Eeeek.

...OK, so not, strictly speaking, vocally. There were some truly fine individual moments, esp. during the duets. There were also some flat-out sucky ones, way more than I remember from the previous two seasons, but hey, that's Idol too.

But...but...it's like the gods of Pop-Culture Irony were in really good moods when this particular season got put together, or something. We got the CI we wanted...and now all I want is to send it back, pronto.

I mean, there's just so ruddy much individuality and quirkiness and piercings and soulfulness and emoting and - and Moffats going on around here that it took a real effort of will to even begin to identify any, y'know, actual talent and/or staying power.

Frankly, it's difficult to imagine myself spending ten minutes with most of these people without clocking them upside the head! , let alone have them sing at me for an entire summer. When I realised I'd counted the third Jacob-wannabe and there was still a half-hour to go, I knew I was in deep, deep, trouble...

...On the other hand, I am in the snark business. And by the end of the genuinely fun and fascinating second season my stock of same was slipping mightily. So...[resolutely dialling the wistful nostalgia down to a dull roar]...Excelsior!, and all that.

--Production values are up about, oh, 750% from last season; even Benedict seems to have invested in a better quality Man-Tan - if not writers. There the man is, all set to bring The Edge...and then he starts pulling photos and just falls right off. The Wailing Wall gag was truly inspired telly and Sass' 'this is how it's done, kids' moment should have tanked but in fact worked amazingly well. (Not to mention the little 'Go away, Dore!' notes. Too bad they didn't ID who was behind that door - they had at least one guaranteed CD sale ! right there.)

--Time After Time? Do you have any idea, TPTB, what firstborn things I would have given you to have this nifty - not to say broad, not to say packed with opportunities for eliciting emotive skill - a song selection on the Top 100 show last year? The retrospective concept of Theresa singing this one song alone is worth my eldest nephew.

--Y'know, don't quote me on this, but I think TPTB just might be hoping for a female Idol this season. Call it a hunch.

--The fact that the Littlest Moffat can inspire a vague sort of interest in me when he's singing in no way mitigates the relentless tide of contempt that engulfs when he's doing everything else. I mean, the boyband didn't pan out so let's audition for Idol? Can we wave bye-bye to his last, pitiful shreds of credibility, potential future purchasers of his winner's CD? Knew you could.

--So let me get this straight...Suzi doesn't wear makeup, and she's a decent belter, and...and...ther! e's gotta be something else I'm missing, here? I mean, how can you have such an obviously carefully-cultivated rep as raw and real when you can't even begin to interpret a song?

--Bad news, I think I'm a terrible person. Because just going by the evidence this evening, if I were Zack...I woulda yelled at Amanda too. There are just some people in this life that inspire the urge, and she's Exhibit A (a co-worker of mine being Exhibit B, which is why I happen to have so much unfortunate insight into the phenomenon).

Seriously, it's a shame, because you can tell there's a fantastic voice in there somewhere. But, I mean, girlfriend, really. I could've absolutely forgiven the deer-in-the-spotlite routine [see: Porter, Kalan] but then you proceeded to demonstrate that not only do you not have what it takes to cross a downtown street without a Boy Scout, you feel no particular need to acquire it...which is right about where the yelling comes in. NEXT!

--Darryl or whateve! r his name is...has a decent voice. Also no ducklings (that I know of?) And in the end I suppose it was reassuring to see that some things Idol never change.

--On that note...Several interchangeably tall-dark-and-greasy guys give performances containing various amout of textural promise - hilariously, the male candidates even look generic - but it's pretty clear the eye candy just ain't gonna happen for yours truly. Sigh.

--Good stuff: Sarah Loverock, Casey, the redhead from Calgary named Bree, a couple other girls (one of which may have been Jenn) plus Volare Vince and the one big hefty guy turn out to be, if not Kalan-Theresa-Jacob II, at least capable of holding my interest. And Jenner there got cut, which means the Irony gods are fundamentally merciful after all. Bring on the Top 32, CI! I dare you!