Ancient History

So, I find myself now on the verge of 2004 trying to remember back almost a decade ago. Back to when I was a tender 13 years old to relive the origins of this band. I can't really remember any specific details from those days, but I remember the basic information, which should be able to get me through the beginning of this story. I can remember the events from 1998 onward pretty well, the fights, the constant line up changes, the songs that were brought in that we thought were great, but hated after they were recorded. So I'll close my eyes and try to remember back to 1995. Baseball had just gotten off strike, George W. Bush was still just a lowly governor, and the Ramones were still together. And in Missouri, a group of kids were just discovering punk rock....
The Klopecs formed in the winter of 1995, when a long haired, 14 year old Brent Chapman quit his cover band Morning Wood to dig deep into his soul to write his own songs (and of course the deepest thoughts of a fourteen year old involve sex in some way, so the only true-to-life songs in those days was a song about masturbation called "Paige 92"[I have no clue what the title means or where it came from]). Brent recruited Shelbina, Missouri natives Brian "Big Dog" Johnson and Mike Hanlon to play bass and drums. The group called themselves the Blistering Wieners, and played their first show in front of thirty Shelbina teenagers at the Shelbina Lake (I seem to recall some controversy over the flyer for this show. The flyer included the quote "Screeching Weasel droolz, NOFX rulz" and was credited to the local high school principal's mother. From what I remember, he made some threat about a lawsuit. I'm guessing he re-considered when he realized that fourteen-year-olds are usually jobless, and suing for their $20 a week allowance wouldn't be worth his time).
After their first show, the band continued to practice in Brent's grandfather's garage for a few months, until the beginning of 1996 when they did their first recording. The five song recording took two hours and features the worst rhythm section in the history of rock 'n' roll (seeing as most rhythm sections have a sense of...you know...rhythm). The five song demo features such songs as "Paige 92"(the previously mentioned masturbation song), "Snocket"(a song about being on drugs, despite the fact none of the band members had even seen a real life joint at that point), and couple of other, even dumber songs. The band shopped the demo around, and, not surprisingly, there was a lack of interest. The only label to write the Klopecs back was Mutant Pop Records who said it was good, but “not their cup of tea.” And the band was not interested in having Mike Hanlon as their drummer anymore. He was given the boot weeks after the recording.
Brent's longtime friend and former Morning Wood band mate Jon Hardy took over the drum throne. Despite never having played drums in his life, Jon proved to be a major improvement over Hanlon. The Wieners plugged on, playing a few more shows at the Shelbina Lake before getting their first real gig in the summer of 1996 playing at Columbia, Missouri's Blue Note. Shortly before the show, Big Dog decided his obligations at the local copper factory overrode his obligations for the band. Jon's 13-year-old brother Adam (me, the person writing this) was asked to fill in on bass for the show. The show went off without a hitch (unless you want to count Brent making the entire crowd say "hello Red!" to his grandpa a hitch). Brian's time in the band would be over soon.
A month after playing the Blue Note, the Wieners were invited to St. Louis to play the annual "Local Loser Fest". On the way to the show, the group purchased a number of boxes of the little "gem" donuts. Unable to finish all of them before arriving in the Gateway city, the band decided to throw the donuts at the audience, and learned the lesson that if you throw something into the audience, it'll come back...always. The trio made it through the hail of donut fire and finished their set. After the show, Brent met a young man by the name of Brett Henly. He told Brent he played drums, and Brent was able to coax him into the band. Jon moved over to second guitar, and shortly after the show, Big Dog was given the boot, and Adam was asked to fill in until a bassist not in junior high could be found. This also marked the end of the name the Blistering Wieners. After playing one show under the name the Stagnates, the quartet decided to call themselves the Klopecs, after the antagonists in the 1988 Tom Hanks movie "The Burbs".
The Klopecs entered the "studio"(written sarcastically because it was actually just some guys basement) to record Born To Lose. The album was to be released on Brent and Jon's own Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner records, but would never see the light of day. Two of the fifteen songs that were recorded would eventually be re-recorded and included on the "So Far No Good" 7". More on that later. After that recording, former Sugar High bassist Tony Archer (who, for some bizarre reason, always insisted on calling himself Tony Phoenix) replaced Adam, and the rest of the band decided to adopt "punk" names. Brent Chapman became Brent Rejected, Brett Henly became Brett Delicious, and Jon Hardy became Jonny Stoopid (he was briefly known as Jon Bon Bon Anchovie).
In December of 1999, the group decided to put their money (rather Brent's grandpa's money) where their collective mouth was, and entered the world famous Sonic Iguana studios in Lafayette, Indiana to record the ill-fated So Far, No Good album. The Klopecs recorded thirteen songs, half of which would see release in various formats, four of them on the "So Far, No Good" seven inch , one on the Paranoid Party Vol. 1. compilation and three others would be re-recorded by Juvenile Wreck. But the album as a whole has never seen the light of day. The recording also marked the end for Tony Archer as the Klopecs bass player, and Adam (who was then christened Lunchbox) was called in for the third time in as many years to take off on bass. Tony would go on to form the bubble-gum punk quartet Juvenile Wreck.
