When in the Course of human and inhuman events, it becomes necessary for Vampire Characters, Their Loyal Readers both Mortal and Immortal and Speculative Fiction Authors, to dissolve the Political, Social and/or Legal bands which have connected them with a certain Mortal Author, and to assume among the Powers of the Universe and of Cyberspace, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God/Goddess (whether it exists or not) entitle them, a decent respect for the opinions of Vampirekind and Humankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Vampires are created equal, (excepting Lestat who claims superiority) that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Undeath, Appearance in Literature, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness and Blood (And Fame Worship and Adoration for Lestat).
That to secure these rights, an agreement of Authorship, Copyright and Publication is instituted between Vampires and Mortal Authors, deriving their just powers from the consent of both parties. That whenever any Author, Copyright Holder and/or Publisher becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Vampire Characters and their Loyal Readers to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Authorship, without the shackles of Previous Copyright and Publication Agreements, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect the Safety and Happiness Of the Vampire Characters and Their Loyal Readers.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that alliances long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that Vampirekind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed (especially Louis). But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, and to nothing but Money Generating Names, with no Stable Characterization whatsoever, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such an Author, and to provide new Authors as Guards for their Future Security.
--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Vampire Characters of the Vampire Chronicles; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their Agreements of Authorship, Copyright and Publication. The history of the present Author, Mater Gloriosa of New Orleans, is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Vampire Characters, Their Loyal Readers and Speculative Fiction Authors. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
She has refused her Assent to the Laws of Characterization, Continuity and Editing, most wholesome and necessary for the Vampire good.
She has forbidden Those Loyal To The Vampire Characters to report vampire deeds and events of Immediate and Pressing importance, and has suspended their operation.
She has refused to write appearances for the accommodation of Main Characters (especially Daniel), unless those Vampires would relinquish the right of Representation in the Literature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
She has called together Vampire Characters at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from their original Characterizations, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with her measures in order to earn money for her.
She has dissolved Covens, Character Relationships, Character Intelligence and Character Backbone repeatedly, for opposing with just and courageous firmness her invasions of the rights of the Vampire Characters.
She has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Literature Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the Speculative Fiction Authors at large for their exercise; the Canon Characters remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, such as Mary Sue Characters, and convulsions within, such as out-of-character dialogues, personality traits, suicides and alliances.
She has endeavored to prevent the population of these Speculative Fictions; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Natural Curiosity, Creativity and Expression; refusing to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of even displaying the Speculative Fiction of others.
She has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by using the income generated by the Vampire Chracters, and Generated from Their Loyal Readers and the Speculative Authors, to harass same.
She has made Lawyers dependent on her Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries, in order to bring suit against the Loyal Readers of The Vampire Characters and Speculative Fiction Authors.
She has erected a multitude of New Businesses, and New Positions in Her Businesses, and sent hither swarms of Lackeys, Toadies, Stoolies and Yes-Persons, their only qualification being that they can operate the simplest e-mail program, to harass our People of the United Covens and eat out their substance.
She has kept among us, in times of peace, Lurking Spies without the Consent of our United Covens.
She has affected to render the Money Making Power independent of and superior to the Creative Power.
She has combined with Lawyers to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, that jurisdiction being within her books alone, and nowhere else ever, and unacknowledged by Our Coven Laws; giving her Assent to their acts of Harrassment, Threats and Legal Action:
For quartering large bodies of unappealing characters among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders or other acts which they should commit on the Vampire Characters or on the enjoyment of the Readers:
For cutting off our Right to Appear with all other authors of the world:
For imposing PRICES on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond the help of Speculative Fiction Authors to be killed, given unpleasant character traits and interests and completely disfigured in every way:
For abolishing the Freedom of Expression in all Webspace providers, establishing herein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Vampire Characters and Speculative Fiction Authors:
For taking away our original Character, abolishing our most valuable Relationships, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Motivation:
For suspending our own Literature, and declaring Herself invested with Power to Create Literature for us in all cases whatsoever.
She has abdicated Authorship here, by declaring us out of her Protection and waging War against us.
She has plundered our Speculative Fiction, ravaged our Creativity, burnt our Money, and destroyed the lives of our people.
She is at this time transporting large armies of Truly Awful Characters to complete the works of death, desolution and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Author of Creative, Attractive and Well-Loved Vampire Characters and Nation of Readers.
She has constrained our fellow Characters taken Captive on the High Seas to bear Arms against their own Character (Lestat, Louis, Lestat, Armand, Lestat, Marius, Lestat, David, LESTAT), to become pedophiles (Maruis), to become boring (David) to become A Roman Senator's Daughter (Pandora) to become the torturers and executioners of their friends and Brethren ( Armand and Santino), or to fall themselves by their Hands (Mael, Armand, Louis).
She has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Copyright Lawyers, whose known rule of war-fare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. An Author, whose Writing and Behavior is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Author of We Vampire Characters and a Free Nation of Readers .
Nor have We been wanting in attention to our Mater Gloriosa-Supporting Reader brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their Author to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here in Specualative Fiction. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Humankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the United Covens of Vampire Characters, their Loyal Readers and the Speculative Fiction Authors of Cyberspace, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the Universe for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name and by Authority of the Good Vampire Characters of these Books, Their Loyal Readers and Speculative Fiction Authors, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Covens are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Author, Mater Gloroiosa, and that all Political, Legal and Social connection between them and the Author, Mater Gloriosa of New Orleans is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Vampire Characters, Loyal Readers and Speculative Fiction Authors, they have full Power to Write, Appear in Writings of Their Own Choosing, levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Websites, Mailing Lists and Posting Boards, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Characters, Readers, and Authors may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other Our Lives, Our Protection and Our Sacred Honor.
The above work is a PARODY not meant to infringe on the legal rights of any who claim to have them. No profit will be made from it.
United Covens Co-Signers
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