Bounty Hunter1 - Hi, we’re here to see Captain Murdock.
Nurse – (not looking up) If you’re friends or family, please sign this book. If you’re a Doctor, please sign this book. If you’re Templeton Peck in yet another disguise, please sign here and the Captain is just down that way.
Bounty Hunter2 – Wow, that was easy. Think it happens a lot?
Murdock – Help! Help! I’m being kidnapped!
Nurse – That’s nice Mr Murdock, just make sure the A-Team return you in one-piece this time.
Murdock – But! You don’t understand! It’s not the A-Team!
Nurse – Whatever you say, Mr Murdock!
Face – Problem guys. Murdock’s been kidnapped.
Hannibal – I guess that means we should go after him then.
Face – umm… yes, that would be a good idea.
BA – I hate good ideas!
Murdock – …and you know you guys are only in this episode to bring in some kind of original idea of a storyline ‘cause people thought the other original one was starting to wear thin and the ratings were starting to drop and we all know what happens when the rating start to drop and then Mr T starts to get angry and you should see the big guy when he starts to get angry and…
BH1 – Don’t you ever shut up?
Murdock – No. They say my insanity is the best part of the show.
BH2 – Gawd, no wonder the ratings are dropping!
Face – And you’re sure you don’t want to go out on a date with me tonight?
Nurse2 – No thanks, Mr Peck… I mean Doctor, I’ve already got a date tonight, with Colonel Decker over there.
Face – Decker? Arrrhhhhh!
Decker – Peck?? Arrrhhhhh!
Face – Decker!! Arrrhhhhh!
Decker – Peck!! Arrrhhhhh! Why are we screaming? Darn, he’s gone!
Main Bounty Hunter – So you’re Murdoch, huh?
Murdock – So I’ve been told. But that’s Murdock with a ‘k’.
MBH – What’s the difference?
Murdock – Not much, just think it looks funkier. Can I escape now?
BA – You sure this is the right place, Hannibal?
Hannibal – Yeah, I just looked up Bounty Hunter in the Yellow Pages and it said come here. Look, there are the Cowboy bad guys, and the mute Indian and look, there’s Murdock jumping out of the window.
Face – Think we should go after him?
Hannibal – Are you kidding? And end the episode right here? We’ve still got half an hour to kill yet.
Face – Oh.
MBH – Stop this van. We’re looking for an escaped mad crazy insane psychiatric patient.
Kelly – In the back of my van?
MBH – Good a place as any. Did I say he was mad?
BH1 – No-one’s in the van Pop, just some crazy looking dog.
MBH – Arh, okay, but be warned little lady, we’ll be back.
Kelly – Who are you and what are you doing in my van?
Murdock – Hi. How’d you know I was in your van?
Kelly – I don’t own a dog.
Murdock – Arh, well that explains it. Wait a sec, you remind me of someone. Have we met before?
Kelly – Is that your best chat up line?
Murdock – Well it worked on my wife.
Kelly – You’re crazy, you know that.
Murdock – I know that. How’d you know that?
Kelly – Your T-Shirt says ‘Insane’ across it.
Murdock – Darn, I knew I should have worn my ‘Sexy Beast’ one this morning.
Decker – The A-Team are in this area, Captain.
Crane – How can you be so sure?
Decker – ‘Cause Smith wouldn’t want me to get all the screen time and the cameras are over there.
Face – Hi this is the Facial one coming to you over the airways. We’re looking for a little lost friend of ours folks, so Howlin’ Mad, if you’re out there, please give us a call, the number is 555 5555. If you’re Colonel Decker, don’t bother coming here, we’ll already be gone but if you’re a pretty young lady in the age range of 20 to 30 and not doing anything tonight, you’re free to call and maybe we can go on a date. That number again is 555 5555.
BA – (grabbing phone) Yeah!
Murdock – Finally, I’ve been trying to get through on this line for hours now. How many dates does Face have for tonight?
BA – Too many. Where you fool, so we can come get yah.
Murdock – Oh I wouldn’t worry about that Big Guy, I’ve kinda got my own date for tonight.
BA – (Growls)
Murdock – Okay, okay!
Kelly – Bye HM. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone else like you again.
Murdock – True, but I’ve gotta go. I like you.
Kelly – I like you too. Hey, maybe we can get married sometime.
Murdock – Naw, we only do that in fanfic and even then I’d probably leave you for Face.
Kelly – Oh, okay then. Bye.
Murdock – So Hannibal, what’d you do with the Bounty Hunters?
Hannibal – Nothing. We figured it would make better episode if we let your new girlfriend be kidnapped before we get the Bounty Hunters.
Murdock – Makes sense.
Kelly – Arrrhhhhh!
Hannibal – Looks like the plan worked. Lets go!
BH1 – Hey Pop, how long we gonna give the A-Team to get here?
MBH – About five minutes.
BH2 – Why so long?
MBH – ‘Cause that’s how long it takes them to build guns into their van stupid, and anyway, the episode’s due to end soon.
MBH – Put your hands up and move away from the van.
Face – Hey man, why’d they always make it so easy?
Hannibal – Simple Lieutenant, the series would be over by now if they didn’t and you’d be out of a job.
Face – Arh, well, good point. Can I fire now?
Hannibal – Sure kid.
MBH – Arrrhhhhh!!!
BH1 – Arrrhhhhh!!!
BH2 – Arrrhhhhh!!!
Indian – -----------------!!!
MBH – What the Indian say?
BH1 – Does it matter?
BH2 – Nah, that weren’t it.
Hannibal – I love it when a plan comes together.
BH2 – Nah, that weren’t it either.
Murdock – I’ve got to go now!
Kelly – I know. Will I ever see you again?
Murdock – I don’t know. Kiss me and I’ll think about it.
Kelly – Oh, okay.
Murdock – You sure we’ve never met before?
Face – Come on Murdock, is that the best line you can do? No wonder you don’t get the girls.
Everyone – Shut up, Face!
Ten Seconds Later, At The VA.
Kelly – Hey, Murdock.
Murdock – Hi Wendy, I mean Kelly. What are you doing here?
Kelly – The Murdock/Kelly fan fic writers out there demanded I do one more scene, so, here I am.
Murdock – I don’t know what to say.
Kelly – You don’t have to say anything.
Murdock – Why, are you going to kiss me again?
Kelly – No fool, I’m going to feed you pizza.
Murdock – Pizza. I’ll go with that, after all, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Kelly – True. Pity it doesn’t do anything about the hairline though…
Fade to Black