Gross Jokes
What's the definition of gross?.....
.....When you give your girlfriend a hickey and a zit pops.

EEEWWWWWW!!!!!

Did you know that diahrrea is genetic?....It runs in the genes.

Did you hear about the guy who drank 5 gallons of tea?....He drowned in his own tipi.....

What's the sharpest thing in the world?....a fart. It can go through your pants without leaving a hole.


Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin



A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"


"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.


Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.


Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.


Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.


Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.


Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.


Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.


Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.


Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.


Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"


"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"


"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"






Biker Bar Interview



A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.


She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."


The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.


So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?"


The little old lady said, "Yeah, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.


The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"


The little old lady said, "Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."


The biker was impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"


The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."