FRIENDS, FOES AND THE A-TEAM QUOTES

 

So what’s left?  I hear you ask.  Well, that’s a good question.

 

 

Hannibal: “What kind of a scungiel would call himself a coffin?”

Face: “Probably the same kind who’d call himself Hannibal.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Murdock (dressed up as a General): “So this is the A-Team?  I’m not impressed.”

(Bodyslam)

 

Hannibal: “Murdock, on the stand, that should be interesting.”

(Trial By Fire)

 

Frankie (about Murdock): “Who is he?”

Face: “Well, uh, when we get on a plane, you can sit next to him.  And if you figure him out, let us know.”

(Dishpan Man)

 

Bounty Hunter: “So you’re Murdock, huh?  I sure heard a lot about you.”

Murdock: “You heard about me?  I don’t know about me.  What do you know about me?”

Bounty Hunter: “Well, two tours in ‘Nam, silver star, three unit citations, wounded twice, best damn Huey chopper pilot we had.”

(Bounty)

 

Frankie:  “I want to have a family… you think we can still have children, Murdock?”

Murdock:  “I don’t think I know you well enough.”

(Point of No Return)

 

Murdock (walking in with breakfast while the rest of the team sit around reading their newspapers): “I really don’t know what is with this family anymore.  I mean, the four of us just don’t seem to communicate in the morning.  (BA) Six eggs, twelve pieces of bacon, half loaf.  (Face) Two eggs, two pieces of bacon, a single.  (Hannibal) Three eggs, three pieces of bacon, and a pair.  We have an intruder at two o’clock, gentlemen.”

(There Goes the Neighbourhood)

 

Face: “Christmas, Thanksgiving, those are family holidays.  Family, you know, the mom, the dad, and 2.3 kids, uh, station wagon in the garage...”

(Family Reunion)

 

Murdock: “My mommy told me not to stray too far from the building.  She might want to send me to the store, or something.”

(Lease with an Option to Die)

 

Hannibal: “Did I ever tell you guy’s about my childhood?”

Face: “Hey Hannibal, could we do the retrospective some other time?”

Hannibal: “You see, I was the kid who always liked waiting on Christmas Eve even more than I liked opening the presents the next morning.  But the next morning, when I started rippin’, I started rippin’.”

(Say It With Bullets)

 

Murdock: “I had an uncle Carl once.  He was a milk man, but we never got anything out of him but cottage cheese.”

(Blood, Sweat and Cheers)

 

Hannibal (about Face): “I’ve got to take my nephew Harold.  He’s a little retarded, but he is a nurse.”

Face: “Retarded?”

(Taxicab Wars)

 

Hannibal: “Besides, BA and I have been working out.  You two look a little flabby.”

Face: “Flabby?!”

(There’s Always A Catch)

 

Murdock: “I gotta stay lean and light and ready to fight.”

(Deadly Manoeuvres)

 

Face: ”I’ll cover the outside.  Guy like me look out of place on an assembly line.  And I, I don’t have anything in my wardrobe to go with grease and grime.”

(Trouble On Wheels)

 

Murdock: “Nails, sir?”

Face: “Thank you.”

Murdock: “Your hands are lovely, just keep them manicured.”

Face: “Thanks for the advice.”

(Beverly Hills Assault)

 

Face: “Ah, no, Murdock.  You change your clothes everyday.”

Murdock: “I do, but it didn’t smell like he did.”

(Sheriffs Of Rivertown)

 

Hannibal: “We got nothing to talk about, chum.  I mean, look at that jacket.  I’d let you talk to my tailor, but he likes a little class, you know what I mean?”

(Champ!)

 

Hannibal: “We’ll design our own fashions.  And you, Murdock, will be our designer.”

Face: “Murdock?  A fashion designer?”

Murdock: “Something with flair.  Elegance.  “

Hannibal: “Yeah, something like that.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Murdock: “This is genius.  Pure genius.”

Face: “Well thank you, Murdock.”

Murdock: “No, I was referring to Hannibal’s part.”

(Trouble Brewing)

 

Hannibal: “I’m impressed, Face.  I thought he was gonna cream you.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Face: “Hannibal, you constantly amaze me.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Hannibal:  “Thanks, Face.  I didn’t know you cared.”

Face:  “Yeah, well, it, uh, must be the cologne you’re wearing.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Face: ”It could happen to anyone.”

Hannibal: “Yes, Face, but it always happens to you.”

(Incident At Crystal Lake)

 

Murdock: “I don’t suppose you’ve noticed that I’m wearing gold, hmm?  You know why? Let me tell you why.  I got behind the wheel of this van here, and I noticed that she was shimming a little, pulling to the left.  Well, it finally hit me.  That ugly mudsucker tuned the suspension of this van to compensate for all that gold he was wearing.  So, I put on a few chains, a few rings, some bracelets, and some bricks under the seat.  And it worked.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Murdock: ”I can see the Colonel now, formulating a plan, Faceman movin’ and groovin’, and BA just worried sick about me.  I can see that ugly mudsucker standing off in the corner of the room somewhere, just comatose with grief worrying about my health and welfare benefits.”

