"Bumfights" Plantiffs Settle Lawsuit For 2 Million Cheeseburgers
Disappointing the millions of Americans that wanted to see the case go to trial, the "Bumfights" case has been settled. According to early reports, the plaintiffs - Rufus Hannah, 47, and Donald Brennan, 53, have each received a settlement of 2 million cheeseburgers, rather than the $100,000 they were seeking. Full Story
Bush Challenges Hussein To Spelling Bee, Aides Quickly Retract Offer
The world was shocked earlier this week when an Iraqi spokesman challenged American president George W. Bush to a duel. Initally the White House announced that they would not dignify the challenge with a response, but the situation took an interesting turn yesterday. The president apparantly bit through his gag and snuck away from advisors to make a personal response to Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. Full Story
Forrest Manson: First Draft of Gump Movie Unearthed
The movie Forrest Gump is a celebration of the American spirit, told through the life stories of a well-meaning simpleton. However, this feel good movie was initially slated to be a much darker tale of human misery and immorality. The title of the script was originally "Forrest Manson", a story of an insane serial killer who, through no intention of his own, found himself involved in nearly every major news story of a thirty year time span. Full Story
Invest - Start Smoking!
With the dismal recent performance of major stock
spiralling property costs, Scott Albertson is trying a radical new form
investment -- smoking.
Stand-Up Comedian Fabricates Story
Comedy fans were outraged when it was made public that popular comedian Pablo Francisco totally made up a story that he shared with the audience. Francisco told an audience in an unnamed NYC comedy club that he had a roommate that was a male stripper who "shaved his juevos". When pressed about the validity of the story , he replied by saying "Dude, do you think that everything I say during my act actually happens? I would have to be the most interesting guy in the world. Come on now."
Olsen Twins Gone Wild!
Icons of the kid and teen video scene for most of their lives now, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have released the next in their series of straight to video movies for their lifelong fanbase. With the twins reaching the age of 16 this year, this life parelleling movie making process seems to have taken a downturn. Full Story
Police Praise "Scare Pimp" Success
"Crime is on the downturn," reports Northpoint City Mayor Michael Burgmann. "and I think the reason is clear." The reason, of course is the newest crime deterrent manufactured and marketed by Preventech Corp. of Hatfield, Michigan. The product, coined the "Scare-Pimp" works according to the instinctive patterns of both pimps and their contract employees. "They're a territorial breed," explains Ronnie Newman, CEO of Preventech. "You only get one per block and that's it. They don't break the pimping grounds rule."
Cher To Receive Full Body Transplant
Just weeks ago, Cher received the grim news that future cosmetic surgeries are an impossibility. "Bottom line, there's just nothing left to nip or tuck," Dr. Robert Slicem, head surgeon of Cher's personal team of plastic surgeons, said. Slicem went on to say that "her skin has been stretched and stitched so many times that it's practically falling apart." Full Story
Arafat Thanks Israelis For Demolition
In a move that surprised many pundits and politicians, PLO President Yasser Arafat released a statement Sunday thanking the Israeli government for the destruction of the majority of his Ramallah headquarters. "I am grateful for the efforts of the Israeli government. My great thanks to Prime Minister Sharon for all his hard work." Full Story
Commentary: I Use A Mac, Cause I'm A Lazy Bastard - Jerry Kelton: Mac User
I want my own television commercial like that chick who saved Christmas. I switched to a Macintosh from my old PC last week, because I wanted something that I could use right out of the box, without all the hassle of "learning" stuff. I mean who needs to know what "files" and "drivers" are, I don't need to know any of that stuff, I'm only using it to look at porn anyway!