Mythology
"Why Men Never Ask for Directions"

Act 1, Scene 1

Narrator: One of life's greatest mysteries concerns the obstinacy of man. Now, when I say man, I do not mean mankind, or the human race. I mean men, the weaker-minded sex. Most women just take the stupidity of men for granted, and most men deny it altogether, but there is a myth which explains this issue quite clearly. And it begins:

On an unfamiliar road in an unfamiliar village, a couple was traveling...

Wife: I don't know about these relatives of yours. What are they like?

Husband: They don't bite. That's all you need to know.

Wife: What you mean to say is that you know absolutely nothing about them. Have you even met them before?

Husband: That is beside the point...

Wife: This fork in the road doesn't seem to be on our map. See? This map must be outdated. But now where do we go?

Husband: I told you we don't need the map; it's wrong anyway. I know where I'm going.

Narrator: The man surveyed his surroundings.

Husband: We're supposed to go... left.

Wife: I don't think so; something is telling me to go right. It looks better.

Husband: It looks better? That's no way to make a decision. Women have no common sense whatsoever. They are among the most indecisive creature. We go left!

Wife: But why don't we ask that woman over there? She seems ready to help us, and she probably knows her way around.

Husband: Ask a peasant woman? Hardly! That would be degrading. No, I know I'm right, so we're going left, and that's final.

Wife: But... oh, all right. But don't say I didn't tell you.

Narrator: And so they went left. They traveled along that road for many a mile, through vast deserts and dark forests. Soon, they found themselves perilously situated on the edge of a cliff.

Husband: I think we go...

Wife: There is nowhere to go! I told you we should have gone right at that fork in the road! Now, we're lost. We have no idea where we're going or how we're going to get there. We are totally lost.

Husband: No, we're not lost; I can get us out of this.

Wife: Let's turn around and find people. Or do we have time? The last village is miles away, and look, it's already dark. I can hear wolves. Where will we stay? We can't find our way anywhere in the dark.

Husband: As if the dark could hurt us! Women are weak and cowardly. I know what I'm doing; I am going to get us out of this. I can get us out of any mess; just you see! Wait, was that a wolf I just heard?

Narrator: The husband shuddered as his wife looked around in disbelief.

Wife: What will we do now? Oh, please, my gods, come to our aid!

Narrator: Suddenly, they saw the humble peasant woman from the village approaching them. She walked slowly and with a bit of a limp.

Husband: What? How on earth--

Narrator: The peasant woman addressed the man with perfect diction.

Peasant Woman: You have been a pompous fool. You should have listened to your wife.

Husband: Ha! You should remember your place! Who are you to tell me what to do? A woman, a lowly peasant; leave us be!

Narrator: And then the peasant woman revealed her true identity. A blinding light lit up the darkness.

Peasant Woman: I am the goddess Athena.

Narrator: At this, the woman kneeled down reverently and motioned for her husband to do the same. He reluctantly did so, full of disbelief...

Athena: I bring you tidings of your future and that of your posterity.

Narrator: And, gesturing to the man...

Athena: Due to your pigheadedness, all of your male descendants will obstinately refuse to ask for help, resulting in their ruin and downfall.

Narrator: And, gesturing to the woman...

Athena: You shall be rewarded for your prudence and wisdom. All of your female descendants will be gifted with intuition and foresight. They will inherit your wisdom and sagacity.

Narrator: With that, she suddenly left the couple. A light appeared, illuminating the road. The couple followed the light until they reached their destination. There, they lived in perfect happiness and harmony. Well... almost. The husband was always indignant when his wife proved him wrong. This happened quite often, and soon, the wife was head of the household. Of course, the man held an important role as well; many heavy boxes needed to be moved.

Such is the explanation of one of the greatest mysteries in life. Athena was as good as her word. That is why men never, ever ask for directions.