(Bounty)

 

Murdock: “Listen.  I am I, and you are you.  Perchance someday that we should walk along the same road together . . .”

BA: “You’d be dead.”

Murdock: “Gotcha.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Murdock: “Listen, I can help you, but you have to listen to me.  Do you understand?  Pain is in the head.  So if you think it hurts, it’s gonna hurt.  So you gotta think nice things.  Just, just think happy thoughts.  Go ahead.”

BA: “Okay, I’m thinkin’ you got hit by a bus.”

Murdock: “Well then, you oughta be feeling better already.”

(Trouble On Wheels)

 

Murdock: “Why don’t we get our own island?  I always wanted to start a democratic society.  Run my own country.”

BA: “Cool it, Murdock.  You can’t even run your own mind.”

Murdock: “Well, that wasn’t very nice of you, BA.  I was thinking of making you an ambassador to the coniferous trees.  Maybe even the podocarpus.”

BA: “Yeah, maybe you can make me Sergeant of Arms so I can throw you out of the country.”

(The Island)

 

BA: “Hey Murdock, let me help you with that.  Two buddies, out adventuring.  (laughs)

Murdock: “Hannibal, I think he was threatening me.”

(Moving Targets)

 

Murdock: “I should have the binocs, Faceman said I am the lifeguard.”

BA: “You gonna be a package of cream cheese in a minute.  I’m the lifeguard.  You can’t even swim.”

Murdock: “Don’t you say that!  Yes I can!”

Face: “Uh, uh, uh, BA look, uh, you’ll sink with all that gold on there, so why don’t you let Murdock be lifeguard?  You could be security.“ 

Murdock: ”Yeah.  Jeez, man, jeez.”

(Bullets and Bikinis)

 

Murdock: “BA, do you know what you’ve done?  Big Foot got one look at you, and high tailed it back into the woods to warn his friends.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Big Foots didn’t even have a reward out on you!”

(Timber)

 

Murdock: “Get off a me!  I’m far too delicate to have your ugly mudsuckin’ hands all over me.”

(The Island)

 

Murdock: “You know, BA, you didn’t have to get in that car and chase that van.  I’d of brought it back.”

BA: “Hey man, how’d I know they weren’t gonna hurt you, or shoot you, or something.”

Murdock: “Wait a minute, wait a minute.  Are you telling me that you got into that car and chased that van cause you were worried about me?”

BA: “I was worried about my van.  I knew it was too good to last.”

Murdock: “You really care about me.  You were really worried about me, weren’t you, big guardian type guy?”

BA: “Cared about my van.”

Murdock: “Oh, no you didn’t.”

BA: “I did too.”

Murdock: “Did not.”

BA: “I did.”

Murdock: “Did not.”

BA: “I did.”

(Breakout!)

 

Murdock: “BA, I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you I’m real sorry that they took your gold back at prison.”

BA: “Oh, that’s alright.  If I don’t get it back, I’ll just have to kill you.”

(Breakout!)

 

Murdock: “Let me, let me get this straight.  Are you telling me that the Big Guy looked into the future as it were, saw that Hannibal was gonna fumble the path, and said to himself, I don’t know where this country bucket is going, and planted the bug?  I’m telling you, the man can see into the future.  He is my hero.  Ba, the Baracan god.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

BA: “I don’t know why you guys are always pickin’ on Murdock.  He ain’t so bad.”

Face: “Huh?”

BA: “Man is a little weird, okay.  But he got some good ideas, so leave him be.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Face:  “Better watch my back.”

Murdock:  “Who’s gonna watch mine?  Face, your back, it’s looking good.”

(Sheriffs of Rivertown)

 

Face: “You know, uh, Murdock, you, uh, look better to me as a woman than you do as a man.”  

(Cowboy George)

 

Face: “Well, how would you like it if I, uh, if I took your personality?  How would you like it if I became you, if I become Howling Mad Murdock?”

Murdock: “You couldn’t.”

Face: “I couldn’t?”

Murdock: “I’m too complex.  Too layered.  Too fruitcake.  Too whisky.  Too rye.”

(Mind Games)

 

Stockwell: “Where are Peck and Murdock?”

Frankie: “Oh, well, uh, Face, he saw a woman... that he knows.   And Murdock, he, he saw...”

BA: “Somethin’ in his head.  Ain’t no tellin’ what it was.”

(Point Of No Return)

 

Kyle: “Where’s Smith, Peck?”

Face: “You know, that’s the beauty of it, I haven’t the slightest idea.  I never do, really.  He’s a real mystery, a walking riddle.  Yeah, he might start dropping bombs on you guys.  Then on the other hand, he might just show up as a nun.  I can’t tell.  And, uh, I know him, oh, just about as well as anybody else.  Yeah, he’s really quite. . . mystical.”

(Deadly Manoeuvres)

 

Face: “Did we ever give you a lobotomy?”

(Judgement Day)

 

Murdock: “Wait a minute, wait a minute.  I gave a kidney away last year to uh, to uh, Colonel Morgan.  And the year before that, it was Wes Morlan.  Then I gave my lung away the year before that to my Aunt Sophie.”

Face: “We even took your spleen out 8 months ago, didn’t we?”

Murdock: “I’m practically a shell of my former self.”

(Judgement Day)

 

Murdock: “I can’t believe he wanted me to give another kidney.  Give, give, give.”

(Judgement Day)

 

Murdock: Sorry, my mother was on the phone.

Amy: Your mother?  From the file I got on you it said that she died when you were five.

Murdock: She did.  But, uh, I had a line put in.  You know.  What a hassle.  The telephone company, they don’t cooperate.  Took awhile, but we’re solid now.

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Murdock: I was surprised the surgeon general let me out.

Face: He didn’t.  I did.  I had to bring your uncle Deke into town.

Murdock: How is uncle Deke?

Face: You don’t have an uncle Deke.  

Murdock: Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.  I was just beginning to like him.

Face: Mmm, mmm, you hated him, he used to beat you.

Murdock: That creep!

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Face:  “You know, Murdock, you’ll make someone an excellent wife.”

(Cup A’ Joe’s)

 

Murdock: “Are you friends of the bride or the groom?”

Face: “Murdock, this is a funeral, not a wedding.”

BA: “Friends of the groom.”

Murdock: “Go in front, then.”

(The Big Squeeze)

 

Murdock: “Dearly beloved, I do believe that the deceased will appreciate the swift commencement of this brief ceremony that marks his final day among those of us who appear to be at least cognizant of life.”

(The Big Squeeze)

 

El Cajon: “The wedding ceremony shall proceed!  The funeral is cancelled!”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Reverend: “Do you, Jacqueline Lee Taylor, take this man, Calvin Cutter, to be your lawful wedded husband?”

Murdock (lifts veil): “Well I didn’t go through all this to see how I looked in white.”

(Till Death Us Due Part)

 

Jackie: “Then I began to suspect that he might have killed my father.”

Murdock: “Oh, and to think that I almost married into that family.”

(Till Death Us Due Part)

 

Face: “Marriage.  I mean, there has to be a better way.”

Hannibal: “I’ve explained it to you before.  If we get Jackie in a marriage contract, Calvin can’t touch her.  If he kills her, you get the money.”

Face: “But what if he kills me?”

Hannibal: “Well, then the orphanage in your will gets the money.  See, he gets nothing.  It’ll freeze him.  I mean, we need an insurance policy.  And you’re it.  Actually, it’s brilliant.”

(Till Death Us Due Part)

 

Amy: “Can I be maid of honor?”

Murdock: “I wanted that.”

(Till Death Us Due Part)

 

Murdock: “I certainly couldn’t testify.  They cannot force a wife to incriminate her spouse.  I just wish I knew what a creep that guy was before I agreed to marry him.”

(Till Death Us Due Part)

 

Murdock: “Please, please.  One of the men inside is the father of my unborn child.”

(Cowboy George)

 

Tawnia: “The word commitment can ward Templeton Peck off faster than a can of mace.”

(The Battle Of Bel-Air)

 

Face: “So, uh, tell me, Professor, all the chicks in Arizona State look like Sue Beth and Darlene?”

Murdock: “Thinking about going back to college and getting that education you never had?”

Face: “Well, maybe for a week or two anyway.”

(Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)

 

Face: “Send us a postcard, Professor.  Or better yet, send Darlene instead.”

(Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)

 

Face: “Hello, beautiful.  What’s up?”

(Knights of the Road)

 

Hannibal: “You got any idea where they took her?”

Face: “Yeah, well, it was a little tough to hear, I was listening to the chlorine ruin my clothes.”

(The Battle Of Bel-Air)

 

Hannibal: “Remember, black is beautiful.”

BA: “Not on you it ain’t.”

(Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas)

 

Hannibal: “Does, uh, does this guy have a daughter, Face?”

Face: “Yes, a very pretty one.  But I never once, never did I even think about it.  Look, this is one muchacho that never mixes business with pleasure.  Well, maybe once or twice.  But not this time.  Really.”

(Where’s The Monster When You Need Him?)

 

Hannibal: “If you talk that way about him, you might not live to date his daughter.”

Face: “Yeah, explain that to me, huh?  Tell me how something like that could’ve produced something like this.”

Hannibal: “The world is full of wonderment.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Stockwell: “Gentlemen, I have a very important assignment for you.  Her name is Paula Anderson. “ 

Face: “Ah.  Sorry, General, she’s a little young, you know uh, have her give me a call in five or six years.”

(The Grey Team)

 

Dominique: “It appears the odds have turned against you, Monsieur Ross.”

Murdock: “Yes, if I didn’t have such a beautiful face to look at, the evening would be a total loss.”

(The Spy Who Mugged Me)

 

Face: “Well, I’ll have to give the KGB credit.  Their agents are getting much better looking.”

Hannibal: “She’s not bad.”

(The Grey Team)

 

Hannibal: “I’ll tell you something, you’re starting to impress me.”

