Never judge a book by its movie
Wit is educated insolence
Try Jesus! If you don't like Him, Satan will always take you back
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Tink of your three best friends. If they're okay, then its you.
Rita Mae Brown
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland
This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
Alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems