Sometimes i wonder
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: keine lust - Rammstein
Sometimes i wonder, what it is im really here to do. Im not going to turn into some angsty little emo on you but i still find myself thiking these thoughts.

I end up wandering in circles because i really have no idea why im here. I meerly cling to existence because i fear not existing. Then this leads me to wonder...

Is that what we all do? cling to what we can because we fear what letting go might do?

And then the thought occurs to me, why not just let go? cast myself into the winds and see what may happen, then a question comes " Do i have the guts to do that?"

In the end thats what it comes down to, do i have the guts to take that step. I would like to think i do, but current evidence suggestes the opposite.

So then am i a hypocrite to tell others they must face what they fear to overcome it. Face it, and accept it, make it their own. Can i do that with my fear, can i take non-existence and accept it, make it my own. Strangely this doesnt seem as scary as i thought. This utterance of my mind, seems merely a logical step in growth.

Then is it not possible that i have faced and accepted non-existence by considering the theory that i could face it? The fact i acknowledged that i have the potential to achieve that act, allowed me to face and accept the theory that letting go may be better than clinging to?

Yes, i feel the waves of relief flush through my body , i understand now that what i was clinging to was just one side of a two sided coin. Existence defines non-existence and vice versa.

So then, would i be defined by how i exist and how i do not non exist.

Self definition is a messy process, i think i made some headway today. Getting closer to the all encompasing "I am".

So ill just sit here for now, smile my little knowing smile and ponder just what it was that i achieved here today...