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Hagen's Horror Haven

Woodchipper Maccacre

By...

*Plot Summary*

~How much flesh would a Woodchipper chip, if a Woodchipper could chip flesh?

Three children freeze Aunt Tess's corpse for future feeding into a woodchipper as her evil son busts out of jail to claim the money she left to him in her will.~

-----Kyle and I picked this up at the latest horror convention we attended and boy was it a gem! It was made in the late 80's, so that's already a plus, but GODDAMN I didn't know that it was going to be an underrated classic. By the title you may be thinking, "Cool...lots of gooey gore." Well, not exactly. But, despite the minimal amount of blood, this was non-stop entertainment.

The acting was great, the script wasn't too bad, the sound was shitty but that was it's magic right there. Just think, a Casio keyboard with high producted sound would probably be over doing it, right? All the peices fit. A dad leaves his three kids (The oldest is practically an "adult", the middle child is the loud "valley girl" wannabe kind of 80's chick and the youngest is "the dork") with their evil aunt for a weekend. It starts out as a weekend from Hell as she prepares for them what looks like a toast, spaghetti and corn cassarole for them to eat. The kids are forced to clean the house and tend to her needs. It turns out the youngest, sends off for a hunting knife in the mail and it happens to arrive while the aunt is staying with them. As he flaunts his new knife around, the aunt makes it a point to try and take his new toy away and stabs herself in the process. Well, reffering to the title you could imagine what happens next. Yeah, but only they freeze the body before they stick her in the woodchipper so it doesn't "gum up the blades". Of course it wouldn't be a massacre with just one killing so later on it happens again with another family member just to throw some more action into the mix. Only to be followed with the three kids standing around the pile of goo with the eldest saying, "Wow. What a geek."

So many laughs are in this lil film. Could be disappointing if you're a close minded prick and you can't appreciate the humor. If you ask me it's worth atleast 4 stars, maybe 5. Even though the title is somewhat decieving it's worth having in your collection.

- Varga -



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