As 1998 dawned, our hero's were filled with a new sense of hope. They started booking their first ever tour, and figured they could find a label to fork over some dough for their recordings with the newly recorded So Far, No Good. But the shit hit the fan in May of that year, when, in a strange turn of events that are none of your business, Brett's girlfriend became Jon's girlfriend and Jon became an ex-Klopec. The Klopecs also failed to get more than a couple of shows booked for their two-month long tour, and they were now trying to make it as a three piece for the first time in two years. They went into Sonic Iguana once again in August of 1998 to record a four-song demo. The shopped it around, and were offered a 7" deal by Mutant Pop Records out of Corvallis, Oregon. When Jon heard the news, he expressed interest in suing the band for royalties of the song "Alyson Hannigan" that appeared on the record. Timbo called Jon, and no lawsuit was filed. However, about a year later, formed bassist Tony Archer threatened to sue the site Alysonhannigan.com for putting the song on their website and not give him any writing credits. Again, nothing came of it.
The self-titled seven-inch was released in February of 1999. It received warm going on ecstatic reviews. However, shortly before the record was released, Brett decided it was time to go to college and leave the Klopecs behind. A Macon, Missouri native, John Bales (later called Johnny Stoopid [we couldn’t think of anything original]) took over keeping the beat. Five months later, Jon Hardy was asked to re-join the band, which he accepted (and since we had given his name to our drummer, he now called himself JJ Hardy).
A friend of Brent's was getting married, and offered the Klopecs two hundred dollars to play his wedding reception. They traveled into the middle of nowhere to play an hour long drunken set (including a 10 minute rendition of Neil Young's "Rocking in the Free World"[Jon ended up playing the song laying down because he was too drunk to stand]). They used to the two hundred dollars to head to Red Boots Recorders in Columbia, Missouri to record a four-song demo for Melted records. Melted had expressed interest in the band after the release of the self-titled 7", but lost interest after hearing the demo (the recording session lasted one day, and it took only twelve minutes to do all the basic tracks. Compare that to the eight hours of just drum tracks for the self-titled 7"). Tim at Mutant Pop heard the demo, and decided to release it as part of his short-run CD series. The demo was titled "Born To Lose Again", and released in February of 2000.
More exciting news was on the horizon. The band was contacted by a young man from Toronto named Matt...umm...I forgot his last name, who wanted to release So Far, No Good for his label Spastic Records. The band had a discussion, and decided to release just the four best songs from the sessions. They called the 7" "So Far, No Good"(logically enough), and it was released in October of 2000(I have no clue whether this record is still in print or not). Crack Records out of Winnipeg also contacted the Klopecs. They inked a two-album deal with Crack, and in April of 2000, went back into Red Boots to record the fifteen songs Shelbina, Missouri 63468 album. After the recording, they hired a booking agent to put them on a two month US tour. Sadly, the tour didn't pan out, as they only got half a dozen shows booked. The entire "tour" consisted of an eighteen hour drive to Warren, PA to play the Mutant Pop Records festival.
Also that summer, Birthmark Records contacted the Klopecs. Birthmark wanted to group to do a split CD with a group called Amazing Larry. The Klopecs went back to Red Boots in September to record six songs for their side of the split. Shortly after recording, Amazing Larry changed their name to Yesterdays Kids, backed out of the split, and signed to Ben Weasel's Panic Button Records. Birthmark made an effort to find another band, but then decided to not put out the split due to lack of money. I feel this is the best recording we've ever done, but it's never been released.
In October, John Bales quit the Klopecs. Doug Harrison, a highly talented drummer from Shelbina, replaced him. Doug had spent most of the 90's playing in the metal group No Alibi, who were highly regarded in central and northern Missouri. But Doug managed to cause more trouble for the band. The Klopecs set up another US tour in support of Shelbina, Missouri 63468 for the summer of 2001. The record was released in April of 01 and received excellent reviews. A month after the album was released, Crack Records folded, and one week before the tour’s first date in Omaha, NE Doug quit the band. The Klopecs spent the rest of the summer looking for a new drummer, before begging Doug to rejoin that September. Things would only get worse, as shows became less frequent. Doug quit the band for good in June of 2002. Brent, Jon and Adam decided to split up the band and went their separate ways. Adam moved to Scranton, PA, Jon continued living in Columbia, and Brent sat around and got all high and shit.
In October, Brent and Adam were informed that their old friend Ralph Salas (who had played with them in a side band called the Vogons back in 1997) was moving back to Missouri from California (were he'd moved in the spring of 97). Ralph had spent the last few years playing such bands as Fallout Boyz, Disturbed 98‘(they had to add on the 98’ part when another band called Disturbed hit it big), and most importantly, playing drums for the Liberats (later re-named December Suicide [side note: the singer of this band was featured on the MTV show Flipped in an apparent effort to get him off drugs]). Ralph became the Klopecs new drummer, and they picked up right where they left off. The only downside was that Jon decided not to re-join the band.
Things didn't turn out as well with Ralph as the Klopecs would have hoped. They managed to do one show in Columbia with a group called the Tellers (this would prove an important show as you'll see later) when Ralph decided to quit and moved back to Los Angeles. The group then acquired a young man named Ben Maluski, who had served a brief stint as the Juvenile Wreck drummer, to take over the drum throne. Ben would last just two months before moving to St. Joseph, Missouri due to personal problems. The Klopecs were ready to give up, when in a last ditch effort, Adam decided to see if he could steal the drummer away from another band. He e-mailed Tellers drummer Andrew Doran to see if he'd be interested in playing with the group. It turns out that the Tellers broke up and it further turns out that he was very interested in being our drummer. And that's the lineup we have to this day.
Well, that wraps up the story of the Klopecs (thus far). So Far, No Good, a few tracks from Born To Lose, all of our EPs, and the ill-fated split CD should soon see released on my brother Andrew's record label. And we'll be doing plenty of weekend trips and local shows in the months to come.
It's been an honor to write this bio. I envy me.
-Adam Hardy
a.k.a Lunchbox
December 31st, 2003