Annie: “Just starting to?”

Hannibal: “Work on me.”

(Fire)

 

Annie: “Smith, you’re starting to impress me.”

Hannibal: “Just starting to?”

Annie: “Work on me.”

Hannibal: “Bet on it.”

(Fire)

 

Face: “You know, Rena, I uh, I never meant to lead you on.”

Rena: “The truth this time?”

Face: “Well I, I meant to lead you on.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Kelly: “Am I ever gonna see you again?”

Murdock: “Course you’re gonna see me again.  How could Murdock ever forget the mysterious lady in the blue van who appeared out of nowhere just to save him, hmm?”

(Bounty)

 

Kelly: “What?  What’s the matter?”

Murdock: “Nothing.  Nothing.  I’m just comparing you to a mental image I was carrying around in my head, sort of like a, a mind projection.  And guess what?”

Kelly: “What?”

Murdock: “It doesn’t compare to the real thing.”

(Bounty)

 

Murdock: “Amy, I’m gonna make you feel real wanted.  You know what I mean?  Real wanted.”

(There’s Always A Catch)

 

BA: (as Hannibal is putting makeup on) “Comin’ out of the closet, Hannibal?”

Hannibal: “Funny.”

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Charlotte:  “Just a second, I don’t have anything on.”

Hannibal:  “Steady, Face.”

Face:  “I’m trying, Hannibal, I’m trying.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Murdock: “A trick I’ve found in sexually stressful situations is to focus your mind on something of a completely different nature.  Take that Road and Track magazine, and look at those cars.  Take eggs out of the refrigerator, and practice juggling.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

a Bell: “I guess you know how grateful we all are.  It’s been awful having to work for Dave.”

Face: “Would you happen to have any eggs in your refrigerator?”

Charlotte: “You hungry?”

Hannibal: “He wants to practice his juggling.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Murdock:  “Faceman bites the dust.”

(Knights of the Road)

 

Girl: “I think he’s having trouble breathing.  He probably needs mouth to mouth.”

Face: “Ah yes, yes.”

Guy: “I know CPR.  I can do it.”

Face: “AH, uh, I can breathe, I can breathe.”

(Bullets and Bikinis)

 

Face:  “You’re thinking that I’ve been shot down, right?”

Murdock:  “Well it is a little disturbing to the front line troops to see their top love pilot bite the dust and then cry medic.”

Face:  “Do I have to go in there just to prove to you that if she thought I was interested in her, I mean, she would go for me in a second.”

Murdock:  “Yes!”

(Knights of the Road)

 

BA: “You’s out cold for a day and a half at the hospital.“ 

Frankie: “They said you hit on two nurses while you were sedated.”

Face: “Really?  How’d I do?”

Hannibal: “You evoked great sympathy.  They left their telephone numbers for you.”

Face: “Ah.”

(Without Reservations)

 

Face: “You know, I think my idea of having all the help wear bikinis is really gonna pay off.”

(Bullets and Bikinis)

 

Sandy: “My, you really seem to have things cooking around here, Mr. Peck.  I am disappointed, though, no wet tee-shirt contest.”

Face: “3 o’clock, and the lanai.  Aren’t the posters up yet?  Ah, do I have to do everything?”

(Bullets and Bikinis)

 

Face: “Would you give me a little credit, Hannibal?  I mean, we’re 50 miles from civilization.  This girl, she doesn’t know anything but squirrels, and trees, and lakes, and, uh, hopefully the birds and the bees.”

(Incident At Crystal Lake)

 

Hannibal: “She recognized you from your picture on the wanted poster.  She looks at pictures along with trees, and lakes, and squirrels.”

(Incident At Crystal Lake)

 

Hannibal: “Murdock, Face, did you spot anything yet?”

Face: “There’s a cute little red head sashaying down 5th.”

(Double Heat)

 

Charlotte: “With all the flakes we meet, it’s really nice to finally meet some real…”

All 4 Bells: “Men!” (laughs)

a Bell: “I like Faceman.  I think he’s so cute!”

Charlotte: “BA.  He’s so strong, and silent.”

another Bell: “Ummm.  And Hannibal.  He hold them all together, girls. “ (laughs)

Jenny: “And Murdock.  He’s hot.  I mean really…”

All 4 Bells: “Hot!”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Face: “Frogue, the Jaguar.  I didn’t see that coming.”

Frankie: “It’s always the quiet ones.”

(The Spy Who Mugged Me)

 

Face: ”Dominique!  I really didn’t see that coming.”

Frankie: “It’s always the sexy ones.”

(The Spy Who Mugged Me)

 

Face: Replace the button on the collar with the one from the kit.

Amy: Bringing me along to sew, how wonderfully sexist.

(A Small and Deadly War)

 

Face: “Sawdust and tweed.  My tailor’s really gonna love this one.”

(Timber)

 

Face: “At last, a case that doesn’t require mosquito netting.

Hannibal: “Oh I don’t know Face, it’s still a jungle out there on Rodeo Drive.”

