Love Letter
by Liz Griffin
And what we dare not speake, love bids us write...
-Robert Herrick
Dearest love,
B'Elanna slapped the paper face-down on her desk. Gods above, Kathryn - what were you thinking?!
She looked around her quickly. No one nearby to see her reaction. Good. She looked back at the paper in her hand. Anyone could have come in here and taken this, she thought. And I wouldn't put it past several people...
She left the paper face-down and picked up the envelope. It was an exquisite gesture... A love note written on paper - actual paper! - in ink, the interconnected writing a series of lovely patterns on the page. It shouldn't have surprised her that Kathryn had studied penmanship. This was exactly the sort of thing Kathryn would do. And after a lifetime of reading data screens, B'Elanna found it a beautiful form of expression.
When she had reported for duty this morning, the last thing she expected to be doing was smiling. There were too many things to do, too many little problems to handle - and on top of that, she hadn't seen Kathryn off-duty in over a week. She had begun to wonder again, to question whether Kathryn even wanted to see her. As usual, there had been no outward recognition of their relationship during their on-duty meetings. They had never been alone. And Kathryn had not called her, even on a secure comm channel. She herself dared not call Kathryn - any steps taken in this relationship had to be hers, not B'Elanna's. Kathryn had the most to lose.
And so, after twelve hours of infinitely annoying tasks, B'Elanna had come to her office and found the letter propped against her desk module. She stood there stupidly for a moment, then reached to her desk and snatched it up. She turned it in her fingers slowly, the faint scent of Kathryn's perfume reaching her as she read the single word inscribed on its face -
B'Elanna
She had never received a hand-written letter before.
In slow anticipation, she slid her finger under the flap of the envelope and pulled it free, releasing more of that intoxicating perfume she loved. It was a familiar scent. An intimate scent. Kathryn never wore perfume on duty - only when she and B'Elanna were alone. B'Elanna had come to associate the fragrance with Kathryn - her Kathryn. Not the Kathryn she shared with the rest of the ship. No more than this yet, the floral, spicy aroma of Terran perfume, and B'Elanna's mind was reeling, conjuring up images of the last time Kathryn had worn this particular scent for her...
"B'Elanna..." Kathryn whispered, chin to her chest as B'Elanna kissed over the nape of her neck, then her shoulders, pushing her satin robe down her back slightly. She wrapped one arm around Kathryn's waist, the other hand caressing one erect nipple through the smooth, sensuous fabric. Kathryn drew in breath through her teeth as B'Elanna returned to her neck, nipping gently as she buried her nose in the silky softness of Kathryn's hair. Kathryn's hand came to hers, leading it inside her robe to her other breast, and B'Elanna smoothed her fingertips over smooth softness, Kathryn's nipple already a tightened hardness before her fingers reached it. B'Elanna kissed her, loved her, inhaled the scent from the nape of her neck - and as the night continued, from every place Kathryn had applied it... the insides of her elbows... the backs of her knees... between her breasts... the small of her back...
B'Elanna studied the envelope she held, running her fingertip over the lining of smooth burgundy. Her eyes drifted back to the letter itself, and she lay the envelope aside, picking up and unfolding the sheets of heavy, cream-laid stationery, hearing Kathryn's throaty voice like a velvet caress as she read.
Dearest love,
What we dare not speak, love bids us write. I remember reading that once, long ago - and only now do I understand the truth in those words. There are so many things I would have said to you over the last days, B'Elanna - so many things I would have told you. Words I cannot speak when others might hear. Things I cannot say over the distance of a comm channel. Thoughts and emotions too powerful for the sound of my voice, for the poverty of my spoken word.
What we dare not speak, love bids us write.
And I do love you, B'Elanna.
I love your mind - your infinite capacity to see even the most minute detail, and yet see the whole with equal acuity. I love your spirit - strong and free, and yet so focused. I love your passion - gathering me up, carrying me along with you, calling forth an answering passion in my own heart - a passion I never knew I possessed until you awakened it. I love the fact that you love me - enough to allow me my own freedom, my own mind, my own spirit. I love your body, B'Elanna - so soft and strong, gentle and ardent. I love the way you make love to me.
You excite me like no other, my sweet. Did you know that? You ask me often if I know the effect I have on you. And I always answer, yes. I do. Because it can only be a small part of the effect you have on me, B'Elanna Torres. Even now, merely thinking of you, I can feel the passion rise in my body. I think of you often, B'Elanna. I think of your face, so lovely, so elegant. I think of brushing my lips over your brow, those smooth, edgeless ridges, so delicately formed, the perfect melding of your Human and Klingon heritage. I think of running my hands through your thick hair, sifting it through my fingers, stroking over it, the fullness of it. I think of your eyes, so dark and deep, burning into mine with barely-controlled passion, caressing me gently with a single glance. I think of your lips - such beautiful, soft, full lips, so sweet under mine as we kiss... God, your kisses, B'Elanna - turning me to fire with the barest touch of your mouth, claiming me so very gently, telling me without a single word how much you want me.
