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Blazer Headlines
Monday, 1 March 2004
ANOTHER CAS OPPORTUNITY
An Evening with that Homeless Woman
Who’s Always Outside the Movie Theatre Asking for Spare Change
You’ve seen her there every time you go in to see the latest flick on a Friday night or to get some quick food during a Munchies run. Maybe you’ve given her a few coins, a half-eaten sandwich or perhaps just a dirty look.
She’s Dorothy, that homeless woman who’s always outside the movie theatre asking for spare change, and she’s ready to answer your questions, such as:

- Didn’t you used to have two cats?
- Why don’t you get a job?
- Didn’t you used to have just one slipper?
- Can you pose for me holding this sign with my name on it?
- What time is The Matrix playing?
- Where do you go when it rains?

If you’ve ever wondered just what exactly homeless people do in public washrooms for hours at a time or how to give yourself a complete sponge bath with a single sanitary napkin found in the dumpster behind KFC, then this is just what you’re looking for. Bring your questions, and maybe some empty cans or bottles.

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
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Darwinian Study Finds Men Superior to Women
Anti-sexism activists go back to drawing board

In a recent analysis of the overall mental, physical and psychological capacities of both men and women, it has now been proven, according to the principles of Charles Darwin, that the excellency and first-class abilities of the male gender are second to none. In a series of equations, such as xx ‚ xy, as well as observations and inferences relating to Darwin's theory, Blazer staff has clearly proven that, put simply, males are awesome. While females are still somewhat awesome, they are clearly less awesome than men.



In response to this shocking revelation, leaders of the anti-sexism agenda are now out of ideas. Sean Milhouse, IB1 Mowbray's, said in a statement, "We've hit a rough spot in our fight against sexism. It's just too bad science and math are working against us."

"These statistics are truly compelling. I had no idea how high the level of awesomeness in men was. It's shocking really", added Milhouse in a depressed tone of defeat.

This is definitely a big win for the sexists," claimed David Gray-Donald, IB2 Howard's. "I mean how much better proof can you get than from that Darwin dude. Thanks Blazer!"

Anytime, Dave. Anytime.

Posted by indie/theblazer at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 1 March 2005 7:20 PM EST
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