(Beverly Hills Assault)

 

Murdock:  “So, are we a groovy, happenin’ bunch o’ guys, or what?”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Murdock: “Well he certainly doesn’t seem to have left an impression on anybody.  You don’t think he’s a bad tipper, do you?”

(Point Of No Return)

 

Murdock: “On the right and on the left you see representatives of the finest law enforcement agencies of the state.  And save for their drab uniforms, they are a remarkable cohesive unit.”

(Alive At Five)

 

Face: “Ah, yes, beautiful Arizona.  Quiet, serene, the comatose state.”

(When Are You Coming Back, Range Rider)

 

Murdock: “It’s so nice to be back in L.A.  The freeways, the shallow people, the superficial relationships.  How can you live anywhere else?”

Frankie: “Don’t forget the smog.”

Murdock: “Ah, the smog.  The sunset when the light hits the inversion layer just right it turns a beautiful shade of orange.”

Hannibal: “Brings a tear to the eye.”

Murdock: “My sentiments exactly, Colonel.”

(The Say UNCLE Affair)

 

Face: “Quiet out here.  Too quiet.  I always wanted to say that.”

(Taxicab Wars)

 

BA: “Hey man, this time we gonna do it my way.”

(Point Of No Return)

 

Face: “Hey BA, that’s very funny.  You know, you’ve developing a sense of humor.  Slowly, but, uh, it’s developing.”

(Steel)

 

Murdock: “You know, I, I think that big angry guy is getting worse.”  

Face: “Yeah?  Terrific.”  

(Dishpan Man)

 

Lawyer: “I thought we were beginning to make some progress.”  

Face: “Well, uh, B.A.’s always been just a bit, uh, high strung.”

(Trial By Fire)

 

BA: “That sucka sent me to the brig.  Said I didn’t salute him.”

Hannibal: “Yeah, he sent him to jail for just punching him in the nose.”

(One More Time)

 

Hannibal: “Now BA, you’re gonna have one of your anxiety black outs.  And... (BA "punches" him) Now, now, take it easy, BA.  Take it easy.”

Amy: “Why’d he hit you?”

Hannibal: “Hit me?  If he hit me, I’d be in the hospital.”

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Hannibal: “If anybody could talk BA out of anything, he’d be a professional wrestler.”

(A Black Day at Bad Rock)

 

BA: “This is my worst nightmare.”

Hannibal: “Cheer up, BA, your insurance is up to date.”

(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)

 

Amy: “I’m going with you.”

Hannibal: “You got health insurance?”

Amy: “Yes. Tip the joint over?  Very macho, but is it smart?”

Hannibal: “If I was smart, I wouldn’t be working for some skirt with no money.”

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Murdock: “Well guys, without the risk of sounding melodramatic, goodbye forever!”

(Diamonds ‘n’ Dust)

 

Hannibal: “Sergeant, you ready to fold, spindle, and mutilate?”

(Pure-De Poison)

 

Murdock: “Beware the dogs of war!”

(Steel)

 

Murdock: “I love the smell of a revolution in the morning!  It smells like hushpuppies!”

(The Theory Of Revolution)

 

Hannibal: “Murdock, how’d I let you talk me into this?”

Murdock: “I don’t know, I have intermittent memory loss.”

(Pros and Cons)

 

Face: “No screaming, huh?  This is a very sedate hotel, and I’d hate to lose my preferred guest standing.”

(Lease With An Option To Die)

 

Hannibal: “This house of cards couldn’t keep us for five minutes.  Check your security.”

Stockwell: “Where are Abel 6 and Abel 7?”

Hannibal: “Unable.“ 

(The Theory Of Revolution)

 

Ellen: “Do you think they’ll get through?”

BA: “Probably not.”

Ellen: “Then Easterland will kill them.”

BA: “That probably won’t happen, either.”

(West Coast Turnaround)

 

BA: “We’re almost out of gas.”

Hannibal: “Now why did you pick a truck with no gas?”

BA: “Cause I liked the paint job.”

(Mexican Slayride)

 

Ellen: “These are Bill Mather’s trucks.”

Amy: “You even got two of them.”

Hannibal: “He was running a sale.  Steal one, get one free.”

(West Coast Turnaround)

 

Amy: “Where’s the pilot?”

Murdock: “Oh, it was kinda strange.  I was just standing there talking to him, and all of a sudden, he fell in my arms.”

Amy: “You knocked him out.”

Murdock: “Oh, don’t let’s not get technical.”

(One More Time)

 

Murdock: “Oh look, there’s Hannibal man, and Faceman, and garbage man, and policeman, and postman!”

(Bullets and Bikinis)

 

E. Bob: “He’s a newsman.”

Hannibal: “You don’t like newsmen?  How about firemen?  Mailman?  Cop.  Uh, wrong.”

(Road To Hope)

 

Jack: “Better start talking, friend, or I’m gonna do open heart surgery with a shovel.”

Hannibal: “In that case, I got two questions.  Are you sure you’re qualified?  And, will it hurt?”

(Road To Hope)

 

Jack: “We’re gonna kill you, goofball.”

Hannibal: “Really?  Tough luck for me.”

