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Five Minute A-Team: Bounty


By Hayley May



Bounty Hunter1 - Hi, we’re here to see Captain Murdock.

Nurse – (not looking up) If you’re friends or family, please sign this book.  If you’re a Doctor, please sign this book.  If you’re Templeton Peck in yet another disguise, please sign here and the Captain is just down that way.

Bounty Hunter2 Wow, that was easy.  Think it happens a lot?


Murdock Help!  Help!  I’m being kidnapped!

Nurse That’s nice Mr Murdock, just make sure the A-Team return you in one-piece this time.

Murdock But!  You don’t understand!  It’s not the A-Team!

Nurse Whatever you say, Mr Murdock!


Face Problem guys.  Murdock’s been kidnapped.

Hannibal I guess that means we should go after him then.

Face umm… yes, that would be a good idea.

BA I hate good ideas!


Murdock …and you know you guys are only in this episode to bring in some kind of original idea of a storyline ‘cause people thought the other original one was starting to wear thin and the ratings were starting to drop and we all know what happens when the rating start to drop and then Mr T starts to get angry and you should see the big guy when he starts to get angry and…

BH1 Don’t you ever shut up?

Murdock No.  They say my insanity is the best part of the show.

BH2 Gawd, no wonder the ratings are dropping!


Face And you’re sure you don’t want to go out on a date with me tonight?

Nurse2 No thanks, Mr Peck… I mean Doctor, I’ve already got a date tonight, with Colonel Decker over there.

Face Decker?  Arrrhhhhh!

Decker Peck??  Arrrhhhhh! 

Face Decker!!  Arrrhhhhh! 

Decker Peck!!  Arrrhhhhh!  Why are we screaming?  Darn, he’s gone!


Main Bounty Hunter So you’re Murdoch, huh?

Murdock So I’ve been told.  But that’s Murdock with a ‘k’.

MBH What’s the difference?

Murdock Not much, just think it looks funkier.  Can I escape now?


BA You sure this is the right place, Hannibal?

Hannibal Yeah, I just looked up Bounty Hunter in the Yellow Pages and it said come here.  Look, there are the Cowboy bad guys, and the mute Indian and look, there’s Murdock jumping out of the window.

Face Think we should go after him?

Hannibal Are you kidding?  And end the episode right here?  We’ve still got half an hour to kill yet.

Face Oh.


MBH Stop this van.  We’re looking for an escaped mad crazy insane psychiatric patient.

Kelly In the back of my van?

MBH Good a place as any.  Did I say he was mad?

BH1 No-one’s in the van Pop, just some crazy looking dog.

MBH Arh, okay, but be warned little lady, we’ll be back.


Kelly Who are you and what are you doing in my van?

Murdock Hi.  How’d you know I was in your van?

Kelly I don’t own a dog.

Murdock Arh, well that explains it.  Wait a sec, you remind me of someone.  Have we met before?

Kelly Is that your best chat up line?

Murdock Well it worked on my wife.

Kelly You’re crazy, you know that.

Murdock I know that.  How’d you know that?

Kelly Your T-Shirt says ‘Insane’ across it.

Murdock Darn, I knew I should have worn my ‘Sexy Beast’ one this morning.


Decker The A-Team are in this area, Captain.

Crane How can you be so sure?

Decker ‘Cause Smith wouldn’t want me to get all the screen time and the cameras are over there.


Face Hi this is the Facial one coming to you over the airways.  We’re looking for a little lost friend of ours folks, so Howlin’ Mad, if you’re out there, please give us a call, the number is 555 5555.  If you’re Colonel Decker, don’t bother coming here, we’ll already be gone but if you’re a pretty young lady in the age range of 20 to 30 and not doing anything tonight, you’re free to call and maybe we can go on a date.  That number again is 555 5555.


BA (grabbing phone) Yeah!

Murdock Finally, I’ve been trying to get through on this line for hours now.  How many dates does Face have for tonight?

BA Too many.  Where you fool, so we can come get yah.

Murdock Oh I wouldn’t worry about that Big Guy, I’ve kinda got my own date for tonight.

BA (Growls)

Murdock Okay, okay!


Kelly Bye HM.  I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone else like you again.

Murdock True, but I’ve gotta go.  I like you.

Kelly I like you too.  Hey, maybe we can get married sometime.

Murdock Naw, we only do that in fanfic and even then I’d probably leave you for Face.

Kelly Oh, okay then.  Bye.


Murdock So Hannibal, what’d you do with the Bounty Hunters?

Hannibal Nothing.  We figured it would make better episode if we let your new girlfriend be kidnapped before we get the Bounty Hunters.

Murdock Makes sense.

Kelly Arrrhhhhh!

Hannibal Looks like the plan worked.  Lets go!


BH1 Hey Pop, how long we gonna give the A-Team to get here?

MBH About five minutes.

BH2 Why so long?

MBH ‘Cause that’s how long it takes them to build guns into their van stupid, and anyway, the episode’s due to end soon.


MBH Put your hands up and move away from the van.

Face Hey man, why’d they always make it so easy?

Hannibal Simple Lieutenant, the series would be over by now if they didn’t and you’d be out of a job.

Face Arh, well, good point.  Can I fire now?

Hannibal Sure kid.


MBH Arrrhhhhh!!!

BH1 Arrrhhhhh!!!

BH2 Arrrhhhhh!!!

Indian -----------------!!!

MBH What the Indian say?

BH1 Does it matter?

BH2 – Nah, that weren’t it.

Hannibal I love it when a plan comes together.

BH2 Nah, that weren’t it either.


Murdock I’ve got to go now!

Kelly I know.  Will I ever see you again?

Murdock I don’t know.  Kiss me and I’ll think about it.

Kelly Oh, okay.

Murdock You sure we’ve never met before?

Face Come on Murdock, is that the best line you can do?  No wonder you don’t get the girls.

Everyone Shut up, Face!


Murdock runs and jumps into the van.  BA speeds away.  Everyone lives happily ever after.


Ten Seconds Later, At The VA.


Kelly Hey, Murdock.

Murdock Hi Wendy, I mean Kelly.  What are you doing here?

Kelly The Murdock/Kelly fan fic writers out there demanded I do one more scene, so, here I am.

Murdock I don’t know what to say.

Kelly You don’t have to say anything.

Murdock Why, are you going to kiss me again?

Kelly No fool, I’m going to feed you pizza.

Murdock Pizza.  I’ll go with that, after all, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Kelly True.  Pity it doesn’t do anything about the hairline though…


Fade to Black