SCAMMING QUOTES
Strange though it sounds, Face was more then just a pretty… well…
face. He also had the ability to scam,
a talent that came in helpful more then once, a talent he shared with his
closed friends.
Hannibal:
"Face, I want you over at the Federal building, check the FBI
records on Papa Cataro."
Face: "Oh,
sure, no problem. I'll just walk in
there, flash my library card..."
Hannibal:
"...and your smile."
(Body
Slam)
Face: “Thanks. I, uh, really
appreciate your trusting me like that.”
Girl: “Lets just say I liked your face.”
Face: “Oh. I have an honest face?”
Girl: “No. But I like it.”
(When
You Coming Back, Range Rider?)
Face: “I lie, I steal, I cheat, and I still don’t get
any respect!”
(Where
Is The Monster When You Need Him?)
Face: “Aw, BA, I don’t think I’ve ever conned you.”
Murdock: “That’s not true, how about that time you conned
him into investing in that silly film of yours?”
Face: “That was a fantastic investment opportunity,
which had, as we say in financial circles, a sever and unexpected dou. . .
Ok, ok, ok BA.”
(Moving Targets)
BA: “Hey, Hannibal, you know I don’t fly. And
I’ve seen this trick before. You give me a burger, and expect me to eat
it.”
Hannibal: “BA, you know you get cranky on an empty stomach.
Now, eat your burger.”
BA: “Not this time. I ain’t fallin’ for no
sleepin’ powder in my burger. I’m takin’ your’s.
Hannibal: Help yourself, it’s fine.”
BA: “You figured I’d think my burger was spiked, and
take yours. I’m takin’ Face’s.”
Face: “Oh, ok.”
BA: “Wait a minute. I got it. You figured
I’d take your burger, get wise to it, then take Face’s burger. And Face’s
burger is the one that got the sleepin’ powder in it. Or Murdock’s.
Hey wait a minute, I’m hip to you guys. The one place you would
never put sleepin’ powder, and that’s in the first burger you gave me.
That much I know.“ (takes bite of original burger, takes a sip of milk, passes out)
Face: “And he was doing so well.”
(Sheriffs
Of Rivertown)
Face: “Ok, ok, fine. We did it. There, you
feel better? Huh, you feel better? We did it. There’s nothing you can do about it. I
mean, it was an emergency situation, BA.
Somebody had to do something, and we did it. So there.”
BA: “S’okay.”
Face: “It is?“
BA: “No. But I like conning you, like you like
conning me.”
(Incident At Crystal Lake)
BA: “You tricked me, sucka!”
Murdock: “I did not. Not really.”
(Bullets and Bikinis)
Hannibal: “Jer,
trust him. He’s made a career out of bending the rules.”
(Where Is The Monster When You Need Him?)
BA: “Man, if Hannibal didn’t put you on
the team, you’d probably be in jail, right now.”
Face: “True.”
(Labour Pains)
Face: “The door
wasn’t locked. At least, not after I
picked it.”
(Sheriffs
Of Rivertown)
Face: “I just love picking locks.”
(Say It
With Bullets)
Murdock: “Face, I don’t know how you do it, but you sure do it good.”
Face: “Well, look, you give me a job to do, I do it.
You know, I pull my resources, I consider my options, and then I go
for it. Sure, it’s not easy. There are risks, but I take ‘em.”
Hannibal: “What was her name?”
Face: “Luanne.”
(Holiday
In The Hills)
Laura: “Can’t believe you got someone to
lend their private property around here.”
Face: “Well, you know, when you have a good
cause, I mean, things are bound to come your way.”
Hannibal: “What was her name?”
Face: “Inge.”
Hannibal: “Very continental.”
Face: “Yeah, she certainly is.”
(Labour Pains)
Face: “You know, I’ve been thinking, maybe
if I could, uh, invest a little time, I might be able to draw her out.”
Hannibal: “Oh, I see. You mean, uh, just
the two of you over a quiet cup of coffee, you could find something out about
her?”
Face: “Ah, we’re leaving town, anyway.”
Hannibal: “What you don’t do for the team,
Face.”
