Well it happened. I couldn’t stop it. I’m in love with the girl. It just came out yesterday after a long talk with Jocilyn. But it’s all good because she said it back. She loves me. She loves me, I love her, let’s end the world right now. Because I could die happy, I swear. What was I worrying about anyway? I was afraid Jocilyn wouldn’t feel the same way I did after I wrote that letter. Turns out she’s just paranoid that I’ll leave her or something. That’ll be the day. Who knows? She thinks too much. Hey, something we have in common.
I really want her to meet my family. They’d love her. Although, I better keep her away from Taylor... and Isaac while I’m at it.
************
"No," Jocilyn giggled pulling Zac’s high school yearbook from his lap. "Your picture’s good. You’re very photogenic."
"Well thanks. I was a hot 17 year old," Zac said laying back on Jocilyn’s pillow in her dorm room.
"You were," she smiled, flipping to the back as she leaned in between his legs against his chest. "Zac," she read one of the messages a friend wrote aloud, "Senior year’s gonna kick ass. This summer’s all about concerts and getting high. Peace - Russell."
Zac laughed and took his yearbook from her. "Yeah, we were cool back then." He reached over to the drawer on her nightstand. "Can I have a pixi stick?" He asked, knowing where she kept her stash.
"Yes you may."
He reached in and spotted a round, pink, compact lying in the drawer. He creased his brow as he took it out. "Why do you have birth control pills?"
She looked over at the pack of pills his was holding. "Those aren’t pixi stix."
"Why do you have birth control pills? Who are you sleeping with, Jocilyn?"
She sat up and snatched the pills from him defensively. "Excuse me?"
"Well I know it’s not with me," he said raising his eyebrows.
She sat back, shocked at his comment. "What’s that supposed to mean?"
Zac took a deep breath and leaned forward. "You know what? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That wasn’t cool of me."
"Yeah, why don’t you just jump to conclusions next time?" Jocilyn asked sarcastically, throwing her pill pack back in the drawer. "I’m not sleeping with anybody, okay?"
"Okay. I didn’t mean to freak out. I’m sorry." He held his hand out, wanting her to come closer to him.
Jocilyn leaned forward to give him a hug and he took her back as he laid against her pillow. "Okay. But, God, I can’t believe you’d think I’d be sleeping with somebody else."
"Well.. why do you have them? Is it.. I mean..in case we decide-"
"I take them for reasons that have nothing to do with sex," Jocilyn interrupted.
"What kinda reasons?" He asked.
"Girlie reasons. Nosy," she smiled, touching the tip of her index finger to his nose.
"Alright. We’ll stop there," he laughed.
She turned around so she was leaning back against his chest again. "Does it bother you that we haven’t had sex yet?" She asked.
He furrowed his brow while he thought. "There’s no real good way to answer that, is there? If I say no, it makes it sound like I don’t want you. If I say yes, I sound like an asshole."
She turned his head to look at him. "So which is it?"
"Honestly? I mean.. I wouldn’t mind if, you know... you wanted to sleep with me."
"I do," she raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, I think we should get it on."
"Well I think we should get it on too," he reasoned.
"Alright then."
"Alright, I’m ready. Let’s go right now," he suggested.
"Well not right now," she sat up.
"Why not?"
"Zac," she said, her forehead creasing at his insensitivity.
"I’m kidding," he laughed. "But really, why not?"
"I.. I didn’t shave my legs today.. and I don’t like the underwear I have on," she told him.
Zac cocked his head to the side. "Jocilyn, I could care less about your underwear."
"No," she lightly smacked him. "You’re supposed to care. We put a lot of thought into that stuff."
"Okay," he raised his eyebrows. "We won’t have sex right now."
"I mean, I want to.. soon," she trailed off looking down at her hands.
Zac hesitated before he made his next comment. "You’re not a virgin... are you?"
Jocilyn looked at him and he could see the hurt in her face.
"No-" Zac said. "I didn’t mean it in a condescending way.. I was just asking."
She let out a deep breath and made her way off the bed. "Yes, Zac, I’m a virgin, okay? If that’s what you were driving at this entire time-"
"I wasn’t! I mean we’ve never.. talked about who we’ve slept with. So I was curious," he told her. "I love you, okay? And the fact that you want to do this with me.. it means a lot."
"Well I do. And I love you too," she said. "So let’s do this." She went over to her desk and looked at her calendar. "What day’s good for you?"
"For.. for sex?" He asked, confused.
"Yeah."
"Um.. I don’t really have a preference. Tonight?"
"No, tonight’s no good. Friday night?" She suggested.
"Sure. Yeah, Friday works for me," he nodded.
"Okay then," she said picking up a marker and circling May 4th. "Friday. You and me. Sex in your room?"
"Yeah, my room’s fine," he agreed.
"Cool. I’ll be there," she smiled.