Mexican Slayride Children
of Jamestown Pros and Cons
A Small and Deadly War Black Day at Bad
Rock The
Rabbit who Ate Las Vegas Holiday in the Hills
The Out of Towners West Coast
Turnaround One More Time
Till Death Do Us Part
The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing A Nice Place To
Visit
BA: “He loves the risk, the danger. He loves the Jazz.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
Murdock: Sorry, my mother was on the phone.
Amy: Your mother? From the file I got on you it said that she died
when you were five.
Murdock: She did. But, uh, I had a line put in.
You know. What a hassle. The telephone company, they don’t
cooperate. Took awhile, but we’re solid now.
(Mexican
Slayride)
Murdock: “I’m not
nuts, I keep telling everybody, don’t you think I wanna get out of here and see
E.T just like everybody else?”
(Mexican Slayride)
Murdock: I was surprised the surgeon general let me out.
Face: He didn’t. I did. I had to bring your
uncle Deke into town.
Murdock: How is uncle Deke?
Face: You don’t have an uncle Deke.
Murdock: Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that. I was
just beginning to like him.
Face: Mmm, mmm, you hated him, he used to beat you.
Murdock: That creep!
(Mexican Slayride)
Face: “Hey, I got us a gulf stream.
Can you fly it?”
Murdock: “Hey fellah, if it’s got wings, I can
fly it.”
Face: “Great.”
Murdock: “Hey Face, what’s a gulf stream?”
(Mexican Slayride)
BA (about
Murdock): "If that fool's
flyin', we dyin'"
(Mexican Slayride)
Hannibal: “Now BA, you’re gonna have one of your anxiety
black outs. And... (BA
"punches" him) Now,
now, take it easy, BA. Take it easy.”
Amy: “Why’d he hit you?”
Hannibal: “Hit me? If he hit me, I’d be in the
hospital.”
(Mexican Slayride)
Amy: Pilot’s really insane?
Hannibal: We think so.
(Mexican
Slayride)
Amy: “I’m going with you.”
Hannibal: “You got health insurance?”
Amy: “Yes. Tip the joint over? Very macho, but
is it smart?”
Hannibal: “If I was smart, I wouldn’t be working for some skirt
with no money.”
(Mexican Slayride)
Bad Guy: “You have a very irritating manner,
Señor.”
Hannibal: “Yeah, I know.
I’ve been working on my personality, read the Don Rickles book and
everything. Nothing seems to be helping.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
BA: (as Hannibal is
putting makeup on) “Comin’
out of the closet, Hannibal?”
Hannibal: “Funny.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
BA: “We’re almost out of
gas.”
Hannibal: “Now why did you pick a truck with no
gas?”
BA: “Cause I liked the
paint job.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
Murdock:
“I’m nuts.
Let’s keep that straight, ok? I got my whole room and board thing
resting on that fact.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
BA: “Hannibal, why you
hadda go bust Faceman in the lip for? You know you make him ugly it messes
up our meal ticket. We won’t be able to get no more good hotel rooms.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Hannibal: “I believe it was General Grant who
said ‘when you’re surrounded, and out numbered, there’s only one way out.’”
Amy: “Yeah, so what is it?”
Hannibal: “Surrender.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Hannibal: “Have you heard this
poem? Hickory dickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock. The
clock struck one, down he run. You smell worse than my socks.”
(Children of
Jamestown)
Face (about Murdock): “Nuttier than an almond bar.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Hannibal: “He’s got over a hundred kids that he’s
terrorising up there that need our help.
Besides, he stole mah boots.
Nobody steals mah boots!”
(Children of Jamestown)
Face (about Murdock): “That guy’s as crazy as a Mexican rabbit. But I love him.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Face: “The Jazz. It’s,
it’s, it’s like walking a tightrope, a thousand feet up. Without a net.
The wind starts you swaying. See, you know that at any second, you
could fall.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Murdock: They don’t let crazy people vote.
