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Self Esteem
by: Savage Rose
LETTER[S] & OTHER FEEDBACK ELICITED BY THIS ESSAY MAY BE FOUND AT:
"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?"
The reason why it’s so difficult to conquer the affliction known as “low self esteem” is because so few people have ever properly identified the manner in which one might esteem one’s self “properly”.
The root of low self-esteem is the same as the root of egotism & arrogance, & of a great deal of conditions which tend to manifest themselves through behavior which can be generally categorized as “treating people like shit.”
The fundamental mistake is to “compare” people; to “measure” them against one another.
“I’m not as bad as those people”; “I do this better than they do”; “I’m one of the very best at this”; “At least I don’t do what they do”; etc. etc.
It’s ludicrous, not to mention insane, to use such a fragile, arbitrary method to calculate our own value, not to mention the value of other people. In fact, it’s insane to use ANY method; it’s insane to think of calculating the value of a human being at all.
The cult of comparison/competition has at its heart a fallacy, a lie: the idea that all [or most] human beings possess some sort of fundamental similarity, which allows for some, universal standard of value which might be applied to all. This is simply NOT TRUE. For example, the relative value of one’s abilities changes dramatically, according to context...
To “properly” esteem yourself, is NOT to assign yourself the “highest” value possible, nor a value “near the top of the scale”, nor even “an A for effort”, but simply to recognize your intrinsic value, which is unaffected by behavior, talents, virtues, vices, errors, achievements, failures, etc.
This is not to say that we should not strive to “improve” ourselves, [or, more accurately, our behavior], but that we should acknowledge that such “improvement” is something done solely for our own benefit, to enhance our enjoyment and/or appreciation of life, rather than something done for the sake of becoming a measurably “better” person, according to some cosmic standard of value.
This is, of course, followed by the understanding that no individual is ever fundamentally superior, or inferior, to any other.
Naturally, we all hold certain individuals in “higher” esteem than others. The important thing to recognize is that simply because you, as an individual, like one person more than another, [or admire them, or approve of them] does not indicate that such people are “better” than those you like less, or dislike, or even loathe.
To acknowledge that all individuals have the same, unshakable value as you do, yourself, does not mean that you should, somehow, like all of them, nor that you should not discriminate as to who you would rather hang out with, or have sex with, or help, or support, or spend time with, or otherwise allow into your personal life. Just remember that by doing this, you are not responding to their value as people, but to their value to you. You are responding to the manner in which you react to them. It’s not about them; it’s about you.
Similarly, to say “I can’t stand [person B]”, or to avoid person B’s company, does not have to mean that you consider person B to be worthless, or worth less than YOU are, or a terrible person, or anything of the sort. It merely indicates that you don’t respond favorably to person B, or don’t appreciate him ... or that person B is, currently, of no use to you. We have only so much time & energy, after all.