I love your skin, the feel of it - the finest silk under my hands, so soft and warm - and the color, such a contrast to the lightness of my own, so very lovely. I love touching you, B'Elanna, every part of you... Your shoulders, so strong and yet delicate. Your arms, feeling them slide around me, pulling me close to you. Your breasts - the firmness of them, the softness, filling my hands, wonderful, incredible to kiss. And the way you arch under my hands, rising to me, begging without words for what I so love to give... I love making love to you, B'Elanna - I wonder if you know how much. To touch you, to stroke you so intimately, your sweet wetness on my fingers, your beautiful body responding to me, to the slightest variance in my touch. The scent of you, the taste of you - I could touch, kiss you there forever. So soft, so warm, so beautiful, B'Elanna... and intricate, like a closed flower, waiting for my kiss to open you... I love the way you whisper my name, again and again as I pleasure you, the way your hands come to my hair, guiding me, encouraging me. I love your release - the sensation of your pleasure, so pure and free, the sounds of your sweet cries, the feel of you under my hands, my lips...
I love the way you make love to me, B'Elanna. When we make love, it's as if I exist only where you touch me - as if I am alive only because you created me. Your hands, so soft and warm - so strong and knowing on my body. I become ardent in your hands, I turn and arch and sigh and moan under your hands. I respond to you with passion, with abandon, forgetting everything but the feel of you loving me... Your lips, B'Elanna - how can I ever describe the ecstasy that is your mouth? How can I tell you what I cannot fathom myself? When you kiss me - when you give me your mouth in such sweet intimacy - I become pleasure itself, focused solely on you, on the excruciating pleasure of you, on the sweet torment that you administer so lovingly to me. And when I reach the height of my pleasure, I always, always call your name - not to please you, my love, but because it is the only word I know...
And afterward, your strong arms holding me - I feel safe in your arms. Protected. Loved, and cared for, and free from any thought aside from loving you. It's a very special feeling for me, to let go. To allow myself peace. To simply be... I love that moment, B'Elanna - when you hold me close, and the entire universe narrows to the width of your shoulders, and I drift into sleep knowing - knowing fully, who I am.
I am, have been, and ever shall be
Yours,
Kathryn
B'Elanna stared at the signature silently for a moment.
"Computer," she said softly, folding the letter carefully and sliding it into its envelope. "Locate Kathryn Janeway."
Her head under water, Kathryn did not hear her door swish open and shut. She lay in her bath, rinsing off the last traces of shampoo and soap, preparing for the most important - if less sensible - part of the ritual. She sighed and leaned back in the tub as the water swirled about her gently, automatically cleaned and recirculated.
"Computer," she requested quietly, "raise water temperature three degrees Centigrade and add bubbles. And fragrance - personal blend number two," she added, remembering absently that it was B'Elanna's favorite scent. She sighed as her muscles began to relax in the heat. B'Elanna... What would B'Elanna be doing now? Had she been into her office, read the letter yet? Kathryn had waited as late as she dared, finding a time when B'Elanna was located far enough away from engineering that she could get in and out undetected. And then she had set Vorik as watchdog, making it clear that the paper on B'Elanna's desk was intended for the Engineer alone, counting on Vulcan dispassion to keep him from wondering. Kathryn smiled, picking up the warmcomb to dry her hair as she soaked.
From the dark of the living area, B'Elanna heard Kathryn's voice, murmuring from the bath as she made soft requests to the computer. She smiled. Kathryn did love a bath - and B'Elanna had learned to enjoy this particular quirk of her lover's. Many times they had ended their nights together sitting in the bath, talking, Kathryn leaning back against her and resting her head on her shoulder. And B'Elanna, brought up to think of bathing as a chore, had learned to enjoy those times, when they sat and soaked and talked and laughed, drinking wine, eating dessert... making love... B'Elanna looked to the bathroom door, seeing the lights all but disappear as Kathryn's voice reached her again. Her smile deepened. Kathryn was soaking in a heated tub full of bubbles, she knew, eyes closed and smiling, the lights dimmed to the barest illumination. She closed her eyes as the faint scent of perfume reached her, imagining what Kathryn looked like in her bath... On her back, of course, with bubbles covering her to the chest... Perhaps one knee would be visible, peeking above the bubbles... And Kathryn's skin would be rosy, flushed from the hot water... She walked carefully and silently to the bath, stripping her uniform off as she went, hoping to surprise her lover.
As she reached the door, completely nude, she was greeted by the sound of water running, then trickling - she peeked inside to see Kathryn drawing a sponge from beneath the water, squeezing it out over her arm, a luxurious smile on her face. B'Elanna stood beside the doorway, just outside of the light, watching as Kathryn poured the water over her arms repeatedly. Gods, she was a beautiful woman - and she seemed to enjoy this so very much... B'Elanna felt the heat rise in her own body as Kathryn picked up the sponge again, squeezing it out over her throat, the warm water cascading down over her chest, her breasts... Her head was leaned back, her lips parted, a quiet sigh escaping her lips. Kathryn repeated the gesture, arching slightly to the water, the stream moving over her breasts more directly this time. She was beautiful - more than beautiful - skin flushed slightly, gleaming wetly in the lowered lighting, eyes closed and sighing...
Gods, B'Elanna thought, that's exactly how she looks when we make love...