They take that right away from you when you committed. We are also
immune to fear. We can’t hook up emotionally to the concept of cerebral
damage.
BA: I’m getting tired of this rap,
Murdock.
Murdock: You’re tired of it, how
do you think I feel? I have to listen to it all day.
(Pros and Cons)
Hannibal: “Murdock, how’d I let you talk me into
this?”
Murdock: “I don’t know, I have
intermittent memory loss.”
(Pros and Cons)
Face: Replace the button on the collar with
the one from the kit.
Amy: Bringing me along to
sew, how wonderfully sexist.
(A Small
and Deadly War)
BA: “He’s on the Jazz, man. He’s on the Jazz.”
(A Small and Deadly War)
Client: “Why do they do it?”
Amy: “For the Jazz, man. For the Jazz.”
(A Small and Deadly War)
Hannibal: “If anybody could talk
BA out of anything, he’d be a professional wrestler.”
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
Sheriff: Of course you realize when we run these prints through, we are gonna
find out who you guys are.
Hannibal: I told you before, we’re ballet dancers.
Face: That guy over at Doc’s is our choreographer.
Hannibal: Yeah, we had a nasty audience. I don’t
think they liked our prat de dour. Opened up on us from the first row
with a fifty caliber machine gun.
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
Hannibal: “Alright, gentlemen. Step into our finest
room. No phones, no pool, no pets, but... you’re gonna love your new
neighbour.”
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
Murdock: "A-Team in need, do you read? Out of range, that's kind of strange!"
Amy: "Murdock, what's with all the poetry?"
Murdock: "Yeah, I noticed that too.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I got my words, my brain’s workin' fine, but when the words come out,
they want to... rhyme.”
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
BA: "Man
I'm warning you all for the last time, I don't want this sucker's blood in
me. It's gonna make me crazy just like
he is!"
Murdock: "No
it's not gonna make you crazy B.A. It's just gonna make you mellow. You can even room with me in the VA. I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and
you and I can watch the walls melt."
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
BA: I can feel myself getting crazy already.
Murdock: Yeah, first your ears start to ring. And
then, every once in a while, your eyes start to fog over, and you start to
rhyme your words.
BA: You’re nuts, man. Never heard me rhyming my words. Why,
that’s the craziest thing I ever heard. My ears don’t ring. I don’t
hear a thing.
Murdock: Uh huh.
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
Hannibal: “Murdock, do you think you could fire this crane up?”
Murdock: “If it had wings,
I could fly it.”
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
Hannibal: “I can blow you away right here. I’m not a
cop. I’m a fugitive. And every now and then, I like to drop the
hammer on a piece of dirt.”
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
Barbarian: “You’re gonna eat it, Sheriff! And I’m
gonna feed you to the brothers for dessert.”
Hannibal: “Remind me to tip the waitress.”
(A Black Day at Bad Rock)
Face: “So, uh, tell me, Professor, all the chicks in
Arizona State look like Sue Beth and Darlene?”
Murdock: “Thinking about going back to college and getting
that education you never had?”
Face: “Well, maybe for a week or two anyway.”
(Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)
Hannibal: “Remember, it’s always darkest just before it
goes totally black.”
(Rabbit
Who Ate Las Vegas)
Face: “Send us a postcard, Professor. Or better yet,
send Darlene instead.”
(Rabbit
Who Ate Las Vegas)
Hannibal: “Remember, black is beautiful.”
BA: “Not on you it ain’t.”
(Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)
BA: “Hannibal loves the Jazz.”
(The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)
Face: “Murdock
what’s going to happen?”
Murdock: “Looks
like we’re gonna crash.”
Face: “No, come
on really, what’s gonna happen?”
Murdock: “It looks
like we’re gonna crash… and die.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has just turned
on the no smoking, fasten your seatbelt sign for taxi and take off.
Please make sure that your seat is in the upright and forward position,
and that your table trays are secured in front of you. Please sit back and
enjoy your flight.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “Thank
you for flying miracle airlines. The
only airline where Lady Luck is your co-pilot.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
BA: “Where did you come from?”
Murdock: “When I get that figured out, I can drop out of
analysis.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
BA: “Murdock crashed the plane, didn’t he?
Murdock: “No. No no no no no no no no. I
simply relocated the aircraft with extreme prejudiced because of a total loss
of thrust and lift functions!”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Face: “Are you nuts?”
Murdock: “Absolutely and totally.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “AHHHHHHHHH! Hi
ya’ll. Howlin’ Mad here in voice only, but this time my body’s split
along from my mind. So at the tone leave your name and a message, and
I’ll get back to you as soon as my shock therapy’s over. Bye now.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “Face, I don’t know how you do it, but you sure do it good.”
Face: “Well, look, you give me a job to do, I do it.
You know, I pull my resources, I consider my options, and then I go for
it. Sure, it’s not easy. There are risks, but I take ‘em.”
Hannibal: “What was her name?”
Face: “Luanne.”
(Holiday
In The Hills)
BA: “Man is crazy.”
Face: “Yeah, but it’s a good kind of crazy.”
(Holiday in the Hills)
Face: “Hannibal, sometimes I think you’re crazier than
Murdock.”
Hannibal: (chuckles) “Sometimes I am.”
(Holiday in the Hills)
Murdock: “Now, Hannibal, this
sounds like one of those plans. And whenever we use one of those plans, somebody
always gets mad at us.”
Hannibal: “Yeah.”
(The Out-Of-Towners)
BA: “Man, how do you put up with yourself?”
Murdock: “It’s difficult at times.”
(The
Out-of-Towners)
Bad guy to
Hannibal: “You’re nuts!”
Murdock: “I’m the one who’s nuts, man! Right over here.”
(The
Out-of-Towners)
Face: “Hannibal, I know you love it when a plan comes
together.”
(The
Out-Of-Towners)
Hannibal: “Alright, who wants to be a cop?”
BA: “Don’t look at me.”
Murdock: “Oh, me. Me, me, me, me, me. Please, me.”
Hannibal: (Face points at Murdock) “Ok, Face. It’s you.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Bill: “Who are you guys?”
Hannibal: “We’re the ghosts of Christmas future.”
Face: “We’re also hijackers, so just give us the keys
and take a walk. We’ll call you in a couple of days and tell you where to
pick up your rig.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Ellen: “These are Bill Mather’s trucks.”
Amy: “You even got two of them.”
Hannibal: “He was running a sale. Steal one, get one
free.”
(West Coast
Turnaround)
Hannibal: “I always like to see the size of them slug I’m
after, before I step on him.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Hannibal: “Murdock, BA, take the right. Face, stay with me.”
Face: “Uh, Hannibal, if we’re gonna fight, I’d really prefer to be teamed
with BA.”
Murdock: “Me, too.”
Hannibal: “Are you guys saying you don’t want to be teamed
up with me?”
Face &
Murdock: “Yes.”
Hannibal: “Why?”
B.A.: “I’ll tell you why. Because when you on the
Jazz, man, you’re dangerous.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
BA: (Hannibal mumbles) “What
he say?”
Face: “He said, I love it when a plan comes together.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Ellen: “Do you think they’ll get through?”
BA: “Probably not.”
Ellen: “Then Easterland will kill them.”
BA: “That probably won’t happen, either.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Easterland: “I told you to get out of here. Maybe next
time you’ll listen.”
Hannibal: “I doubt it. I’m stubborn. It’s a
serious character flaw.”
(West
Coast Turnaround)
Amy:
“Hannibal’s plans never work right. They just work.”
(West Coast Turnaround)
Murdock: “I’m sorry, but you’ve reached a disconnected
number. Now if you feel that you’ve reached this recording in error, how
do you think I feel?”
(One
More Time)
Murdock: “You know, Sarge, I had a cat once. But
every time I tried to give him a bath, the fur stuck to my tongue.”