Face: “I know.”
(The Battle Of Bel-Air)
Frankie: “How do you get this stuff, man?”
Face: “Oh let me just say this, there’s a lovely young
lady in the City Planter’s office who will be my guest for dinner at Lepaul.”
(The Say
UNCLE Affair)
Rudy:
“That’s my wallet.”
Face:
“That’s right. Charles Winston. Wait a minute. Charles Win..?
The Charles Winston? You’re
Charlie the Clip?”
Rudy:
“You picked my pocket.”
Face:
“You know, I can’t believe it. I picked the pocket of Charlie the Clip!
Do you know who this is? I’ve studied every scam you’ve ever done.
This is the guy who sold the Brooklyn Bridge...to Brooklyn!”
Rudy:
“A few minor accomplishments.”
(Mission
Of Peace)
Hannibal: Face, you’re turning luck into an art form.
Face: Well, art form’s a bit much. I prefer to think of it as talent
for the remarkable.
(Diamonds
‘n’ Dust)
Hannibal: “BA, a shovel, now that’s no disguise.”
(Showdown)
BA:
“I’m one of his prizes.”
Nurse: “Excuse me?”
BA:
“I’m part of his fantasy weekend.“
Nurse: “Just what exactly do you do?”
BA:
“It’s my hands. I got Mr. Masseuse, and this guy Murdock, he want a
deluxe massage for himself and six of his best friends.”
Nurse: “He is not here, and he won’t be back for two weeks.”
BA:
“How ‘bout you, Mama. Your neck looks a little stiff.”
Nurse: “No, thank you! Now good day.“
(Wheel
Of Fortune)
Murdock: "You
know, I'm tired of bein' the blue collar guy in these cons. Why don't you and the guys let me broaden my
acting repertoire?"
(Body
Slam)
Murdock: “For I will steal, I will lie, I will seduce my
way down the path that you have shown me.”
BA: “He couldn’t scam yesterday’s garbage.”
Murdock: “Oh yeah? Well you just watch. With
my new clothes, and my new manners, and especially my new hair, I will thrill
and amaze us all.”
Face: “Yeah, well, I don’t like the sound of that. “
(Mind
Games)
Face: “Passing Murdock off as a secret agent.
Hannibal, he’s not even convincing as a sewage worker.”
(The Spy
Who Mugged Me)
Face: ”Oh, no, no, no, Hannibal, not Murdock. You
know what he does to my scams. Remember
how he almost got us caught on that military base?”
Murdock: “Now, wait a minute.”
Face: “Remember, you wanted a tank...”
Murdock: “I had no way of knowing that there was a shell
in that barrel.”
(Double Heat)
Shopkeeper: “I sell
good stuff here, everyone knows it!”
Murdock (in
an English accent): “Oh don’t make me laugh. No kippers, no English herring bone tweeds,
no meat pies, no Rolls-Royce petrel caps, no original pressings of Hey Jude. You sir, are a miserable excuse for a shop
keep!”
(Diamonds
‘n’ Dust)
Face: “Now, you will listen very carefully. You’ll both finish your
shift, clock out, and go home. If in an hour you don’t hear from me, do
not leave the house, wait by the phone, your phone will ring. Pick it up.
If the voice at the other end does not say “thunder ball,” let it ring at
least 6 more times before you pick it up again. Is that perfectly clear?”
(Timber)
Murdock: “Priorities, man, priorities. Do you think
that flying little old ladies around the harbour is what made America great?
No. Sacrifice, blood, sweat, tears, winning one for the Duke.
Don’t you love your country?”
(Double Heat)
Murdock: “You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time. But sucker back there, we
could’ve fooled every time.”
(Skins)
Hannibal: “I guess we need a volunteer.”
Face: “Don’t
smile at me like that. That’s not even
a real smile. It’s just a bunch of
teeth playin’ with my mind.”
(Diamonds
‘n’ Dust)
Face: “Hannibal, I didn’t plan on making a
career out of this, you know. I’m in my ‘vette, not exactly the most
inconspicuous car to do a tail job in.”
