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Top Tens
Monday, 1 March 2004
Top Ten Rejected ToK Presentations
Top Ten rejected ToK presentations
10. “Why you’re all going to Hell”

9. Doug Brown: A Hero of Our Time

8. Could all international crises be settled with a best-of-seven series of Roh-Sham-Bo?

7. The effects of “runnin’ mad game”

6. Problems of knowledge regarding fat kids.

5. How to have fun with half a bottle of Tylenol 3.

4. Does the UCC Chapel cultivate homeless people?

3. Why it’s important to persecute minorities.

2. The pros of apartheid.

1. Dispelling the myth that it’s OK to be a virgin (oh wait…Gabriel Chenard already did that topic…)

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 2 March 2005 6:27 PM EST
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Top Five Unprinted Blue Page Articles
Top Five unprinted Blue Page articles

5. “How to party safe and have fun” by Harjot Atwal

4. “Please, somebody acknowledge my existence” by Tim Maly

3. “Freaks, geeks, and gas leaks: The undercover life of a lab assistant” by Norm Breton

2. “FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAALLL!!!” by Ryan Adams, Max Bruce and Ryan Mueller

1. “Not being allowed ‘ladies of the night’ during sleep periods robs us of our individuality” by Bob McGarva

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
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Top Ten Chris Dale Excuses
Top Ten Chris Dale excuses for being late for class
10. “My door wouldn’t open”

9. “Was busy tracking down the evil monkey that stole my socks”

8. “Fell into my closet and traveled back to Narnia”

7. “I ran out of personals”

6. “Got my hand stuck in the Alphabet’s cereal box trying to find the prize”

5. “I was up all night and all morning writing my ToK essay…”

4. “I had to rush my cat to the veterenarian so it could have puppies.”

3. “Got lost in my locker room”

2. “I was smoking crack when this purple bunny rabbit asked me if I wanted a ride to the moon. How could I say no?!?”

1. “It took me 25 minutes to remember the jingle to tie my shoelace…you know…loop around the bunny hole…something.”

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 2 March 2005 6:29 PM EST
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Top Ten Reasons for a Tunnel
Top Ten Reasons to build a tunnel from the Prep to the Upper School

10. Precious, tender, supple children don’t have to walk in the cold

9. We may strike oil

8. Mr. Merrick can finally make some money playing the electric piano in the tunnel. Of course he would need a full license.

7. No more need for Frybrook Avenue, as tunnel can easily be hot-boxed.

6. Use it as a bomb shelter when the lower class rises against our chauvinistic social order.

5. Reason to hire a troll to guard the tunnel and ask these questions three to any that dare pass.

4. Security would be able to plant more cameras behind trees.

3. It could act as a place for eastern European borders to finalize their plans for world domination.

2. Dr. Power can use it as a tunnel to his Bat Cave.

1. On the downside, it would give security more to patrol. But it’s not as if they’re guarding anything anyway.

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 2 March 2005 6:33 PM EST
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Top Ten Clubs That Didn't Quite Make It

Top Ten Clubs that didn’t make the cut

10. Bird-watching Club: “binoculars veered too close to BSS”

9. Communist-Fascist alliance: “no one got along”

8. Dr. Churchward’s Fashion Club: “thin tie revival met limited support.”

7. The Sausage Club: “bad image for school”

6. Hutton’s Self-Defense Club: “sports injury clinic couldn’t keep up”

5. Miller Time Arts & Crafts Club: “Miller ate all the glue”

4. Fox Hunting Club: “‘thought’ immoral”

3. 4:20 Club: “kids couldn’t stay awake long enough to get anything done”

2. 3:30 Club: “high enrollment in 4:20 Club pushed members out on the street”

1. Jewish Fellowship Club: “circumcision initiation didn’t go over well with admin.”

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
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Top Five Drinking Alternatives
Top Five alternatives to drinking during the night of the Steward’s Dance

5. Vandalism is a great way to spend a weekend night. Instead of buying beer for binge drinking, buy eggs, toilet paper, and spray paint. Late at night, destroy as much property as possible, and spray paint gang symbols so it looks like the vandals were minorities.

4. If drinking isn’t your thing, there are a number of other ways to alter your mind and escape. Marijuana and crack are the least expensive, while heroin, though pricey, will change your life forever. Just go to Jane & Finch and start yelling, “Which deservedly impoverished black or latino has my drugs? I’m an arrogant UCC student from the top rung of the socio-economic ladder, slumming in your disgusting ghetto because no self-respecting white person sells drugs!”

3. Drunk, anonymous, unprotected sex is a great way to achieve guilt-free pleasure. Just make sure you’re blacked out so that you don’t recognize your partner at some other party, which is both awkward and embarrassing (when you realize how ugly she is).

2. Find ‘fun’ non-alcoholic beverage alternatives. Consider this: you’re at a social event with a blind date who you barely caught the name of, your costume represents a phallic symbol, and you end up standing in the corner all night. You arrive at the After Party (it’s not ‘school sanctioned’). I bet you sure could go for an ice cold Snapple® right now!

1. Drink! Did you know that 97% of UCC students drink? Why go against the grain? CONFORM! Don’t be gay.

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
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