You know you’ve been watching too much Mighty Ducks when…
Just for clarity, this list is still being added to – if you think of something, e-mail it to firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll put it up at the next update!
1) You got cable installed just so you could be reunited with the ducks on Toon Disney.
2) You taped all the episodes, only to be crushed when you realized that they no longer played “Beak to the Future”.
3) You wrote Disney a letter about it.
4) You sent them a mail-bomb about it.
5) Scenario: Your neighbors go on vacation, ask you to baby-sit their dogs while they’re gone, and the note they leave you says they’ll be staying at the Disney All-Stars Resort – which just so happens to have a Mighty Ducks themed pool… you’ve seen the pictures on the web. Your mother then has to sit on you to keep you from calling them up and ruining their vacation by begging for pictures. (This actually happened to FoxStar.)
6) You’ve been trying to find the October 1996 issue of Disney Adventures.
7) You have the October 1996 issue.
8) …and you know just why it’s so vital to have.
9) You’ve also scanned in the pictures, and put them on the web, so those who are deprived can see them.
10) You’re desperately trying to get the episodes you don’t have.
11) You’re currently waiting for the last episode you need in the mail!
12) …and you check the PO box every day.
13) You have the sound clip from the Brotherhood of the Blade site where Falcone says, “By Gad, I’m good.”, while stealing the diamond in To Catch A Duck.
14) You know that, in the current episode being aired on Toon Disney, Falcone doesn’t say that phrase.
15) You have the ducks episodes on tape.
16) …on DVD.
17) And you have screen-grabs from every episode.
18) You’re in love with a member of the team.
19) …they’re in love with you.
20) You actually have dreams where you meet/talk to/fight with the ducks.
21) You sound like one of the ducks.
22) You look like one of the ducks… minus the bill.
23) …or not.
24) Your desktop has a Mighty Ducks background.
25) You have a ducks screensaver.
26) You’ve made a ducks screen saver.
27) You have the ducks as the sound theme for your computer.
28) You’ve gotten the audio from the episodes, so you can listen to them everywhere you go.
29) You’ve had FoxStar get the audio of an episode you haven’t seen yet
30) You talk to people that aren’t there.
31) …and other people know who you’re talking to.
32) In fact, your friends just go ahead and include your invisible duck friends in their plans – they know they’ll be coming along anyway, if they take you…
33) Your room is painted one of the Mighty Ducks club colors: teal, maroon, white, or gold.
34) You got an E-bay account, just to keep an eye out for the elusive pieces to your Mighty Ducks collection.
35) You have all four McDonald’s Hockey pucks.
36) And they have an honored place in your room.
37) You also still have the tattered Happy Meal box it came in, even though it’s in pieces now.
38) You went to the original Mighty Ducks site, back when Disney put it up.
39) …And you have all the coloring book pages from it.
40) As well as the three Macromedia puzzle games, involving the characters from the show. (FoxStar still does! Ask her for ‘em!)
41) You’ve got all the action figures.
42) …Almost all the action figures.
43) You want the trading cards, even though you’ve never seen them.
44) You want the sticker set.
45) You write stories about the ducks.
46) You get them published.
47) …or at least start a web page about them.
48) When your friends are concerned about whether or not you are involved in a cult, you reassure them by saying, “Of course I am! But they’re all really very nice people, and I get to drive the Migrator occasionally…”
49) You have no trouble coming up with tons of stuff for this list.
50) You must have some time with your duck friends each day, or you get cranky.
51) …everyone knows why, too.
52) Someone can say a quote, randomly, any length, from any episode, and you can tell them who said it, who they said it to, what episode it was from, and which part of the show – the first, middle, or last half, according to commercial breaks. (Bonus points if you can do the sound effects too.)
53) You can name all the voice actors.
54) You’ve considered sending the voice actor of your favorite character a ten dollar bill, audio cassette, and a note, saying, “Could you please record a personal message to *insert your name here*, in *insert favorite character* voice?” (Extra points for if you ask them to sound like they’re in love with your character…)
55) You nearly get entered in a duck-calling contest for a college scholarship, but luckily, it’s in Arkansas.
56) When you get stuck with your homework, Tanya helps you with math and science, Wildwing helps you with history, Mallory offers to take you to the mall and forget all about it, Nosedive makes the paper airplanes, Grin makes you take a deep breath, Duke hides the books for you, and nothing really gets done…
57) You want to buy a sword.
58) Your mom lets you get one.
59) You have multiple ones, and they’re mounted on your wall.
60) You have your own puck-launcher.
61) You call your computer Drake 1.
62) You actually have real, live ducks for pets.
63) ..and name them after the characters, which means they can’t be sold, and WILL not be eaten…
64) Having duck eggs gives you a slightly guilty conscience.
65) EAT duck? Or eggs? Forget it! It’s cannibalism, pure and simple!
66) You know the fallacy of Dimensional Limbo.
67) And have spent time debating about what happened to Canard.
68) You’ve collected every screen-grab you can find, and are close to 500.
69) You’re over 500.
70) You can’t draw humans, only ducks.
71) You spend time debating the Duck feet enigma – do they have human feet, or actual webs?
72) You have the screen-shots to prove that Tanya’s foot is the same color as her skin, hence a normal human-type foot.
73) You know what episode the shot is from.
74) You participated in the original discussion.
75) You’ve taken hockey classes.
76) …and started out in the pee-wee league, even though you’re fourteen.
77) One of the kids asked if you were the teacher.
78) You fall in love with Grin.
79) You want to take fencing lessons.
80) You are taking fencing lessons.
81) You clip together all the sound bites of Duke’s voice you can find, load them onto your MP3 player, and listen to them before you go to bed.
82) Your computer system’s mouse icons have the original duck icons from the old Disney site. (Yep, FoxStar does… she worries me…)
83) You meet somebody named Phil, and they can’t figure out why you have that smirk on your face…
84) You have a manager.
85) You got into the actual sport of hockey, simply because of the ducks.
86) Your hair looks like Thrash or Mookie’s.
87) Your clothes resemble your favorite character’s.
88) …and you’re starting to act like them too.
89) You’ve actually picked a lock successfully.
90) …several locks. (Both of us are guilty here…)
91) You’ve made a Mighty Ducks music video!
92) You’ve actually taken a classic novel, play, or movie, and written a parody of it, with the ducks.
93) When asked to write a short story for English class, you’re first question is, “Does it have to be on this planet?”
94) Your second is, “Can there be aliens?”
95) Speaking of aliens, you’re pretty sure you are one… you’re just stuck here, like E.T.
96) You want to make a pilgrimage to Anaheim, so you can visit the Pond.
97) During the Stanley Cup last year, you kept thinking of the announcer at the end of The Final Face-Off – “And if the Ducks keep playing this way, they could bring home the Stanley Cup!”
98) You were ready to mail-bomb the New Jersey Devils home rink when the Ducks didn’t win.
99) You saw the game where Emilo Estevez was in the Pond, watching the game, and nearly died, it was so cool…
100) It doesn’t worry you a bit that you can come up with all these reasons in the space of a half-hour…