(One
More Time)
BA: “That sucka sent me to the brig. Said I
didn’t salute him.”
Hannibal: “Yeah, he sent him to jail for just punching him
in the nose.”
(One
More Time)
Amy: “Where’s the pilot?”
Murdock: “Oh, it was kinda strange. I was just
standing there talking to him, and all of a sudden, he fell in my arms.”
Amy: “You knocked him out.”
Murdock: “Oh, don’t let’s not get technical.”
(One
More Time)
Murdock: “Flying kind to Penny. Mayday, Mayday. We’re going in.”
Amy: “Murdock, going in what?”
Murdock: “The plane is going in the ocean, and we’re going in the jungle.”
(One
More Time)
BA: “Man, he’s on the Jazz.”
Face: “And we’re in trouble”
(One
More Time)
Jackie: “You guys are crazy.”
Hannibal: “Speaking of Murdock, where is he?”
(Death Us
Due Part)
Reverend: “Do you, Jacqueline Lee Taylor, take this man,
Calvin Cutter, to be your lawful wedded husband?”
Murdock
(lifts veil): “Well I didn’t go
through all this to see how I looked in white.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Jackie: “Then I began to suspect that he might have
killed my father.”
Murdock: “Oh, and to think that I almost married into that
family.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Murdock: “Sociopathic personality is simply a person who
feels no emotion, no love, no pain, nothing. Of course, they learn to
fake these things very well, but they could kill without regard, and then pass
a lie detector test with impunity. (In British accent) You see, aside from being the A-Team’s perennial
bride, I also handle the psychological profiles. But I shan’t, I shan’t
bore you with my credentials, my dear.”
(Till Death Us Due Part)
Face: “Marriage. I mean, there has to be a better
way.”
Hannibal: “I’ve explained it to you before. If we get
Jackie in a marriage contract, Calvin can’t touch her. If he kills her,
you get the money.”
Face: “But what if he kills me?”
Hannibal: “Well, then the orphanage in your will gets the
money. See, he gets nothing. It’ll freeze him. I mean, we
need an insurance policy. And you’re it. Actually, it’s brilliant.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Amy: “Can I be maid of honor?”
Murdock: “I wanted that.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Murdock: “As crashes go, this was nothin’. Wait’ll
the next one, that’ll be a crash.”
(Death
Us Due Part)
Murdock: “I certainly couldn’t testify. They cannot
force a wife to incriminate her spouse. I just wish I knew what a
creep that guy was before I agreed to marry him.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Client: “This is crazy.”
Hannibal: “No, it isn’t.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “Colonel, I’m afraid I have some terrible, terrible, terrible news.”
Face: “What happened? Dog Billy get hit by a car?”
Murdock: “Worse. I have been kicked out. Cain
has been kicked out of the harbor. So pull out the gang planks, Mr.
Roberts, and tell all the officers to meet me in the war room.”
Hannibal: “You’ve been found sane.”
Murdock: “You got it. My career is over.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
BA: “I
thought you said you wasn’t crazy any more?”
Murdock: “Only on
paper!”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “Ok, pal. Try to keep my friend company
here. Uh, he doesn’t talk much, but he’s got a heck of a smile.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “Oh,
BA, I’m gonna need the love and support of all the friends I can get. And
I want you to be my role model. Somebody I can look up to when the purple
wobbilies start to wobble.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “Well make up your mind, first I’m crazy, then
I’m not, then I’m crazy, then I’m not.
She loves me, she loves me not.”
(The
Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
BA: “This is my worst nightmare.”
Hannibal: “Cheer up, BA, your insurance is up to date.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Face: “What can I say? Man’s on the Jazz.
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
BA: “I don’t start
no trouble. I mind my own business.”
Amy: “Going up to a
traffic cop who’s writing out a ticket for your van, and eating the citation
right in front of his face, absolutely falls under starting trouble.”
Hannibal: “Well, you
gotta admit, the look on that cop’s face was worth it.”
(A Nice Place To Visit)