Kathryn lay the sponge aside and trailed her fingers over her arms lightly, slowly... B'Elanna knew all too well how that felt. Kathryn had a unique ability to touch in ways that made her wonder if she were being touched at all - and her body always responded powerfully to that gentle, feathery stroking... Now, B'Elanna watched as Kathryn caressed her own arms, fingers barely touching, nails trailing lightly over wet skin. Kathryn's hand moved upward, over her collarbone, stroking over her throat gently. Over and over her throat she stroked, first her nails, then her fingertips, then her nails again. A breathy moan escaped her lips, barely audible, as she teased herself with maddeningly slow strokes and caresses, her neck beginning to flush pink...
B'Elanna watched her lover, watched as Kathryn's hands came to her breasts - slowly, always slowly - and cupped them gently. Kathryn stroked herself, fondled herself, small sounds of pleasure in her throat. Her hands slid easily over the soft smoothness of her breasts, palms moving over them in slow circles, nails brushing them, fingertips stroking... Kathryn bit her lower lip as her fingers quickly brought her nipples to hardness, rolling and pinching gently, scratching them lightly... For some time, she played with her breasts, one hand occasionally trailing upward to her throat again, then back down to pleasure herself as her hips slid further down in the bath, getting comfortable.
B'Elanna had never seen anything like this, especially from Kathryn - she knew that this was a private act, that it was not intended for her eyes. But she found herself unable to pull away from the door, unable to look away from the scene of her lover - her exquisitely beautiful lover - pleasuring herself so intently. B'Elanna watched as Kathryn's right hand slid downward again, over the flat of her belly, disappearing under the bubbles as her free hand came to the side of the tub. Again, her lower lip was caught in her teeth, one knee rising out of the water as Kathryn's hand reached the juncture of her thighs. Her arm moved slowly, back and forth, up and down, indicating the slow, teasing strokes Kathryn loved. B'Elanna leaned on the doorframe, half inside the bath, smiling as she drank in the sight of Kathryn.
Her head leaned back on the edge of the tub, Kathryn sighed and murmured softly as her arm increased its motion gradually... slowly... almost imperceptibly... stroking just the way she loved to be stroked, and undoubtedly in just the right places. B'Elanna could imagine it, could almost see Kathryn's sex, wet and swollen, opening to the smooth, slow caresses. The motion of her arm changed, her fingers now circling over her hardness, just the way she loved it... B'Elanna watched intently.
Kathryn's foot came up to brace against the opposite end of the tub, her free hand gripping the edge as she stroked herself to pleasure, her arm creating churning eddies now, faster, faster... She clenched her jaw, stifling her own sounds as her hips began to undulate, oblivious to the water sloshing about her. Very soon, her head began to roll back and forth, her brow furrowed in concentration as she panted through clenched teeth, her arm moving frantically.
"Come on," she whispered desperately, hotly, as her arm moved more forcefully, "Come on... Oh... Yes..." her quiet cry was choked off in her throat as she bit her lip yet again, her body arching upward. Eyes shut tight, arm braced against the side of the tub, she arched up out of the water, supported only by her feet and shoulders, skin wetly gleaming. The tendons in her arms stood out, her hand making wet, sensuous sounds in her hair, circling, circling, tensing... until with a violent exhalation, she bucked up, then fell back into the water, quiet, breathy moans heralding the blissful throbbing of her climax. Her arm slowed... slowed... then stopped, hand still beneath the water, still stroking lightly, Kathryn shuddering in the aftershocks as B'Elanna watched, panting. Eventually, Kathryn withdrew her hand, sliding her leg back into the water, a blissful smile on her lips.
In two strides, B'Elanna was kneeling beside the tub. "That looked wonderful," she whispered throatily against Kathryn's cheek.
Kathryn jerked her head around, her body splashing. "B'Elanna!" she yelped, eyes wide. "Omigod... How long..."
"Shhhh," B'Elanna stopped her gently, kissing her tenderly. "You were so beautiful," she whispered, running her tongue over Kathryn's lips. "I didn't want to stop you." She kissed Kathryn again, deeply. "I couldn't stop you," she continued, sliding her arms around her lover and kissing her softly, repeatedly. "I couldn't leave... I couldn't look away... you were too beautiful..." She kissed over Kathryn's face gently. "So beautiful, Kay... I had to watch you..." Kathryn drew a breath as if to speak, and B'Elanna returned to her lips.
"Don't," she whispered into Kathryn's mouth, kissing her again. "Don't talk..." She took Kathryn's lower lip between her teeth, tugging, biting gently, then tilted her head to kiss her deeply as Kathryn's lips parted. They kissed slowly, unhurriedly, passionately, Kathryn's hands coming up to slide wetly up her arms, then into her hair, holding her close as their tongues slid in slow circles. B'Elanna groaned into her, pressing her body against the cold side of the tub, wanting nothing more than to press her body to Kathryn's softness...
As if she had read her mind, Kathryn drew away. "Come on," she whispered, sliding to one side to make room for B'Elanna in the tub. "Let me touch you... I want to touch you..."
Their lips met again before B'Elanna had even lowered her body into the water, Kathryn's hand reaching downward between her thighs. "I love to touch you, Bey," she whispered against her lips. "You can't know how much..."