(Road To Hope)

 

Jack: “You’re gonna die laughing.”

Hannibal: “Ah, promises, promises.”

(Road To Hope)

 

Hannibal (while digging his grave): “Well, this is more like it.  You should’ve seen the last one I had to dig, solid rock.  But this is great.  We’ll be finished with this in no time.”

Face: “Well, there’s a piece of nifty news.”

(Road To Hope)

 

BA: “Hey man, you guys must be crazy.  Think I’m gonna dig my own grave.”

Hannibal: “Aw, there’s always one shirker, right Jack?”

(Road To Hope)

 

BA: “Gimme a couple hours, and some tools, get rid of Murdock, and I’ll have this place looking like new.”

(Cup A’ Joe’s)

 

BA: “You know, Hannibal, if it got wheels, I can fix it.”

(Knights of the Road)

 

Hannibal: “You know, BA, with a pair of pliers and a little time, you could fix anything but dinner.”

(Diamonds ‘n’ Dust)

 

BA: “Hold it Hannibal, what about this road block.  You don’t expect me to turn this heap of junk into a tank with the spare parts from the kitchen, do you?”

Hannibal: “BA relax.  Jump into the driver’s seat I got a better idea.”

(Alive At Five)

 

Face: “They took my ‘vette.”

Murdock: “No, the van.”

Face: “They took the van and the ‘vette?”

Murdock: “No!  They took the van and not the ‘vette.  Hannibal and BA got in the ‘vette to go after the van.  And they took my plant.”

(Chopping Spree)

 

Murdock about BA’s van:  “You don’t want this van!  Taking this van is like taking downtown Tokyo from Godzilla!”

(Breakout!)

 

Murdock about BA: “Does he look like the kind of guy who would threaten someone?  Okay… let me reword that question.”

(Breakout!)

 

Face:  “BA, have you been eating Murdock’s books again?”

(Judgement Day)

 

BA: “I made it, you eat it.”

(The Island)

 

Murdock: “He told me he was interested in food.  I didn’t believe him until now.”

(Harder Than It Looks)

 

Murdock: “Since I’m sort of captain of the galley, I took responsibility upon myself to make up a list of the things we need.  It is the only way that Chef Murdock can create the culinary wonders that titillate the pallette.”

(Cup A’ Joe’s)

 

Murdock: “It is called concentration, amigo.  Some men walk on hot coals, some eat glass, some climb Mt. Everest, others drink milk.  It is the way of the universe.”

(Deadly Manoeuvres)

 

Murdock: “Ok, pal.  Try to keep my friend company here.  Uh, he doesn’t talk much, but he’s got a heck of a smile.”

(The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing)

 

Face: “Oh, Kyle Ludwig isn’t such a bad fellow, really… once you appeal to his basic sense of greed, larceny, corruption.”  

(Blood, Sweat and Cheers)

 

Murdock: “Love.  To say that love is important, is only the beginning.  Love is as precious as the finest jewels.”

(It’s A Desert Out There)

 

Hannibal: “The air’s beginning to feel a little richer.  Like those diamonds know we’re comin’”

Murdock: “They’re very intelligent, you know.  They have many facets.  When you get to know ‘em, most of them are absolute gems.”

(Diamonds ‘n’ Dust)

 

Face: “We have to go all the way over there to get back over here?”

Toby: “It’s the only way.”

Murdock: “Well, I mean, didn’t anybody consider putting in an escalator?   I mean, come on!  Do I have to think of everything?”

(Diamonds ‘n’ Dust)

 

Face: “The Brooklyn Bridge goes for 5/600 thousand dollars minimum.  Believe me, I know, I sold it twice already.”

Murdock: “Boy, I’d love to own that bridge.”

(Road To Hope)

 

Murdock: “Hey kids, do you know what time it is?  Do ya?  Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?”

BA: “Hannibal, if this fool don’t stop that crazy TV talk, I’m gonna knock him out over the airwaves for real.”

Murdock: “It’s Howling Murdock Time!”

(Say It With Bullets)

 

Murdock: “This is HM Murdock reporting to you live from the scene.  We’ve just learned that crime lord Tommy Largo has just kidnaped an innocent, young girl.  Now, the A-Team has been brought in to help find this girl, but the clock is ticking.  They only have 24 hours, or it might be too late.  Any reaction?”

(Double Heat)

 

Hannibal: “We film makers live by our own code.  There’s tradition at stake.  You may have heard of some of our more arcane sayings such as always leave them laughing, and the show must go on.  We believe in those expressions.  We live by them.”

(Where’s The Monster When You Need Him?)

 

Hannibal: “And then, there is perhaps the most arcane expression of them all, there is no business like show business.”

(Where’s The Monster When You Need Him?)

 

Hannibal: “Face.  Face.”

Face: “What?”

Hannibal: “You’re not George Lucas.  You’re not.”

(When You Coming Back, Range Rider?)

 

Murdock: “Face, all that I can say is it’s a good thing we weren’t rolling film.  I mean, I know that it was just a rehearsal, but still, I need more.”

Face: “More?!”

Murdock: “More.  More.  Don’t hold back.  I know, I know that what you were doing was real, but in film, what we need, is that which look real.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Hannibal: “I’m gonna play this one a little different.  Remember how the Aquamaniac was kind of this reluctant killing machine, sad but driven?  Well, I’m gonna give Gatorella a whole ‘nother fix.  Remember when Godzilla came out of the sea, and he raised his head up, and he cocked, and he looked at all the people running around?  I mean, he was frightened and puzzled, but still angry.  I wanna try for that.  I mean, why is Sam Deacon the game warden shooting at me?  And then, kind of mystified, I just take him out with one claw.”

(Where’s the Monster When You Need Him?)

 

Murdock: “That’s real!  Oh, it’s fantastic.  It’s so real.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Jerry: “Johnny, it’s all green.  I was thinking more of a iridescent purple.”

Hannibal: “Now, Jer, I’ve been playing sea monsters for 10 years, and you’ve gotten me every one of those jobs.”

Jerry: “Well, Johnny, I know that, I, I . . .”

Hannibal: “Now, what lives in the sea, has scales, and is iridescent purple?  Nothing.  Green is the operative color, Jer, for sea creatures, and especially gator mutations.  Trust me on this, Jer.”

Jerry: “I guess green’s the right color.”

Hannibal: “Iridescent purple sounds good, Jer, but you’d hate it on film.  And besides, I can’t play this mystified thing if I feel foolish.  And, I’d feel foolish in iridescent purple.”

(Where’s the Monster When You Need Him?)

 

Murdock: “Get me that kid with the gold around his neck, he’s fantastic.  Who’s his agent?”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Face: “I hate this movie!  But I do like the leading lady.”

Murdock: “You got her.  If only I can get her agent down to 50,000.”

(The Bend In The River)

 

Hannibal: “Well, this is it, guys.  An actor can tell when his career’s coming to an end.  You can only play the Aquamaniac a certain number of times before they exploit every aspect of his character.  That was my chance at television immortality. “ 

Face: “But Hannibal, it was just a bear.  They weren’t looking for the definitive Hamlet, they just wanted a guy who wouldn’t sweat too much in a fur coat.”  

(Uncle Buckle-Up)

 

BA: “I don’t like snakes, man.

Hannibal: “Oh you’d love this one.  I played the snake.  And I played him with kind of a charming, rakish, lust.  I devoured the leading lady’s poodle in the last reel.”

(The Big Squeeze)

 

Face: “I’m tellin you, Stockwell has taken over our lives.  He’s even, uh, taken over my dreams.”

Frankie: “Can he do that?”

(Alive At Five)

Frankie: “We’re gonna be fugitives.  We’re gonna be out there all alone.“ 

BA: “Oh man, you’re making me nostalgic.”

(Say Uncle Affair)

 

Face: “It’s not that bad, Frank.  I mean, uh, look we’ve been on the wanted list for ten years.  Believe me, it hasn’t been all that bad.”

Frankie: “You were almost executed!”

Face: “Yeah, well, I mean, you have your good days, your bad days.”

(Firing Line)

 

Hannibal: “The four of us are on the run, Lieutenant.  All we got is each other.  Now I don’t like it, but I didn’t set it up.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Face: “Come on, Hannibal, you know we didn’t do anything.  We took a mission, we knocked out an enemy position, which just happened to be a bank.  Our commanding officer gets killed, and uh, so we end up getting sacrificed, to preserve international relations.”

(Hot Styles)

 

Murdock: “Instead of sending flowers, just send a charitable contribution to the Society of Wrongly Accused Escaped Prisoners, that’s all.”

(Incident At Crystal Lake)

 

Hannibal: “Now next time you think you want to take somebody out, pal, don’t get yourself a good squad.  Get yourself a team.”

(Deadly Manoeuvres)

 

Kelly: “You ever thought of hiring yourself out, Mr. Smith?  I’m sure there are a lot of people out there that could use your help.”

Hannibal: “Well, we oughta think about that.  Right guys?”

BA: “Yeah.

Murdock: “Yeah.”

(Breakout!)

 

Murdock:  “You out gunned.  You out manned.  You out financed.  That’s perfect.  My friends are gonna love it.  It’s their forte.  It’s the long suit.  It’s their bi.”

(Water, Water Everywhere)

 

Murdock: “This is it.  The final showdown.  The big tamale.  The A-Team, four men, four mercenaries, fighting for truth, justice, and the American way against an army of slime and sleaze.  This is it, the A-Team against.  Out manned, outgunned.”

(Double Heat)

 

Murdock: “Yes, it is over.  Tommy Largo and Eddie Devane are a bad memory.  They have been weighed on the scales of justice, and have been found wanting.  And now the A-Team, that intrepid bunch of adventurers, have once again packed their bags, and set off into the sunset.  Four lonely guys, outcasts, who are always willing to lay it on the line whenever they hear a cry for help from someone being victimized by those who seek to take advantage of the little guy.”

