Was
Murdock really crazy? Who cares? What is a fact though, is that wherever
Murdock went, insanity was sure to follow!
And anyway, it just wouldn’t be the A-Team without the fun.
Face: “Ah, Murdock, he’s tough. Like a piece of
rawhide. One that just got out of therapy.”
(Curtain
Call)
Face: “Doncha worry about Murdock. A few weeks,
and, uh, he won’t be able to distinguish reality from a couple of bread
sticks.”
(Curtain
Call)
Face: “Murdock, you’ll always be one of us. The
question is, which one.”
(Showdown)
Hannibal: “We’ll go across to that little store
and pick up some grub. How does bologna and whole wheat sound?”
Murdock: “Actually, Colonel, it makes almost
no sound at all.”
(Labour Pains)
Murdock: “Hannibal, don’t be rude.”
Hannibal: “Rude?”
Murdock: “Rude. Our interstellar predecessors have
told us that in moments such as these, we should have cooked bread. That
is their quaint way of telling us that we should have a toast.”
(It’s A
Desert Out There)
Tawnia: “Murdock, what if they’ve really been caught this
time, and can’t meet us?”
Murdock: “Well that just means I’ll have a traumatic
experience.”
(Say It
With Bullets)
Les: “You sure these friends of yours are
from the real world, Murdock?”
Jamie: “Or are they from the same place in
your brain those imaginary guys in your belt came from?”
Murdock: “Imaginary. Imaginary.
Stay calm, fellahs. He meant no disrespect. So you think the
wee folk are imaginary. Now where does that leave elves and gremlins?
Not to mention double gangers.”
(Water,
Water Everywhere)
Murdock: “I rest my case, mein colonel. The woman
came to the table, she looked around, and she saw only you.”
Hannibal: “It’s because I’m better looking.”
Murdock:
(chuckles) “It’s because I made
myself invisible.”
Hannibal: “I saw you the whole time, Murdock.”
Murdock: “You see, colonel, all I have to do is, is just
think of white paper. Just concentrate on white paper, white paper.
And then whamo bamo, I’m gone. People can’t see me.”
(Road To
Hope)
Hannibal: “These the only guys in the van, Murdock?”
Murdock: “Yes, sir. I checked for invisibles, but
they didn’t have any with them.”
(Say It
With Bullets)
Murdock: “Invisibility at your service.”
(Road To
Hope)
Hannibal: “You knew I was gonna say that.”
Murdock: “‘Course he did. It’s telepathic.
It’s a gift given to all of us thousands of years ago by
extraterrestrials. You know, whoa whoa.”
(It’s A
Desert Out There)
Murdock: ”I’ll get my name right out there with Charles
Darwin and Leo Bell.”
Hannibal: “Leo Bell? Who’s that?”
Murdock: “The guy in the room next to me. Got a
mouth so big, he can put a whole jar of peanut butter in it, lid and all.”
(Timber)
Murdock: “Can you guarantee me that in a hundred years,
after I’m gone, the name Murdock will be on par with Rembrandt, Picasso, Van
Gogh, Willy Mays?”
Face: “Uh, uh, Willy Mays?”
Murdock: “Do you deny that Willy Mays was a great artist
of center field?”
(Beverly
Hills Assault)
Murdock: “Sir, as this is Tuesday, it’s my feeling that
Wednesday could occur officially as early as tomorrow.”
(Pure-De
Poison)
Murdock: “I’m not talking to myself. When you talk
to yourself, you’re alone. No one hears you. You happen to be with me. You hear me. Therefore, I’m
not talking to myself.”
(Sheriffs
Of Rivertown)
Murdock: “The colonel really bends my mind out of shape,
you know?”
BA: “Man, if your mind was bent out of shape, it’d be
straight, fool.”
(Harder Than It Looks)
Face: “You might be surprised at what ole Murdock
knows. I get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many
different levels. Like layers, pulling away one after the other, exposing
new and wondrous aspects of HM Murdock.”
(Cup A’ Joe’s)
BA: “You peal off Murdock’s brain, you get nothing
but jello.”
(Cup A’ Joe’s)
Murdock: “Ugh, ugh.”
Hannibal: “How you doing, Murdock?”
Murdock: “The Lennon Sisters, they just won’t stop singin’ in my head.
Will you cut it out girls, and give this mice song some time off?”
(Cowboy George)
Murdock:
“I’m nuts.
Let’s keep that straight, ok? I got my whole room and board thing
resting on that fact.”
(Mexican
Slayride)
Murdock: “I’m nuts. That’s why I’m so good.”
(Waiting For Insane Wayne)
Murdock: “You can always stay at my place, plenty of beds.”
(In Plane Sight)
Murdock: “I guess it’s too late to ask you guys to bust me
back into the VA, huh?”