"I know," B'Elanna whispered back between hungry kisses, pressing her mound into Kathryn's hand. Kathryn began massaging her slowly, gently, firm caresses that opened her as she slid her thigh upward to rest on Kathryn's hip. "I know," she repeated as Kathryn kissed over her throat. "I read your letter... gods, Kathryn... the things you wrote..." she gasped as Kathryn's fingers found her, slipping inside as she continued to caress lightly with the palm of her hand.
"I had to write it," Kathryn murmured against her throat. "I had to tell you... I wanted to show you..."
"Show me," B'Elanna whispered, her hands in Kathryn's hair, pulling her mouth closer, thrusting as much as she could onto Kathryn's fingers. "Show me, Kay..."
"Shhhh," Kathryn breathed against her lips gently. "I will, love." She kissed her again tenderly. "I will." She pressed her body into B'Elanna's, effectively trapping her against the side of the tub, and massaged more firmly, slipping another finger into B'Elanna's heat. "God, you are so beautiful," she breathed as B'Elanna growled deep in her throat. B'Elanna's nails dug into her back as her lover clutched at her, pulling her close and writhing against her. Kathryn kissed her, deeply and slowly, massaging firmly as B'Elanna moaned and growled into her mouth, savoring the exquisite sensation of B'Elanna's pleasure, B'Elanna's heat, B'Elanna's sweet sounds melting into her mouth. Eyes closed, she concentrated solely on B'Elanna, on pleasing her lover. Her strokes became more specific, more centered around B'Elanna's hardness... B'Elanna tore her mouth away gasping. She stroked B'Elanna firmly, circling exactly the way B'Elanna liked it best, smiling in her own sure knowledge of her lover's body.
Burying her face in B'Elanna's hair, Kathryn supported her lover's head on her own shoulder and circled her, fingers sliding in abundant viscous moisture. B'Elanna moaned, she gasped, she cried out... and finally she came, arching to Kathryn violently and nearly drowning had Kathryn not caught her head as it slipped off her shoulder. B'Elanna writhed in her grasp for several long moments, Kathryn holding her head above water and watching her - then she relaxed, slowly, holding Kathryn's hand to her firmly.
Kathryn leaned to her, kissing her tenderly on her parted lips as she panted. After a long moment, B'Elanna opened her eyes and they stared at one another in the lowered lighting, smiling. Then B'Elanna pulled Kathryn down again, kissing her deeply, and directed her hand back to its firm stroking - Kathryn moaned into her and pressed her against the side of the tub again, holding her there as she brought her to climax quickly. B'Elanna cried out in pleasure and surprise as she reached her peak, gripping Kathryn's shoulders roughly and holding them firmly as she bit down on Kathryn's collarbone.
With a rush of pleasure, Kathryn shifted to lean against her lover, not letting up, using leverage to keep her trapped and helpless as she pleasured her. She knew what B'Elanna liked, what she needed - and she would give it, everything B'Elanna wanted and more. It was an astonishing sense of power, knowing how to give such pleasure, she reflected as B'Elanna gasped against her neck, whispering her name as she approached another climax. She bit her lip to keep from crying out as B'Elanna's teeth marked her, as B'Elanna's hands left bruises on her shoulders, feeling the shuddering contractions against her body. It was good - so good, feeling B'Elanna like this. Knowing how to please her. Knowing how to satisfy her. Knowing she was the only person who ever had, who ever bothered to learn how.
"Kay... Gods, Kay... Don't stop, Kay... Give it, Kay..." B'Elanna growled against her neck in fierce abandon, arms and leg pulling her tight up against the writhing, heated body of her lover.
"I will," Kathryn assured her, murmuring hotly into her ear. "I'll give it... Everything you want, love..." She breathed in deeply as B'Elanna's nails sank into her back again, releasing her breath in a low purring growl of her own. Her arm moved frantically between them - and B'Elanna turned and arched, bucked and writhed, coming again, and again, finally dissolving into a constant shuddering moaning growl as her body gave in to pleasure, spending itself in one final drawn-out climax that left B'Elanna limp in her arms.
Kathryn held her close, stroking her hair and murmuring wordlessly as her lover calmed, staring into the near-darkness. When had she ever known such peace? When had she ever been this satisfied by a lover's pleasure? B'Elanna kissed her neck tenderly and she tightened her arms. When had she ever wanted a lover the way she wanted B'Elanna? Surely there must have been someone...
B'Elanna groaned into her shoulder and she shifted, looking down into glowing dark eyes.
"I love you," B'Elanna whispered, kissing her shoulder lightly.
Kathryn smiled. "I love you, too," she answered, stroking the hair back from B'Elanna's face. When had she ever known a woman so beautiful...
"And I want you," B'Elanna purred, shifting to put Kathryn beneath her.
Kathryn stroked her cheek lovingly. "I don't need... mm," she made a small sound of pleasure as B'Elanna kissed her. "I don't need anything else," she whispered when they parted. "You were so beautiful..."
B'Elanna smiled. "You always say that," she teased, picking up a lock of Kathryn's hair and lying it back.