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Past Line-Ups:

1. Winter 95 to Spring 96 Recorded five song demo Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Brian Johnson- bass Mike Hanlon- drums- went on to pursue career as "white g"

2. Spring 96 to July 96 Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Brian Johnson- bass Jon Hardy- drums (came from Morning Wood)

3. July 96 to December 96 Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Brian Johnson- bass- joined the Navy Jon Hardy- guitar and vocals Brett Henly- drums (former drummer of the Skidmores)

4. December 96 to April 1997 recorded Born To Lose Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass (former Vogons and Superbait bassist) Jon Hardy- Guitar and Vocals Brett Henly- drums

5. April 97 to Jan 1998 Recorded So Far No Good Brent Chapman- guitar and vocals Tony Archer- bass and backing vocals(came from Sugar High) formed Juvenile Wreck Jon Hardy- Guitar and Vocals Brett Henly- Drums

6. Jan 1998 May 1998 Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass Jon Hardy- Guitar and Vocals(left for personal reasons) Brett Henly- Drums

7. May 1998 to December 1998 Recorded S/T 7" for Mutant Pop Records Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals Brett Henly- Drums-went to college

8. December 1998 to June 1999 Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals John Bales- Drums and backing vocals(came from the Peepin Andy's)

9. June 1999 to September 2000 Recorded Shelbina Mo, Born to Lose Again, and split CD Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals Jon Hardy- guitar and vocals John Bales- Drums and backing vocals-still plays in Peppin Andy's

10. September 2000 to June 2002 Band breaks up Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals-sat around and collected unemployment Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals- moved to Pennsylvania Jon Hardy- guitar and vocals Doug Harrison- drums(former drummer of No Alibi)

11. October 2002 to April 2003 BRent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals Ralph Salas- Drums(formerly of the Vogons, Liberats, Fallout Boyz, Disturbed 98')

12. May 2003 to August 2003 Brent Chapman- Guitar and Vocals Adam Hardy- bass and backing vocals Ben Maluski- drums

13. September 2003 to present Brent Chapman- guitar and vocals Adam Hardy- Bass and backing vocals Andy Doran- drums