(Deadly Manoeuvres)
Dave: “Face it, Murdock, they’re not gonna
let you out of this place.”
Murdock: “So? What’s the big deal?
What, what they allow, and what I do are two separate zip codes, buddy.”
(Water, Water
Everywhere)
Murdock: "A-Team in need, do you read? Out of range, that's kind of strange!"
Amy: "Murdock, what's with all the poetry?"
Murdock: "Yeah, I noticed that too.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I got my words, my brain’s workin' fine, but when the words come out,
they want to... rhyme.”
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
BA: "Man
I'm warning you all for the last time, I don't want this sucker's blood in
me. It's gonna make me crazy just like
he is!"
Murdock: "No
it's not gonna make you crazy B.A. It's just gonna make you mellow. You can even room with me in the VA. I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and
you and I can watch the walls melt."
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
BA: I can feel myself getting crazy already.
Murdock: Yeah, first your ears start to ring. And
then, every once in a while, your eyes start to fog over, and you start to
rhyme your words.
BA: You’re nuts, man. Never heard me rhyming my words. Why,
that’s the craziest thing I ever heard. My ears don’t ring. I don’t
hear a thing.
Murdock: Uh huh.
(A Black
Day at Bad Rock)
Murdock: “Well make up your mind, first I’m crazy, then
I’m not, then I’m crazy, then I’m not.
She loves me, she loves me not.”
(The
Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “Oh,
BA, I’m gonna need the love and support of all the friends I can get. And
I want you to be my role model. Somebody I can look up to when the purple
wobbilies start to wobble.”
(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Amy: “Murdock, why are you eating a
sandwich that’s frozen?”
Murdock: “I have to. I’m allergic to
microwaves, it releases space hamsters into my bloodstream.”
(There’s Always A Catch)
Murdock: “Since when does something have to make sense to
be logical?”
(Waste
‘Em)
Hannibal: “I appreciate Murdock’s theories, even if they
are outside ordinary logic and reason.”
(Incident
At Crystal Lake)
Frankie: “Hey, I couldn’t help noticing that jacket.
It’s beginning to dry out and crack.
You ever try tanning butter?”
Murdock: “Only on pancakes, and it tastes pretty yucky.”
Frankie: “Huh?”
Murdock: “Well, it did turn my tongue a nice shade of
brown.”
(Dishpan
Man)
Hannibal: “It’d be nice if we had some help. But we
have surprise, and a touch of lunacy on our side.”
Murdock: “That be true. Um-hm.”
(The Bend In The River)
Murdock: “What are you? A couple of fruit flies?
You know there are places for people like you!”
(Harder Than It Looks)
Carter: “This was a stupid move. You
yea-hoos were crazy to come back here.”
Face: “I agree. (to Hannibal) I told you it was crazy. (to Carter) He never listens.”
(When
You Coming Back, Range Rider?)
Face: “Hannibal, come on, lets go!”
Hannibal: “We’re not close enough.”
Face: “What, are you crazy?”
Hannibal: “I wouldn’t sleep at all tonight if
he didn’t see the expression on my face.”
(When
You Coming Back, Range Rider?)
Jackie: “You guys are crazy.”
Hannibal: “Speaking of Murdock, where is he?”
(Death
Us Due Part)
Client: “This is crazy.”
Hannibal: “No, it isn’t.”
(The
Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Goon:
“You guys are crazy.”
Hannibal: “No, he’s crazy. We’re just bad tempered.”
(Diamonds ‘n’ Dust)
Gains: “What, are you fugitives from the
banana bin?”
Murdock: “How’d he know?”
(Water, Water Everywhere)
Webb’s guy: “You guys are crazy.”
Murdock: “Boy, he’s an excellent judge of character, huh
Colonel?”
(Trouble
Brewing)
Bad guy: “You’re nuts!”
Murdock: “No, I’m condiments! I’ve been promoted!”
(Labor
Pains)
Bobbi: “You are crazy men, no?”
Murdock: “I’m not crazy, I’m a great film maker. I
have visions that I turn into cellular monuments. And I’m here to tell
you that with your aspect ratio, you could walk with the cinematic gods.”
(The
Bend In The River)
Bad Guy: “Kill him, he’s a fool.”
Murdock: “Oh yeah, kill the fool, kill the fool. Do you know there are
places in this world where fools are worshiped? Like… Hollywood,
California”
(Dishpan Man)
Murdock: “Colonel, I’m afraid I have some terrible, terrible, terrible news.”
Face: “What happened? Dog Billy get hit by a car?”
Murdock: “Worse. I have been kicked out. Cain
has been kicked out of the harbour. So pull out the gang planks, Mr.
Roberts, and tell all the officers to meet me in the war room.”
Hannibal: “You’ve been found sane.”
Murdock: “You got it. My career is over.”
