Okay, I’m stupid. I did it, I gave Jocilyn another letter. Yep, she’s probably so sick of me by now. It’s been like, over a month since our first date. I see her all the time, we seem fine, we’re still dating, we still make out on my bed and stop as soon as my hands get to the button on her jeans. All is normal... until now. Haven’t seen her in two days. But that’s a lot for us. See, I’m doing it again. I’m obsessing. Maybe I should go over to her room and talk to her face to face - which is better than a stupid letter. Or should I wait for her to come talk to me? Oh my God, why do I get like this?

**************

Zac knocked on Jocilyn’s door, knowing she’d be home after Cross Country practice. He anxiously waited rocking back and forth on his sneakers.

"Coming," Jocilyn announced in the middle of putting lotion on her legs. She made her way over to the door and opened it for him. "Hi."

"Hey. Are you alone?" He asked.

"Yeah," she answered quietly, backing up into her room.

Zac closed the door behind him and followed her to her bed. "Is this a bad time?"

"Bad time for what?"

"To talk," he said slowly, as if the reason were obvious.

"Oh. No. Sit down," she invited.

"You know, I don’t really like it when I write you a long ass letter telling you how I feel, and then you don’t talk to me for two days," he told her, sitting down.

Jocilyn knew this was coming. She stopped brushing her wet hair and stood in front of him. "Why am I expected to come clean with fifty things I need to tell you, just like you do every time you write me a letter?"

"How about, out of respect for my feelings, Jocilyn. I couldn’t make it more clear to you how much I care about you," he said. "And I get nothing from you."

"I’m not like you, okay? I can’t just hand over all these emotions to you," she gestured with her arm, almost hitting Zac in the face with her hairbrush.

He flinched backwards, avoiding her hand. "Why not? That’s what I’m doing."

"It’s scary, Zac," she said, her tone of voice becoming less harsh. "You bring out this vulnerability in me that no one else does. It’d be so easy for you to hurt me."

"Why on Earth would I ever want to hurt you?" He asked, reaching out for her arm and bringing her down on the bed beside him. "Don’t you think I’m putting my feelings on the line here?"

She sat beside him and looked down at her lap. "I know you are. But... I’ve been hurt in the past confessing how I feel. It’s just safer for me to hold back until I’m completely sure I won’t get hurt."

"You don’t think I’ve been hurt in the past?" He turned, bringing one leg up on the bed so he could look at her. "I don’t know why you think I’d hurt you. But I’m not your past. You have to realize what we have. You and me, that’s it."

She wouldn’t look at him and kept her stare at the floor.

"Well, here I go again confessing how much you mean to me." He sighed and stood up. "Listen," he turned around to face her, scratching the back of his head. "I’m not gonna force any feelings out of you, okay? I’ll just leave you alone and wait until you realize the last thing I want to do is hurt you." He backed up and left her room.

***************

Zac opened his door and found Jocilyn standing there. He looked at his watch realizing she made it over to his room ten minutes after he left her room. "What took you so long?"

"Turns out I’m really bad at writing letters," she said walking into his room. "So um, I decided to come down and.. tell you that I’m sorry."

"What for?" He asked shutting his door and walking over to his bed.

"For taking my bad relationship history out on you," she said sitting down on his bed. "I realized how important honesty is.. and it’s not fair to you for me to deny my feelings."

"What kinda feelings?" He asked sitting down beside her.

She took a deep breath and looked over at him. "Crazy feelings," she said, letting out a small laugh. "Feelings I can’t control no matter how hard I’ve tried." Her breathing sped up slightly as she continued. "And, it takes a lot for me to say these things-"

Zac picked up her hand from her lap and slid his fingers under hers. "I know it does," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "And I appreciate your honesty." He kissed the back of her hand and pulled her closer to his body as he wrapped her in a hug. He rested his chin on the top of her head while they sat there in silence.

"So do you wanna eat later on?" Jocilyn asked. "I’m paying."

Zac smiled and squeezed her tighter before releasing her. "Sure. I gotta call my mom and say hey to her real quick."

"Alright," she said getting off his bed. "I’m gonna run back to my room and finish getting ready. Then I’ll come back and get you."

"Cool."

"Wait," she said, going back over to him. She took the sides of his face in her hands and leaned down to kiss him. His hands ran up the back of her thighs and brought her closer as she ran her tongue across his bottom lip. She gently sucked, pulling away to return to his lips. He stood up, holding her body to his, never breaking the kiss. She started to giggle and tried to pull away. "I’ll be right back," she smiled, her face still close to his.

"No," he whined, running his hands up her body and bringing her lips to his again. "Don’t leave."

She kissed him again as they made their way towards the door. "Call your mother," she told him, playfully pulling away and leaving him with tiny kisses.

He continued pushing her backwards as his kisses traveled to her neck. "You call her."

"Zachary," she warned, her lips meeting his again. "Ow," she giggled when he backed her up against the door.

"Oh, sorry," he smiled, tightening his grip around her waist and lifting her up for a hug. "Hurry back. And don’t forget you’re paying."

She smiled back at him and opened his door. "I didn’t forget." She left and made her way down the hall.

"Jocilyn," Zac called out from his doorway.

She turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

He took a deep breath and gestured with his head for her to come back. "C’mere"

She let out a small laugh and walked back through the hallway. "What?" She whispered when she got up close to him.

He leaned his forehead against hers and hooked his fingers in her belt loops. "I love you."

She held her hand to her stomach and grabbed onto his t-shirt. "I love you too, baby," she smiled up at him.

He smiled back and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Now go, I’m starving. What are you trying to do to me, woman?"

"Sorry!" She laughed walking away down the hall again.

ten

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