several hours one night (at work, at least I got paid for it!) working out a rotation schedule that was PERFECT. But, when I showed it to the manager, she didn't approve. Apparently, she wants just her, her sister, and me on a rotating schedule for Sat night. Well, I had Jim in there too. She didn't like that. I don't know why. There's also another supervisor that I had working 6am-6pm every Sat, and 12-6 every Sun. Apparently, she can only work every other Sat, and not at all on Sun, because she's living at the rescue mission. I guess they determine how many hours she can have, and they say she needs to spend more time with her daughter. I'm not holding that against her, but I really think it's unfair to the rest of us. I'm tempted to say it's discrimination. Just because I don't have someone telling me when I can work makes me available 24/7? Oh, and I don't have kids, even better. That's horse hooey. I'm bending over backwards for this company, and they keep asking for more. Do they think I like working overnight? If they do, they're very much mistaken. I'd rather be at home in bed, living a semi-normal life like anyone else. I'm pretty angry. When I started working nights, I told them that I wasn't available Saturday nights, because I go to church on Sunday. At that time, I was told that I wouldn't have to work Saturdays. Well, it's Saturday, and here I am, at work. This isn't the first time, and it won't be the last. The manager says the 3 of us are going on rotation until we get someone trained to be weekend supervisor. As far as I know, they don't plan to promote anyone currently working here, so it'll be a while. If my suspicions are correct it'll be a loooong time. Even then, I'll bet I'm still scheduled. I'm sick of it. Sometimes being "nice" is the pits. I let people walk all over me. I feel a little like Tevye in "Fiddler": "Where will it stop? Where will it stop?"

A-fasting we will go...
Forgot to mention that yesterday was the first of the 55 day Lenten fast. So, no meat for Jess until May 1 (and that includes fish). For those of you confused as to why I'm saying Lent lasts beyond March 27th, I'm not Catholic. I'm Greek Orthodox. Yes, I'm still a Christian. We just use the old calendar to determine the dates of "moveable feasts" like Pascha (that's the Greek word for Easter, pronounced pah-skuh.) If you'd like more info on the subject of Orthodoxy, please feel free to visit the Archdiocese website here. I'll be living on fruits and veggies, and a lot of pasta. And mashed potatoes. Should be great for my diet...maybe. That reminds me, I've got to start remembering to take my vitamins. I bought a bottle over a week ago. Still haven't opened it. That's me for ya! Lots of brains, but I seldom use them. Like Amanda says, I'm S-M-R-T! (Miss you bunches, kiddo.) :)

A little bit of nuthin'
I just finished the 11th book in the series I'm reading: Sue Grafton's "Alphabet" Mysteries. (Each book is titled with a letter of the alphabet, "A is for alibi" "G is for gumshoe" etc.) This creates two problems: 1. Now I don't have anything to do to keep me awake until my shift ends at 8; and 2. Ms. Grafton's just finished "R". I don't know how patient I can be. That means I only have seven more books until I run out of series. Then I have to wait until she finishes a new one. I'll have to find a new series to read in between. Not much else going on in my life.

Things may get a little hairy at work in the next week. The manager's had it up to here (indicating point 4 feet above head) with the childish nonsense that has unfortunately become the norm around here. So, she's going to stop being "nice" (think lenient), and start putting her foot down. Or, so she says. I've heard that one before. But, I haven't seen her as mad as she was yesterday morning. As a result, someone was terminated. (Remind me not to piss her off!) I don't understand why people have to lie, and act so stupidly. What on EARTH would possess a person to come into work HIGH? Or drunk, for that matter. Both have happened in the last 2 weeks. I really don't get it. I guess I should be thankful that the things I'm "addicted" to can't ruin my life like drugs and alcohol could. I mean, yeah, chocolate can make me fat, but it will NEVER control me. And no matter how many times I chew off my fingernails, they'll grow back. As far as I know, none of my bad habits will ever cost me my (or anyone else's) life. The day I start endangering others is the day I change the way I live. Maybe I'm just too naive. I don't know what to think. Am I living in a dream world, where everyone gets along, and bad things don't happen? Possibly. But if we lose sight of that dream, how can we deal with the reality of our lives?

Jim-ism
Yet another jewel in conversation with Jim: "I think I've been sniffing too much birdseed." This morning he went to the "Exotic Animal Sale" in Madison, where he spent time with his 11 year-old son and his ex-wife. (He knew they would be there, it wasn't an accident.) Along with assorted birds, reptiles, and small animals, (for instance, one man was selling 200+ guinea pigs, and a lady had 84 pairs of cockatiels) there were African antelope, odd species of goats, spectacled cayman, leopard tortoises, white peacocks, an irridescent green turkey, and an entire herd of miniature horses with colts the size of puppies. He also saw a small blue parrot who mesmerized the crowd by performing a Bill Cosby routine! Ever seen a group of people laughing at jokes told by a BIRD?!?!? (Not suprisingly, it sold for $8,000) Upon hearing all of this, I regretted not going with him. I woke up with a doozy of a headache (possibly due to the B-52 I had last night!) I spent the entire day in bed. Oh well, there's always next time. This sale goes on twice a year. We also have Val's swap meet in the next few weeks. (She's a friend of Jim's.) Maybe I'll get to go to that. And there's the Zoo Sale over in Donovan. Not sure when that one is. That's about all I have to say for now, maybe I'll blog more later... :)

Hail the conquering hero...
Mood:  celebratory
Ahem, ahem, (taps mic) AS OF THIS MORNING, I HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 20 POUNDS! (crowd erupts into thundering applause) May my weight continue to dwindle until I reach my goal. Hooray!