(The
Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
BA: “I
thought you said you wasn’t crazy any more?”
Murdock: “Only on
paper!”
(The
Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)
Murdock: “You are constantly drawing false
conclusions based on little or no information at all.”
BA: “You’re a nut. And that’s a
conclusion based on fact.”
Murdock: “Only based on your definition of
what constitutes nuttiness. Now, I think the others here might agree that
my recent behaviour can only be described as normal. Reasonable description, considering the fact that I have
consciously decided to conform to less aberrant behaviour, simply because of
your constant verbal abuse.”
BA: “Even when he talks straight he
sounds crazy.”
(In Plane Sight)
Mrs Hicks: “Are you
a psychiatrist?”
Murdock: “No,
ma’am, I’m insane.”
(In
Plane Sight)
Stephanie: “Wait a minute, this is insane.”
Murdock:
“This?! Stephanie, this isn’t
even close, if you want insane, ask me to write a letter sometime.”
(Pure-Dee
Poison)
Betty: “You need professional help.”
Murdock: “Yes, that’s what I came down here to get.
You can never travel too far to get the best.”
(Doctor’s
Out)
Murdock: (sounds of Indian and naval attacks, and large lizards in
background)
“This is Captain Murdock. I’m under attack. Mayday! Mayday!
I’m under attack! Mayday!
No, is it possible, for one to make a Mayday call in January?
Quick, someone bring me an army manual.”
Girl:
“Oh, I’m sorry, Captain. We just ran out of army manuals. And all
we have left are the navy manuals, and a few vegetarian Boy Scout manuals.”
Murdock: “Then, you’d better kiss me.”
(Trial
By Fire)
Amy: Pilot’s really insane?
Hannibal: We think so.
(Mexican Slayride)
Murdock: “I’m not
nuts, I keep telling everybody, don’t you think I wanna get out of here and see
E.T just like everybody else?”
(Mexican
Slayride)
Bad guy to
Hannibal: “You’re nuts!”
Murdock: “I’m the one who’s nuts, man! Right over here.”
(The
Out-of-Towners)
BA: “Where did you come from?”
Murdock: “When I get that figured out, I can drop out of
analysis.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Face: “Are you nuts?”
Murdock: “Absolutely and totally.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “When he said ‘dummy’, was he talking
to me?”
Face: “Who else?”
(The Battle Of Bel-Air)
Face: “Hannibal, sometimes I think you’re crazier than
Murdock.”
Hannibal: (chuckles) “Sometimes I am.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
BA: “You called it, and that fool Murdock did it.”
Hannibal: “Makes you wonder who’s crazy.”
(The
Road to Hope)
Murdock: They don’t let crazy people vote.
They take that right away from you when you committed. We are also
immune to fear. We can’t hook up emotionally to the concept of cerebral
damage.
BA: I’m getting tired of this rap,
Murdock.
Murdock: You’re tired of it, how
do you think I feel? I have to listen to it all day.
(Pros
and Cons)
Murdock: “Use your imagination. Or you can borrow
mine.” (evil laugh)
(Harder
Than It Looks)
Murdock: “As soon as I find out who I am, you’ll be the
first to know.”
(The
Bells of St. Mary’s)
Murdock: “You can call me Pasadena Murdock.”
BA: “Make more sense to call you fool.”
Murdock: “But fool doesn’t have that nice ring to it.”
(Moving
Targets)
Face: “Gin.”
Murdock: “Gin? Are you kidding me? I thought
we were playing scotch.”
Face: “Uh, I’m not gonna ask you what scotch is,
Murdock, cause if I do, I know I’ll just curse myself when you tell me it’s a
light, blended whisky. Right?”
(The Big
Squeeze)
Murdock: “Scotch is a game that’s played in the Scottish
highlands. In the game of scotch, kings, queens, jacks, and numbered
cards are wild. The only card that is not wild, is the 3 of spades, which
is removed from the deck prior to the deal, which renders that particular card
useless.”
(The Big
Squeeze)
BA: “Man, these people in Beverly Hills look at us
like we from another planet.”
Murdock: “Are you suggesting that your derivation is from
anything but another planet, Big Guy?”
(Beverly
Hills Assault)
Murdock: “My
size? My size is the amount of space
that I fill up. Thanks for asking.”
(Bad
Time On The Border)
Guard: “Put your hands away from your body, and don’t
move.”
Murdock: “Then how do I get my hands away from my body?”
(Firing
Line)
BA: “Man, how do you put up with yourself?”
Murdock: “It’s difficult at times.”
(The
Out-of-Towners)
Frankie: “Are you
okay?”
Murdock: “That has
never satisfactorily been determined.”
(Dishpan
Man)
Face: “I don’t
know why I bother to hang around with you guys, I’m beginning to lose my grip
on reality.”