"It's always true," Kathryn stated. "Before you, I never came more than once... and once was enough," she said as B'Elanna stroked her face. "Still is, actually. Not that I don't enjoy more," she added hastily to B'Elanna's questioning look. "It's just not... necessary." She murmured into B'Elanna's mouth again as they kissed deeply. "Before you," she whispered between kisses, "I never... wanted more... I never thought... I could... Or that I'd need it..." She pressed upward into B'Elanna's body as her lover possessed her mouth gently, leaving her breathless.
Finally, B'Elanna drew away slowly. "You don't pay much attention to your body, do you?" She said tenderly, smiling.
Kathryn raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," B'Elanna said, shifting to get out of the water and pulling Kathryn with her, "you don't pay much attention to what your body wants." She helped Kathryn out of the tub. "Only what it needs." She dried herself quickly, then took the towel from Kathryn's hands. "Am I right?"
Kathryn shrugged minutely. "I suppose..." She closed her eyes as B'Elanna began to pat her dry, drinking the water from her shoulder as she pressed the towel to her back. "I've always considered my body to be... a container for my mind," she said as B'Elanna ran the towel up her arms. "A tool I could use to accomplish what I needed to get done." She smiled. "Of course, there were times when it was also a great deal of fun..."
"Mmm-hmmm," B'Elanna purred, kneeling to dry her legs, exhaling warm breath into her hair, teasing.
Kathryn looked down at her, realizing that her knees were going weak and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. B'Elanna began using her lips and tongue to dry the water from her hair - Kathryn closed her eyes, grasping B'Elanna's shoulders as her knees threatened to give way completely.
"You don't pay attention at all," B'Elanna whispered into her hair, breathing warm air onto already-inflamed parts. "You don't eat when you need to, you don't sleep when you need to," she murmured, brushing her lips through the auburn thickness. "And you certainly don't think much about pleasure for its own sake." She ran her hands up the backs of Kathryn's thighs.
"And you do?" Kathryn asked in a shaky voice, hands still gripping B'Elanna's shoulders.
"I didn't used to," B'Elanna said warmly, kissing across her belly. "But since we became lovers, I've learned..." she kissed Kathryn's hipbone, "how valuable pleasure is. It's a need, Kay." She rose slowly, kissing her way up her lover's body. "And like any other need, it has to be recognized and met." She kissed Kathryn slowly and lingeringly, murmuring into her mouth and running her hands over her back in slow, sensuous caress. Kathryn pressed into her gently, hands coming to her hair as they kissed. B'Elanna slid her tongue past Kathryn's lips slowly. She knew what Kathryn liked, how to please her... She gathered Kathryn's body into her own, kissing over her throat gently.
"I know about pleasure, B'Elanna," Kathryn murmured, rolling her head back. "And I know we need that... I'm not completely oblivious to my body..."
B'Elanna drew away. "But how often do you allow it, Kay?" She kissed her. "How often do you let yourself have it?" She kissed her again, hungrily. "How often do you even think about it?"
Kathryn looked into her eyes, a smoldering look that threatened to immolate B'Elanna where she stood. "All the time," she whispered, her voice husky, stroking her finger along B'Elanna's cheekbone. "All the time."
B'Elanna stared at her for a long moment, tempting their passion, then took her hand. "Come on," she whispered, leading her lover to bed. She lay Kathryn down gently, face-up on the bed. "Just relax," she whispered, then walked to the replicator. She returned with a small bottle.
"What's that?" Kathryn asked, propping up on her elbows.
B'Elanna pushed her back down with a gentle hand on her chest. "Oil," she answered simply, "with your perfume added." She removed the stopper, and the delicate fragrance reached Kathryn. "I'm going to give you a massage, love," B'Elanna murmured, curling up on her knees between Kathryn's feet. "Would you like that?"
"Mmmmm," Kathryn purred, closing her eyes and lying her head back. "I haven't had a massage in years."
"Then you're long overdue," B'Elanna said softly, taking Kathryn's foot between well-oiled hands. Kathryn sighed. "You're such a beautiful woman, Kay," B'Elanna continued after she had massaged the tension away. Her hands continued to caress Kathryn's foot sensuously. "You should be better to yourself. Take care of yourself more."
Kathryn smiled. "I thought that was your job," she countered lazily.
B'Elanna's smile deepened. "It is. And I will." She lay Kathryn's foot on the bed and took up the other one, massaging it into complete relaxation, and then continuing, kneading, caressing heavily, sending tingles up Kathryn's legs, through her body, down her arms and into her fingertips.
"I hadn't realized my feet were so sensitive," she breathed.
"Mmmm," B'Elanna answered, leaning down and taking Kathryn's toe into her mouth, sucking it strongly. Kathryn felt an explosion of sensation, warm and wet and tickling and sensuous all at once... she allowed a sound of pleasure to emerge.
B'Elanna chuckled deep in her throat. "See what I mean?" she asked, releasing Kathryn's foot to massage up and down her calves. "You don't notice..."
"I don't," Kathryn conceded. "I've never had anyone show me."
B'Elanna smiled. "I'll show you, Kay. I'll show you how beautiful... how sensuous you are. So very lovely, Kay - and no one's ever shown you..."
Kathryn shook her head slowly. "They've told me - but not... like this... not... in ways that I could believe..." She drew in breath slowly as B'Elanna's hands massaged up to her thighs, parting them gently.