Hannibal: “Ah, That’ll work for you. He’d
never think that anybody’d be crazy enough to follow in a car as flashy as
that.”
Face: “You don’t believe that.”
Hannibal: “No, but I thought you’d feel better.
Bye.”
(Steel)
Face: “Aw no, why is it always me?”
(The
Bend In The River)
Face: “Hannibal, I don’t like to complain, but why is
it that I’m always the one who has to stick his head inside the lion’s
mouth?”
Hannibal: ”It’s your personality.”
(Trouble
Brewing)
Hannibal: “Now Face, if we had endless amounts of money at our disposal, and we
could do whatever we want whenever we wanted, we wouldn’t really need you, now
would we?”
Face: “That’s why I stick around, Hannibal. You have such a, a
wonderful way of making one feel so much a part of the team.”
(Judgement
Day)
Face: “Uh, I lost it. I mean, the magic is gone.
I, of all people, should be able to see through a conartist. No
more. You guys, you might as well just put me up on a box, let the kids
throw rocks at me.”
(Doctor’s
Out)
Murdock: ”Listen, the trick is, even if you gonna make up the whole story,
you’ve got to keep it within the borders of credibility.”
(The Battle Of Bel-Air)
Tawnia: “Face, the uniform will never work. Decker
will recognize you the moment you walk in.”
Face: “Oh, I don’t know. A little jewellery.
Maybe an ascot for just the right touch, it’ll look terrific.”
(Curtain
Call)
Face: “It’s, uh, really just a matter of looking like
you know what your doing, you know, and then uh, steering a wide enough birth
until someone fills in the proper blank. Ah, which someone eventually
always does. “
(Judgement
Day)
Hannibal: “The way he got it is, with that punim of his, it
seems that everybody believes whatever he says. It’s a gift. I
mean, he’s an absolutely stupendous liar.”
(Where
Is The Monster When You Need Him?)
BA: “You probably conned all the babies at
the maternity ward at the hospital where you was born.”
(Labour
Pains)
Hannibal: “I wanna follow him. Scam me up a car, Face.”
Face: “Scam me up a car, Face. What do I do?
Get the Hertz agency in? Get you a Cordoba convertible?”
(Where
Is The Monster When You Need Him?)
Hannibal: “Face, we need a few things.”
Face:
“Ah, yeah. Uh, forty gallons of red paint, seven electric fans, three
loud speakers, forty pillows. Is this a joke?”
(Mission
Of Peace)
BA: “Hannibal, why you
hadda go bust Faceman in the lip for? You know you make him ugly it
messes up our meal ticket. We won’t be able to get no more good hotel
rooms.”
(Children
of Jamestown)
Hannibal: “Face,
you’re the kind of guy everyone wants to invite home.”
(Moving
Targets)
Murdock: “Face,
you know you’re going to be fine. [BA]
won’t let anything happen to you. It’ll
take the fun out of breaking your bones later on.”
(Moving
Targets)
Face: “Ah BA, I mean, you don’t wanna hit me.
After all, my face is our calling card.”
(Moving
Targets)
Murdock: “We, uh, we call him Faceman because he is so good looking that he
can extract the answer ‘yes’ from you without ever having asked a question.
Sort of a con man’s tool of trade, you know?”
AJ: “Doesn’t sound like a very sincere kind of
friend.”
Murdock: “No, no, no, no. He’s, he’s a great guy.
He’s always there in a pinch. He’d rip the shirt off his back for
you. Then he’d go out and scam one for himself.”
AJ: “A con man with integrity. It’s an interesting combination.”
(Family
Reunion)
Face: “Now listen. The, uh, see the key to any con is, uh, placing
the mark in a position where he thinks that, uh, reward will come, or, uh,
harm will be avoided if he does exactly as he is told by the character
assumed by the con man.
Murdock: “That’s a remarkably good analysis of a very
complex issue, Face.”
Face: “Oh, thanks. You know, I should write a book.”
Murdock: “Nope, nope, just a pamphlet.”
(Alive
At Five)
Murdock: “The ole scam man back in action, huh?”
Face: “The scam man is never out of action.”
(The Say
UNCLE Affair)