Murdock: “It’s about time.”
(The Big
Squeeze)
Bounty
hunter: “You’re crazy you know that?”
Murdock: “Of
course I’m crazy, you got me out of the psychiatric ward of a VA hospital
stupid!”
(Bounty)
Doctor Kelly
Stevens: “You’re crazy!”
Murdock: “I knew
it, how did you know it?”
(Bounty)
Face about Murdock: “Nuttier than an almond bar.”
(Children of Jamestown)
Face about Murdock: “That guy’s as crazy as a Mexican rabbit. But I love him.”
(Children
of Jamestown)
Murdock: “AHHHHHHHHH! Hi
ya’ll. Howlin’ Mad here in voice only, but this time my body’s split
along from my mind. So at the tone leave your name and a message, and
I’ll get back to you as soon as my shock therapy’s over. Bye now.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Murdock: “I’m sorry, but you’ve reached a disconnected
number. Now if you feel that you’ve reached this recording in error, how
do you think I feel?”
(One
More Time)
Murdock: “At the tone, the time will be 12:22 in Hong
Kong.”
(Judgement
Day)
BA: “Murdock,
I’ll knock all your teeth out of your mouth if you don’t stop all your
craziness with your funny hats and your invisible dog.”
Murdock
(while protecting his teeth): “If it’s an invisible dog, how you know he
was there?”
(Moving
Targets)
BA: “I’m not sharin’ a room with this crazy fool.”
Murdock: “Oh, come on, Big Guy. We’ll have a great
time. We can read under the covers late at night, and just scoot out the
window after curfew.”
BA: “I’m gonna throw you out the window after curfew.
You ain’t no quiet roommate.”
(There
Goes The Neighbourhood)
Murdock: “You know, Sarge, I had a cat once. But
every time I tried to give him a bath, the fur stuck to my tongue.”
(One
More Time)
Murdock: BA, look. Look at that flower. It’s started.
BA: What you talkin about?
Murdock: That flower. Where I touched it, it’s turned brown. I
killed that flower with radioactivity. My hair is falling out. I
have started down the long last road to Dante’s nuclear fires.
BA: It’s plastic, fool.
Murdock: Then it’s worse than I thought.
(Point
of No Return)
Murdock: “Ten min... ten min... my watch has stopped. First it’s a
plastic leaf, now it’s my watch.”
(Point
of No Return)
Murdock: “Sociopathic personality is simply a person who
feels no emotion, no love, no pain, nothing. Of course, they learn to
fake these things very well, but they could kill without regard, and then pass
a lie detector test with impunity. (In British accent) You see, aside from being the A-Team’s perennial
bride, I also handle the psychological profiles. But I shan’t, I shan’t
bore you with my credentials, my dear.”
(Till
Death Us Due Part)
Murdock: “I shall be back by the stroke of midnight.
Or sooner, if they run out of finger sandwiches.” (evil laugh)
(Judgement
Day)
BA: “Man is not long for this world, Hannibal.”
Hannibal: “I’m not sure he was ever in it.”
(Judgement
Day)
Murdock: “My name is not fool. I am the hunkman.
You got it boys and girls? The hunker. Look at that vette
over there. Boy, it fits me like a, a pair of argyle socks. I mean
I love it. This is what life is supposed to be about.”
BA: “He’s coming apart, Hannibal.”
Hannibal: “Yeah, I’m afraid so.”
(Mind
Games)
Mrs Baracus: “He doesn’t look like a crazy man.”
Murdock: “Wait till you get to know me.”
(Lease
with an Option to Die)
BA: “How long you out for, man?”
Murdock: “Oh, as long as I want. I’m, I’m officially
released.”
Face: “What?”
Murdock: “I’m, I’m no longer insane. I got my papers and everything.
The board reviewed my case, and uh, they released me. The hospital
did a terrific job. They cured me of all my psychiatric ills.”
Frankie: “After more than a decade?”
Murdock: “Well, the road to hope is often parked upon.”
BA: “So are you. I may be glad to see you, but you’re still crazy.”
(Firing
Line)
Hannibal: “Murdock and I will check out the psychiatric
hospital.”
Murdock: “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This
little dohickey says I’m perfectly and sensationally sane. (he shows Hannibal a very colourful
piece of paper that says “I am sane” with the ‘S’ backwards.) I’m not going back to any mental hospital. “
Hannibal: “Ok, Murdock, relax, relax. Murdock, I’m only
asking you to pretend.”
Murdock: “Okay.”
(The Say
UNCLE Affair)
BA: “Man is crazy.”
Face: “Yeah, but it’s a good kind of crazy.”
(Holiday
in the Hills)
Mrs Baracus: “Murdock,
you are the craziest fella I’ve ever met.
I think I want to adopt you.”
(Lease
with an Option to Die)