"Then let me show you," B'Elanna whispered, hands stroking the warm oil into her skin, touching both to relax and to arouse. "Let me show you." Her hands moved over Kathryn slowly, sensuously, draining the tension from her body - only to replace it with a very different kind of tension, one that centered directly between her thighs and radiated warmth to her entire body.
Kathryn stretched out, letting B'Elanna touch her, sighing in delight as B'Elanna's hand pressed her mound, circling, massaging... She relaxed under the caress, letting go and letting her lover touch her however she would. The strong, warm hands continued to caress her, moving up her belly, sculpting the curve of her ribcage, moving smoothly over her skin. B'Elanna cupped her breasts, kneaded them gently, caressed them in slow circles... Kathryn could feel her nipples coming hard, could feel the heat between her legs turning to a sweet ache as B'Elanna touched her so very gently... Fingernails scratched lightly over her nipples, sensation becoming needle-sharp as B'Elanna rolled them between slippery fingers, massaging them between her thumb and forefinger. Kathryn groaned softly, arching upward.
"Let me," B'Elanna whispered, pressing her back to the bed. "Just relax, Kay... let me..." Kathryn complied willingly. B'Elanna's hands continued upward, massaging the muscles of her chest, then her shoulders, moving down over her arms, her wrists, her hands... Kathryn had never had a lover give her that kind of thorough attention. She opened her eyes as B'Elanna placed her hand on the bed, oiling her own hands again before picking up the other one. B'Elanna stared into her eyes as she caressed her palm, each finger, bringing the hand to her mouth to trace Kathryn's fingerprints with her tongue. Kathryn was pierced by the erotic beauty of the image.
Lying her hand on the bed once more, B'Elanna held her eyes. "Turn over," she whispered.
As soon as Kathryn did, B'Elanna's hands were on her shoulders, her thighs straddling her hips. B'Elanna leaned into her strongly, massaging the tension away, turning her to nothing but heat and desire... The warm hands continued down over her back, long, slow strokes relaxing her, making her aware of her body in ways she had never considered. Kathryn began to undulate as B'Elanna's hands brushed at the small of her back, teasing - B'Elanna leaned down and kissed her there, tongue brushing over the fine hairs... Her hands moved downward, clasping her buttocks, kneading powerfully. Kathryn groaned and pressed her face into the pillows. She had always loved having her bottom touched, had always found it so sensuous... B'Elanna kissed downward, parting her cheeks. Her fingers slid into the cleft, touching very lightly as she exhaled warmly onto the hyper-sensitive flesh. Kathryn gripped the pillows. B'Elanna's fingers continued to stroke, moving closer to her anus, closer... closer... finally circling it, lubricating it...
Suddenly, memory came to her, bludgeoning memory - the first and only time she had done this...
"Kathryn..." Justin rasped into her ear, his hands and body hard on hers, pressing into her deeply from behind, impaling her against the bed as she lay on her stomach. "God, Kathryn... I need you."
"Yes... Justin..." she sighed, wanting him, needing to please him, needing the roughness and the hardness of him, the pounding rhythm of him, the almost-dangerous, not-quite-painful, wild, violent thrusting groaning fullness of him... Immediately, his hands were underneath her hips, grasping the sharp protuberances of bone, lifting her effortlessly to her knees.
"Yes," she repeated, arching her back for him, hands pressing against the headboard, his favorite position. "Yes, Jus... I want it..."
"I know you want it." His thrusting did not stop, his rhythm never changed. "You always do, Kathryn. Don't you," he said gently, not a question.
"Oh yes... with you... always," she gave the required response, knowing how he needed to hear it, needed to know...
She felt something press against her - against her anus - his fingers, circling and then pressing again, penetrating her only just barely...
"No!" she cried in astonishment, pulling away in automatic reaction.
"Yes," he murmured into her ear, curling up behind her and wrapping an arm about her waist. "For me," he crooned, his hardness sliding in between her swollen folds now, lubricating it, teasing. "Try it... for me," he purred, positioning himself again. "You'll like it..." he touched lightly around her anal opening, teasing, deliberate touches that made her moan in spite of her surprise and shock. "Try, Kathryn... let me show you... it'll be so good... don't be afraid... I'll make it good for you..."
Breathing hard against the sensation, swallowing deep in her throat, unwilling to disappoint him, Kathryn nodded.
And then she was seared by pain beyond her imagining, stabbing into her, making her cry out helplessly as he held to her hips, kept her from moving away... God oh god... make it stop... unable to find even those words, she moaned into the pillows incoherently as he took her slowly, carefully, an excruciating fullness, tearing her apart, heedless of her tears...
Mercifully, he came quickly. And, as always, he pulled her to him, spooning her from behind, raining loving kisses across her shoulders as she panted.
"There," he whispered, brushing back hair from her ear to kiss it delicately. "That was good..."
"No," she said in a voice of pure ice. "It wasn't."
She felt him shift behind her, rising on one elbow. "Kathryn?"
"Why didn't you stop!" she snapped, climbing out of bed and wrapping her robe tightly about herself. "Why didn't you stop?!" she repeated, demanding, unable to face him.