(Double Heat)

 

Face: “I don’t always do this kind of stuff for the money.  I mean, sure, running the risk of having your skull beaten in with a crow bar, that’s fun in itself.  But, well, helping people.  You know, that’s also a thing with me.”

(Knights of the Road)

 

Face: “Oh, boy, I hate situations like this.  You go in trying to help mankind, and, uh, all of a sudden you realize you’re adjusting your halo in a two-way mirror.”

(Say It With Bullets)

 

Kalani: “4 men come out of nowhere, and think they can defeat an army.”

Face: “Well, we’ve done it before.”

(The Island)

 

Decker: “Oh, they’re the best.  They think as one, feel as one, and act as one.  But, with a wounded man in their midst, they cease to be that.  The good of the unit becomes the good of an individual.  And that will be their undoing.”

(Curtain Call)

 

Murdock: “Hannibal, you gotta get outta here.  Oh you better leave me, man, you better leave me.”

Hannibal: “Captain, we go out together, or we don’t go out at all.”

(Curtain Call)

 

Murdock: “I am as much a member of The A-Team as you are, and my name was not in that paper.  Now, did you hear Hannibal introduce me as a member of The A-Team?  Well, I think the people have a right to know all of the facts.  They should know who I am.

Face: Murdock, we know you’re a member of The A-Team.  That’s the important thing.”

(Showdown)

 

Cross: “Get outta here.”

Guy: “You heard him.  Now!”

Face: ”Can’t.  We’re market marshals.  Bringing justice to the produce aisles and freezer sections of America.”

(Labour Pains)

 

Girl: “Who are you guys?  Who are you?”

Murdock: “I’m just a waiter.”

(Without Reservations)

 

Bad Guy: “Now, who do you work for?”

Hannibal: “The Vienna Boy’s Choir.  How ‘bout you?”

(Without Reservations)

 

Hannibal: “I’m the clean racing fairy.  This is my helper.”

Bad Guy: “You know, I don’t know how to tell you this, but, uh, you’re dead.”

Hannibal: “How do you think I got to be the clean racing fairy?  Now don’t waist any pixie dust on him.  He’d probably take a ton, anyway.”

(Blood, Sweat and Cheers)

 

Bad Guy: “What’s going on?  Who are you?”

Hannibal: “My name is Hannibal Smith, and if I were you, I’d all hit the ground, now!” (gun firing)

(Body Slam)

 

Bill: “Who are you guys?”

Hannibal: “We’re the ghosts of Christmas future.”

Face: “We’re also hijackers, so just give us the keys and take a walk.  We’ll call you in a couple of days and tell you where to pick up your rig.”

(West Coast Turnaround)

 

Sheriff: Of course you realize when we run these prints through, we are gonna find out who you guys are.

Hannibal: I told you before, we’re ballet dancers.

Face: That guy over at Doc’s is our choreographer.

Hannibal: Yeah, we had a nasty audience.  I don’t think they liked our prat de dour.  Opened up on us from the first row with a fifty caliber machine gun.

(A Black Day at Bad Rock)

 

Mary Ann: “You guys are unreal.  I mean, is there anything you can’t do?”

Hannibal: “Ballet.  We stopped going to class.”

(Trouble Brewing)

 

Westerland (rich bad guy):  “Seems to me I’ve seen your picture a time or two.  Only it weren’t in Fortune.  No, seems to me I’ve seen it on the wall somewhere.  In the post office, I do believe.”

Hannibal:  “Yeah.  It’s such a good picture, the governor seems to want to hang it everywhere.”

(The Bells of St. Mary’s)

 

Girl: “You guys answer me one thing; who are you?”

Face: “Well, I'd be glad to explain it to you.”

Girl: “So explain.”

Face: “Oh no, I didn't mean here.  What I had in mind was some place quiet... a quiet filled with the gentle strains of gypsy violins. A quiet with a soft bubble of champagne, mixed mystically with the sizzle of musaka.  Yes, a place where the sound of two hearts beating as one, drowns out the murmurs of lovers.”

Girl: “Something tells me we'd never get to the answer”

(Uncle Buck-Up)

 

Hannibal: “First, I’d like you to meet the real A-Team.  Second, you see that?  That is a cheep cigar.”

(Showdown)

 

Murdock: “My Lord!  The A-Team!  I’ve heard of them.  They’re them fugitives that are wanted all across the country.  You mean I’ve been standing here working side by side with members of the A-Team?  There’s a, there’s a reward out for those guys.  I would never believe it.  Here I am, just a dumb clerk.  I wouldn’t of believed it, never in a million years.  Of course, I always had my suspicions.  Never did trust this one, with them beauty eyes.”

(Trouble On Wheels)

 

Hannibal: “This is, uh, BA Baracus.  This is Templeton Peck, Faceman.  This is Howlin’ Mad Murdock.  And, uh, I’m Hannibal Smith.  We are The A-Team.”

(Showdown)

 

Bad Guy: “You’re the A-Team.  I heard you were killed.  You were killed this morning.”

Hannibal:  “Well..... we’re back.”

(Firing Line)

 

BACK