"I..." she heard his confusion, felt the pain radiating from him. "I thought... you liked it," he said helplessly, leaving the bed to come to her. "I'd never seen you like that - you've never cried out like that..."
"I was in pain, you idiot!"
"Oh my god, Kathryn..." his voice had lowered to a stricken whisper as he reached for her shoulders.
"Don't touch me!"
"Please... Kathryn..."
"Get out, Justin." She pointed to the door, still facing away from him and thoroughly uninclined to move.
"Kathryn... I'm sorry... I didn't mean..."
"Get out, Justin," she grated, her voice daring him to say another word.
There was a silence.
"Please..."
"OUT!" she yelled, turning around and pushing on his chest, propelling him toward the door of her bedroom. "Get... out... get... out... GET... OUT!!!" her voice rose to a scream as she thrust him through the portal and palmed the door switch...
B'Elanna felt Kathryn stiffen under her, felt her freeze. "No," came the icy voice.
"Kathryn..."
"I don't want that," Kathryn stated, her voice tight. She drew a deep breath. "I love you," she continued, more gently, "I want you. But not that."
B'Elanna stopped her stroking, but did not move away. "Have you ever tried it?" she asked softly.
"Yes," came the flat response. "It hurt."
B'Elanna smiled. "Then somebody wasn't doing it right." She leaned down and kissed Kathryn's bottom again.
"B'Elanna..."
"I'll stop if you tell me to," B'Elanna whispered, running her tongue over Kathryn's cheeks. "If you don't like it, just tell me and I'll stop." She began kneading again, gently, then more firmly, exhaling warmly onto the moisture she had left. "I won't hurt you, Kay... I promise..." She felt Kathryn begin to relax again. "I promise... Let me... Let me show you..." She kissed over and over the smooth flesh of Kathryn's hips, exhaling warmly and stroking with her tongue. As Kathryn relaxed again, she moved closer to her opening, stroking in the cleft lightly with her tongue, holding Kathryn's hips gently but firmly. Willing Kathryn not to stop her, B'Elanna circled deeper within, deeper... deeper... finally stroking over Kathryn's puckered anus, feeling it contract under her tongue in a spasm of pleasure.
Beneath her, Kathryn concentrated on staying relaxed, on slowing her breathing. It was an irrational fear, she could control it... B'Elanna's tongue circled her lightly, barely touching, and she felt her body respond. God, it had never felt like this... almost a tickle, but sensuous, undeniably sexual... Her breathing quickened as B'Elanna circled her gently, hands holding her hips with comforting firmness. Slowly, experimentally, Kathryn raised her hips upward - just a bit. B'Elanna groaned softly and insinuated her tongue into her, just barely penetrating her, opening her so very gently... Kathryn moaned. She felt B'Elanna's smile as her lover's hands came back to her buttocks, parting them to allow herself better access. Biting her lower lip, Kathryn brought one knee up under her.
"Yes, Kathryn," B'Elanna whispered, oil-slick fingers coming to her opening and circling just as her tongue had moments before. "So beautiful, lover... so sweet..." One finger pressed lightly at her opening, then withdrew, touched, then withdrew... Kathryn felt her body respond to the motion, opening, welcoming her with a flood of pleasure into this most secret, most intimate place...
"B'Elanna..."
"Yes," B'Elanna whispered, her hand still.
Kathryn turned her head, saying the two words she would never have imagined saying. "Don't stop..."
"I won't," B'Elanna smiled, stroking her once more, entering her with a fingertip, then withdrawing slickly, entering further, then withdrawing. "I won't... not until you want me to..."
"Don't ever stop..." Kathryn moaned as B'Elanna's finger entered her fully, stroking back and forth slowly, reducing her to mindless pleasure.
B'Elanna's answer was lost to her as she undulated to that gentle, sweet stroking, marveling at her own delight in this previously unthinkable act. Kathryn's heart pounded in her ears, her other knee drew itself up - and she rocked back to meet her lover, moaning into the pillows. For an unknown time, B'Elanna stroked her, loved her, her free hand caressing her hip, the small of her back, her sweet voice whispering to Kathryn, words of love and desire, flattery and pleasure, as she stroked and stroked and stroked... Kathryn panted, her hands kneading the pillows as B'Elanna stroked within, twisting, turning slowly, opening her further... Kathryn groaned as another finger entered her, B'Elanna pouring more oil onto her fingers as she worked them in and out slowly. Kathryn whispered her pleasure softly, her head spinning, all her attention focused on the motion of B'Elanna's hand, on her own body - she was full, but not stretched, tight, but not tense... It was the most intimate, most taken feeling she could ever have imagined... more than she could ever have imagined...
B'Elanna's hand reached under her, to her clitoris - Kathryn realized with a small shock that she was wet, wetter than ever before, B'Elanna's fingers slipping over her clitoris easily... She groaned again as the motion of her hips changed, responding only to that gentle, perfect circling on the jeweled center of her, bringing her closer to pleasure than she could bear...
"Bey..." the words came without thought, "Bey... I love you so... You're so good to me..."
"So good," B'Elanna whispered, kissing her shoulder as she leaned over her, stroking. "You're so good, Kathryn..." Her rhythm changed, became the exact pressure Kathryn needed, the perfect tempo. "You love this," B'Elanna whispered in wonder, her fingers inciting Kathryn to madness. "You love this so much... so wet, lover, so hard..." B'Elanna stroked her, fingers slipping over and over her easily, slipping in and out of her easily... so easy... so very easy... Kathryn began to tremble.
"You're going to come for me, aren't you, Deshoy?" B'Elanna whispered warmly.
"Yes," Kathryn sobbed, her hips moving back and forth in time with B'Elanna's thrusts, her rhythm, each motion heightening her pleasure - no matter how her body responded, she was met by B'Elanna's relentless loving - pressing herself onto B'Elanna's fingers, impaling herself on B'Elanna's fingers... Her breathing coming in hitching gasps and sighs, Kathryn let go entirely. "Yes... for you... HIqoy..."
"Only for me," B'Elanna murmured. "Only for me..."
"Yes," Kathryn said from her pleasure. "Only you... B'Elanna..."
"Yes, Kay," B'Elanna encouraged hotly. "Come for me..."
"I will... I will... I am... B'Elanna..."
"Kathryn..."
"B'Elanna!" Kathryn cried, her arms extending fully, head thrown back as she spasmed. B'Elanna watched with feral hunger as Kathryn's head was flung up and down, her hips rocking forcefully. She circled Kathryn mercilessly, still within her, motionless, allowing Kathryn to thrust back onto her... Finally, Kathryn sank onto the bed, pressing her face into the pillows as she moaned.
B'Elanna withdrew from her gently, lying on top of her and kissing the side of her neck as Kathryn panted beneath her. "So good, Kay... so beautiful," she whispered. "So very beautiful... I love you so..."
Kathryn reached back blindly, resting her hand on the back of B'Elanna's head. "I know," she whispered. "And I love you..." They lay silent, Kathryn stroking B'Elanna's hair in tiny motions as she caught her breath.
Finally, when she was quiet, B'Elanna slid off her to lie beside her, pulling her into a warm embrace, their legs twining. She kissed Kathryn's forehead tenderly.
"You are so wonderful," Kathryn said in a small, quiet voice. "You've shown me so many things..."
B'Elanna smiled, stroking her back lazily. "I know," she murmured.
"I don't think you do," Kathryn said, looking up at her. "So much more than the physical..." she brought a hand up to stroke B'Elanna's cheek. "You've shown me parts of myself I never bothered to see before... things about myself I never knew..." She kissed B'Elanna's collar bone lightly. "First, you showed me that a relationship was possible..." she looked into B'Elanna's eyes again, resting her hand lightly against her cheek. "And now I know that this relationship is necessary." She kissed B'Elanna tenderly. "You've shown me how to love again... how to make love again... You've shown me that passion isn't something I have to think about, that it's something already inside me, just waiting... waiting for you... to set it free..." She cupped B'Elanna's face, brushing her thumb across her lips. "You're a wonder, B'Elanna Torres."
They stared at one another for a long moment, B'Elanna stunned to silence by the inconceivable words. Finally, she whispered, "There's one more thing I want to show you."
Kathryn's eyebrows raised. "Oh?"
"Mmm-hmm," she answered, shifting onto her back. "You've made me so hot, Kathryn," she continued, reaching downward between her own thighs, finding herself even more wet than she had thought. "I want to show you... how hot you make me..."
Kathryn's arms slid around her as she began to stroke quickly in familiar, unfailing rhythm. "One of us is a sex maniac," Kathryn smiled, breathing the words against her forehead as B'Elanna's arm moved quickly, forcefully.
"One of us?" B'Elanna panted, eyes closed, already close to coming. "Which one?"
Kathryn's parted lips brushed over her brow ridges - and then her tongue slid over them smoothly, warmly... B'Elanna began to tremble.
"Me," Kathryn whispered throatily, her hand reaching down to cover B'Elanna's.
"Gods," B'Elanna whispered. "So close... Kathryn... watch..."
"I am," Kathryn purred, pulling away slightly. "I am... I want to see you, B'Elanna..."
"Yeah... yeah... Kay... watch..."
"B'Elanna..."
B'Elanna bucked up off the bed, climaxing in Kathryn's arms, Kathryn's hand resting lightly on her own, feeling her, watching her... The thought made her come even harder, turning to Kathryn, opening her eyes to find Kathryn watching with rapt fascination. She forced her eyes to remain open through it all, letting Kathryn see her, and seeing the joy and wonder in her lover's face...
Finally, she could bear no more and withdrew her hand, Kathryn still holding it gently. As she panted, Kathryn brought her hand upward, touching her lips briefly, sweetly, to each fingertip.
"So very lovely," Kathryn breathed against her palm, kissing it warmly.
Unable to speak, B'Elanna pulled her down into a fierce embrace. Kathryn's head rested on her shoulder as she held on tight, vowing silently never to let go of this woman - never... As darkness descended, B'Elanna felt Kathryn kiss her gently, felt Kathryn shift to hold her... She tightened her arms and succumbed to sleep, feeling Kathryn's arms slide about her, Kathryn resting on top of her.
Copyright Liz Griffin, 1998. All rights reserved.
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